Exploring the online dating site

[Popsicle]

I am back on the dating site, exactly one year later, from when I went on before. This time I decided to pay for Match and I also unhid my profile on POF at the same time, and wow, what a mistake paying for Match.com has been. I like the men on POF better.... they are way better looking. Anyway, a year ago when I first got on POF I found someone that I liked pretty quickly who lived local to me. But this time, I am finding a lot of men that I like but but they all live too far away. It's been a week or two and I'm not liking any of the men that live locally. Unfortunately, living close is absolutely paramount to me, so I'm already feeling dejected about the experience I will have this time around. There is one guy who we've only exchanged a couple of messages who has given me some serious butterflies, he got me so excited, but ugh...he just lives too far. I don't think I'm going to keep talking to him, but how frustrating is that? I don't think I'm going to find anyone local and I guess I just won't put too much hope in the OLD experience this time and if someone shows up who is local, great. If not, oh well, life goes on.

[No_Go]

I'll be reading with interest because I'm planning to hop back on OLD in 1-2 months (last time was exactly 2 years ago and I met my now ex within a week...)

 

Are you looking for casual or LTR/marriage?

 

I had ton of men messaging me on OKC before, but I met a conman there... EH is more secure I feel like, but the turnover is slow. Chemistry: slow to none. Match was kind of annoying for me, but I didn't have the chance to explore it because I went in RL within days of signing.

[Popsicle]

Are you looking for casual or LTR/marriage?

 

Long-term to start and hopefully develop into marriage.

 

I had ton of men messaging me on OKC before, but I met a conman there...

 

Conmen are easy to spot... they are usually long-distance and don't live locally!

 

EH is more secure I feel like, but the turnover is slow. Chemistry: slow to none. Match was kind of annoying for me, but I didn't have the chance to explore it because I went in RL within days of signing.

 

Match is super annoying. All these buttons to push, busy homescreen and confusing navigation. They need to simplify it. Plus, I'm just not interested in the men I'm seeing there.

[KBob]

Last time I went on Match (maybe a year ago) it had been about three years since I used it for the first time, and I noticed that there were a lot less women on it. It seemed like everyone had abandoned the paid ship to jump on the free ones like Tinder and POF, which was a complete 180 from the notion that paid sites were where you would find the most relationship material.

[Popsicle]

Last time I went on Match (maybe a year ago) it had been about three years since I used it for the first time, and I noticed that there were a lot less women on it. It seemed like everyone had abandoned the paid ship to jump on the free ones like Tinder and POF, which was a complete 180 from the notion that paid sites were where you would find the most relationship material.

 

I think the idea is that people who pay for subscription are probably more serious about finding someone. I think this is true. There ARE a lot of people on the free sites who are just playing around/aren't serious.

[Miss Spider]

First of all, I totally feel your frustration. The best ones are so farrrr

 

Pof has the best looking guys IMO too and way more selection. But there's a catch. 99% are looking for casual. So you have to weed out a lot and just be careful in general if that's what you're looking for.

 

We just need to be patient. The right one will come along,

[Popsicle]

First of all, I totally feel your frustration. The best ones are so farrrr

 

Pof has the best looking guys IMO too and way more selection. But there's a catch. 99% are looking for casual. So you have to weed out a lot and just be careful in general if that's what you're looking for.

 

We just need to be patient. The right one will come along,

 

I believe you!

 

I don't have Facebook (never wanted it) so I haven't bothered with Tinder or any of those dating apps that require you to have Facebook first.

 

My coworker met her husband on Coffee meets bagel.

[Popsicle]

The best ones are so farrrr

 

Speaking of this, I am completely baffled as to why so many men are open to this.

Why do so many of them not even blink an eye at the distance? Why is this not a problem to them?

[CaliforniaGirl]

Speaking of this, I am completely baffled as to why so many men are open to this.

Why do so many of them not even blink an eye at the distance? Why is this not a problem to them?

 

I think if it is to try to get just sex, this may actually be a bonus for some people. Not close enough to date very often, can later (after DTD) claim the distance is more difficult than they thought it would be, so sorry, can't do a relationship, etc.

 

I feel like secret cheaters like distance too, because again, they can use the distance as an excuse if their actual SO has them committed to something else for the weekend or whatever, plus if you two go out some place far from his home, friends are less likely to be in the same locale to spot him cheating.

 

I won't say this is always the case - my husband and I started out 2800 miles apart. But I have heard discoveries to the effect of what I've described above so I'm just putting it out there.

[Miss Spider]

Speaking of this, I am completely baffled as to why so many men are open to this.

Why do so many of them not even blink an eye at the distance? Why is this not a problem to them?[/

[Mr Scorpio]

Speaking of this, I am completely baffled as to why so many men are open to this.

Why do so many of them not even blink an eye at the distance? Why is this not a problem to them?

 

Assuming that all they want is a casual fling? The distance is a buffer to keep you away so they can watch the game/play Xbox/hit the bar/have poker night/etc.

[Miss Spider]

Speaking of this, I am completely baffled as to why so many men are open to this.

Why do so many of them not even blink an eye at the distance? Why is this not a problem to them?

 

I accidently clicked too soon. Sorry, Robert!

 

I've asked myself the same question! I have two main ideas about this.

 

1. It could just be given how big the world is, the man who finds you most interesting doesn't live in your city. He may not have found as many women in his area who interest him as much as you. He's captivated by you so he's considering to to compromise on the distance

 

2. This one is not so sweet.. and I think more common :'( haha

The man finds you very attractive, but is not looking for a serious relationship, so the distance is not as much of a impediment. Actually, it's the prime set up for a fling. Makes it much easier. There is an excuse not see as often and grow the relationship

[coolheadal]

I am back on the dating site, exactly one year later, from when I went on before. This time I decided to pay for Match and I also unhid my profile on POF at the same time, and wow, what a mistake paying for Match.com has been. I like the men on POF better.... they are way better looking. Anyway, a year ago when I first got on POF I found someone that I liked pretty quickly who lived local to me. But this time, I am finding a lot of men that I like but but they all live too far away. It's been a week or two and I'm not liking any of the men that live locally. Unfortunately, living close is absolutely paramount to me, so I'm already feeling dejected about the experience I will have this time around. There is one guy who we've only exchanged a couple of messages who has given me some serious butterflies, he got me so excited, but ugh...he just lives too far. I don't think I'm going to keep talking to him, but how frustrating is that? I don't think I'm going to find anyone local and I guess I just won't put too much hope in the OLD experience this time and if someone shows up who is local, great. If not, oh well, life goes on.

 

 

I am not paying for OLD experience, just have to know how to write a profile that will be a magnet for who you seek to be with. Good luck with it though. I am out of the OLD now I found what I want well I hope so.. I ran into so many odd women like a pin a tail on the donkey at times.. LOL I can share all my experiences here and try to help out others to figure out the riddles, the mystery and most of all if you can really meet someone you could start a life with without going madly insane yourself! LOL

[bluefeather]

Cool to see you back in, Popsicle. Good luck. I've been checking out this OLD for the first time ever for a couple of months now, and so far, I have had my fun being flirtatious, but have found very few people who I felt actually were a match for the kind of person I was looking for. It's not necessarily saying the people in my area are bad, but it's probably similar to how you do not find many men attractive in yours. So one day I broadened the search, and what do you know, a lot more women of the kind I might be interested in... So I messaged one, we started talking on the phone, and soo I am meeting her in a few days, both of us driving half way to meet up.

 

I said that last part to respond to your question:

 

Why do so many of them not even blink an eye at the distance? Why is this not a problem to them?

 

I did more than blink an eye. I was baffled when I noticed that there were more potentials elsewhere and not thrilled at all when I saw they were so far. And it sucks because I hate LDRs. But the heart wants what it wants, and I am not one who will settle for someone near me if there is really someone better somewhere else. I'll find a way to work something out if it gets serious. I've moved for love before, and although it didn't work out and I have been burned and heartbroken before, I will continue to search, and won't hold back if there is a chance of true love.

 

Hear me, darling, wherever you are..? I will not give up searching for you.

<3

[Popsicle]

Cool to see you back in, Popsicle. Good luck. I've been checking out this OLD for the first time ever for a couple of months now, and so far, I have had my fun being flirtatious, but have found very few people who I felt actually were a match for the kind of person I was looking for. It's not necessarily saying the people in my area are bad, but it's probably similar to how you do not find many men attractive in yours. So one day I broadened the search, and what do you know, a lot more women of the kind I might be interested in... So I messaged one, we started talking on the phone, and soo I am meeting her in a few days, both of us driving half way to meet up.

 

I said that last part to respond to your question:

 

 

 

I did more than blink an eye. I was baffled when I noticed that there were more potentials elsewhere and not thrilled at all when I saw they were so far. And it sucks because I hate LDRs. But the heart wants what it wants, and I am not one who will settle for someone near me if there is really someone better somewhere else. I'll find a way to work something out if it gets serious. I've moved for love before, and although it didn't work out and I have been burned and heartbroken before, I will continue to search, and won't hold back if there is a chance of true love.

 

Hear me, darling, wherever you are..? I will not give up searching for you.

<3

 

That is very sweet and thank you for the positive words. I have been messaging with the guy I mentioned earlier who lives far away. I hate the distance but I hope he has the attitude you do. We may talk on the phone tonight. We will see how it goes and I wish you luck with your new lady. I hope it goes well!

[Imajerk17]

The people who are far away give you (and get for themselves) a fantasy to enjoy. Instead of having to deal with the nerves of meeting up with someone in person so soon and seeing once and for all if you have chemistry, you can take your time talking and texting. And it is much easier to be on your game when there is a phone line separating you, especially if you communicate primarily by text.

 

So I can sort of see why someone would write someone far away. They get to enjoy the fantasy of being connected to someone attractive without having to think about delivering in person and facing rejection. And, I think a lot of people would move to be with the person of their dreams.

 

Also, it is mathematically likely the person you'd be most attracted to would be far away. I mean, there are more people who live far away from you than there are people who live nearby. So if you are fussy, then the person you were searching for is a lot more likely to be a needle hiding in that much bigger haystack.

 

But beware...it's not real until your physical persons are face-to-face. The only way to know for sure if you have chemistry is to meet up in person.

Edited March 28, 2017 by Imajerk17

[Jj66]

Good luck! It CAN work.

 

Today Facebook told me that five years ago today I had my first date from an OLD site. She was late! I had posted a pic of my drink with the caption saying waiting for my date.

 

We dated for almost 3 months so it wasn't a total waste. I just wish she hadn't been a consistent liar. We might still be together. I've also had two one year or more relationships from OLD. One is ongoing and I am still great friends with the previous one. The first gf even recommended a nice place for me and my current gf to stay on our Easter vacation. It doesnt get more magnanimous than that.

 

I have only ever used the free sites OKCupid, POF, and Tinder.

[OatsAndHall]

When I started off on OLD, I limited the distance factor. But, I sent out dozens of messages, got five or six dates and only one of them was worthwhile. So, I expanded the distance, got more responses and dates and had better experiences. Yeah, there are certainly guys on OLD sites that don't mind the distance because they're just looking for a fling. But, there are also guys like me that decided to broaden their horizons to meet more women.

 

I don't like Match and haven't had much luck with it. Yes, people that pay for the site may be "serious" but I get the feeling that they think it makes them a part of the OLD elite and I got far fewer responses than on POF.

[Miss Spider]

I'm keeping my up my search! I'm only swiping guys I'm at least 80% attracted and close by.

[Popsicle]

The people who are far away give you (and get for themselves) a fantasy to enjoy. Instead of having to deal with the nerves of meeting up with someone in person so soon and seeing once and for all if you have chemistry, you can take your time talking and texting. And it is much easier to be on your game when there is a phone line separating you, especially if you communicate primarily by text.

 

So I can sort of see why someone would write someone far away. They get to enjoy the fantasy of being connected to someone attractive without having to think about delivering in person and facing rejection. And, I think a lot of people would move to be with the person of their dreams.

 

Also, it is mathematically likely the person you'd be most attracted to would be far away. I mean, there are more people who live far away from you than there are people who live nearby. So if you are fussy, then the person you were searching for is a lot more likely to be a needle hiding in that much bigger haystack.

 

But beware...it's not real until your physical persons are face-to-face. The only way to know for sure if you have chemistry is to meet up in person.

 

Thanks, I agree with all of the above, that's why I don't like LDR's, and at my age (40's) people have their jobs, kids, house etc, and aren't open to moving!

[Popsicle]

I'm keeping my up my search! I'm only swiping guys I'm at least 80% attracted and close by.

 

Yeah, me too. I only started talking to the one guy who lives far away because he came up in a search I did locally, but later I learned that he doesn't live close.

 

I think it's very important (to me) to only message with guys that I am very attracted to and I have been good with that.

[Curiousroxy86]

I am back on the dating site, exactly one year later, from when I went on before. This time I decided to pay for Match and I also unhid my profile on POF at the same time, and wow, what a mistake paying for Match.com has been. I like the men on POF better.... they are way better looking. Anyway, a year ago when I first got on POF I found someone that I liked pretty quickly who lived local to me. But this time, I am finding a lot of men that I like but but they all live too far away. It's been a week or two and I'm not liking any of the men that live locally. Unfortunately, living close is absolutely paramount to me, so I'm already feeling dejected about the experience I will have this time around. There is one guy who we've only exchanged a couple of messages who has given me some serious butterflies, he got me so excited, but ugh...he just lives too far. I don't think I'm going to keep talking to him, but how frustrating is that? I don't think I'm going to find anyone local and I guess I just won't put too much hope in the OLD experience this time and if someone shows up who is local, great. If not, oh well, life goes on.

 

 

hey im on pof as well. I don't do long distance myself. and I see guys that I am attracted to that lives in this city that's like 2 hours away from me and im tempted to respond to their messages but I know full well how I feel about long distance and don't bother. have you did a pof search at the guys who is within your mile range? because im sure all the guys in your city is not in your inbox you know lol. like really see your prospects? there may be some great guys that just so happen to haven't messaged you first yet but they have a dating profile up and is local ya know?

[CloudyHead]

Try to keep a positive attitude about OLD. It can be frustrating. Yes, you will get ghosted, stood up and meet some weirdos. I approached each date as an opportunity to meet someone new, an opportunity to get a break from my daily life, etc. I also kept my expectations low. I think you are constantly disappointed and become easily frustrated if you have high expectations.

[OatsAndHall]

So, I'll be blunt here.. Many women have a far different experience with OLD that men. I have a female co-worker that uses OLD and we've had a few discussions about it. She gets bombarded with messages, day in and day out. It's a bit over whelming for her as there's she gets some pretty strange messages from weirdos. BUT, she has far more choices when it comes to dates because she gets so much interest. We were going through her messages and potential suitors one day and I pointed out at least a dozen guys who sent polite messages and seemed to have their sh-t together. But, she came up with all kinds of reasons to not respond to them. These are all examples of what came up in our conversation:

 

"Yeah, he seems like a nice guy but I'm not into dudes with dark hair. Look at all of these blonde guys! They're hot!"

 

"Hmm... I've messaged with him a few times and he's been nice but he's really into classic rock and I HATE classic rock."

 

"No way am I talking to that dude. He doesn't have a college degree and sells insurance!" (She's a teacher and he probably makes more money that she does)

 

"I won't date a guy who likes to lift. They're arrogant and self-centered.."

 

So, it's a Catch-22. She is complaining about not being able to meet a "good guy" but she's also establishing these criteria that are really limiting who she meets. To be honest, her view of herself has gotten warped because she doesn't understand that she is basically being hit up by every other man on the site. I know this isn't true of all women but I have chatted with quite a few who have cut off contact for weird reasons. One told me she hated facial hair and said she'd go out with me if I shaved.. The last time I was on OLD, there were quite a few women on there that I either hadn't gotten responses from or who had blown me off for superficial reasons. They have been on there for three years now with no luck.

 

Now, generally speaking, a guy needs to send out message after message in the hope of just getting some responses and some dates. Like I said earlier, I will fire off dozens of messages to women that I am attracted to and who's profiles seem to show some things in common. I think I'm one of the luckier ones as I did get quite a few dates and even met my current GF via OKC. I have had a few guy friends who have become frustrated with OLD because they feel like their wasting their time: they message women, get one or two bad dates and just say the hell with it. A perfect example is my younger brother. He's a reasonably good looking guy (he got better part of the genetics between the two of us in this respect) who has a high level of education, works as a child psychologist, and is a polite, all around good guy. He tried OLD for a few months, had three TERRIBLE dates and bailed on it.

 

So, I have come to the conclusion that one of the reasons why OLD is filled with so many creepy dudes is because many others get fed up with the whole process and ditch it. Yes, we all have standards that we set when we venture into the OLD world but sometimes it's okay to stop, take a look and see if the guy appears to be stable, polite and professional and go from there. Yeah, they might not fit someone's "ideal" criteria but, in the end, those criteria might be hamstringing someone's ability to meet a good person. I backed off a bit on my own standards and that's how I met my GF. Yeah, we've had our issues (I've talked about them in another thread) but she's a good gal and I care a lot about her.

[CloudyHead]

^^^ I agree. Prior to finding myself single at 47, I only had relationships with men older than me and college educated. Once I joined OLD, I decided to venture out and meet men from all types of backgrounds. Granted, a lot of men on OLD just wanted sex or a fwb situation and you can weed those out quickly. I went out with all blue color high school educated men and I had a really enjoyed most of them. But, I'm at a different stage in my life. Book sense isn't as valuable to me as common sense and life experiences. And, a good sense of humor is an absolute requirement. I'm not caught up in looks so a dad body and/or being overweight doesn't bother me.