Exploring the online dating site

[CptInsano]

So, I have come to the conclusion that one of the reasons why OLD is filled with so many creepy dudes is because many others get fed up with the whole process and ditch it.

 

Of course. If you have the ability to get to know women offline, why should you compete as a guy with all kinds of strange characters online over women who have been jaded by an endless supply of men begging for sex? Why should I text endlessly if I can simply walk into a wine bar and chat up a woman?

[telemakus]

I do think a lot of women use OLD in a totally stupid way. For one thing, I'm pretty certain that no woman I've ever had a relationship with would ever have responded to me on a dating app. Really, if I were a woman I'd ignore photos and just read the profile. If their blurb and interests really grab you THEN check the photos. If they look OK to you or better then chat...people hardly ever resemble their photos anyway.

Edited March 28, 2017 by telemakus

[Larryville]

So, I have come to the conclusion that one of the reasons why OLD is filled with so many creepy dudes is because many others get fed up with the whole process and ditch it. Yes, we all have standards that we set when we venture into the OLD world but sometimes it's okay to stop, take a look and see if the guy appears to be stable, polite and professional and go from there.

 

She is complaining about not being able to meet a "good guy" but she's also establishing these criteria that are really limiting who she meets. To be honest, her view of herself has gotten warped because she doesn't understand that she is basically being hit up by every other man on the site.

 

Oats that is the truth, because women get bombarded they inflate their value and many overreach.

 

So after a very seemingly “high value dude” hooks up with a women then bails, they woman is thinking “I want a good looking hot guys just like that, but nicer”

 

So many women I bet think wow “I’m getting all this attention…” but dude are perfectly willing to reach out to every living human and all you have to be is tolerable enough to well…

 

A man who is serious about finding someone they actually give a damn about is screwed.

 

If I were getting literally hundreds of “choices” per week to actually sort thru, OLD would be a breeze.

 

It is easy to sort thru those worthy of investing time, money and attention on.

I do think a lot of women use OLD in a totally stupid way. For one thing, I'm pretty certain that no woman I've ever had a relationship with would ever have responded to me on a dating app. Really, if I were a woman I'd ignore photos and just read the profile. If their blurb and interests really grab you THEN check the photos.

 

Absolutely, how a person expresses themselves and the ability to describe themselves is very telling.

 

I have seen some profiles of dudes friends have shown me and a significant number of them are just flat out stupid and filled with so much puffery it is mind boggling. The fact women actually respond to them is beyond comprehension.

[OatsAndHall]

Of course. If you have the ability to get to know women offline, why should you compete as a guy with all kinds of strange characters online over women who have been jaded by an endless supply of men begging for sex? Why should I text endlessly if I can simply walk into a wine bar and chat up a woman?

 

That's where I am at with it. I probably won't use OLD if I am ever single again. I have gotten plenty of dates and relationships through the years with women that I met off-line. I the self-esteem and social skills to ask a woman out off-line.

 

I started using OLD because I thought it would be a methodical, convenient way to meet women. It's not. I got over women not returning messages in a hurry or chatting with one just to get ghosted because I don't fit their "mold". But, I am done wasting my time. I'm not going to sit around and message woman after woman hoping to get a date when I can do the leg work in the real world.

 

That female co-worker of mine met a done of deadbeats via OLD. One guy was a full-blown alcoholic who couldn't function without booze. She stuck around with him for two months. Another guy is a widower with a stable job and is a single dad. She was with him for a month but then called it off because she didn't think he was over his wife. He turned into a lunatic after that and it got nasty. But, according to their profiles, both guys fit what she was looking for: they made good money, they were blonde with blue eyes and had an "athletic" body build. I was pretty floored that she dated the first one as over half of his profile pictures were at bars or had him holding a drink. It stated that he "drank socially"..

Edited March 28, 2017 by OatsAndHall

[telemakus]

That's where I am at with it. I probably won't use OLD if I am ever single again. I have gotten plenty of dates and relationships through the years with women that I met off-line. I the self-esteem and social skills to ask a woman out off-line.

 

I started using OLD because I thought it would be a methodical, convenient way to meet women. It's not. I got over women not returning messages in a hurry or chatting with one just to get ghosted because I don't fit their "mold". But, I am done wasting my time. I'm not going to sit around and message woman after woman hoping to get a date when I can do the leg work in the real world.

 

That female co-worker of mine met a done of deadbeats via OLD. One guy was a full-blown alcoholic who couldn't function without booze. She stuck around with him for two months. Another guy is a widower with a stable job and is a single dad. She was with him for a month but then called it off because she didn't think he was over his wife. He turned into a lunatic after that and it got nasty. But, according to their profiles, both guys fit what she was looking for: they made good money, they were blonde with blue eyes and had an "athletic" body build. I was pretty floored that she dated the first one as over half of his profile pictures were at bars or had him holding a drink. It stated that he "drank socially"..

 

 

I read something online a few months back saying that for a guy to get into a woman's decision making process in OLD do this: go out into a city centre on a busy day and choose one woman that you're attracted to. Not to ask out but more as a thought-experiment. But once you've chosen, that's it. Any other woman you see that day is off-limits. So I tried this in the centre of London...guess what? I never 'chose' a woman all day. Every time I saw anyone I thought was hot I thought 'Hmmm I can imagine someone better being out today'. If that is anywhere near accurate I can seriously see why OLD is such a struggle for men and women alike.

[Miss Spider]

Oatandhall, I get women do get more messages but more /=/ better. I don't get that many creeps. Most (80% ) are basically polite, I'm just not interested for one reason or another. Online dating protocol is look at pics, if they check out, look at profile content, if it checks out, respond to message and hopefully vibe.

 

But most I can tell from the little thumbnail I won't be into, so I don't even get passed step 1. I get majority of guys bomb or at least crop-dust women they find attractive inboxes, but noticed you said "attractive." Would you really be that thrilled if your inbox runneth over with women you didn't find attractive or interesting?

 

I understand you see your female acquaintance as being way picky, but I've learned it's kind of hard to lower ones standards, particulary if you are not desperate for a man. Last fall, each time I bit the bullet and went on the date with a guy I was fence-y about (and not only on the looks front) it did not work out.

 

Again, if you need a man asap I see where this would come in, but women that have been in there 5+ years (provided they have not been on/off) must find being single and on there preferable to lowering their standards and settling for someone they're not into.

[SevenCity]

Speaking of this, I am completely baffled as to why so many men are open to this.

Why do so many of them not even blink an eye at the distance? Why is this not a problem to them?

 

I tend to look for women farther as I don't like the selection locally. There are not a ton of single women without kids by me.

 

I would much prefer to meet a girl who is close, but I haven't been that lucky.

 

Way I look at it, if I plan to meet my future wife, I'll deal with some distance.

[central]

I was very lucky if I found someone within 20 miles, and I lived near a large city at the time. All of my best prospects turned out to be 90 to 150 miles away - one was 8000 miles (we dated for a year: very few dates but each lasted about 3 weeks). Sure there were plenty of physically attractive women, but very few with compatible personality, values, beliefs, interests, attitudes, and goals, etc. That mattered as much or more than the physical, but I wasn't discounting the latter either.

 

 

You can avoid scammers pretty easily, and if you pick your prospects rather than waiting to be contacted, this problem will be nearly non-existent.

 

 

Distance - to a point - matters little, if one or both of you can drive an hour or so to spend the weekend together. It's even possible to spend a night midweek - which I did fairly routinely. Longer term, it comes down to whether or not one of you can - and is willing to - relocate. I moved, and telecommuted for work much of the time.

Edited March 28, 2017 by central

[telemakus]

Oatandhall, I get women do get more messages but more /=/ better.l

 

Well I think most people would take 10 rubbish messages over. zero messages.

[Larryville]

You can avoid scammers pretty easily, and if you pick your prospects rather than waiting to be contacted, this problem will be nearly non-existent.

 

Central that is a great point. I wonder, men and women do they actually pick the people they want to meet or reply to whoever contacts them.

 

When I decide to get on a site, I just create a skeleton profile to browse. Then I go thru profiles (active) read a few profiles and target who I would like to meet based on the research.

 

If it is a paid site I won’t bother paying for it unless these is a good number of women’s profiles I’m interested in. I contact a couple at a time. Bottom line if after 30 days or so things don’t work out I get off for a time and pick another site and start over. but more importantly TAKE A BREAK!

 

The flip side is I get contacted as well and there have been a few times someone I had seen and liked contacted me first. Of course things don’t work out but that is ok if you do your homework OLD does not have to be “stressful” endeavor.

 

I don’t know why women (sorry for assuming) don’t simply ignore any dudes who contacts them and get on a site, read profiles carefully and concentrate on just a few guys profiles they have already scrutinized.

 

You women do the picking already anyway. The frustration seems to be on sorting thru the emails. Why bother.

 

If you are a together, attractive, educated, employed successful career woman with (limited) baggage of course depending on age… you get on a site and decide I’m only going to target a certain demographic (distance) research them FIRST you reach out to some, some will find you.

 

Ignore anyone who emails you, most are site bombers anyway, they are contacting ever woman in the solar system, kinda like telemarketers.

 

Maybe I’m being to clinical.

[LookAtThisPOst]

But this time, I am finding a lot of men that I like but but they all live too far away. It's been a week or two and I'm not liking any of the men that live locally. Unfortunately, living close is absolutely paramount to me, so I'm already feeling dejected about the experience I will have this time around.

 

Imagine being me, like you, I took a year off from POF. I had emailed these very same women. Of course, no answer.

 

I came back and still a year(s) later, these women I have already emailed are still are on the site.

 

I then wonder to myself, "Should I even bother emailing them again?" "If I try again, will they remember me and block me?"

 

You are at the point now, grasshopper, to come to a decision that if you aren't willing to cast your net out geographically to connect with the men you're into, you either:

 

1. Make do with who is available locally

2 Relocation

[LookAtThisPOst]

Speaking of this, I am completely baffled as to why so many men are open to this.

Why do so many of them not even blink an eye at the distance? Why is this not a problem to them?

 

 

 

Speaking of this, I am completely baffled as to why so many men are open to this.

Why do so many of them not even blink an eye at the distance? Why is this not a problem to them?

 

Probably because men are the pursuers anyhow.

 

Where I live, there are further distances between suburban and rural towns...so you have to travel at least a half hour to get to the next town/city. AT LEAST. But mostly, my prospects have been at least 45 mins to an hour away.

 

That said, I was willing to go the distance considering my options are almost nil within 15 mins of me.

 

I recall this one woman, worked on a rural farm training, racing, and raising horses. Single, never married, no kids, my age (mid-40s)

 

Demanded that the guy only live locally, but I've been to her town numerous times to hang out with friends, so it's no issue with me obviously since I'm willing to even travel that far for friends.

 

I do have to chuckle at some of the womens' profiles where they make it obvious that they've been back to the site multiple times with,

 

"Well third time's a charm, was on here before and now back at it again!"

 

That screams pathetic.

Edited March 28, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst

[LookAtThisPOst]

"Yeah, he seems like a nice guy but I'm not into dudes with dark hair. Look at all of these blonde guys! They're hot!"

 

"Hmm... I've messaged with him a few times and he's been nice but he's really into classic rock and I HATE classic rock."

 

"No way am I talking to that dude. He doesn't have a college degree and sells insurance!" (She's a teacher and he probably makes more money that she does)

 

"I won't date a guy who likes to lift. They're arrogant and self-centered.."

 

Wow!

 

They have been on there for three years now with no luck.

 

YEP! This explains why they turn into OLD spinsters and wind up permanent fixtures of these sites.

Edited March 28, 2017 by LookAtThisPOst

[RecentChange]

How far is too far Pops?

 

I tend to think if there is a will there is a way - but I am also very used to traveling distances. Where I grew up, school was an hour away.

 

I commute 50 miles to work every day.

 

When I met my now husband, he lived an hour away.

 

Is 50 miles too far? 250 miles? How much are you limiting your search?

[Larryville]

Imagine being me, like you, I took a year off from POF. I had emailed these very same women. Of course, no answer.

 

I came back and still a year(s) later, these women I have already emailed are still are on the site.

 

They have been on there for three years now with no luck.

 

YEP! This explains why they turn into OLD spinsters and wind up permanent fixtures of these sites.

 

The biggest red flag on OLD is when you see a woman, who is clearly very attractive, maybe even having a great profile and she is on OLD for years, that makes no sense. I know there are exceptions but for the most part WTF!?

 

I am always wondering what in the hell do they want? They are guaranteed to get attention from dude thousands of mile away. I’m thinking what is broke?

 

Now the kickback of course is L you are still on OLD YEARS later!

 

I’ll repeat what I said before, except for the couple of instances when someone was so not what they appeared to be on the profile, I have never met someone I did not like, or had a bad time with.

 

My biggest issue has and will continue to be “time.”

 

Don’t need and won’t oversell who I am and I’m not going to BS anyone and I don’t overreach, I “stay in my lane” as they say. I may not be attractive enough for some, many not make enough money for some, some won’t date me because of my race but I’m not pursuing those people.

 

For me in my early 50’s I won’t consider anyone with kids still at home, I won’t date anyone with little or is undereducated, broke.

 

I might be wrong but the vast majority of attractive women on OLD sites are there ONLY as a hobby. It is like playing a video game. The attraction is the “ding” you receive when a new dude comes calling. For some it is as addicting as cocaine. The attention is the drug, the newness of getting the 411 on a chasing guy is captivating. However after he is seen, if he gets the nod to do so, that subscription has elapsed.

 

Is 50 miles too far? 250 miles? How much are you limiting your search?

 

RC I do NOW get that distance is relative, because I have dated women who lived literally blocks from me and I would not see them any more than I did a woman living an hour from me.

 

I dated a woman who lived an hour and a half from me, saw her fairly regularly, even during the week but she always chose to drive to see me.

 

She hated the town she was in and her extended family was close to her in this tiny town. For her coming to see me was like a vacation.

[SevenCity]

Wow!

 

 

 

YEP! This explains why they turn into OLD spinsters and wind up permanent fixtures of these sites.

 

One girl I dated recently was probably one of the best looking women I've been out with.

 

Sans 1-2 year long RLs she's been on OLD for 10 years!!!

 

After dating her for a month I found out why. She is extremely selfish and narcissistic. Her looks keep getting her endless dates but her personality prevents any RLs.

[telemakus]

I'm out on a meet-up tonight and this pub is full of couples who are quite clearly OLD dates and...well all 7 of them are very good looking. It really does seem like OLD is Just the good looking meeting the good looking. I hate the modern dating scene.

[Shanex]

As far as my limits regarding proximity go, 50 miles is enough and anything more I'd get tired of the journey every damned weekend. Not because I want ''poker night'' and other crap.

 

Not living in a major city, but close to one has its cons. Fewer dates, fewer ladies.

 

Honest to God, I checked pof in my rural emptiness the other week again and within 20 miles are the usual scammers waiting for my masturbation video and blackmail me, some hidden hookers, some cammodel, some I'm not attracted to and a couple I'm interested in who won't reply.

 

I enjoy living far from ''civilization'' but I have to admit it's complicated to find a match and have a relationship past a certain age.

[Popsicle]

I guess this thread is a bonafide whining thread now. Sorry, that was not my intention.

[jgraham11]

Online dating is incredibly difficult! Just even getting to the dating phase is hard and then it's a crapshoot. I'd much rather just meet girls in public, but I don't know

[Shanex]

I guess this thread is a bonafide whining thread now. Sorry, that was not my intention.

 

Pops, not your fault, all ours.

 

Of course we are going to whine a bit. There's a broader discussion about online dating. You know, after all these years spent on OLD and so few dates, and much less RS, it all feels like another chore: I should rather make my bed or clean my place everyday than talk to some random lady for nothing again every evening. At least that would be a useful purpose.

[Medsop]

As far as my limits regarding proximity go, 50 miles is enough and anything more I'd get tired of the journey every damned weekend. Not because I want ''poker night'' and other crap.

 

Not living in a major city, but close to one has its cons. Fewer dates, fewer ladies.

 

Honest to God, I checked pof in my rural emptiness the other week again and within 20 miles are the usual scammers waiting for my masturbation video and blackmail me, some hidden hookers, some cammodel, some I'm not attracted to and a couple I'm interested in who won't reply.

 

I enjoy living far from ''civilization'' but I have to admit it's complicated to find a match and have a relationship past a certain age.

 

 

The girl I'm dating is about 53 miles which is cool because we get along so well. POF seems to work for me better than most sites online.

[Medsop]

I am back on the dating site, exactly one year later, from when I went on before. This time I decided to pay for Match and I also unhid my profile on POF at the same time, and wow, what a mistake paying for Match.com has been. I like the men on POF better.... they are way better looking. Anyway, a year ago when I first got on POF I found someone that I liked pretty quickly who lived local to me. But this time, I am finding a lot of men that I like but but they all live too far away. It's been a week or two and I'm not liking any of the men that live locally. Unfortunately, living close is absolutely paramount to me, so I'm already feeling dejected about the experience I will have this time around. There is one guy who we've only exchanged a couple of messages who has given me some serious butterflies, he got me so excited, but ugh...he just lives too far. I don't think I'm going to keep talking to him, but how frustrating is that? I don't think I'm going to find anyone local and I guess I just won't put too much hope in the OLD experience this time and if someone shows up who is local, great. If not, oh well, life goes on.

 

POF seems to be the best dating site online right now. Never liked match because of the price and long process to create your profile.

[Popsicle]

Central that is a great point. I wonder, men and women do they actually pick the people they want to meet or reply to whoever contacts them.

 

When I decide to get on a site, I just create a skeleton profile to browse. Then I go thru profiles (active) read a few profiles and target who I would like to meet based on the research.

 

If it is a paid site I won’t bother paying for it unless these is a good number of women’s profiles I’m interested in. I contact a couple at a time. Bottom line if after 30 days or so things don’t work out I get off for a time and pick another site and start over. but more importantly TAKE A BREAK!

 

The flip side is I get contacted as well and there have been a few times someone I had seen and liked contacted me first. Of course things don’t work out but that is ok if you do your homework OLD does not have to be “stressful” endeavor.

 

I don’t know why women (sorry for assuming) don’t simply ignore any dudes who contacts them and get on a site, read profiles carefully and concentrate on just a few guys profiles they have already scrutinized.

 

You women do the picking already anyway. The frustration seems to be on sorting thru the emails. Why bother.

 

If you are a together, attractive, educated, employed successful career woman with (limited) baggage of course depending on age… you get on a site and decide I’m only going to target a certain demographic (distance) research them FIRST you reach out to some, some will find you.

 

Ignore anyone who emails you, most are site bombers anyway, they are contacting ever woman in the solar system, kinda like telemarketers.

 

Maybe I’m being to clinical.

I do ignore the men I'm not interested in.

 

And I message men first too.

 

Imagine being me, like you, I took a year off from POF. I had emailed these very same women. Of course, no answer.

 

I came back and still a year(s) later, these women I have already emailed are still are on the site.

 

I then wonder to myself, "Should I even bother emailing them again?" "If I try again, will they remember me and block me?"

 

You are at the point now, grasshopper, to come to a decision that if you aren't willing to cast your net out geographically to connect with the men you're into, you either:

 

1. Make do with who is available locally

2 Relocation

 

I already plan to relocate but that won't be for at least a year and a half. Might as well see what's going on here until then.

[RecentChange]

Is relocation an option or something that is absolutely going to happen Pops?

 

If it's an option well then, I could see both looking locally, and where you are headed (honestly a year and a half isn't that long in the grand scheme of things).

 

If you are absolutely going to relocate - are you looking for a local short term thing? Seems a bit tricky.