I'm not really sure how dating works.

[toxinoco55]

I'm fairly young (20), and I have no idea how this whole dating thing works... at all. I was happy and in love with my ex boyfriend, I didn't think I had to really worry about dating so much anymore since I thought he was the one --as you do when you're young and in love I guess, and then he dumped me a few months back out of the blue.

 

Getting to where I am now was quite difficult but I made it to where I've been on a few dates here and there. So now here I am in the dating world and I am completely clueless as to how it all works. So i need a little help I guess.

 

So here's my question I guess, pardon me if this sounds really dumb, cause I have no idea what I'm doing.

 

I work in the same building with this guy, who I've started to like a little bit. The day we met he added me on Facebook a few hours later. Then we worked opposite hours for about a month and I never got the courage to message him.

Finally yesterday I did and we chatted for 2 or so hours and he asked for my number. So we texted all l night, actually that went really well, better than I expected. He asked all these questions about me and my interests and didn't let the conversation die until 1 am and I said I had to go to bed.

 

So today I get a text from my friend who knows I like this guy and he says that he is out on a date with someone, more specifically a second date. Yikes.

Does this mean I have no chance?

 

I read this over and it sounds super lame lol but I need advice I'm inept when it comes o this stuff.

[xUnknown]

How does your friend know he's on a second* date with the guy? Does your friend know him? Did this guy tell your friend it was the second date?

 

A second date is a second date. Nothing really that big if you'd ask me. First, I would check on the rules for relationships in the workplace. Regardless, I would ask them to get coffee or something. Since you two work together, walk over and ask what he's doing for lunch because you're headed to XYZ and they have really good wraps. From there, continue the conversation, enjoy the time with him and see if you start to like him more or not.

[preraph]

At work, you need to keep it simple. If you are a little lost in general about dating, then definitely don't date work mates. It is really awkward when the affair or interest is over. It can cost you your job too sometimes.

 

My best advice to keep in mind while dating is this:

Relax and just try to enjoy yourself on the date. Number 1, this is what guys like, not someone frantic to know where it's going too soon. It's usually not going anywhere, but if you're fun and relaxed, they may stay longer and not get scared off. Apparently emotions scare men to death.

 

Remember a date is not a marriage proposal, so things don't have to be lined up all perfect to say yes to a date, but don't let anyone pressure you into sex before you feel excited to be with them and also feel that whether they keep coming back or not, you can deal with it emotionally. Because this happens a lot.

 

If a guy is telling you everything you want to hear, he's lying to get sex. If it's too good to be true, it's not true.

 

Don't overtext or overcommunicate. I know you're getting to know each other that way, but the problem is it sets a precedent and the other problem is if you share everything electronically, what on earth will you have left to talk about in person? And if you hit the wall in person because of it, that isn't going to build a romantic feeling. Don't ever send naked photos, even if they make you feel like you're the last person on earth who won't. No boob photos, etc. They will come back to haunt you, even if he turns into a boyfriend. They can't stop themselves from bragging and passing them around.

 

If he doesn't want to pay for the first date, don't go. If money was a real issue, he could ask you to walk the park rather than acting like a cheapskate. And traditionally, one reason we date is to find out if men are potential willing providers, because even though you will end up with a job, if you ever get pregnant, you will need to know he can support you and the baby for at least a few months and then continue to contribute. Guys who complain about paying for a first date (which need be nothing more than coffee) are usually guys who go on a lot of dates and are bitter because they paid and then didn't get sex. A good guy will take pleasure in buying your dinner. If he doesn't think you're worth dinner, he doesn't have a very high opinion of women. Don't worry. You can pay him back partially down the line by cooking dinner for him or baking him cookies or picking up the bar tab. But not early on.

 

Have a set of standards and boundaries and stick with them. If you don't want to date a guy who doesn't own a car, then don't. If you feel someone is too much of a stoner, don't date him anymore. Most important, don't stay with someone you have an issue with thinking that if he loves you, this will make him change. It will not. Shop for the guy who doesn't have any dealbreakers for you.

 

And lastly, unless the guy has brought up the subject of exclusivity, do not stop dating other guys. Don't rub it in his face, but make other plans and if he calls wanting to go out, just be nice but say "Sorry I already have plans." If he gets overly inquisitive, don't get dragged into an explanation. If he hasn't committed, you're free to date. Being always available lets friends and dates alike start getting into lazy inconsiderate habits of making you wait, so don't do it. Be busy and don't wait around.

 

But mostly, have fun. And when it's not fun anymore and you're still single, leave. Take birth control if you're going to have sex so you don't get stuck with the wrong guy for life like so many women have done.

[smackie9]

IMO if a guy was really into you, he would take steps to ask you out right away as to not let the opportunity slip away. This guy met you, added you on FB, but never bothered to contact you to chat or ask you for your number. YOU had to contact him to get anywhere, then you find out he is on a second date with someone else.....ditch and seek someone else, he is obviously occupied, and lets face it, he never made any real effort to contact you. Fail.

[Shanex]

Preraph explanations of dating was on the money mostly and I won't repeat her words.

 

I could be argumentative and tell that I didn't like being ghosted on without any explanation after two restaurants dates that I covered myself, tips included. Men also need to realise that some ladies are only looking for dates for ''free'' dinner or drinks with no intention of dating or being in a relationship with the man.

 

Other than that. Dating is complicated, a man could have written this differently. Maybe some will chime in later here with different stories and experiences.

 

Good luck.