Why is my ex not reading Whatsapp Group Chat? [UPDATE Fell in love with my other man]

March 20, 2017

you say he dumped you but you then say it's because you couldn't give him what he wanted. if that is the case, you are in fact the "real" dumper because you were the least emotionally invested.

One thing about male dumpees.

At first they may be clingy and do some silly stuff. But once they see the writing on the wall, they can build a very high emotional wall. Given that wall, a friendship simply isn't possible.

I'm curious but, for someone who wasn't giving him what he wanted before, why the change now? Is it possible you only value him now because he is stubborn and walked away with little fuss?

Edited March 20, 2017 by marky00

March 20, 2017

Why am I not friends with my ex?

Lemme see, where to start...

There is too much, lemme sum up (princess bride ftw).

She disappeared three times without a trace, and post-breakup played push-pull with me until I almost went nuts.

I would do my best hyena laugh if she asked me to be friends.

After months of games, she sent me an email basically saying if I had been a better man we'd still be together.

Yup. We ain't gonna be friends.

March 20, 2017

I'm just puzzled why he does not want to hang out as friends when he was the one who dumped me, and from his no contact/initiations on his part, I would say he has no feelings for me at all. He is also actively looking for a new partner now and I know he has been going out often. He is still single.

One reason could be that any new girls will not want his ex hanging around. And you're not a friend now, you're an ex.

Also, he just may not want to be your friend. It's nearly impossible for most of us to go to see an ex as a platonic friend. There's just too much history.

March 20, 2017

What's the real honest answer as to why you cannot give him more, genuinely?

Were you pretty much closed off to developing something more serious with him, even if it felt good?

I'd say he's done what I should have done, and walked away once he realised it wasn't worth investing time and feelings for you, based on your position. He may still like you, but just finds it healthier to not have much contact.

Seems to me you wanted your cake and eat it, he's walked away and you have nagging feelings because you've technically ended up being the rejected one.

March 21, 2017

What's the real honest answer as to why you cannot give him more, genuinely?

Were you pretty much closed off to developing something more serious with him, even if it felt good?

I'd say he's done what I should have done, and walked away once he realised it wasn't worth investing time and feelings for you, based on your position. He may still like you, but just finds it healthier to not have much contact.

Seems to me you wanted your cake and eat it, he's walked away and you have nagging feelings because you've technically ended up being the rejected one.

At the start of our r/s, he said his aim of being in one is to get married and have kids. I could not commit to that and it resulted in him not seeing a future with me. So i was genuinely shock that he has given up on us so easily and decided not to wait or even convince me to change my mind.

I think you described it well. He probably felt that it wasn't worth an investment to wait on. I'm just appalled that friendship isn't even possible.

Do you think given time, guys will be open to friendship with exes, since over time, feelings will fade? Or this is just a wishful thinking on my part?

March 21, 2017

At the start of our r/s, he said his aim of being in one is to get married and have kids. I could not commit to that and it resulted in him not seeing a future with me. So i was genuinely shock that he has given up on us so easily and decided not to wait or even convince me to change my mind.

He wants a LTR which leads to marriage and kids and you said no to that. And you are shocked that he gave up and not wait???

Most guys are naive and simple, when you say no, it means no to them. You don't expect them to have the mindset of "Oh well, she said no, but maybe she just wanted me to wait bit longer and convince her". Never.

Do you think given time, guys will be open to friendship with exes, since over time, feelings will fade? Or this is just a wishful thinking on my part?

They may, when they finally find the one who can commit to them for marriage and kids, when they are really over you.

March 21, 2017

Hey, i think the reason why he doesn't want to be friends with you because it hurts to see you after the breakup, he might want some space. From my personal experience, I just got dumped by my ex gf, and she doesn't want to be friends with me b/c she knows I won't get over her, and for me, I just don't want to see her b/c I'm scared of seeing her with someone else. It hurts me. I didn't get closure like you, but we both knew she wasn't ready to commit to me since we're both young.

You both knew that he wanted something long term, have you guys talk about any other way to solve this problem? Like slow things down and making compromises? Are you guys both at the age of getting married?

March 21, 2017

Most people’s somewhat aim/hope is to be in a healthy happy relationship, someday get married with kids. Do you not envisage a happy setup like that at least somewhat likely in your life?

He’s not saying definitely with you, but it seems to me he’s expressed a common end goal he’s open to with you, and rather than sharing the same willingness to go with the flow and might be open to it down the line if it felt right, you’ve gotten scared/mis-interpreted, then out and rejected him.

He just beat you to the push. If someone said to you they liked you but has an unclear block on certain relationship developments, or even a time limit on the relationship – would you continue to invest in them?

Advice by and large on here will be to not be friends with an ex. I’d mostly agree circumstance depending, and would in this one. You risk jeapordising a friendship when you give a closer relationship a shot, and you from his reasonable perspective, weren’t even willing to give it a shot.

March 21, 2017

.

One thing about male dumpees.

At first they may be clingy and do some silly stuff. But once they see the writing on the wall, they can build a very high emotional wall. Given that wall, a friendship simply isn't possible.

I'm curious but, for someone who wasn't giving him what he wanted before, why the change now? Is it possible you only value him now because he is stubborn and walked away with little fuss?

This is so true. Just swallow it (you had your chance with him) and move on.

March 21, 2017

Men, what are the reasons for not wanting to be friends with your ex?

IMO, each situation is different, as each relationship is different. In my case, my exW indicated her potential for friendship while I was caregiving so I wasn't in any hurry to be friends with a spouse exD who didn't support nor care about me during a difficult time. A fundamental tenet of friendship for myself, with anyone, is care and respect and since I wasn't getting it we were done and she went back to the billions who mattered not.

Your situation is likely different. Marriages are, well, marriages

March 21, 2017

I was with my ex for a short 2 months, after which he dumped me. He wanted more out of our relationship which I could not give him and I think he probably realised it after a month and slowly let me go, and finally dumped me after that.

There was no closure for me, he did not tell me the real reason for dumping me and I have come to terms that he no longer have any feelings for me.

However, what I do not understand is why he does not keep in touch. We did hang out a few times with friends, but as of late, he has disappeared.I did reach out to him to hang, in which he said he had something on. He also did not reply to a groupchat of 4, in which I initiated a meet up (just 2 days ago). It seems that he does not even want to maintain this friendship with me.

I'm puzzled. Even if he has more interesting things going on in his life, we did not part on bad terms. So I do not understand why does he not want to continue a friendship? Why does he not initiate anything?

Could it be that he thinks I still likes him? If that is the case, are guys just colder and meaner in shaking things off and ensuring their ex will not be led on?

And, how much time should I give him and reach out to him again? I admit I do miss his company alot and I do want us to continue to be friends. The last time I asked him out was a month back in which he rejected and I am tempted to ask him out again, but I am afraid of being rejected again.

I was going to say because he knows it's likely that you can't help him get laid, but after reading your post thoroughly, I think it's because you come off as needy for his friendship.

Think about it like this. You get a job, you get a friend at work, you hang all the time, laugh, eat lunch, banter in the office, whatever. Then one day you quit, you get a new job, and you're trying to adjust and fit in there. Then your old work pal calls up and wants you to carve out some time for him... but he was just your work pal, and you don't really have time for that right now. But then this former work pal just won't let it go, and begins to demand the friendship, like you owe him that.

Nobody wants a friend like that. Not even you.

March 21, 2017

Just going by the title , its not wise to remain 'friends'with exes, not gender biased.

March 22, 2017

thanks all for the input. It has been very valuable.

It seems that men build emotional walls pretty well and are able to control their emotions more than women.. this is something which I am coming to terms with. I guess I am just torn with his indifference attitude between 1) that he wants to avoid me to protect his emotions and 2) avoiding me to not lead me on and to make sure that I completely let him go. Somehow, I think it is a mixture of both, but more of the latter.

Maybe friendship is not possible now it seems, although it has been 3 months since we broke up (with contact in the 1st 2 months). Should I still reach out to him a 2-3 months time? Will it seem needy then? While I understand that friendship with exes may not seem possible, we only dated for 2 months. Surely it should be different since there wasn't too much invested in it? Isn't one more friend better than one more stranger?

Btw, marriage and kids are on my plate, but it wasn't what I wanted at that point of time and I'm just taken aback that he gave up so easily and moved on without waiting.

March 22, 2017

I think you should just leave him alone.

I had an ex who would reach out to me every couple of months after we split and she was in another relationship, even though I had made it clear I was not ready/willing to be friends with her.

Her periodically checking in to feel out whether or not I was "ready" to be friends grew to annoy me, as it only reiterated that she was chiefly focused on what she wanted. She was not understanding to my position on the matter, nor was she that respectful to her current partner, as I'm sure he had no idea she was continually trying to establish a friendship with me.

March 22, 2017

Her periodically checking in to feel out whether or not I was "ready" to be friends grew to annoy me, as it only reiterated that she was chiefly focused on what she wanted. She was not understanding to my position on the matter, nor was she that respectful to her current partner, as I'm sure he had no idea she was continually trying to establish a friendship with me.

MAN status +1

March 22, 2017

To be honest, I don't think it is because he does not want to hear if I have moved on, and he knows I have not. Based on any form of communication we ever had after breaking up, he does not seem like he bothers much about what is going on with me.

I'm just puzzled why he does not want to hang out as friends when he was the one who dumped me, and from his no contact/initiations on his part, I would say he has no feelings for me at all. He is also actively looking for a new partner now and I know he has been going out often. He is still single.

So with him being the dumper, having no feelings for me anymore, why does he still reject hanging out? We are on friendly terms, he is still single.

Will guys really not contact just because they think their ex is still hang up on them, and they do not want to lead their ex on? Are they really so considerate? I am doubting that. We dated for such a short period of time (2mths) that hanging out as friends should be fine, isn't it? I just don't understand why exes cannot be friends when we only dated for such a short time, had fun hanging out in the past!

I'm just puzzled on why you're puzzled

It's extremely simple. He is looking for a wife and someone to have a family with. He now knows that you are not that person. And meanwhile, he'd rather hang out w his buddies than hang out w you. So, he sees no point. Sorry.

Women often do the same thing btw.

Edited March 22, 2017 by Imajerk17

March 23, 2017

I'm just puzzled on why you're puzzled

It's extremely simple. He is looking for a wife and someone to have a family with. He now knows that you are not that person. And meanwhile, he'd rather hang out w his buddies than hang out w you. So, he sees no point. Sorry.

Women often do the same thing btw.

Really? I guess I'm puzzled because I really see no harm in hanging out with my exes as friends. Exes are people who you can click with. And if there is no romantic feelings, why not just be friends who hang out?

March 23, 2017

Really? I guess I'm puzzled because I really see no harm in hanging out with my exes as friends. Exes are people who you can click with. And if there is no romantic feelings, why not just be friends who hang out?

you use men....one man's opinion....could be wrong

March 23, 2017

In the final stages of a 7 year relationship, my ex wanted to be "friends" too.

So....when I told her no dice, why was she throw mud at me?

I know why. It dinged her ego. That's why. It sure wasn't out of concern for her "new friend" (me)

I stroked her ego for 2 years. A man has to have some respect!

you'll get over it.

March 23, 2017

If you sleep with men and have no trouble being friends after...that tells me....

You don't give enough of yourself emotionally to even see the need for grief after "caring" for a man to the point of giving yourself to him completely in a physical way. (but, to be fair, it may just not be available to you to give it....a lot of that goin' around...no judgements, no blame. As a matter of fact....I think it's probably not. That doesn't mean I don't like you though)

So....who's "cold"? Who "doesn't care"?

just sayin'

like I said...you'll get over it.

Edited March 23, 2017 by whatnot

March 23, 2017

Really? I guess I'm puzzled because I really see no harm in hanging out with my exes as friends. Exes are people who you can click with. And if there is no romantic feelings, why not just be friends who hang out?

Because HE doesn't want to be friends. He may have been the dumper, but you said it was because he realized you couldn't give him what he wanted romantically.

There's no crime in two people not clicking romantically. But if one person was hoping it could be more than it wound up being, I think it's perfectly normal for them to feel uncomfortable or heck, uninterested, in developing a friendship with the other person.

March 23, 2017

It's made me uncomfortable when I said "you use men".

I shouldn't have said that. I apologize. It was inappropriate. It wasn't even relevant to the issue at hand.

What I said in the last post....I'm comfortable with.

Edited March 23, 2017 by whatnot

March 23, 2017

I recently went through a similar situation actually, in which myself and a girl got pretty close pretty quickly, then she said we were moving too fast and should slow down. I took it as her telling me she was not interested, which was probably a mistake. However, it is easy for a guy to think that's a warning sign, because often when a girl says she doesn't want something more serious (unless the guy is aggressive about sex), it means she is going to hold onto what she has until something better comes along.

In any case, she is a girl I would like to be friends with....if we had not crossed that line already. I liked her more than she liked me, and it would make me super jealous to see her flirting with other guys...something that a.) comes easier for women and b.) women don't seem to understand is super hurtful to men. Also, at least in my experience, I went out of my way to be super caring and sweet to this girl, yet it seem like that went relatively unnoticed. That is super frustrating.

It is easier for the man to walk away if he is interested and she is not as much. Sticking around makes it more painful and we usually end up getting burned.

March 23, 2017

I recently went through a similar situation actually, in which myself and a girl got pretty close pretty quickly, then she said we were moving too fast and should slow down. I took it as her telling me she was not interested, which was probably a mistake. However, it is easy for a guy to think that's a warning sign, because often when a girl says she doesn't want something more serious (unless the guy is aggressive about sex), it means she is going to hold onto what she has until something better comes along.

In any case, she is a girl I would like to be friends with....if we had not crossed that line already. I liked her more than she liked me, and it would make me super jealous to see her flirting with other guys...something that a.) comes easier for women and b.) women don't seem to understand is super hurtful to men. Also, at least in my experience, I went out of my way to be super caring and sweet to this girl, yet it seem like that went relatively unnoticed. That is super frustrating.

It is easier for the man to walk away if he is interested and she is not as much. Sticking around makes it more painful and we usually end up getting burned.

This sounds alot like my situation. Where I liked her more than she liked me. Actions speaks louder than words. She even told me she had never been in this kind of love before. After 4 months she wanted out. I was too kind, gave too much love and got fustrated when she didn't return this.

I find it quite hard to walk away though. Never been this hurt in my life.

One day our ex GFs will realise what they've lost.

March 23, 2017

I was with my ex for a short 2 months, after which he dumped me. He wanted more out of our relationship which I could not give him and I think he probably realised it after a month and slowly let me go, and finally dumped me after that.

There was no closure for me, he did not tell me the real reason for dumping me and I have come to terms that he no longer have any feelings for me.

However, what I do not understand is why he does not keep in touch. We did hang out a few times with friends, but as of late, he has disappeared.I did reach out to him to hang, in which he said he had something on. He also did not reply to a groupchat of 4, in which I initiated a meet up (just 2 days ago). It seems that he does not even want to maintain this friendship with me.

I'm puzzled. Even if he has more interesting things going on in his life, we did not part on bad terms. So I do not understand why does he not want to continue a friendship? Why does he not initiate anything?

Could it be that he thinks I still likes him? If that is the case, are guys just colder and meaner in shaking things off and ensuring their ex will not be led on?

And, how much time should I give him and reach out to him again? I admit I do miss his company alot and I do want us to continue to be friends. The last time I asked him out was a month back in which he rejected and I am tempted to ask him out again, but I am afraid of being rejected again.

Because he wants more from you, you don't want to give it to him and he won't "settle". Good for him. That's what people should do when they aren't getting what they want/need from a potential relationship partner. If the couple isn't on the same page in terms of dating goals, etc. they should part ways. He doesn't want you as a friend, he wants a dating/relationship scenario. It's very hard to sit on the other side of the table from someone you have a romantic interest in, knowing they don't feel the same way. It's self-preservation. Why do you want to torment him? Leave him alone.

He doesn't want to be strung along . . .

I am tempted to ask him out again, but I am afraid of being rejected again. -- How do you think he feels. He doesn't want that either.

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Why is my ex not reading Whatsapp Group Chat? [UPDATE Fell in love with my other man]

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