My ex girlfriend is in a LDR but still hugs me like she used to.

[Someone4]

Hi everyone,

 

I could use some help me and my ex girlfriend broke up about 3 months ago. It was actually a very quiet break up there wasn't any name calling or anything like that. We did live with her family and were together for a little over a year and a half. Spent 8 months living together. I was her first for a lot. Serious relationship, loss of virginity, and living with her SO. She said she was unhappy and felt it was best to end things, her depression really didn't help matters. I moved out with in a few weeks of everything. We agreed that we still love each other and care about one another. We still do there's no real denying it. A big thing we have to deal with is we work together. Hasn't been a really big issue until we kinda started like immature jack asses lol. It happens though. And until a few weeks ago she said she met someone and started a long distance relationship with them. It hurt but I said I'm happy for you and I hope everything works out. Didn't see the point of trying to beg and plead and try to reform a relationship. What's really confusing to me is that I catch her staring and smiling at me and she ask for a hug and I give her one and it's never a friendly hug it's a more intimate hug, back rubbing and holding on longer than a friend hug. I've told her that I want to step out of the picture to allow her new relationship to grow and I could see how he'd be uncomfortable and so do I. I'm sure you can see why lol.

I did want her back but taking the focus I had for that on moving on has been a struggle. I just don't understand why she's acting that way. She was so telling me how happy he makes her. But now looking at her she seems to have a lot on her mind and keeps coming to me for physical things like that. What's the deal?

[preraph]

She probably feels sorry for you. Anyway, best to just really distance yourself so you're not constantly having to hear about that or hoping to reunite. I'm sorry. It sucks.

[Someone4]

I do distance myself from it all. I've told her that I want to move on and have let her go. She keeps pushing to be friends with me. I don't know if I should just sit down and tell her that what the deal is. And thank you for the advice.

[SevenCity]

If you can't be really happy for her in another RL, you can't be her friend.

 

I would be upfront and say you are not interested in friendship.

 

From your post it sounds like you want her back?

 

I don't think she feels sorry for you. Rather, she does care about you (not enough to get back together) and she can now have her cake and eat it too by having a new bf and you still in her life.

 

Dissapear and make her miss you if you want her back. If you don't, be happy for her.

[Someone4]

Trying to do that but it's rather hard working together. Believe if I could step out completely then I would but I need my job. Getting back together would be nice we still like each other. It's just right now I don't know how to make her understand I don't want friendship right now. I've told her that my exact words I just don't know how to make any clearer to her I am not your friend.

[SevenCity]

Trying to do that but it's rather hard working together. Believe if I could step out completely then I would but I need my job. Getting back together would be nice we still like each other. It's just right now I don't know how to make her understand I don't want friendship right now. I've told her that my exact words I just don't know how to make any clearer to her I am not your friend.

 

Working together is tough. Been down that road.

 

How do make it clearer? Your actions. When she goes for a hug push her away. When she wants to talk to you be busy with something else.

 

When she is coming to you for other than work stuff say "I thought I made myself clear"?

[Someone4]

Working together is tough. Been down that road.

 

How do make it clearer? Your actions. When she goes for a hug push her away. When she wants to talk to you be busy with something else.

 

When she is coming to you for other than work stuff say "I thought I made myself clear"?

 

Thanks I appreciate that. It's been hard sense the break up for us act like co workers. Old habits and such. I don't want to be a backup​ plan or get hurt again. I'll try it and see what happens.

[bluefeather]

You sound surprisingly mature about all of this. By that, I mean most people who write here are struggling really hard with being rejected and trying to get back together, or even trying to be friends in hopes that they will get back together. I'm not sure how you got to the point you're at, but well done.

 

My guess would be that she is getting those hugs to help herself get through her withdrawal symptoms of being without you. I think she will do that until she wants more from you, or until she doesn't need it anymore.

 

I would suggest that you stay in touch with what your needs are. As you said, you're not doing "friends." Your boundary has been defined, so it is up to you to not let that be crossed.

 

Good luck.

[Someone4]

You sound surprisingly mature about all of this. By that, I mean most people who write here are struggling really hard with being rejected and trying to get back together, or even trying to be friends in hopes that they will get back together. I'm not sure how you got to the point you're at, but well done.

 

My guess would be that she is getting those hugs to help herself get through her withdrawal symptoms of being without you. I think she will do that until she wants more from you, or until she doesn't need it anymore.

 

I would suggest that you stay in touch with what your needs are. As you said, you're not doing "friends." Your boundary has been defined, so it is up to you to not let that be crossed.

 

Good luck.

Thank you. I was married for 2 years and divorced two years before meeting her. I learned a lot from it. I would like to be friends because I really enjoyed being with her but right now is not a good time for that. We really didn't give each other much breathing room after the break up so it's best for both of us to see how life really is without one another. It would be nice to be able to work through our problems as well but for now I have to move on. I do love you her very much. I try to be understanding with her as this is that first big break up, my first one I was cast aside pretty hard. I just think it's best for both of us to give each other space before resuming a friendship or anything further.