unsafe Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 I have been dating a guy for three months now. Things at first were good. Still a little well begining of a relationship. But after dating for about two months we had plans to hang out for the 4th of July and he called to say he was to drunk to drive out to see me. I thought what an a**h***! If he really wanted to see me wouldn't have stopped drinking or not drank at all? Well he called about two days after that and I never returned his phone call I was like umm...he either has to try harder or he doesn't want this. taking others advice! Well he never called again. Then he saw me on line about a week later and asked what happened? I was like you didn't show up. He said I know I am so sorry no one at the bbq I was at would let me leave. Anyway we talked it through and I let it go. I gave him another chance. Then that week I went to his place to hang out and we had a great time. but then the following week I barely talked to him only on line he never picked up the phone. So we had plans to go away this past weekend. I went thinking well I said I would go he still wants me to go so I will. At first it was weird but then we got to talking about it and he said he was trying not to like me so much because I so easily walked away from him after the 4th of july **** up that he is afraid I will walk away for any mistake. And I told him look I am still here right that should show you. We talked about it I said I need calls...he said ok and he was very lovey all weekend. He even asked me if and when we live together if his job took him to another state would I go with him? I said well depends but if we are together meaning marriage we would have to figure out if we want kids, agree on exclusivty and whos job is more important and successful. Ifs its yours then yes I would. He said ok. I took that as ok things are getting much better. On our way home he grabed my hand and said so things are better right? I said yes and he kissed me. Then he mentioned how he and his friends have great girlfriends. That night we came home went to dinner and a movie and had a good time. I could feel him giving in and then pulling back again. I was like what the hell. Is he really that scared? But monday he talked on the internet for a little while but no phone calls. Then yesterday nothing at all? now I thinking he is going back to how it was. Not calling? we had made plans to go to disneyland next week but I just don't get it? he talked about things he wants to do with me in the future but he doesn't freakin call? Does any guys or gals think I should date other guys? Or should I just move on? or do I need to be patient? I just don't get it. I wonder how today will go? I feel so lost. Its like we both have our walls up now and we aren't getting anywhere? Help!
Lapsus Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 It seems to me that he is very uncomfortable with himself and I personally wouldn't date a guy who isn't concerned for my wellbeing at least ONCE a day. Even to just say hello, are you still alive, yes, cool, gotta go!!!! Tell him that he needs to figure out what he wants from you and that he cant keep yoyoing about it. You are a person too and when in a relationship, his feelings aren't the only ones that count. I don't think you are being counted. I have been in a relationship where the guy wasn't too concerned with what I had to say or what I was up to EVER----I learned my lesson on that one---He ended up cheating.................
Merin Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 It's possible the discussions about Marriage/Kid's/Living Together freaked this Guy out.. From what you've said the 2 of you have been dating for 3 months and I'm getting that this hasn't become an exclusive relationship at this point? Meaning it hasn't been discussed or agreed upon between the 2 of you at this time? So it seems (to me) that a discussion about the 2 of you getting married, moving to another location and possible Wee Peeps together wouldn't be appropriate at this time and stage of your relationship... I do understand that he was willing to talk with you about this at that time that it occurred, just saying now that I think it's a good possibility after thinking more about it and the topic he may have flaked out a little at how serious the discussion had turned. Honestly if a committed/exclusive relationship is what you're looking for with him, and the 2 of you haven't really discussed that, then I would put that out there for him and let him know what it is you're looking for in this relationship.. HOWEVER save the marraige/Little people discussion for a much later time after the 2 of you have had more time to get to know one another and developed a solid exclusive relationship. Good Luck
Author unsafe Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Acutally he was the one that brought up the talk thats why I mentioned it. I am so confused that he hasn't called and that he would bring something like that up. It kinda freaked me out not him. But I like him alot so I didn't let on. I just went with it and let him know what I was thinking about marriage. And I didn't necessarly say with him I just said if and when times like that come this is what I feel about it. He was the one that asked me so if we are living together and my job takes us to another state would you come? Maybe he wanted to see how serious I was. But he was also leading me to believe he thinks about those things. Who knows I need to ask him for sure. I just don't know. See I don't want to play games but on the other hand somethings take time. And I don't want to be the girl that is rushed into discussing what we are or scare him away. But then again, bhe has brought up stuff. Is it weird he hasn't called? he called me his girlfriend but yet he hasn't called me in two days. Thats why I am waiting to see how today goes. If he doesn't call me today I really think I need to talk to him and let him know things haven't changed and the fact that both of us have our guards up is really restricking us from moving forward at all. Like I am going away with a girlfriend this weekend and I wont get to see him. But he isn't asking to see me? I just don't get it? Should I call him should I ask to see him. or should I sit back and let him come get me?
Merin Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by unsafe Should I call him should I ask to see him. or should I sit back and let him come get me? I think you should call him. It's been 2 days.. communication is breaking down, and the both of you may be now guessing at whats really going on... Again while I do understand that he is the one who brought the topic to the table, and was all good to go and fine with talking about it at that moment.. he may still be flaking out a little on how serious the discussion had become. My BF freaks himself out sometimes in discussions he will initiate LOL I dunno it's crazy. When you do call him though unless you're wanting to just tell him to go to hell.. I wouldn't tell him you're mad or come across as nagging on him.. have to keep in mind that while you're now wondering IF you're his Girlfriend why he hasn't called you in 2 days that it is also possible that he's thinking the same thing here IF he's your Boyfriend why wouldn't you feel comfortable to call him and see whats up.. does that make sense?
Recommended Posts