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She keeps saying she sees us getting back together for good. What is her meaning?

Bmac392

By Bmac392
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Bmac392 New Member

Bmac392

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Gf of 2 years broke up with me. I'm 39, she's 30. Relationship was progressing and getting serious. No fights, no problrms, very affectionate (both ways), so basically, everything was great. Out of no where, she breaks up saying need space and not wanting commitment. She talks to her mother 2 days later and then texts me. She emphasizes 4 times in the txt that she did see us getting back together for good, but just needs time to figure out us and life. Am 6 days nc and just want advise/opinions on what the girl is thinking.

Simple Logic Established Member

Simple Logic

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Gf of 2 years broke up with me. I'm 39, she's 30. Relationship was progressing and getting serious. No fights, no problrms, very affectionate (both ways), so basically, everything was great. Out of no where, she breaks up saying need space and not wanting commitment. She talks to her mother 2 days later and then texts me. She emphasizes 4 times in the txt that she did see us getting back together for good, but just needs time to figure out us and life. Am 6 days nc and just want advise/opinions on what the girl is thinking.

 

She thinking the 2 of you are done, but wants to keep you hanging just in case she changes her mind.

  • Like 4
PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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She thinking the 2 of you are done, but wants to keep you hanging just in case she changes her mind.

Exactly.

 

Or she wants to test drive the other man, if she doesn't like him then she will pick up the relationship with you where she left off.

 

Stick to the NC. Nothing good will come from breaking it. She isn't interested in a reconciliation, otherwise she would be telling you "I want you back NOW".

  • Like 3
Dandannydandan Established Member

Dandannydandan

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Am 6 days nc and just want advise/opinions on what the girl is thinking.

 

Sadly after they've they've broken up with you its impossible to know what they've thinking, and don't believe what they say, after the breakup they're allowed lie as much as they like.

 

Stay NC and make her work to get you back.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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The girl is thinking that you'll hang about waiting forever for her and leap back into her arms if she decides that she can't find anyone better.

frigginlost Established Member

frigginlost

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I once bought a pair of new jeans. I liked the style and they fit me perfectly. Even so, I could not throw away nor give away my old pair of jeans. I just wasn't sure the new ones would "break in" and be as comfortable as the old ones. At times I would wear the old ones because they were comfortable and I knew them well.

 

Eventually, the new ones started to "break in" and became just as comfortable. It was then that I decided to give my old jeans to charity.

keiji Established Member

keiji

Posted
Posted
She emphasizes 4 times in the txt that she did see us getting back together for good, but just needs time to figure out us and life.

 

This is a big contradiction, as you may have noticed. What is it that she needs to figure out while at the same time she can picture herself with you for the rest of her life? In these cases, when things don't make sense, they're usually lies.

 

I concur with those who think she's stringing you along.

  • Like 1
somanymistakes Established Member

somanymistakes

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At best she means "I want to do things that don't involve you [probably screw a whole bunch of people] before I settle down, but I do think you'd be good to settle down with so I hope you'll still be here when I get bored with that."

 

At worst it means "You're nice but boring, I'm looking for something better, but if I can't find anything better I'll settle for you if you're still around"

SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

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My ex said we might get back together one day many times as she was moving out of my house.

 

That was 7 months ago - haven't heard a peep since.

 

So yea, move on as if it's over forever as it likely is.

Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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She's keeping you in a holding pattern in case she doesn't find someone else or whomever she is seeing now doesn't pan out . . .

staggerlee71 Established Member

staggerlee71

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I find it remarkable that the responses are always she wants to bang someone else.

 

There is no real way of knowing why she doesn't want commitment, even if she told ya, could you truly believe her.

 

She doesn't want the pressure and stress of THIS relationship. Your applying pressure somewhere or perceived pressure and she doesn't like it. so she is leaving. she doesn't feel good in the relationship anymore. She says she sees you in the future because today, she really believes that. who knows tomorrow, but she is telling you what she thinks today.

 

 

Let her go! Nurse your broken heart. don't contact her. let her figure out what she wants. then, when she reaches out, decide what you want to do

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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I find it remarkable that the responses are always she wants to bang someone else.

That's because if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

 

It's like they all follow some kind of script or something. The signs are almost always exactly the same. And the signs are very much showing in this case.

  • Like 1
Bromeo Established Member

Bromeo

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That's because if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's probably a duck.

 

It's like they all follow some kind of script or something. The signs are almost always exactly the same. And the signs are very much showing in this case.

 

I concur. I despise this type of behavior. It shows no respect for the hurt party. I went through this garbage, and never will again.

 

Op, I know you are hurting. I thought I would never stop. You must realize this - you are worth more than to be put on hold while your ex plays the field, dates other men, is "confused", etc.

 

Here's what will happen, you will hold out hope, and start grasping at all communication, which will dwindle with time. She will stop reaching out, and will give you delayed, ambivlalent repsonses, mostly through text. Cancelled meet ups, "busy" all the time. You will go nuts, and it will crush your self confidence and self esteem. At some point she will drop the boom, because you wouldn't "just go away" (love that after a ltr), or couldn't take the hint. Then, you will be destroyed.

 

The above is what happened to me, and 1000 other men struggling with an ex who lacks a chromosome to be decent and respectful.

 

Mine said, "maybe the universe will bring us back together someday."

 

You first. As hard as it is, and brother I know it's hard, walk away. Maintain emotional discipline, do not reach out, and let her go.

 

You are right at the beginning of a long road. Take the time to read the main threads of some of the regular posters here, it's like pieces of the puzzle.

 

And post here as much as you need to. My thread has 139 posts, mostly me, and everyone here has been very supportive.

 

Here's the thing, women don't "need space", they aren't "confused", they don't "need time apart", or any other ambivalent sounding bs. It's all code for, we are done and I want out. Mature, communicative women absolutely do not act like this.

 

Mine was "confused". Now she's seeing a guy who shovels snow. Ah, karma.

 

Her feelings may change in the future, but right now it's self preservation for you.

 

Dave

Edited by Bromeo
  • Like 2
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Breadcrumbs. She wants you on the sidelines while she out playing the field. But, how is that even fair to you?

 

Look, she made her choice. Unfortunately it wasn't you. So, why stick around where you're not wanted?

 

Don't put your life on hold waiting for her to "make up her mind" She already has. Time to go NC and move on dude. The world is out there waiting for you.

Pumpingiron34 Established Member

Pumpingiron34

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I second she wants to bang some one else, god i feel your pain. Mine came back 8 months after we broke up and had the nerve to tell me maybe we will be together someday. such a bull**** lie, as she has a new boyfriend. Screw this ****, screw her, screw the dude shes working with and flirting with good ****ing bye.

SevenCity Established Member

SevenCity

Posted
Posted
I find it remarkable that the responses are always she wants to bang someone else.

 

There is no real way of knowing why she doesn't want commitment, even if she told ya, could you truly believe her.

 

She doesn't want the pressure and stress of THIS relationship. Your applying pressure somewhere or perceived pressure and she doesn't like it. so she is leaving. she doesn't feel good in the relationship anymore. She says she sees you in the future because today, she really believes that. who knows tomorrow, but she is telling you what she thinks today.

 

 

Let her go! Nurse your broken heart. don't contact her. let her figure out what she wants. then, when she reaches out, decide what you want to do

 

Although they might not have the guy lined up that day, it is an inevitable result.

 

Women don't become nuns after they dump you. They want to bang other guys. It's not the reason they give, but it is always the end result.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Although they might not have the guy lined up that day, it is an inevitable result.

 

Women don't become nuns after they dump you. They want to bang other guys. It's not the reason they give, but it is always the end result.

 

Or they see their unattached friends running wild and doing whatever they want and they can't join in because they are attached to someone and have to behave themselves. They think they're missing out on all the fun.

somanymistakes Established Member

somanymistakes

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Or they see their unattached friends running wild and doing whatever they want and they can't join in because they are attached to someone and have to behave themselves. They think they're missing out on all the fun.

 

Of course, depending on the relationship, what 'fun' can you not have with a boyfriend that you can have without one, other than 'sleeping with other people'? :)

 

I mean, it's always possible. Someone might leave a partner just because they want to stay out late and go dancing and drinking and do drugs and skip church and all sorts of other things they think that partner wouldn't approve of.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Of course, depending on the relationship, what 'fun' can you not have with a boyfriend that you can have without one, other than 'sleeping with other people'? :)

 

I mean, it's always possible. Someone might leave a partner just because they want to stay out late and go dancing and drinking and do drugs and skip church and all sorts of other things they think that partner wouldn't approve of.

 

Exactly, I agree. The definition of cheating is saying or doing something with someone else that you wouldn't do in front of your significant other. Thus, no attachments means you have nothing to feel guilty about.

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