grays Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 Gotta preface this with the fact that I really try not to take any sh*t from guys I date. My usual rule is they make me feel bad in any way I move on, period. But this current one who Ive been seeing pretty regularly for about 6 weeks has gotten under my skin. Ive let him get away with this behavior all along bc in person hes amazing and attentive, like a totally different person than I'm dealing w by text. In fact, one thing I've been cosidering is that Ive probably spent ten nights with him now at least and I have literally never seen his phone. Thats kinda crazy, right? And I value that. I like that when hes with me hes with me, not checking his facebook or texting his other friends. And so maybe I should allow him a little latitude for that about him not getting right back to me when I text??? I dunno. But this is how texting went with him the last 24 hours (there was more conversation than this, but this was the stuff pertinent to our plans): 2 days ago I mentioned monday was a good night for me to see him, he said nothing in response to that... 4 pm yesterday he texts that hes made a bunch of plans for suff relating to his side job/hobby for this week 7 pm yesterday he asks if ive seen a particular movie, I text him back that if he wants he can come over and watch it for free am w me, he didnt respond till this morning, so I have it in the back of my mind till like 9 that maybe he'll end up coming over, it was a bummer of course 11 am this morning he says I wanna take you up on that, i texted back pretty quick, great, when do you wanna come over? I was assuming he meant tonight since I had earlier told him monday was good and i know hes got plans for a lot of the week 3:45 today realize i havent heard back and ive now spent half my day thinking im hanging out w him tonight but maybe not, maybe he just meant sometime not necessarily tonight, i texted him and said hey, i was thinking you meant tonight but now i realize things are pretty vague so please let me know. That was an hour ago and nothing. In a minute Im gonna text him and say Im making other plans. My only other night available is wednesday, Id love to see you then. Theres another guy who wants to take me out tonight and Im pretty close to ready to let go of this one just over the way he makes plans. He always leaves me hanging like this. Every time he has, he allways come thru but i dont know until the last minute. I find it really stressful. Am i being too uptight or is this as inconsiderate as i feel like it is?
preraph Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 You need to have a calm talk about how when there is an invitation hanging fire, you need a timely response because it's messing up you planning other things. And YES, if someone keeps you waiting, they are probably seeing if there's something they'd rather do or someone, and so if you don't hear back, make other plans and then if you want to, text them back and say, "Didn't hear back for you, so made other plans. Maybe later in the week." No need to be ugly about it -- yet. See if he starts putting two and two together that you aren't the backburner type and adjusts or not. If not, bye-bye. 4
Author grays Posted March 27, 2017 Author Posted March 27, 2017 Man, he just texted me back immediately and said wednesday is good. Hes super good natured and not a player and really sweet as hell. But seriously, I dont think I can take much of this. Its going to kill my feelings for him. Im sad bc i really liked him a ton and i see it slipping. Its not often i feel that way about someone. So right now hes texting me all sweet but i just spent all day not having any idea what my night was gonna be like. Im going out w the other guy tonight... 2
ashy555 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 This guys communication is a huge bummer. Ignores your first mention of hanging out. Then texts you a day later about something totally different. This guy may seem so sweet natured but sounds like hes a teeny bit of a player. I dated a guy who seemed amazing but did this kind of thing to me all the time. He eventually just disappeared into thin air. Just be weary as its sounds like he may be dating others and keeping you on the back burner. If its stressing you out, then maybe you aren't meant to be. Do you know if this guy is looking for a relationship. I see this type of behaviour as totally disrespectful, especially when it ruins your day. Hes kind of stringing it along. Sometimes I feel like men enjoy doing this and get a kick out of keeping us waiting.. 4
Author grays Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 Omg im losing my mind. Im literally walking out the door to meet this other guy and now he texts saying he wants to see me. Wtf??? I told him like 4 hours ago that i wanted to see him but i was makingvplans if he didnt and he passed. Now ive made other plans. Unbelievable.
coolheadal Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 Omg im losing my mind. Im literally walking out the door to meet this other guy and now he texts saying he wants to see me. Wtf??? I told him like 4 hours ago that i wanted to see him but i was makingvplans if he didnt and he passed. Now ive made other plans. Unbelievable. Listen your young have fun. Do not let one guy spoil your life. If these guys wanted to go out with you they would do it ASAP. Anything less don't accept it, don't wait and not tolerate them. Move on until the right guy will be there for you 100%. 3
act00 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 I don't think you're overreacting, and he is being inconsiderate. You are prioritizing him, but you have some other things you'd like to do, so you need to know. It wold be perfectly fine to express that you need a plan and he is quite disrespectful to keep you hanging. It would also be perfectly fine to go ahead and plan that date or night with your friends since he's so lackadaisical. Hopefully that guy you're interested in hasn't planned something else due to your wishy-washy nature of planning. It's just rude to keep people waiting on a "maybe," and you can see that his lackadaisical approach is affecting you, and also affecting those around you who would like to have a solid plan, in advance, and you're being quite rude to them, keeping them waiting, while you're waiting on him. I'm not saying this in a judgmental way. Believe me, I've walked the walk, and I know how it feels when you decide to be decisive and not rude to people and expect to see him, and then end up being alone on Friday because he had "other things to do." Then you kick yourself for not just agreeing to go out with friends or even that guy on OLD that you seem to have hit it off with. Don't wait around anymore. If he cannot make a plan or prioritize you, as he has prioritized his multiple other interests (with a plan, in advance), you clearly are not a priority. If he changes his ways as a result of you not being available, great. If not, you aren't losing anything.
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 You need to nip this in the bud now. Tell him that you made other plans so he knows that you are exploring other options. I would also suggest that you tell him that you think he is a nice guy, but waiting a day for a response is a bit unreasonable so if texting is going to be an issue then next time he should call you in advance to make a date instead.
Author grays Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 Wow! Just told him i gotta run bc i have a date! Now hecwants to see me asap. lol. Ill come back later to update. Other guy is waiting for me! 2
ExpatInItaly Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 This guy is not that into you if he can't be bothered to make a concrete plan, OP. Sure, he's good-natured in person, but so what? A man who really wants to see you acts a lot more interested than he is. Forget him. 7
KBob Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 Wow! Just told him i gotta run bc i have a date! Now hecwants to see me asap. lol. Ill come back later to update. Other guy is waiting for me! You told him straight up that you have another date? If you did, by saying that it could go either of two ways: He gets genuinely worried you'll move on and fights to keep you around He could go cold now that he knows there's competition Either way, he played his cards wrong and took you for granted. From what I see here it won't be a huge loss to move on from him, but there's still a possibility he gets his act together and redeems himself. 3
Author grays Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 I normally agree w the idea that if hes into me I will know it. Its hard w this guy bc when we're together hes really into me and when we're not he acts like this. I think that means he is genuinely into me *when he's with me.* Not sure how far that gets me. So yeah, I straight up told him I had another date. This was my text to him: "Ugh. Against my better judgement im gonna say this bc I feel like Im not getting whats going on between us. I really like you and id like to spend time w you but i feel like youre not that interested. So i waited all day today for you to say you wanted to hang out. Then gave up and made a date w someone else." And then I asked if he still wanted to see me wednesday and that i was hoping we could talk about it then bc i didnt want to hash it out by text. At first he said sure, then he said why dont i come by your place in the morning, can I bring you starbucks... I think either he wants to come by to make things better or to end it but i really dont know. Id be surprised if it was to end it, tho. My gut says hes realized he ****ed up and is kinda scrambling. If he just wanted to be done w the whole thing i feel like hed just say thay by text. In his shoes, I would. Anyhow, right now even tho I dont know how itll play out, Im really happy I just flat out said it. Im not into any kinda games at all and Im not gonna put up w someone else playing me. I seriously dig this guy, but its not worth spending whole days (and Id say at least a couple of days a week have felt this way w him) feeling crappy. Id rather move on. And speaking of moving on, i had a great time with this new guy tonight and made plans to see him on sunday. I also have a second date w a third guy for tomorrow afternoon and plans to go dancing tomorrow night with a fourth guy. Im not just sitting around hoping this one will have some time and inclination to see me. For the first six weeks we were seeing each other, I didnt see anyone else because I thought maybe it would turn into something and Id regret it. But now I feel like that was a big mistake. 1
Author grays Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 And theres a little piece of me thats wondering if he wanted to see me early (he knows I would normally be sleeping later than 10 bc I work late nights) as a way to keep me from spending the night w my date. It totally worked, too. I had decided I wasnt goingbtonsince it was a first date. But he was really temting and insisted on making sure I got home ok, hoping to get his foot in the door, Im sure. And all I could think was what a mess it would be for Matt to show up with some guy here or even after Id chased the guy out. Ewww.
todreaminblue Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 (edited) in the first haze of dating attentiveness should definitely be there...its getting to know someone and if how you know them is by infrequent and haphazard communication it doesnt matter with that the communication is sweet...if there's not enough to plan date nights etc......its too hard to know anyone with intermittent comms.....i would prefer reliable than fractured sweet any day.... ......i normally say good bye pretty early with ignored texts and delayed communication.i have only put up with it once an di wasnt even dating he was a just an almost friend.......and im grateful thats behind me..i will not deviate again...no matter how much i like a guy..if he doesnt care enough to reply...its bye.... .....i am too old to play the game...too flawed myself to put up with it......i like guys to show interest...and if they dont ill just say im sorry im not the right woman for you and wish them well........im in for the long haul and they have to be too....lack lustre communication.....yeah ...i dont have to choose to live with that.....it sends me crazy......its depressing...and the guys i choose to be with....dont communicate that way.....if i text they reply pretty quickly no games no illusion of I am busy....they reply when they can.....my ex even ...knows how it makes me feel .....and he will text as soon as he is able....just like i will with him...... you choose if you can live with it now..talk to him be honest...let him know how you would like communication to flow.......because if it starts off bad...it doesnt normally get better with time....i normally give it a couple of weeks..after i have told them how i choose to keep communication open and fresh and active.....if it doesnt improve its a sorry from me....deb Edited March 28, 2017 by todreaminblue 3
Author grays Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 (edited) I don't think you're overreacting, and he is being inconsiderate. You are prioritizing him, but you have some other things you'd like to do, so you need to know. It wold be perfectly fine to express that you need a plan and he is quite disrespectful to keep you hanging. It would also be perfectly fine to go ahead and plan that date or night with your friends since he's so lackadaisical. Hopefully that guy you're interested in hasn't planned something else due to your wishy-washy nature of planning. It's just rude to keep people waiting on a "maybe," and you can see that his lackadaisical approach is affecting you, and also affecting those around you who would like to have a solid plan, in advance, and you're being quite rude to them, keeping them waiting, while you're waiting on him. I'm not saying this in a judgmental way. Believe me, I've walked the walk, and I know how it feels when you decide to be decisive and not rude to people and expect to see him, and then end up being alone on Friday because he had "other things to do." Then you kick yourself for not just agreeing to go out with friends or even that guy on OLD that you seem to have hit it off with. Don't wait around anymore. If he cannot make a plan or prioritize you, as he has prioritized his multiple other interests (with a plan, in advance), you clearly are not a priority. If he changes his ways as a result of you not being available, great. If not, you aren't losing anything. ITA with everything you say. He absolutely hasnt prioritized me at all. And for like six weeks Ive been pretty much willing to shuffle things around in order to see him. Probably part of the reason I felt at the end of my rope today was that he has this whole week off work and I had sort of decided this was the do or die week. He has told me a couple of different times last week that he was looking forward to being able to spend some time together without worrying about having to run off to work after, that we could just spend all day together. But then the first time he thinks he could see me was wednesday (tho it actually turned out to be be monday at the last minute). And he knows I have my kids from thursday thru sunday and hes back at work monday. So he was thinking one night all week. I was seeing him more than that during the weeks he was working. Im really not that interested in a one night a week relationship. So I was really thinking, we'll see if he makes me a priority this week. And he didnt. I gotta say in my defense, I dont treat people that way when Im making plans. I say yes or no and make a solid plan bc i hate being treated this way so much. This guy I went out w tonight asked me when Id be free earlier in the day and I told him not until during the day friday while my kids were in school and he said I wish I could see you tonight. I told him I had plans already, then texted a couple hours later and said plans fell thru, do you still want to go out. Edited March 28, 2017 by grays 1
Arieswoman Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 You know what they say "never make someone your priority when you are only their option" Well done for setting some boundaries and not allowing this disorganised guy to mess up your social life. Now continue how you mean to go on and have fun ! 5
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 Gotta preface this with the fact that I really try not to take any sh*t from guys I date. My usual rule is they make me feel bad in any way I move on, period. But this current one who Ive been seeing pretty regularly for about 6 weeks has gotten under my skin. Ive let him get away with this behavior all along bc in person hes amazing and attentive, like a totally different person than I'm dealing w by text. In fact, one thing I've been cosidering is that Ive probably spent ten nights with him now at least and I have literally never seen his phone. Thats kinda crazy, right? And I value that. I like that when hes with me hes with me, not checking his facebook or texting his other friends. And so maybe I should allow him a little latitude for that about him not getting right back to me when I text??? I dunno. But this is how texting went with him the last 24 hours (there was more conversation than this, but this was the stuff pertinent to our plans): 2 days ago I mentioned monday was a good night for me to see him, he said nothing in response to that... 4 pm yesterday he texts that hes made a bunch of plans for suff relating to his side job/hobby for this week 7 pm yesterday he asks if ive seen a particular movie, I text him back that if he wants he can come over and watch it for free am w me, he didnt respond till this morning, so I have it in the back of my mind till like 9 that maybe he'll end up coming over, it was a bummer of course 11 am this morning he says I wanna take you up on that, i texted back pretty quick, great, when do you wanna come over? I was assuming he meant tonight since I had earlier told him monday was good and i know hes got plans for a lot of the week 3:45 today realize i havent heard back and ive now spent half my day thinking im hanging out w him tonight but maybe not, maybe he just meant sometime not necessarily tonight, i texted him and said hey, i was thinking you meant tonight but now i realize things are pretty vague so please let me know. That was an hour ago and nothing. In a minute Im gonna text him and say Im making other plans. My only other night available is wednesday, Id love to see you then. Theres another guy who wants to take me out tonight and Im pretty close to ready to let go of this one just over the way he makes plans. He always leaves me hanging like this. Every time he has, he allways come thru but i dont know until the last minute. I find it really stressful. Am i being too uptight or is this as inconsiderate as i feel like it is? giving this guy way too much headspace I think. you could have avoided all that stress. lets rewind to 2 days ago. you say Monday is good for you. he said nothing. if I were you I would have lived my life and set up plans with other friends/potential suitor and not worried about contacting him again. why? because you already asked him. the ball is in his court to say yay, nay, or suggest another alternative. then when he wants to respond he gets in where he fits in. if he says he wants to go to some movie and you already made plans then your response is. "cool im free at x date y time". he say "cool or no good for me". and yall either got a date or you say "ok maybe some other time" and keep it pushing. no stress. because he is not stressing about you im sure...... 2
Larryville Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 This is another example that baffles me…. ......i normally say good bye pretty early with ignored texts and delayed communication.i have only put up with it once .....i am too old to play the game...too flawed myself to put up with it......i like guys to show interest...and if they dont ill just say im sorry im not the right woman for you and wish them well........im in for the long haul and they have to be too....lack lustre communication.....yeah ...i dont have to choose to live with that. Why don’t more women have this mindset? He absolutely hasnt prioritized me at all. And for like six weeks Ive been pretty much willing to shuffle things around in order to see him. Why when women have so many options, choices being treated like crap is seemingly a turn-on? Folks I get this is learned behavior and goes way back, I guess when you read so many discombobulated human train wreck stories you wonder what is the quickest way to “unlearn” allowing men to treat you less than you deserve? It should not be stressful! Women constantly complain about why the men that they’re dating aren’t willing to put in the right amount of effort. He never calls only texts, never wants to leave the house, never wants to go on a real date or is simply unromantic and aloof, ghosts, selfish, rude. Women don’t realize is the man IS putting in effort, as much as he sees necessary for what he wants. If a man acting like a jackass gets him what he want, that is exactly how he will be. He always leaves me hanging like this. Every time he has, he allways come thru but i dont know until the last minute. I find it really stressful. There is only one-way of dealing with poor behavior, just don’t! 6
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 This is another example that baffles me…. Why don’t more women have this mindset? Why when women have so many options, choices being treated like crap is seemingly a turn-on? Folks I get this is learned behavior and goes way back, I guess when you read so many discombobulated human train wreck stories you wonder what is the quickest way to “unlearn” allowing men to treat you less than you deserve? It should not be stressful! Women constantly complain about why the men that they’re dating aren’t willing to put in the right amount of effort. He never calls only texts, never wants to leave the house, never wants to go on a real date or is simply unromantic and aloof, ghosts, selfish, rude. Women don’t realize is the man IS putting in effort, as much as he sees necessary for what he wants. If a man acting like a jackass gets him what he want, that is exactly how he will be. There is only one-way of dealing with poor behavior, just don’t! preach! I so approve this message 4
Redhead14 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 Gotta preface this with the fact that I really try not to take any sh*t from guys I date. My usual rule is they make me feel bad in any way I move on, period. But this current one who Ive been seeing pretty regularly for about 6 weeks has gotten under my skin. Ive let him get away with this behavior all along bc in person hes amazing and attentive, like a totally different person than I'm dealing w by text. In fact, one thing I've been cosidering is that Ive probably spent ten nights with him now at least and I have literally never seen his phone. Thats kinda crazy, right? And I value that. I like that when hes with me hes with me, not checking his facebook or texting his other friends. And so maybe I should allow him a little latitude for that about him not getting right back to me when I text??? I dunno. But this is how texting went with him the last 24 hours (there was more conversation than this, but this was the stuff pertinent to our plans): 2 days ago I mentioned monday was a good night for me to see him, he said nothing in response to that... 4 pm yesterday he texts that hes made a bunch of plans for suff relating to his side job/hobby for this week 7 pm yesterday he asks if ive seen a particular movie, I text him back that if he wants he can come over and watch it for free am w me, he didnt respond till this morning, so I have it in the back of my mind till like 9 that maybe he'll end up coming over, it was a bummer of course 11 am this morning he says I wanna take you up on that, i texted back pretty quick, great, when do you wanna come over? I was assuming he meant tonight since I had earlier told him monday was good and i know hes got plans for a lot of the week 3:45 today realize i havent heard back and ive now spent half my day thinking im hanging out w him tonight but maybe not, maybe he just meant sometime not necessarily tonight, i texted him and said hey, i was thinking you meant tonight but now i realize things are pretty vague so please let me know. That was an hour ago and nothing. In a minute Im gonna text him and say Im making other plans. My only other night available is wednesday, Id love to see you then. Theres another guy who wants to take me out tonight and Im pretty close to ready to let go of this one just over the way he makes plans. He always leaves me hanging like this. Every time he has, he allways come thru but i dont know until the last minute. I find it really stressful. Am i being too uptight or is this as inconsiderate as i feel like it is? Every time he has, he allways come thru but i dont know until the last minute.-- And, what do you do, you accept the last minute scenario? Right? Don't do it anymore and see what happens. He keeps doing it because you accept it. In a minute Im gonna text him and say Im making other plans. My only other night available is wednesday, Id love to see you then. -- Don't give him Wednesday. You're chasing him. Sit back and observe, let him come to you. If it's last minute, you're not available (and not playing games, make some plans for yourself for the rest of the week). 4
Author grays Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 giving this guy way too much headspace I think. you could have avoided all that stress. lets rewind to 2 days ago. you say Monday is good for you. he said nothing. if I were you I would have lived my life and set up plans with other friends/potential suitor and not worried about contacting him again. why? because you already asked him. the ball is in his court to say yay, nay, or suggest another alternative. then when he wants to respond he gets in where he fits in. if he says he wants to go to some movie and you already made plans then your response is. "cool im free at x date y time". he say "cool or no good for me". and yall either got a date or you say "ok maybe some other time" and keep it pushing. no stress. because he is not stressing about you im sure...... I think you might be kinda right, but I dont really understand how to do this when I really like someone. It might be that I need to get out because I clearly like him too much to do that and he clearly doesnt like me as much. It will be interesting to see what the hell he has to say about it. On the one hand i feel like his texting behavior has made it really seem like hes not that interested. But when Im with him it seems like hes crazy about me. I dont say that lightly, either. Ive dated a ton of guys in the last couple of years and I dont think any of them have been anywhere near as all over me and tuned into me as this one. The sex has been over the top and when we're together its like we cant help ourselves. Ive almost never felt that before and its definitely mutual. And we have had these coversations where i feel like he especially and I to a lesser extent have bared our souls almost. Thats a little dramatic, but it gets kind of intense between us. It feels really incongruent with the texting. I actually had a relationship that felt a lot like this (minus the deep conversations) a couple of years ago. When we'd be together he seemed like he was on top of the world. He was really similar in terms of how he related to me physically. Both of them feel almost desperate physically, like they cant let go of me (which obviously i must like). But he was even worse than this one by text, like awful. And everytime we saw each other i planned to end it but he always had this beautiful open smile for me when we were face to face. Anyway, eventually I broke up w him by text because I thought Id be less miserable without him, but I really had a hard time getting over him. So months later, I called him to say I needed an explanation and he said he thought about me every day during and since but that he was part of this church... Ugh. It was actually a crazy awful cult that hed been involved with years earlier and I had hints of it but when I asked him he denied it. And it turned out that hed been feeling horribly guilty every time we saw each other and was convinced he was going to hell. Obviously he was not the guy for me and finding this out explained so many things about our time together and made it easier for me to move on. But Im thinking about him in relation to whats going on with Matt because its really not always as straight forward as *hes just not that into you.* Sometimes theres other things going you might not know about. The sucky thing is that the question of whether hes into me is so loaded that I cant trust my own perceptions. I think I could be exaggerating how good we are together in person out of hopefulness and exaggerating how bad he is when we're not (and also what it might mean) out of insecurity. I am probably doing both of those things.
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 I think you might be kinda right, but I dont really understand how to do this when I really like someone. It might be that I need to get out because I clearly like him too much to do that and he clearly doesnt like me as much. It will be interesting to see what the hell he has to say about it. On the one hand i feel like his texting behavior has made it really seem like hes not that interested. But when Im with him it seems like hes crazy about me. I dont say that lightly, either. Ive dated a ton of guys in the last couple of years and I dont think any of them have been anywhere near as all over me and tuned into me as this one. The sex has been over the top and when we're together its like we cant help ourselves. Ive almost never felt that before and its definitely mutual. And we have had these coversations where i feel like he especially and I to a lesser extent have bared our souls almost. Thats a little dramatic, but it gets kind of intense between us. It feels really incongruent with the texting. I actually had a relationship that felt a lot like this (minus the deep conversations) a couple of years ago. When we'd be together he seemed like he was on top of the world. He was really similar in terms of how he related to me physically. Both of them feel almost desperate physically, like they cant let go of me (which obviously i must like). But he was even worse than this one by text, like awful. And everytime we saw each other i planned to end it but he always had this beautiful open smile for me when we were face to face. Anyway, eventually I broke up w him by text because I thought Id be less miserable without him, but I really had a hard time getting over him. So months later, I called him to say I needed an explanation and he said he thought about me every day during and since but that he was part of this church... Ugh. It was actually a crazy awful cult that hed been involved with years earlier and I had hints of it but when I asked him he denied it. And it turned out that hed been feeling horribly guilty every time we saw each other and was convinced he was going to hell. Obviously he was not the guy for me and finding this out explained so many things about our time together and made it easier for me to move on. But Im thinking about him in relation to whats going on with Matt because its really not always as straight forward as *hes just not that into you.* Sometimes theres other things going you might not know about. The sucky thing is that the question of whether hes into me is so loaded that I cant trust my own perceptions. I think I could be exaggerating how good we are together in person out of hopefulness and exaggerating how bad he is when we're not (and also what it might mean) out of insecurity. I am probably doing both of those things. it does make it harder to detect WHEN yall do spend time together they act like boyfriends. but he is NOT your boyfriend is he? he has the option of dating possibly screwing other people. he is not consistent or available to make plans. by the way this is what a boyfriend is (a guy who is with only you). this is what a boyfriend does (a guy who communicates with you regularly as well as spend time regularly). what you have is a boy your screwing around with who is more than happy and content with the way things are while your ready to pull your hair out. look at the entire picture. your steady trying to lock him down to make plans to get your 5 minutes, 30 minutes, maybe one day of happiness but the rest of the week your upset. don't be fooled by the attraction. pay attention to how he truly makes you feel entirely. pay attention to how he treats you entirely. that is how you get in the right frame of mind that I mentioned the first time. don't give a guy headspace when they are obviously not doing the same for you. try it and see what happens.
andie1969 Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 Ok, to play the devil's advocate here, in your OP you mention you never see him on his phone which is a GOOD thing, one of the things I love about my bf as well. So MAYBE when he's not with you, he's also not glued to his phone all of the time. If he's working, spending time with friends/hobby, maybe that's why he's slow to respond. Now, I would have an issue with someone waiting hours and hours or until the next day to reply/confirm plans, but I try to not get upset if my bf doesn't get right back to me, because he doesn't get back to other people when he is with me.
Author grays Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 it does make it harder to detect WHEN yall do spend time together they act like boyfriends. but he is NOT your boyfriend is he? he has the option of dating possibly screwing other people. he is not consistent or available to make plans. by the way this is what a boyfriend is (a guy who is with only you). this is what a boyfriend does (a guy who communicates with you regularly as well as spend time regularly). what you have is a boy your screwing around with who is more than happy and content with the way things are while your ready to pull your hair out. look at the entire picture. your steady trying to lock him down to make plans to get your 5 minutes, 30 minutes, maybe one day of happiness but the rest of the week your upset. don't be fooled by the attraction. pay attention to how he truly makes you feel entirely. pay attention to how he treats you entirely. that is how you get in the right frame of mind that I mentioned the first time. don't give a guy headspace when they are obviously not doing the same for you. try it and see what happens. I know there's a lot of truth here. I dont expect him to be a boyfriend, tho. I dont even know if Id be willing to be exclusive w him. A week ago i wouldve, probably, but even then I had misgivings about that. I dont expect him to only be with me.
Mrin Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 Grays - just something to consider. You say he has been super attentive when he is with you and you never see his phone. Yet he's been super inattentive with you via text. Could there be a correlation here? Meaning, he just doesn't text well or use his phone like that. Maybe he's a phone call or in person guy. Surprisingly, a lot of people don't do texts well - especially if they are over 40. 1
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