LivnHalfAlive13 Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 This may sound crazy. I know. But aNY advice will help I was talking with a girl for about a month. We had our first date which went well, but I didn't know if I liked her. We actually kissed at the end of the date ( something I never ever do). She immediately requests a second date for 2 days later, so I accepted to dinner and a movie. Second date I "thought" went well. Movie where we held hands and whatnot, went to dinner had deep convo, and then went back to my place where she stated "nothings going to happen". WHich I was fine with. We watched TV and just made out, and talked for a few hours. At the end of the date we made out even hott and heavier before she left my car, but didn't seem so quick to set a new immediate date. Which I found odd. 2 days later after maybe few texts (she initiated) Said she felt we weren't a match. So my problem is I can't believe how much it's bothering me over the past few days. Anxiety, mild little depression. What is up?! I've dated alot of women where only few dates even ones I liked but never to the point of feeling this ****ty. Any advice?
act00 Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 Maybe I'm misinterpreting what I'm reading, but you did not initiate plans for date #3 (of which she initiated #2), and there were two days of texting of which she also initiated?? It sounds to me like you have clearly indicated you are not interested, and this is something you stated in your post, that on date #1, you really weren't sure. So after "hot and heavy" date #2, of which SHE initiated, plus she initiated two days of texting (you never wrote first), she clearly got the hint you really aren't into her. Instead of ghosting you, she broke it off officially...consider this a blessing. If you really liked her, you would have texted her that night or first thing in the morning telling her how much you enjoyed the night and enjoyed spending time with her. You would have initiated date #3. You would have taken the time to text her first. Two days of silence from you, and she has to initiate any conversation after you got intimate? What did you think would happen? 3
jgraham11 Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 (edited) This may sound crazy. I know. But aNY advice will help I was talking with a girl for about a month. We had our first date which went well, but I didn't know if I liked her. We actually kissed at the end of the date ( something I never ever do). She immediately requests a second date for 2 days later, so I accepted to dinner and a movie. Second date I "thought" went well. Movie where we held hands and whatnot, went to dinner had deep convo, and then went back to my place where she stated "nothings going to happen". WHich I was fine with. We watched TV and just made out, and talked for a few hours. At the end of the date we made out even hott and heavier before she left my car, but didn't seem so quick to set a new immediate date. Which I found odd. 2 days later after maybe few texts (she initiated) Said she felt we weren't a match. So my problem is I can't believe how much it's bothering me over the past few days. Anxiety, mild little depression. What is up?! I've dated alot of women where only few dates even ones I liked but never to the point of feeling this ****ty. Any advice? Yeah anxiety and depression is kind of normal to be honest. There have been times i've been so riddled with anxiety cause of dating that i've had physical problems because of it (related to bladder). I'm sure work and school added to things, but still the dating game can take a mental and physical toll no doubt As far as your problem with why she didn't want a 3rd date it's tough to say. I've had similar things happen to me. Kissed on 1st or 2nd date, held hands early on, but then BAM like that I get a "Maybe this isn't right". Because it was somewhat physical with you two MY guess would be it was a compatablity thing. Maybe she got a bad vibe off you and just didn't feel right. Or conversation with you might have been dry, or maybe something you could of possibly said? I just went through something very similar to this. My advice is to also put a close to this if you haven't already. Communicate with her, if you have something to ask her or want to clear the air, say it. You're doing yourself harm if you have something to say but are keeping it pent up. Communication is just as important in breakups as it is in strong relationships. Something i've learned the hard way Understand this though. Any question that is asked on a forum like this will get responses and this forum is a good one. I'd say 95% of what I see is actually solid advice unlike Reddit or some other crap forum. However, nobody will fully understand your situation well enough to give a 100% concrete advice. It's all speculation from us, so take the advice, but also take it with a pinch of salt Edited March 29, 2017 by jgraham11 2
Author LivnHalfAlive13 Posted March 29, 2017 Author Posted March 29, 2017 (edited) Act00, Thanks for the reply. Forgive me for being confusing. At the end of the second date I asked when were going to hang out again, and meant she didn't seem to eager to set a day. I left day 3 after date 2 out. I texted her soon as I woke saying a compliment, and wanted to see her. All I got was aw. Nothing else. Then "the text" came jGaham11, Thanls My feeling on the situation is that it felt like we had something, and enough time wasnt given. When "the text came" I just said hope you find what your looking for. I mean what else is there to say at the time? Cant argue with someones feelings. Its been about five days still think I should reach out? Edited March 29, 2017 by LivnHalfAlive13
coolheadal Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 This may sound crazy. I know. But aNY advice will help I was talking with a girl for about a month. We had our first date which went well, but I didn't know if I liked her. We actually kissed at the end of the date ( something I never ever do). She immediately requests a second date for 2 days later, so I accepted to dinner and a movie. Second date I "thought" went well. Movie where we held hands and whatnot, went to dinner had deep convo, and then went back to my place where she stated "nothings going to happen". WHich I was fine with. We watched TV and just made out, and talked for a few hours. At the end of the date we made out even hott and heavier before she left my car, but didn't seem so quick to set a new immediate date. Which I found odd. 2 days later after maybe few texts (she initiated) Said she felt we weren't a match. So my problem is I can't believe how much it's bothering me over the past few days. Anxiety, mild little depression. What is up?! I've dated alot of women where only few dates even ones I liked but never to the point of feeling this ****ty. Any advice? Listen this happens to all of us. But she didn't leave you hanging or ghost you. You found out from her. She doesn't feel the same way and not into you again. You'll feel hurt an etc.. This will pass. You can't change her mind she might have kept a few things from you like seeing other men. Just don't know and might never know.
act00 Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 Act00, Thanks for the reply. Forgive me for being confusing. At the end of the second date I asked when were going to hang out again, and meant she didn't seem to eager to set a day. I left day 3 after date 2 out. I texted her soon as I woke saying a compliment, and wanted to see her. All I got was aw. Nothing else. Then "the text" came jGaham11, Thanls My feeling on the situation is that it felt like we had something, and enough time wasnt given. When "the text came" I just said hope you find what your looking for. I mean what else is there to say at the time? Cant argue with someones feelings. Its been about five days still think I should reach out? I'm glad to hear you reached out in the morning. This means a lot. And I'm glad to hear you presented an interest in date #3. From the face of it, date number one was a bit "off" in your mind, and I suspect she felt the same, and you felt it, she felt it. While date number two was pretty intense, the overall sense in what you're writing, is that neither of you are really that into each other, and the extended communication is this thing we all go through called, "One more try, just in case" or letting someone down gently...she put out the feelers, then ended it, as you were less than responsive. You were both in the same boat, I think It just plain didn't work out. We get wrapped up in the passion of touch and kiss and making out, but the overall scope is this one was kind of dead from the start. It wasn't a good first, and you both went for second, just to see. There was something there, but in the end, it's just not there. It sucks, it hurts, and it happens. Don't take it personally. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
jgraham11 Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 Act00, Thanks for the reply. Forgive me for being confusing. At the end of the second date I asked when were going to hang out again, and meant she didn't seem to eager to set a day. I left day 3 after date 2 out. I texted her soon as I woke saying a compliment, and wanted to see her. All I got was aw. Nothing else. Then "the text" came jGaham11, Thanls My feeling on the situation is that it felt like we had something, and enough time wasnt given. When "the text came" I just said hope you find what your looking for. I mean what else is there to say at the time? Cant argue with someones feelings. Its been about five days still think I should reach out? Listen man, I know this isn't what you want to hear but the short answer is no don't reach out. Like I said if you still have something on your mind that only SHE can answer then fine ask her, but don't reach out with the plan of meeting up again. Could it happen, sure anything is possible I suppose. Don't have the expectation that it's going to work out though. What's going to make this more difficult for you is if you have lingering questions in your mind that need answering specifically by her. That's why I implore you to ask if you do have questions. Like "Can you just give me your reasoning" etc. It'll help you put closure to this and to move on. It could even lead to you two having a better understanding of each other and then who knows maybe getting that 3rd date.. but I wouldn't plan on it from what i've read
Author LivnHalfAlive13 Posted March 29, 2017 Author Posted March 29, 2017 Thanks for all of your responses! Well from what I recollect after date 1 when i was "unsure" if I liked her, i felt the opposite with her. The following day she was calling places to try and help me finish and get back into school (couldnt finish cause of finances) like inserting herself into my life and whatnot, so soon. Maybe just got to optimistic about "us". Just baffled me why its bothering me so much when Ive gone through this before and no problem at all.
ChatroomHero Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 I would guess that because you were on the fence about her, the rejection was amplified. You felt she was into you and felt maybe 'above' her. Almost like, "this girl really likes me, she might be beneath me" in some way as far as potential partners. So when she rejected you it's a bigger shot to your ego than normal. Not that you exactly thought you were better than her, but more like confident you were above her in the dating game. I have been rejected before by women I thought were fine but not into, after they showed interest and I felt maybe I could do better or whatever, and it is a bigger shot to your ego and confidence for sure. 2
Redhead14 Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 So . . . you've never gone on a couple of dates with a girl and decided she wasn't one you want to continue seeing????? Dating is a process of evaluation all the way up to the point where you decide whether that person is or isn't for you and that happens at different times for each person in each scenario. PERIOD. So, she made out with you . . . she didn't find you to be a complete turn off but she didn't find you to be completely suitable for her either. Sure, you might be a little disappointed because everyone goes into new dating scenarios with a little hope, but that hope needs to be tempered with logic and acceptance of the reality of dating. It is what it is. 3
fmfan08 Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 (edited) Listen man, I know this isn't what you want to hear but the short answer is no don't reach out. Like I said if you still have something on your mind that only SHE can answer then fine ask her, but don't reach out with the plan of meeting up again. Could it happen, sure anything is possible I suppose. Don't have the expectation that it's going to work out though. What's going to make this more difficult for you is if you have lingering questions in your mind that need answering specifically by her. That's why I implore you to ask if you do have questions. Like "Can you just give me your reasoning" etc. It'll help you put closure to this and to move on. It could even lead to you two having a better understanding of each other and then who knows maybe getting that 3rd date.. but I wouldn't plan on it from what i've read I think asking is great if you're not on bad terms. As long as you're not expecting that third date, what's the worst that can happen? She'll just ignore those questions, but if she answers them maybe you'll both have a better understanding. It once happened to me where I found out it was something silly and we both had a misunderstanding of each other and the date ended up happening, although that didn't work out down the line (more you get to know each other and you don't feel it). Edited March 29, 2017 by fmfan08 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 I think she was already iffy/on the fence as to whether she liked you enough to keep going out with you, so she tried again, and your kind of lukewarm response just nudged things in the direction of "yes, I guess I'm just not feeling it" (her thoughts, I mean). OP, it seems you weren't that enthusiastic anyway, so your extreme response now would be (I'm not being judgmental) more ego than anything else. You are upset that she didn't want you more than you're upset at not having her around. I'm not minimizing that...it can feel really terrible and can really bring you down. You mention you suffer some from anxiety and depression already; something like this can seem like a trigger but if the depression is already there, under the surface, then this is more of an ongoing thing...can you get some help for that? Don't just suffer. That's no way to live. Good luck and hang in there. 2
fmfan08 Posted March 29, 2017 Posted March 29, 2017 I think she was already iffy/on the fence as to whether she liked you enough to keep going out with you, so she tried again, and your kind of lukewarm response just nudged things in the direction of "yes, I guess I'm just not feeling it" (her thoughts, I mean). OP, it seems you weren't that enthusiastic anyway, so your extreme response now would be (I'm not being judgmental) more ego than anything else. You are upset that she didn't want you more than you're upset at not having her around. I'm not minimizing that...it can feel really terrible and can really bring you down. You mention you suffer some from anxiety and depression already; something like this can seem like a trigger but if the depression is already there, under the surface, then this is more of an ongoing thing...can you get some help for that? Don't just suffer. That's no way to live. Good luck and hang in there. There's a possibility that he could be not telling the truth and just saying he wasn't enthusiastic to justify getting over it. I know I do that sometimes, I hang onto a negative point about her because it helps me. 1
Author LivnHalfAlive13 Posted March 30, 2017 Author Posted March 30, 2017 It is legit I was very unsure after the first date, but I figured what the hell give it another go. Second date i had a great time and even at the end I was looking forward to seeing her again after it was over. So yeah...
jgraham11 Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 It is legit I was very unsure after the first date, but I figured what the hell give it another go. Second date i had a great time and even at the end I was looking forward to seeing her again after it was over. So yeah... You know unfortunately I have to agree with the poster who brought up the ego topic. I myself suffer from this too to a certain extent. I've had girls I was on the fence about who ended up turning me down and it just completely F's with you mentally. At the end of the day neither of you seemed into each other enough given what else has been said here. It would of helped your ego to be the first to call things off, but you weren't The biggest mistake people make in dating (IMO) is continuing to go on dates after a bad 1st or 2nd date. The first date you have some excuse maybe cause it's all brand new and with a new person, but if after 2 dates it doesn't get better you just have to except there may not be any chemistry or something is lacking there
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