Jalor Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 I think that I'm at a crucial junction in what is a potential relationship and would like some advice on next steps. Background:- The girl involved is my cousin's best friend, 7 years younger (I'm 29, she's 22), and has had a crush on me for a little while. She lives in Paris, I live in London. She had a bf for 5 years and broke up with him 3 years ago, She dated 1 other guy for a few months but aside from that has stayed single and doesn't really date at all. She is a girl who gets a lot of male attention but doesn't really like it, she's family oriented, self assured (not a giggly young girl who seeks attention/texts all the time etc etc). She is a student at university. Interaction up until now:- Saw her 1 year ago at an event where she was with my cousin, flirted a little. Saw her in Paris when I was seeing my cousin (she came along knowing I would be there). 6 months ago, I invited my cousin to London and she came along and stayed at my place for 5 days. During this time, I realised i was interested in her but nothing happened (as my cousin was there). 3 months ago, went to Paris and went clubbing with her and my cousin and some of my friends. Ended up getting quite drunk and kissed her for 10/15 mins. Earlier in the night, I'd asked when she was coming to visit me in London, she replied "whenever you want". This got me thinking and I invited her to London. She came over this week from Monday to Thursday. The stay:- Although she is a very self assured girl, she seemed a little nervous when she arrived which was to be expected. To cut a long story short, we slept together on the 1st night of her being in London and this carried on until she left. I hadn't spoken to my cousin about what she thought about all this so I asked the girl what my cousin had said to her. She replied that my cousin had warned her not to come with any expectations to avoid getting hurt (I have been single for a little while and have a slightly misplaced reputation as being a womaniser). The girl replied to my cousin that she was a big girl and could handle herself. Overall the stay was great and we did quite a lot. Positives and Negatives of the stay below Positives:- She seemed to enjoy all the activities I had planned for us. Although she doesn't generally give too much away, she was the one who initiated talking about me coming to see her in Paris in April. On the penultimate night, she also initiated talking about me coming on holiday with her, my cousin and my cousin's bf in June. On the last morning, she said she would try and show me as good a time in Paris as I had showed her in London when I come over (We have not set a date) When we went swimming in London, she clamped onto me and made a joke about not letting me escape. From the train on her way back to Paris, sent me a message thanking me for everything and saying "now i'm waiting for you in paris" Negatives:- (I'm someone who tends to overthink especially if I like a girl so please forgive me if these seem trivial) After her text from the train and a message telling me she had arrived in Paris (on thursday 3 days ago), I haven't heard anything (although I also haven't texted since replying to her last text) - This also isn't out of character, neither of us have ever been prolific texters. I don't know why but I have this down as a negative, I guess because I would have liked to have heard from her Maybe a male pride thing but I'm pretty sure I didn't give her an orgasm during her stay (not a fan of condoms but had to wear as she isn't on the pill and so probably weren't my best performances ever. Even though she was always receptive, I may have been a little too lovey dovey at times, never through what I said but maybe a little too much holding/kissing. Last morning, disregarding the text from the train, she seemed a little more distant than she had been the rest of the trip. Conclusion:- So basically this is where i'm at. I tend to err too far on the side of caution when it comes to texting/not texting as I never want to seem too keen but I also don't want to go too far the other way. She has exams from tomorrow so I was thinking maybe a text wishing her luck with no question may be the best move. I like the girl and have not stopped thinking about the positives/negatives since she came over (again, I tend to err towards the negative so have maybe thought a little too much about these). What do you guys make of the whole thing?
spiderowl Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 It sounds good to me, she made positive moves and so did you. She may have been wondering where all this could go, given the distance between you, but she sounded interested. Replying to a text is not a great indicator of interest. She may be wondering if you just wanted sex and now that she is gone if you are going to quietly ghost her. I think she would want to hear from you and would want to know: 1) if you like her for more than sex 2) if you want to meet her again soon She's going to be wary of getting too emotionally involved with you unless she has some reassurances that you really do want her as a person and more.
act00 Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 It sounds like you two have just really hit it off from the beginning, and I think you're overthinking things. New sex can be awkward and climax doesn't always happen easily. If you were otherwise attentive and passionate, everything else will fall into place. She was likely pretty nervous. I don't understand why you're not shooting off a text here or there. Text a good morning, text and ask her how exams are going. Tell her how much you enjoyed spending time with her. Tell her you're looking forward to seeing her again. You two have both actively pursued each other and have enjoyed each other's company on a friendly level, and now all of a sudden, after you've slept with her, you're pulling a full stop on communication? You want her to write you first? It's her turn? All I'm seeing, if I put myself in her shoes, pump and dump, and this is after a cousin warned her you are a playboy, so you're definitely making sure you fulfill that role by banging her and then not calling or texting. Stop it. If you like her, communicate with her. Don't worry about whose turn it is, just text her.
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