Why is my ex not reading Whatsapp Group Chat? [UPDATE Fell in love with my other man]

[salmonandramen]

Thanks all for your inputs.

It seems like most people feel that I should not even reach out to him to be friends.

Just to clarify, I still do like him alot and have deep feelings for him. Such that although it has been 3 months since he dumped me, I think of him every single minute. In the past 3 months I thought about it and am open to getting married and having kids with him but I think it is too late now. Through the past 3 months, I did hint to him that I wanted him back, by asking him out, initiating texts. I'm sure he knows but he did not show that he was keen to have me back. However, there were times when I felt he did still have feelings for me - when he texted me to ensure that I was home safe when we went out for drinks with friends, when he asked me out for a movie, and when during these times with friends, he seemed reluctant for me to leave. But his interest somehow died off after a day of us meeting. Den he closed up again.

I am just surprised he could let go so easily. It seems that once he had made up his mind, there was no turning back.

I actually wanted to reveal to him my true feelings and tried to ask him out a month back, in which he rejected meeting me. I tried again last week when I asked him and some friends out for drinks, in which he did not reply. He also did not seem interest to hang out with friends too. So I do not even have the chance of expressing how I still feel. I do not even know whether I should ask him out again, without seeming desperate and clingy and turning him off even more.

 

I honestly do want to tell him how I still feel for him, but thought it would be best to do so in person. But he does not seem to want to meet me at all, which makes it hard. So that is why I thought of giving him time, not to miss me, but to slowly be ok to meet me eventually. And also for me to slowly let him go.

Edited March 24, 2017 by salmonandramen

[BryanSmiley]

Salmon, I would say it's natural he'll still have some sort of feelings, but as I've come to realise the hard way and learning more on these forums, as the dumper they'll likely be a fair amount less than your feelings. Reasons being he was going through the thought process and emotions of taking the decision to break up in advance of telling you. He'd begun processing all that and what how he'll handle it.

 

It came to you as it often does the dumpee, as more of a shock. It can really be unsettling and I really do empathise. If you have to be around eachother in some social situations he'll perhaps want to maintain luke warm relations to make it as amicable as possible. But if he's avoiding certain meets or direct invitations from you to, I'd suggest he thinks it's a bad idea and isn't so open to reconcile as you might hope.

 

Most will tell you on the boards that dumper should be the one to initiate such reconciliation and he's had ample opportunity to do so, but hasn't, for whatever reason/s.

Edited March 24, 2017 by BryanSmiley

[Been]

Simple answer- because usually one wants more then just friendship.

And since you've already crossed that line from friendship to relationship it makes it harder to go back to friendship.

Usually somewhere down the road somebody gets their feelings hurt.

The only people that I know who stay friends with ex's are the people who go back to exs for another round.

[salmonandramen]

Hi everyone,

 

I'm losing my mind and need some advice.

 

I'm a married woman with no kids. We have been married for over 2 years and dated for 8 years. About 5 months back, I met someone. It was a chanced occurrence and he took a liking for me. He started texting me every day and while he was disappointed to find out that I was married, we continued texting.

 

I was smitten by him. He gave me attention and affection. He is a good looking man, funny, and playful. He is also a very mysterious person who does not share much about himself, which made the attraction even stronger. He did have men and women alike, expressing interest in him but he was picky in who he chose. He had the ability to make me feel like the happiest girl in the world. We started dating shortly after. At that point, I knew that I was his rebound because he recently got out of an intense relationship. But I thought, no harm even so, perhaps it will be a win-win situation for both of us. For him, to forget his ex, for me, to cure my loneliness.

 

We had a great few weeks. He would send me home after our dates, wake up earlier in the morning to have breakfast with me before work. He would work his schedule around mine.

 

Little did I know that I fell for him so badly. Through the weeks, he gave me the impression that he was not committed in us. He did not feel that we were a couple because we had to hide and we spent limited amount of time together. Soon, he started to show no affection and I had to do the initiating of kissing and holding hands. He also stopped saying that he loved me and missed me. We never slept together; to me that was something I could not do to my husband. This resulted me in often pushing him away when he wanted sex. He hated it.

 

He once told me that as ironic as it is, he cannot tolerate disloyalty. He asked me if I would ever leave my husband. I told him I do not know and needed time as it is too much to ask me to decide that now when we barely knew each other that well.

 

To cut the long story short, after a month into dating, I sensed that he was drifting away. I'm not sure if it was because he saw no future in us, or that he started to get tired of me, or that he realised I'm a rebound that was not working. Whatever it was, I felt it and became the one who always initiated everything. He once told me that he gets into relationship with the thought of getting married and having kids. He did not want to marry too late either.

 

One day, I found out that he lied to me. He was out with his friends and went home at 4am but he lied that he reached home at 1am. He even took leave the next morning but pretended that he was busy at work, when he was at home sleeping.He did not know that I found out he was lying. I was angry and decided to ignore him for a day. This did not go down well with him. We were supposed to meet the next day and when I reached out to him, he ignored me completely. I kept texting and calling him and he threatened to block me. He then proceeded to end things over text and refused to meet me. I was torn and broken. I could not do anything, the power was in his hands.

 

We dated for only a short 2 months. It was short but it was the best 2 months in my life. Although we have broken up for 3 months, I still miss him everyday. Through the past 3 months, I was the one who kept initiating all texts. We did meet up with friends and I could sense that he had a little feeling for me, through the way he talked to me when we do meet in person. He would text me after an outing to ensure I am home safely and always seemed sad when the night has ended. But it all stopped for the past 1.5 mths. He became distant with our group of friends and I decided to stop texting him too. He rejected me when I asked him to hang out as well, and took over 4 hours to reply my text. We still have a whatsapp group chat with friends but he seldom even read the chat, or participate. Even when our friends organise an outing, he did not reply.

 

I know he is still single. What I don't understand is why can he be so cold. Why does he not even want to maintain contact or meet up. I did tell him we can be friends and he was ok with it but his action spoke otherwise.

 

My relationship with my husband is mundane. I am not someone who can love 2 person at one time. He is a good person but he does not make me laugh or happy. We have different interest and likes. We always had a problem with intimacy and we do not have sex. I've been thinking about our r/s and realised I always needed to find something to excite me. My husband no longer excites me and while he is a comfort to me, I do not feel physically attracted to him at all, and for years. He has always been the one who loves me more than I love him. Even when we got married, I was never sure if he was the one for me.

 

When I met this other guy, he showed me what I have been missing in life. The kind of excitement and attraction was something that I never felt for my husband.

 

Everyday, I go through life aimlessly. The initial heartache was crazy, I had palpitations and loss of appetite. Everyday I miss him so badly and resist the urge to ask him out. I have nothing to look forward to, and I miss him so badly. I cannot bring myself to go to places where we had good times together as the happy memories will come back and the pain will be immense. Not only landmarks, but things, dates, food, games.. everything reminds me of him and it hurts to realise that it is all gone.

 

I did not have proper closure with him and spend everyday thinking what is the real reason why he left me. Did he not feel anything for me anymore? Did he realised a rebound does not work? Or was it because I am married?

 

I do not know what to do with my life and what I am looking for when starting this thread. Perhaps any form of opinion or thoughts would be good. No judgement or criticism please.

[DKT3]

No judgement just saying MARRIED people don't date, they cheat.

[somanymistakes]

He wants a serious relationship with a wife and kids. You don't seem to be willing to give him that, you come across like you were just looking for a bit of fun on the side to spice up your boring marriage. So really, it's not surprising he wanted to break contact and get away from you. You would be a distraction stopping him from pursuing what he actually wants.

 

If your husband is boring and you're not sure if you love him, talk to him about either exploring some other arrangement (swinging/poly/whatever) or breaking up.

[BaileyB]

No judgement just saying MARRIED people don't date, they cheat.

 

Totally agree. Although, based on how you describe your husband and your relationship, I'm not really sure why you are married...

[Deidre]

The OM might seem exciting, but he has no class or values if he pursued you as a married woman. The ''right'' guy won't be that guy. But, I'd suggest probably leaving your marriage, if you're truly unhappy and want to consider dating others.

[malvern99]

Totally agree. Although, based on how you describe your husband and your relationship, I'm not really sure why you are married...

 

That was my takeaway too. Why stay married to someone you're totally not into? Why not set him free to find a partner who loves him like you love your AP, and set yourself free to chase "exciting" partners to your hearts content in the process? That would be a win win in my eyes. You get what you want and he gets what he wants. No need to sneak around at all.

[curiouslysearching]

This whole scenario is NUTZ. You are married yet actively dating

another man?

[aileD]

Get your story straight. You didn't date anyone. You had an affair and cheated on your husband.

 

You can't be In Love with someone in two months. You were caught up in the excitement of sneaking around and being wanted

 

That's not love

[Imajerk17]

So your OM is causing you pain after you cold-heartedly cheated on your husband eh... Looks like another strike by the Kharma Bus.

Edited March 29, 2017 by Imajerk17

[jenkins95]

I'm a married woman with no kids. We have been married for over 2 years and dated for 8 years. About 5 months back, I met someone......

 

Hi salmon

 

I must admit, I had one of those wtf? moments when I read this. For three pages, you give the impression that you are a single girl....and then, on post 54, suddenly you mention your marriage! It is no wonder that other posters are struggling to know what to say and are coming down quite hard on you.

 

No judgement from me because I was a cheater once too - as are you. You do accept that, right?

 

If you browse these forums and elsewhere on the Internet, you will find that the way you are going about things is generally frowned upon - that's putting it mildly. If you are married, even if that marriage has huge problems or you feel completely checked out, it is never the right move to get involved with someone else without first addressing the marriage.

 

In short, concentrate on your marriage first. Why are you unhappy? Can it be fixed? Are you prepared to put the hard work in to make it work? Does your husband know of your dissatisfaction? Can you open your heart to him and get him to work with you? If it can't be fixed, you should end it with dignity and without any third party on the scene. After an appropriate recovery period THEN and only then can you start looking elsewhere.

 

If you want genuine help from this forum, I think you have to take a step back from the OM and tell us about your marriage. In all these posts, you tell us nothing about your husband or your marriage - just the above quote. Can you give us some details?

 

We do want to help you, but these forums are evidence of so much heartbreak caused by people starting relationships while they are already in another one. Let's deal with things in the right order...tell us about your marriage and why you feel the need to seek this OM. We will give our advice and support.

 

We are here to help you and I wish you all the best.

Edited March 29, 2017 by jenkins95

[GoldenR]

The original thread title was that she was in love with her OM, and it seems like since her original post didn't mention her H, no one thought she was married.

 

The best part of this post is that the OP is married and lives and sleeps in the same bed as her H, yet she ghosted her OM bc she thought he was out messing around with another woman.

 

Salmon, my advice is to just get divorced and move on. Give your H a chance to find a real wife, bc you are most definitely NOT wife material.

[thummper]

I agree with GoldenR. Get a divorce and let your husband move on. He sure picked a winner in you didn't he?

[Robert]

Note from moderation: We've merged 3 threads that appear to be about the same man. The last thread brings to light some missing information the members posting to the other two threads didn't have. Apologies for the confusion. ~6

[Doorstopper]

If he gave you the best 3 months of your life, then he probably gives every woman the time of their lives. He may be a player, or he may just be looking for the "one". In any event, you were not it, in his eyes, and he moved on. You asked to be friends and it sounds like that is what he's doing, being friends.

 

Isn't that what dating is about, finding what's best for you. You did, but apparently the feeling was not mutual. Time to live, learn and move on.

 

Edited to add: Oh, she's married. Forget everything I said except the move on part. Fantasy Romance.

[stillafool]

This whole scenario is NUTZ. You are married yet actively dating

another man?

 

Exactly! This guy didn't want a relationship and more with someone else's wife. He played, got bored and moved on. He is probably just doing what good looking single men do which is chatting up many women until he finds one who is worth making his wife. OP is not her.

[BluesPower]

Why don't you just get a divorce??? You have only been married 2 years.

 

So I can tell you why your OM faded on you. Because you did not have sex with him. That is all he was there for anyway.

 

How old can you possible be?

 

And, if you don't love your husband why not divorce, is it the money or what? Bad sex, no love why be married?

[QuietDan]

You seemed to be going through a lot of issues.

You probable should have a heart to heart talk with your husband.

Let him know what is going on.

Then the two of you work on trying to figure out what is the best course for both of you from this point in your life.

I hope you understand that you have been involved with cheating and having at the very least an emotional affair.

This is, a very sad situation.

Hopefully you can learn some things and begin to sort all of this out.

However, what you are doing and what you have done will serious damage your marriage.

From what you have described, this is a very unhealthy relationship that you have with your current husband.

There is also a very good chance that your current husband will be emotionally very hurt by all of this.

He deserves to have a chance to figure out if this relationship with you is something that makes sense for him.

Good luck with all of this.

[Justme48]

Hi! Have you considered letting your husband know that there is something missing in your marriage and how you feel? Perhaps seeking out a good counselor to help you both understand where things have gotten off track and possibly make some adjustments. I’m going to assume at one point you did love your husband or you wouldn’t have married him. Maybe try going back to the beginning and reminding yourself why you fell in love to begin with would be a great place to start. Sometimes when we focus on the negative things about our spouses, we can no longer see the beauty they once brought to our lives. Hope this helps you find some direction!