a couple in their thirties; when is it okay to talk about marriage and the future?

[stillafool]

he does- but he's not ready to talk about it now he says. We've been dating for four months- but I think that's enough time to know if you "Know". He says he's wants them, but I feel like am I settling for a man who isn't on the same page with me, which is marriage and children. I want to have children and I am 33 years old. I think I need to do it soon right?

 

At 33 of course you are ready to have the talk especially if you want children. Don't let him shut you down just because he isn't ready to have the talk. Tell him how important this is to you and you don't have time to waste. Him being a man he has more time to wait for these things than you do. Don't be afraid to lose him, just have the talk. Tell him you want to be married within the next 2 years and if he says that is not on his page you'll know to break up and move on.

Edited March 30, 2017 by stillafool

[BryanSmiley]

No one is advocating she wait that long just to find out what his goals are. Most people have suggested a discussion about dating goals in general including a timeframe for when he wants marriage and children. But she is questioning the relationship because he is not ready to tell her if he wants to marry HER at 4 months.

 

I agree that some people know early on they want to commit to someone. But how many of these couples actually have lasting happy marriages? I also question that this is OP's case. She says she would accept a proposal and in the same post questions why she is with her boyfriend. Does not sound like true love to me.

 

Fair distinctions. Open discussions about a generic goal to get married, kids etc. is one thing. But still then I don’t think these topics being joked about after 4 months, with a particular person, should scare the other too much. Of course some it will. But it’s a measure of how close and optimistic you both are after 4 months, which even seeing one another a few times a week, is a lot of time all in all. I dunno perhaps I’ve come to a point I’m also one to rush things too much. But the whole taking it slow thing to me, just seems a waste of time often too. Get on board and full effort, or not. After a couple of months and you both want to keep on, have a good crack at it. This half hearted ness on some peoples part seems riskier than anything else. So many of us (in the broad term) seem to aimlessly carry on in a 6 monther here, a break for 6 months, a 6 monther again. It’s like a cycle/merry go round culture these days of people getting hurt. Just my 2 cents.