Kitchen Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 Scenario: You go through a breakup, and have no intention of getting back together with that person. You're in NC, and have no problem maintaining. Do you block them on text/phone, email, social media or leave them be? Goal: Get over them as fast as possible. Pros of blocking: It's a way of completely giving up hope/expectations as you don't wait for them to contact you. Letting go is the key step to moving on. Cons of blocking: It sends a louder message than complete indifference. A strong, detached person would be indifferent, and that's the message I'd like to send. I fear that by blocking, I would come off as hurt/weak. Sure, I would never know her reaction to my coming off this way; but psychologically, I can just imagine it, and that I fear sets me back. Pros of not blocking: IN CASE they do contact you, it provides a huge ego boost, which ultimately leads to faster recovery. By blocking you lose this very powerful weapon. Cons of not blocking: Of course, you consciously or not, wait/hope for a message or call, ultimately interfering with your daily activities and life, and perhaps slowing down progress. NC is easy. Giving up hope/waiting is not. Any contact from the other person is powerful for the ego, but by keeping that avenue open, it's easy to keep hope! 1
Blanco Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 I have found the ego boost of them contacting you to be temporary and a detriment in the big picture, since it made me more emotionally invested, not less. It's a big reason why I eventually did block the phone number. 5
Altair0770 Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 I have found the ego boost of them contacting you to be temporary and a detriment in the big picture, since it made me more emotionally invested, not less. It's a big reason why I eventually did block the phone number. This. Every dumpee is waiting for their dumper to contact them for that ego boost, then when it's done it's back to square one. Honestly, if you do want that *chance* at reconciliation, block your ex from everything but your phone, and delete their number so you have no way of contacting them (unless you remember their number, but who does anyways?). That way the only information they get out of you is from you directly. If you want absolutely nothing to do with the relationship and don't want reconciliation, block them from everything. There is no quick fix to moving on except finding someone better. 3
smm Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I take pride in being authentic in my feelings and corresponding reactions, it's easy to block someone you truly don't care about and they are bugging you, and if you care you leave that line of communication open, hurts too much to do otherwise.
DarrenB Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 Render them obsolete. This way they serve no purpose in your current/future life as they're non-existent to you 1
Smitts Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 Do you want to be friends with them later on? If not, then does it really make a difference if they're blocked or not? I think it's fine as long as you aren't looking at there social media sites or contacting them and preventing you from moving on quicker.
grays Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I never block anyone because its so final. Id have to really hate them to do that. I havent dated anyone that Ive hated after the fact. Ive been pissed and hurt at times of course, but not to the point that i wanted them to not exist for me anymore. 1
DrReplyInRhymes Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 I never block anyone because its so final. Id have to really hate them to do that. I havent dated anyone that Ive hated after the fact. Ive been pissed and hurt at times of course, but not to the point that i wanted them to not exist for me anymore. Well, were you in a relationship with someone who screwed one of your closests friends for like a year? Or someone who caused your business to flop? Or someone who stole your child, killed him, and then tried to frame you? No? Ok.
todreaminblue Posted April 5, 2017 Posted April 5, 2017 i dont block them ...i just cant its not in my nature......deleting is hard enough so i compromise and just delete...if they need to contact me i will answer i dont ignore people......i dont do it for an ego boost...its hard for me to be there for people sometimes...but i do it anyway..my grandfather tol dme if you know an answer to a question and soemone asks you that question ...you answer them dont ever ignore a question... if you dont know the answer be honest (which happens often) put them onto someone who does...or help them find an answer........my grandfather was a leader among men...i wish to though of as fondly when i am gone as i think of him.........deb
grays Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Well, were you in a relationship with someone who screwed one of your closests friends for like a year? Or someone who caused your business to flop? Or someone who stole your child, killed him, and then tried to frame you? No? Ok. Neither were you. lol
Altair0770 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 While we're on this topic still... NC isn't just not reaching out to your ex. NC is you have no idea what in the hell they're doing and they have no idea what in the hell you're doing. In today's social media, it's so easy to know someones life story via Facebook, Instragram, Twitter, and whatever else people use these days. SO EASY. Even if you block them on some platforms, they can easily see all your stuff unless it's set to private, and some platforms like Twitter are essentially useless if set on private. If you are having ANY urges to spy on your ex via Social Media, then BLOCK THEM. Blocking someone you dated isn't a revenge tactic or a hostile tactic in anyway, regardless of how it's perceived. Remember, it's 100% the dumper's choice to end all things with you if you're the dumpee. They must suffer any consequences. They LET YOU GO. You are FREE to do WHATEVER YOU want. The most important thing is you shouldn't give two craps about what they're doing and how they're feeling. The benefits of blocking, imo, far outweigh the benefits of not blocking. As I said earlier... - You don't see their stuff (makes it far easier to get over them) - They don't see your stuff (they WILL stalk your social media if you can) - Far less chance of breadcrumbs - You completely disappear from their life (thus becoming a mystery) - You don't have to worry about if they'll see your post or not People are nosey as hell. They ALWAYS want to know what their ex is feeling, thinking, doing, yada yada yada. Social media makes that so easy. I'd also unfriend or whatever any mutual friends. Let them know you need a clean break for awhile. Unless it's someone you're really close to, then you have a serious talk with them to NEVER mention you to your ex and NEVER have them mention your ex. If you're looking for reconciliation, delete their number but don't block it. They'll likely always keep yours so they can reach out. The part people miss about No Contact is completely disappearing from your ex, and having them completely disappear from you. It's not just "I don't want to talk to them for a month to see if we can reconcile". It's about moving on, and letting them cave and reaching out to you, if you decide you want to reconcile at that point, or they do. Afraid to lose them forever? You already did, and they made that decision for you, no matter how much they beg to be friends. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 While we're on this topic still... NC isn't just not reaching out to your ex. NC is you have no idea what in the hell they're doing and they have no idea what in the hell you're doing. In today's social media, it's so easy to know someones life story via Facebook, Instragram, Twitter, and whatever else people use these days. SO EASY. Even if you block them on some platforms, they can easily see all your stuff unless it's set to private, and some platforms like Twitter are essentially useless if set on private. If you are having ANY urges to spy on your ex via Social Media, then BLOCK THEM. Blocking someone you dated isn't a revenge tactic or a hostile tactic in anyway, regardless of how it's perceived. Remember, it's 100% the dumper's choice to end all things with you if you're the dumpee. They must suffer any consequences. They LET YOU GO. You are FREE to do WHATEVER YOU want. The most important thing is you shouldn't give two craps about what they're doing and how they're feeling. The benefits of blocking, imo, far outweigh the benefits of not blocking. As I said earlier... - You don't see their stuff (makes it far easier to get over them) - They don't see your stuff (they WILL stalk your social media if you can) - Far less chance of breadcrumbs - You completely disappear from their life (thus becoming a mystery) - You don't have to worry about if they'll see your post or not People are nosey as hell. They ALWAYS want to know what their ex is feeling, thinking, doing, yada yada yada. Social media makes that so easy. I'd also unfriend or whatever any mutual friends. Let them know you need a clean break for awhile. Unless it's someone you're really close to, then you have a serious talk with them to NEVER mention you to your ex and NEVER have them mention your ex. If you're looking for reconciliation, delete their number but don't block it. They'll likely always keep yours so they can reach out. The part people miss about No Contact is completely disappearing from your ex, and having them completely disappear from you. It's not just "I don't want to talk to them for a month to see if we can reconcile". It's about moving on, and letting them cave and reaching out to you, if you decide you want to reconcile at that point, or they do. Afraid to lose them forever? You already did, and they made that decision for you, no matter how much they beg to be friends. deleting mutual friends....wouldnt it be better to not visit face book at all....and just heal that way..... 1
Altair0770 Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 deleting mutual friends....wouldnt it be better to not visit face book at all....and just heal that way..... I would agree, but in todays world the only way to keep in touch with people is through Facebook. It also depends on if you wish to keep the mutual friends. In my situation I had no interest. But also my situation, as you know, is far different. 1
jamili Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 This. Every dumpee is waiting for their dumper to contact them for that ego boost, then when it's done it's back to square one. Honestly, if you do want that *chance* at reconciliation, block your ex from everything but your phone, and delete their number so you have no way of contacting them (unless you remember their number, but who does anyways?). That way the only information they get out of you is from you directly. If you want absolutely nothing to do with the relationship and don't want reconciliation, block them from everything. There is no quick fix to moving on except finding someone better. And if they do contact you, asking about you... and you respond... thats still breaking NC, and dispelling any mystery about you there might be. No?
Author Kitchen Posted April 6, 2017 Author Posted April 6, 2017 Today, day 10 NC, decided to block on both Instagram and FB. Thanks for all the replies. 1
BikerAccnt Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 I don't block. I don't find it necessary. I'm really good at not looking at people's social media I don't want to see. I'm not one for causing myself unnecessary pain. Only once has my ex ever reached to me, and that was after 7 mos of no contact. By then I was happily dating someone else, and had moved on. Talking to her at this point was no big deal. But again, I'm pretty secure in knowing myself. And, had she contacted me earlier (I'm was the dumper), I would have just told her I wasn't interested in talking to her further. Interestingly, I think she has me blocked now. I don't know for certain as I've not looked at her page in over a year, but, we have mutual friends, and sometimes only see parts of conversations..
Hoosfoos Posted April 6, 2017 Posted April 6, 2017 Today, day 10 NC, decided to block on both Instagram and FB. Thanks for all the replies. Nice job! I'm sure it was hard to do, but in time you will realize that it was the right move.
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