fred123 Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 Is this a lie? Iv heard thiw before from a girl who wouldnt commit to me for 6 months then meets a guy and within a month commits to him How do we guys know the truth and how can we respect or listen to girls?
Redhead14 Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 Is this a lie? Iv heard thiw before from a girl who wouldnt commit to me for 6 months then meets a guy and within a month commits to him How do we guys know the truth and how can we respect or listen to girls? She/they can't commit to YOU . . . they have no idea at the time whether they might meet someone else that they can/would commit to.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 Redhead is right. If we tell you we can't commit, yes, listen to that and assume it's true. It doesn't necessarily mean we can't commit in general, but that we can't commit to a relationship with you.
somanymistakes Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 Is this a lie? Iv heard thiw before from a girl who wouldnt commit to me for 6 months then meets a guy and within a month commits to him Sometimes it's a lie, because she's just trying to find a polite way to say that she's not that into you without blaming it on you. Many girls find it incredibly uncomfortable to criticise someone and hurt their feelings, especially if it doesn't seem like it will achieve anything good. So, yes, sometimes you get a polite fiction. Other times, she may not know herself. She feels like she can't commit to you, maybe she thinks it's because she can't commit to anyone. Then someone else comes along and suddenly she feels different things and realises that maybe it was just that she was in the wrong relationship before. Feelings do change. Unless she was actively plotting to marry this other guy before she dumped you, it doesn't necessarily mean she intentionally lied. How do we guys know the truth and how can we respect or listen to girls? The same way we girls can respect or listen to guys even though some of them are liars, idiots, cheaters, etc. By not nonsensically lumping the entire gender into a single entity. Also, what does it matter if her reason is the absolute truth or not? If she dumps you, she dumps you. It's not like you can go "Aha! There's a 67% chance you're not correct about being unable to commit, so that means you can't leave me!" That ain't gonna fly.
Author fred123 Posted March 27, 2017 Author Posted March 27, 2017 Redhead is right. If we tell you we can't commit, yes, listen to that and assume it's true. It doesn't necessarily mean we can't commit in general, but that we can't commit to a relationship with you. Doesnt that make u feel lik3 crap when you are dating someone for like 6 months and ur still not good enough to commit. As a guy if a girl tells u that i listen and respect that and make sure i dont do things like holding hands or making coupley plans out of respect for her. Is that a gentleman thing to do?
somanymistakes Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 Doesnt that make u feel lik3 crap when you are dating someone for like 6 months and ur still not good enough to commit. It sucks but apparently you two were not the right match. It doesn't mean you're objectively bad, you just weren't the right match for her. As a guy if a girl tells u that i listen and respect that and make sure i dont do things like holding hands or making coupley plans out of respect for her. Is that a gentleman thing to do? I'm not actually sure what you're saying there. Are you asking if a gentleman should NOT hold a girl's hand? Well, if a girl asks you not to, then it would be correct to go along with her request, but otherwise I don't see why you would be trying to avoid it.
Redhead14 Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 Doesnt that make u feel lik3 crap when you are dating someone for like 6 months and ur still not good enough to commit. As a guy if a girl tells u that i listen and respect that and make sure i dont do things like holding hands or making coupley plans out of respect for her. Is that a gentleman thing to do? Dating is a process of evaluation and all the way up to the point where you decide to get engaged/marry . . . over time more things come to light about a person, new experiences and insights, observations about how a person deal with various life situations, etc. No one owes anyone anything . . . ever. Either it's working for them or its not. They may enjoy being with you, etc., but there are things that don't work for them. This woman doesn't want to commit to you but she's still dating you? You're stringing yourself along. She's told you upfront, you want more and she doesn't want to give it to you, so you should just end the relationship Period. 2
preraph Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 Bottom line, it doesn't really matter whether she can't commit period or she can't commit to you. Because either way, she's not interested in committing to you so if commitment is what you want, you're wasting your time.
Blanco Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 Dating is a process of evaluation and all the way up to the point where you decide to get engaged/marry . . . over time more things come to light about a person, new experiences and insights, observations about how a person deal with various life situations, etc. No one owes anyone anything . . . ever. Either it's working for them or its not. They may enjoy being with you, etc., but there are things that don't work for them. This is a truth that I think would serve most people well to absorb. I've been on the wrong end of this, and heck yeah, I was bitter. I can't say I wouldn't be bothered by it happening again if I was feeling it, but that doesn't mean that the person bailing is bad/wrong. The older I get, the more I realize how many people have doubled down on a poor/mediocre relationship rather than doing the tougher short-term thing and cutting bait. 1
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