Exploring the online dating site

[Silverstring]

I do think that the more work you put into OLD, the more you get out of it (like pretty much everything in life). When I was doing it seriously, I was on 5 different sites / apps: Tinder, Bumble, POF, OkCupid and eHarmony. I put up new pics and regularly rotated them and tweeked my profiles. I answered all the questions (for those that have them) honestly and thoughtfully. And I message A LOT of women (or swiped right!).

 

Within one month, and many first dates (and a few second and third dates) I found someone that I'm now in a happy relationship with (going on 8 months long) and if things keep going as they are will likely be with her for the rest of my life.

 

But it did take a lot of time and energy and work.

[WaitingForBardot]

I met some people who actually looked better than their photos once we met.

Part of my point; I can't judge what someone will look like in person just by looking at their photos...

[Medsop]

Part of my point; I can't judge what someone will look like in person just by looking at their photos...

 

Well as long as you have some idea before meeting.

[WaitingForBardot]

Well as long as you have some idea before meeting.

It would appear my original post was misunderstood, but I'm at a loss as to how to explain it any better.

 

It will have to suffice to say that within my locale, I would be willing to meet with most women that showed an interest and would make my judgments as to attractiveness, compatibility, etc., in person.

[Medsop]

It would appear my original post was misunderstood, but I'm at a loss as to how to explain it any better.

 

It will have to suffice to say that within my locale, I would be willing to meet with most women that showed an interest and would make my judgments as to attractiveness, compatibility, etc., in person.

 

 

 

That maybe hard for some women since they are looking at so many pics of men at one time. So unfortunately online is all about looks and then personality which is why some people don't like it too much.

[bluefeather]

There seems to be a lot of talk about women focusing on looks first.. I'm a man and I do the same.

[Curiousroxy86]

I know this one woman, about your height, I think 6 feet though. I recall seeing her on POF numerous times. She actually showed up to a real life singles event that I joined up. When she entered the room, she towered over every woman and MAN in the room.

 

It was a restaurant, we had a reserved area, but when I say she was taller than a lot of people...I meant the general population of the restaurant. Most men probably were about 5'10" that night.

 

She wasn't too engaging with the men that tried talking to her, so she just spent most of her time talking to her gal pals and avoiding men altogether.

 

She left early...apparently she didn't like what was on the menu. lol She's probably shorting herself (pun? lol) opportunities by discounting shorter men or men of equal height. Limiting one's self.

 

Just curious, if you WISH you were shorter so you could date shorter men, does this mean you'd still give them a shot at your current height? Just curious.

 

No. Not because I think short men are unattractive. My heigh makes me feel unattractive around short men. I feel like a monster towering over a guy shorter than me. So for now until further notice I date guys my height or taller. I do wish I was shorter so I can have this same rule and broaden my horizons but I just don't feel attractive if I have to bend down to kiss him. I feel like such an arse hat but it's how I feel unfortunately

[SevenCity]

No. Not because I think short men are unattractive. My heigh makes me feel unattractive around short men. I feel like a monster towering over a guy shorter than me. So for now until further notice I date guys my height or taller. I do wish I was shorter so I can have this same rule and broaden my horizons but I just don't feel attractive if I have to bend down to kiss him. I feel like such an arse hat but it's how I feel unfortunately

 

I often wonder if tall women have as much trouble dating as a lot of short guys.

 

I won't date a girl over 5'8" - just too tall for me and I like small feet

 

Ideally 5'4" or shorter. I'm 6'0".

[Curiousroxy86]

I most definitely read profiles. But only if I find the pictures attractive first. And if I find the pictures attractive then read the profile and if the guy says something that I don't like in it, then I will pass on him. A blank profile is iffy to me, it tells me that he is lazy or not serious about finding someone. On POF it only takes 5-10 mins to fill out.

 

Well imma girl but my profile literally says in the about me section...that's what messages are for silly rabbit. And I have the basic questions filled out and that's it. And I seriously want a monogamous relationship. So I don't fool with a lengthy profile because I personally think ya it takes the fun out of getting to know the person. If it was offline and I was a stranger you would approach me without a paragraph. just something to think about.

[Curiousroxy86]

I often wonder if tall women have as much trouble dating as a lot of short guys.

 

I won't date a girl over 5'8" - just too tall for me and I like small feet

 

Ideally 5'4" or shorter. I'm 6'0".

 

Luckily for me I don't have a problem getting approached by men. Just a silly thing I have about my own height

[Curiousroxy86]

I can't tell what someone looks like just from photos. I can't know or get to know them from reading profiles or exchanging texts, at all. And phone conversations are only marginally better. I need to meet and talk to someone in person before I can make any value judgments whatsoever.

 

For those reasons, the way I would use OLD would be to set a distance criteria and meet everyone that didn't have some aspect to their photos that rendered them completely unattractive to me; I would ignore the profiles for the most part. I'm saying this is different than deciding they are definitely attractive to me, which is the way I read many of the requirements stated here on LS.

 

Just how it would work best for me...

 

I kinda share your same view. In my opinion the real get to know you starts with actually meeting the person, going on dates, spending time etc. which is why I don't waste time on men who want gab my life away online or on the phone without meeting me. Ain't catfishing me no sir. The only reason I require a bit of convo in messages and then phone before just straight blind date is for safety purposes and if I can weed out an arse hat before wasting a date on him I say it behooves me to have some sort of gradual communication process in place. But yea the true learning about each other comes with meeting for sure. Especially when it comes to value comparability.

[bluefeather]

Well imma girl but my profile literally says in the about me section...that's what messages are for silly rabbit. And I have the basic questions filled out and that's it. And I seriously want a monogamous relationship. So I don't fool with a lengthy profile because I personally think ya it takes the fun out of getting to know the person. If it was offline and I was a stranger you would approach me without a paragraph. just something to think about.

 

If you were offline and you were a stranger, and someone approached you, you wouldn't completely ignore them like they were invisible, which is probably what you do to most men who message you. OLD is not the same as irl, so you can't compare it like that.

 

If someone only has "ask me" in her profile, I don't care how pretty she might look, I'm not interested in someone who won't even take the time to write something down. People can write a little about themselves while still remaining mysterious. But hey, if you're seriously looking for someone who is down with a profile like that, kudos to you for saving time for people like me

[Curiousroxy86]

If you were offline and you were a stranger, and someone approached you, you wouldn't completely ignore them like they were invisible, which is probably what you do to most men who message you. OLD is not the same as irl, so you can't compare it like that.

 

That literally had nothing to do with what I said to the person it was directed to. Sounds like your projecting but I'll entertain. Is there men in my inbox I am not responding to? You betcha. If they are shorter than my freakishly tall self I'm not wasting their time. If they live more than 45 miles I'm not wasting my time. If their profile says seperated and married im not wasting my time. If there was a man trying to holla at me in a disrespectful way in real life I do ignore him and look straight ahead and keep waking. If he approached me respectfully but was something I didn't like (go back to shorter than me) then I will say no thank you when he ask for my number...so that being said..AND? Your point?

 

If someone only has "ask me" in her profile, I don't care how pretty she might look, I'm not interested in someone who won't even take the time to write something down. People can write a little about themselves while still remaining mysterious. But hey, if you're seriously looking for someone who is down with a profile like that, kudos to you for saving time for people like me

 

I am pretty sure I'll live without men like you who decide to pass me up for not putting extra information on my profile...yes I'm sure I'll live well.

[bluefeather]

That literally had nothing to do with what I said to the person it was directed to. Sounds like your projecting but I'll entertain. Is there men in my inbox I am not responding to? You betcha. If they are shorter than my freakishly tall self I'm not wasting their time. If they live more than 45 miles I'm not wasting my time. If their profile says seperated and married im not wasting my time. If there was a man trying to holla at me in a disrespectful way in real life I do ignore him and look straight ahead and keep waking. If he approached me respectfully but was something I didn't like (go back to shorter than me) then I will say no thank you when he ask for my number...so that being said..AND? Your point?

 

 

 

I am pretty sure I'll live without men like you who decide to pass me up for not putting extra information on my profile...yes I'm sure I'll live well.

 

Projecting? Wow lol.. not gonna go down this road. Hey, I'm pretty sure you'll live well too. Peace!

[OatsAndHall]

What do you mean if you were a woman xD why Would only a woman need to overlook the photos. And I totally agree with the above poster the conversation matters most, but I do look at the quick profile just in case they have crazy, deal breaker stuff on there. I don't even care if it's blank, I'm just checking to make sure you don't have 5 paragraph rant about your ex on there or smthng.

 

But yea, this presupposes men look at the profiles first HAHAHA if only women are doing it wrong or do you just think women should not care as much about physical attraction. That's a interesting sentiment.

 

Everyone I've met looked like their pics, but I've heard some people to misrepresent themselves a lot. So weird.

 

When using OLD, I certainly didn't have dozens of messages or "meets mes" or "interested in you", pop up consistently. But, I would say that I'd get 10 or so, every week or two. Yes, I looked at the profile pictures first but I broke it down into three categories:

 

1. Women that I wasn't going go attracted to physically, period. This was about 25% of the women. I've never been attracted to obese women so it is what it is. I never responded to their messages or contacted them. Those would just be bad conversations where I'd end up lying to avoid seriously hurting their feelings.

 

2. Women that I had SOME physical attraction to. About 50% of the women fell into this category. They might be a little heavier-set or just not what I'm strongly attracted to physically. They might not be "ideal" for my physically but that's alright as a huge part of attraction to me is emotional.

 

3. A woman that I was absolutely attracted to. About 25% would fit the bill here. Again, I'd check out their profile.

 

4. I don't care how attractive a woman is to me physically, I won't date them if the majority of the pictures show them out in the bars, boozing it up. I'm not being judgemental but there's a good chance we won't click as I'm not the "clubbing type".

 

 

Now, I am much more fussy about the profile than I am the pictures. Here are profile page deal-breakers for me:

 

1. Anything written in short-hand text or with poor grammar or spelling. It's a huge turn-off for me as it either shows that they're poorly educated or they're not going to take the time to sound like they're literate.

 

2. I don't like it when they complain about OLD on an OLD profile. "I'm trying this one more time..". "I've had bad luck in the past, don't break my heart!" etc.. It comes across as needy and the few women that I have dated that do post these kinds of things whine about their exes.

 

3. They'd better be employed and they'd better have a car. PERIOD. Around here, there are way too many single women claiming to be single, stay-at-home-mommies.. How in the hell does that work?

 

4. I'll look for similar interests and commonalities but I'm not terribly picky here either. I just want to see that they're physically active as I am. They don't need to be a gym rat like me, but I'd just like to see that they enjoy SOME physical activity.

 

As I've stated before, I was picky about education level. I never messaged nor responded to anyone who didn't have a college education. But, I slipped out of my comfort zone and had some decent dates with women who had solid blue collar jobs without an education and worked hard. One of them actually managed a restaurant and made far more money and had much better benefits than I do.

 

I send out messages using the same vetting process. I started out being far more particular and it wasn't getting me anywhere. In fact, one of the worst dates I had was with a woman who's pics and profile were virtually a "perfect match" for me. She's a redhead (I love gingers..), has a gorgeous face and very attractive body, is a teacher like me, had many similar interests in music, film, activities, etc..etc..

 

But, she was just flat-out abrasive and aggressive during our date. I felt like I was on an episode of "Wild Kingdom" with a large, angry predator trying to establish dominance. I kept my sense of humor in check but she wasn't fluent in sarcasm, whatsoever.. I referred to my students as "gremlins" briefly and she took exception to that..

 

"You actually think that badly of your students?"

 

I bailed as quickly as I could.

[Popsicle]

Speaking of this, I am completely baffled as to why so many men are open to this.

Why do so many of them not even blink an eye at the distance? Why is this not a problem to them?

 

I really need help with this. Seriously. I've got another guy like this who I've exchanged a couple of messages with and he's kinda dreamy.

 

But he lives so far! Like 1.5-2 hours away (ugh!) and seeing each other on weekdays would be out of the question.

[bluefeather]

I really need help with this. Seriously. I've got another guy like this who I've exchanged a couple of messages with and he's kinda dreamy.

 

But he lives so far! Like 1.5-2 hours away (ugh!) and seeing each other on weekdays would be out of the question.

 

What kind of help are you looking for here? Are you trying to not be attracted to guys who are far away?

[Popsicle]

What kind of help are you looking for here? Are you trying to not be attracted to guys who are far away?

 

Lol no. Just maybe some encouragement or a pep talk or stories of how others made it work. I just struggle with it.

 

But this guy, I gave him my number last night and I'm not sure he'll call anyway. Just a feeling that he's fizzled. (Probably because of the distance!)

Plus he mentioned that he found OLD to be "frustrating and sometimes crazy", after asking me how OLD was going for me, to which I said it was alright. He's probably too burned out or weary to do this.

Edited April 5, 2017 by Popsicle

[Medsop]

I really need help with this. Seriously. I've got another guy like this who I've exchanged a couple of messages with and he's kinda dreamy.

 

But he lives so far! Like 1.5-2 hours away (ugh!) and seeing each other on weekdays would be out of the question.

 

That's the situation I'm in. She lives a hour away from me and we can only see each other on the weekends.

 

I think maybe a friday is doable since we are both off on Saturday

[bluefeather]

Lol no. Just maybe some encouragement or a pep talk or stories of how others made it work. I just struggle with it.

 

But this guy, I gave him my number last night and I'm not sure he'll call anyway. Just a feeling that he's fizzled. (Probably because of the distance!)

Plus he mentioned that he found OLD to be "frustrating and sometimes crazy", after asking me how OLD was going for me, to which I said it was alright. He's probably too burned out or weary to do this.

 

Well I can tell you that I have dropped everything I was doing to move away and start a new life with someone. I would be a lot more cautious about doing that again since I have learned a lot from that relationship, but there are some people like me, who, if we are talking and at a distance, are not just messing around. Of course, everyone is different and has different intentions...

 

I would definitely suggest at least talking with him before feeling that kind of struggle. It'd probably be best to even wait until actually meeting. People act differently on the phone than in text, and even more different in person.

[Popsicle]

That's the situation I'm in. She lives a hour away from me and we can only see each other on the weekends.

 

I think maybe a friday is doable since we are both off on Saturday

 

You don't mind the distance?

[Medsop]

You don't mind the distance?

 

Not really because I get a chance to leave my area and experience new places like this past weekend. And she gets to do the same thing.

[PhillyLibertyBelle]

I often wonder if tall women have as much trouble dating as a lot of short guys.

 

I won't date a girl over 5'8" - just too tall for me and I like small feet

 

Ideally 5'4" or shorter. I'm 6'0".

 

Really? Of all the attributes you find important small feet is on the list? I'm 5'5.5 and I don't have small feet.

[CryForNoOne]

I am back on the dating site, exactly one year later, from when I went on before. This time I decided to pay for Match and I also unhid my profile on POF at the same time, and wow, what a mistake paying for Match.com has been. I like the men on POF better.... they are way better looking.

I've never tried Match (the guy in the commercials annoys the hell out me) but I've heard the same thing about the women on there as well. I suspect the sites are self selecting. More attractive people don't think they need to pay to get matches so they naturally go for the free sites...

[Popsicle]

 

I would definitely suggest at least talking with him before feeling that kind of struggle. It'd probably be best to even wait until actually meeting. People act differently on the phone than in text, and even more different in person.

 

Sigh. I just don't think I can do it.

Maybe it's just not the right time for me to date.