TenFold Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 Hey all, I (26M) have a short story to tell and some questions to go with it. Long story short, I was courting this girl some time ago. We have known each other for ~3 years and we've always been good friends. In the past she liked me a lot, but I rejected her because I had some family issues and didn't want a relationship at that moment. We still remained good friends. Some months ago the tables turned. I was the one who developed feelings and I told her how I felt. She also said she liked me but wasn't sure whether she wanted a relationship with me or not. She's 20 but has minimal experience with relationships, she's never had a serious one and she never had a relationship longer than 5-6 months. So we started taking things slow, I wasn't rejected at first but ultimately after a few weeks I got rejected. The reasons she pointed out were: "I don't think this will work out, I'm not that experienced, I don't want to be a burden. I really like you, I've always felt we were more than friends, but I every time things between us got serious, intense and intimate, I just back off. " For the record, she wasn't seeing someone else, I asked her whether maybe she was going out with someone else and maybe that's the real reason why I got rejected. She said no, there wasn't anybody else, she just didn't feel like our relationship would work out and she was unsure of her feelings towards me. Then she said she didn't have romantic feelings for me, but still kept calling me, we went out on more dates, I could see how excitingly nervous I was making her. Every time the dates would get more and more intimate. At some point I decided that enough is enough and told her this cannot go on and I refuse to be in the no man's land between friendship and a relationship. I told her that I don't want to be her friend, given the circumstances. I wanted a relationship, while she was confused about her feelings and seemed to both want a relationship with me and be scared of it. I didn't talk to her for a week or so. Then she called me, asked me out to tell me that she has finally made up her mind, she's rejecting me, she didn't have feelings for me and it would be better for both of us if we stop communicating. I was shocked, but kept a cool head. I offered her to sit at a bar to just have drink one last time. The short drink turned into a date almost, we were talking like we normally do, about our interests, hobbies, books, whatever. At some point we begin to discuss our feelings towards each other, i got super emotional, told her some sweet words that came straight out of my heart then leaned and kissed her. She said she was still unsure of how she felt. I just said that I am sure about the whole thing and kissed her again. We started making out, that lasted for more than an hour. She seemed happy, told me she's never had a more intimate moment with me than this one. Everything went well, I walked her home, kissed her goodnight, we made plans to see each other again in the following days. Then she disappeared and she's been ignoring me for weeks. I guess this time she got really scared because of what happened. Regarding our last meeting what do you think I should trust? Her words, telling me she didn't have feelings for me and she didn't want to see me again, or her actions, which heavily contradict the things she was saying. Am I dealing with someone who's not just that into me or with someone who clearly likes me but is scared of a relationship for some reason?
smackie9 Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 She's not attracted to you in a romantic sense, but is emotional attached. Emotional attachment can be very strong, and they can be very dependent on it....you are in the friends zone. 1
Redhead14 Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 what do you think I should trust? Her words, telling me she didn't have feelings for me and she didn't want to see me again, or her actions, -- Words and actions should be in synch. When one is different from the other, there's a problem. Bottom line is that she isn't romantically "into you" and therefore, should be scared of allowing a relationship to develop. She's being honest, you just want to spin her words in a way that will allow you to feel the best about what you're hearing. 2
Miss Spider Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 She likes you, she's just not into you "like that". I'm sorry:( 1
kendahke Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 Regarding our last meeting what do you think I should trust? Her words, telling me she didn't have feelings for me and she didn't want to see me again, or her actions, which heavily contradict the things she was saying. She was going along to get along, a.k.a humoring you. That's it. You're reading way more into your interlude than the moment's legs can bear. Am I dealing with someone who's not just that into me or with someone who clearly likes me but is scared of a relationship for some reason? Your are dealing with this: she has finally made up her mind, she's rejecting me, she didn't have feelings for me and it would be better for both of us if we stop communicating. The sooner you stop lying to yourself about what you wished was going on and look at what has fallen out in experience at your feet, the better. I just read on another thread a really, really good bit of advice. I'm paraphrasing here: don't look at what happened on the date--look at how they behaved after the date. That is the real indicator of their interest in your. 1
mikeylo Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 She gone quiet on you after the date. What's the question again ? 2
BlueIvy Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 Seems she just wants to be friends and that's it. If I liked a man, I would not be acting like that. 2
preraph Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 She may be wishy washy, but she deliberately and finally gave you the verdict. She's not interested. She gave it a shot. Now respect her decision and just clear out. 2
Recommended Posts