adeliabelia2 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 31/f here. The last two men I dated strung me along for months, toyed with me emotionally, and eventually vanished without a trace. This has left me extremely insecure with dating. In comes New Guy (NG). He is a bit older than me and a father. Things started out slow, our first two dates occurred over the span of 2.5 weeks. Our conversations were seamless and definitely meaningful. He said he's looking for a LTR, that he's frustrated with having 2-3 month relationships before the women fade away on him. He told me after our first meet he had taken himself off the website we met on. Things started to pick up and our last 3 dates occurred over the span of this last week. He has done everything right - he talks about himself, his child, asks good questions about me, has indicated he's told his friends about me, takes me out, etc. The whole time I've been a wreck. Every time I get a seemingly lukewarm text from him I think "Oh god he's lost interest he's going to ghost me like the other guys." We have slept together twice, the first was this weekend and he spent the night and was the most affectionate man I've ever been with. We slept together last night and laid in bed for about an hour talking before he took off. At one point last night we were laying facing each other and he said "What are you thinking?" to which I instantly replied "I'm glad I met you." He smiled and said he was too. The paranoid girl in my is now thinking I probably freaked him out with that but it just came out of my mouth before I could stop it. When he left he gave me a pretty good kiss and checked when I would be free this week, but didn't set anything up. Anyways, this morning he didn't text me his usual good morning (which granted, doesn't occur every morning but almost) although he did quickly reply to mine, albeit a bit more... lukewarm than usual. Usually he asks me how I slept or something about my day, today it was pretty much a dead end reply. He works construction and is busy so I know I'm probably reading too much into it but I'm panicking that he's decided I'm not interesting anymore and is just going to fade on me. I mean yeah, it's possible that is exactly what will happen, but I guess I'm asking how I can teach myself to not be so insecure and think the worst? I am such a confident woman in so many other areas but with dating I am a pathetic mess. Right now I'm at work and my stomach is in knots because of one stupid text. I mean.. c'mon.
Redhead14 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 31/f here. The last two men I dated strung me along for months, toyed with me emotionally, and eventually vanished without a trace. This has left me extremely insecure with dating. In comes New Guy (NG). He is a bit older than me and a father. Things started out slow, our first two dates occurred over the span of 2.5 weeks. Our conversations were seamless and definitely meaningful. He said he's looking for a LTR, that he's frustrated with having 2-3 month relationships before the women fade away on him. He told me after our first meet he had taken himself off the website we met on. Things started to pick up and our last 3 dates occurred over the span of this last week. He has done everything right - he talks about himself, his child, asks good questions about me, has indicated he's told his friends about me, takes me out, etc. The whole time I've been a wreck. Every time I get a seemingly lukewarm text from him I think "Oh god he's lost interest he's going to ghost me like the other guys." We have slept together twice, the first was this weekend and he spent the night and was the most affectionate man I've ever been with. We slept together last night and laid in bed for about an hour talking before he took off. At one point last night we were laying facing each other and he said "What are you thinking?" to which I instantly replied "I'm glad I met you." He smiled and said he was too. The paranoid girl in my is now thinking I probably freaked him out with that but it just came out of my mouth before I could stop it. When he left he gave me a pretty good kiss and checked when I would be free this week, but didn't set anything up. Anyways, this morning he didn't text me his usual good morning (which granted, doesn't occur every morning but almost) although he did quickly reply to mine, albeit a bit more... lukewarm than usual. Usually he asks me how I slept or something about my day, today it was pretty much a dead end reply. He works construction and is busy so I know I'm probably reading too much into it but I'm panicking that he's decided I'm not interesting anymore and is just going to fade on me. I mean yeah, it's possible that is exactly what will happen, but I guess I'm asking how I can teach myself to not be so insecure and think the worst? I am such a confident woman in so many other areas but with dating I am a pathetic mess. Right now I'm at work and my stomach is in knots because of one stupid text. I mean.. c'mon. Cross the bridges that need to be crossed when you get to them . . . This "change" in communication may just be a blip. Until you know it's not a blip, don't worry about it. If he bails because you told him you were glad you met him, then there's something wrong anyway. Chill. Sit back and observe. In the meantime, you live your life, focus on your job and see what happens tonight/tomorrow.
Larryville Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 toyed with me emotionally, and eventually vanished without a trace. We have slept together twice, the first was this weekend and he spent the night and was the most affectionate man I've ever been with. At one point last night we were laying facing each other and he said "What are you thinking?" to which I instantly replied "I'm glad I met you." He smiled and said he was too. Why? this morning he didn't text me his usual good morning (which granted, doesn't occur every morning but almost) although he did quickly reply to mine, albeit a bit more... lukewarm than usual. how I can teach myself to not be so insecure and think the worst? I am such a confident woman in so many other areas but with dating I am a pathetic mess. this site has billions of example on what NOT to do, folks need to do more reading. Just don't do some of the stuff poster here to start. We can all learn from others misery and misfortune. My 2 cents… Curious for you or any other seemingly insecure women reading this, when you look in the mirror do you like what you see? And if you do, you are brimming with confidence, a bright smile, flair, style intellectually engaging, sincere, you clearly see your path in life… What allows a dude to enter your orbit? What do you require of him to do or be to invade and take up space in the mind and eventually the body? Dudes who toyed with you emotionally, and eventually vanished without a trace… saw you coming from a mile away. The emotionally vulnerable might as well have a neon sign on their forehead. Dude who abandoned ship after a short time got what they were seeking… twice! Women who accept the status quo, accept the desire without a plan and engage in wishful thinking. A false sense of progress… the most affectionate man I've ever been with. That’s not saying much. If you have been deprived of a decent meal for a long time a McDonalds Happy Meal would seem like a luxury. how I can teach myself to not be so insecure Be a better you, demand more from guys and don’t settle. Charge a higher rent for dude to take up space in the head and the body. If all you want to do is screw then accept your reality. If you want more figure out the minimum you will tolerate and accept from guys. Don't settle for he will do. 4
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 Dear, you are just dating. This is when things are on a trial run to see if there is any potential for a committed relationship. You can't be upset or bitter every time things don't pan out...it is how it is. If you don't want to get strung along, YOU must set limits. Like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. If things are not progressing the way you expect, don't wait around to see things "improve". You only have yourself to blame if you start doing that. Have the mindset to break it off instead. 3
hippychick3 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 There is no way anyone can predict what will happen in this relationship. But the best thing you can do is to avoid hyperfocusing on him. Keep your mind active with other thoughts, stay busy with work, talk to friends and family, find things to do that bring you joy.... This will help you to not perseverate on his feelings about you and will also help you appear more attractive and secure. Lastly, think of yourself as the "prize" and that your feelings about him are just as important as his about you. You're in a position to decide whether he is right for you or not. Just knowing that you also hold the reins in this relationship gives you some power and should boost your confidence. 1
Author adeliabelia2 Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 Why? this site has billions of example on what NOT to do, folks need to do more reading. Just don't do some of the stuff poster here to start. We can all learn from others misery and misfortune. My 2 cents… Curious for you or any other seemingly insecure women reading this, when you look in the mirror do you like what you see? And if you do, you are brimming with confidence, a bright smile, flair, style intellectually engaging, sincere, you clearly see your path in life… What allows a dude to enter your orbit? What do you require of him to do or be to invade and take up space in the mind and eventually the body? Dudes who toyed with you emotionally, and eventually vanished without a trace… saw you coming from a mile away. The emotionally vulnerable might as well have a neon sign on their forehead. Dude who abandoned ship after a short time got what they were seeking… twice! Women who accept the status quo, accept the desire without a plan and engage in wishful thinking. A false sense of progress… That’s not saying much. If you have been deprived of a decent meal for a long time a McDonalds Happy Meal would seem like a luxury. Be a better you, demand more from guys and don’t settle. Charge a higher rent for dude to take up space in the head and the body. If all you want to do is screw then accept your reality. If you want more figure out the minimum you will tolerate and accept from guys. Don't settle for he will do. Yeesh, I wasn't asking to be roasted. I did not find this reply helpful whatsoever.
Simple Logic Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 31/f here. The last two men I dated strung me along for months, toyed with me emotionally, and eventually vanished without a trace. This has left me extremely insecure with dating. In comes New Guy (NG). He is a bit older than me and a father. Things started out slow, our first two dates occurred over the span of 2.5 weeks. Our conversations were seamless and definitely meaningful. He said he's looking for a LTR, that he's frustrated with having 2-3 month relationships before the women fade away on him. He told me after our first meet he had taken himself off the website we met on. Things started to pick up and our last 3 dates occurred over the span of this last week. He has done everything right - he talks about himself, his child, asks good questions about me, has indicated he's told his friends about me, takes me out, etc. The whole time I've been a wreck. Every time I get a seemingly lukewarm text from him I think "Oh god he's lost interest he's going to ghost me like the other guys." We have slept together twice, the first was this weekend and he spent the night and was the most affectionate man I've ever been with. We slept together last night and laid in bed for about an hour talking before he took off. At one point last night we were laying facing each other and he said "What are you thinking?" to which I instantly replied "I'm glad I met you." He smiled and said he was too. The paranoid girl in my is now thinking I probably freaked him out with that but it just came out of my mouth before I could stop it. When he left he gave me a pretty good kiss and checked when I would be free this week, but didn't set anything up. Anyways, this morning he didn't text me his usual good morning (which granted, doesn't occur every morning but almost) although he did quickly reply to mine, albeit a bit more... lukewarm than usual. Usually he asks me how I slept or something about my day, today it was pretty much a dead end reply. He works construction and is busy so I know I'm probably reading too much into it but I'm panicking that he's decided I'm not interesting anymore and is just going to fade on me. I mean yeah, it's possible that is exactly what will happen, but I guess I'm asking how I can teach myself to not be so insecure and think the worst? I am such a confident woman in so many other areas but with dating I am a pathetic mess. Right now I'm at work and my stomach is in knots because of one stupid text. I mean.. c'mon. Take a deep breath and quit worrying. Worrying about events you have no ability to affect is a waste of your wll being. If hr bolts there is nothing you can do to prevent it. 1
stillafool Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 This unfortunately is how dating is. You spend time with each other to find out if you want a LTR with someone. If you are nervous about them ghosting you don't have sex with them until you are really sure. Sex will not keep them there. 1
Author adeliabelia2 Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 Dear, you are just dating. This is when things are on a trial run to see if there is any potential for a committed relationship. You can't be upset or bitter every time things don't pan out...it is how it is. If you don't want to get strung along, YOU must set limits. Like I always say date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. If things are not progressing the way you expect, don't wait around to see things "improve". You only have yourself to blame if you start doing that. Have the mindset to break it off instead. I do not think this man is stringing me along. He has been nothing but genuine the entire time. I guess my question is not so much regarding this man in particular, but how I can approach dating WITHOUT getting so wrapped up in it and emotionally involved so quickly. I'll admit I did not do much dating until about a year ago. I always just sort of fell into relationships with male friends. So I am new to this, and I find myself ridiculously vulnerable and insecure when I know I should not be.
smackie9 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 I do not think this man is stringing me along. He has been nothing but genuine the entire time. I guess my question is not so much regarding this man in particular, but how I can approach dating WITHOUT getting so wrapped up in it and emotionally involved so quickly. I'll admit I did not do much dating until about a year ago. I always just sort of fell into relationships with male friends. So I am new to this, and I find myself ridiculously vulnerable and insecure when I know I should not be. My advice stated is how you should approach dating in general...nothing to do with this chap you are seeing now. 1
Author adeliabelia2 Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 Take a deep breath and quit worrying. Worrying about events you have no ability to affect is a waste of your wll being. If hr bolts there is nothing you can do to prevent it. This really is the best advice because you're right, it's out of my control and I also know I'm overreacting. I just.. wish I knew how NOT to overreact.
Author adeliabelia2 Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 My advice stated is how you should approach dating in general...nothing to do with this chap you are seeing now. Ah, apologies I misunderstood. I did approach this guy differently than the last two ones for sure. I have not pursued him, I don't really initiate anything and have made him do all the legwork. The last two guys I admit I got kind of desperate with and I refuse to go that direction ever again. Thanks for your input!
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