How do you know if your boyfriend still has feelings for his ex without asking him?

[Sarahgire3376]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and before we started dating he recently broke up with his ex of 3 years. Apparently they do not communicate at all but I recently found out she moved into the apartment behind my boyfriend. My boyfriend knew but didn't tell me until one of his friends brought it up when I was in the room. His best friend is dating her room mate and his best friend is also really good friends with his ex. Two weekends ago my boyfriends best friend and his ex went out to dinner together and then went to the bar after dinner and my boyfriend met up with them. This was the first time my bf and his ex saw each other in awhile and apparently they were talking a lot and he was letting her drink from his beer. I know this because my coworker was at the same bar and told me. One week went by and I didn't tell him I knew he saw his ex because I wanted to see if he would tell me himself but he didn't. When I confronted him about it, he was cold and not willing to tell me anything. Eventually he told me they all met up and were drinking at the bar and then they all took an uber back to her apartment since he lives behind her now. My bf, his best friend, and his ex all sat in her car because my bf wanted to reminisce on the times they spent together in her car, then he wanted to see her apartment so they all went into her apartment and she made them food. Then his best friend went to sleep in her roommates bed since they are dating and my boyfriend gave his ex a hug and left. This is everything he told me. Also, we went out to dinner this night and he told me he was going to hang out with friends and I believed it was only the guys and not his ex. He knew his ex was gonna be there and didn't say anything to me about it at dinner and didn't invite me to come.

Does this sound shady and should I be worried there is still a connection with his ex? Why wouldn't he want me to be at the bar with them when he knew his ex was going to be there and why would he go into her car to remenisce and then go into her apartment? Please help and I can't stop thinking about this!

[smackie9]

The only thing you can do at this point is have many conversations about what has happened, discuss him over stepping his boundaries, how it makes you feel because of the way he handled it, his deception, make him place himself in your shoes and ask him how would he feel if you did this to him....you know drill the point straight home. Then ask him if if this relationship with you is worth saving because he is making you contemplate leaving him.

 

I know you are invested but in the eyes of others, this is grounds for a breakup....a total dealbreaker.

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry to say, but he's obviously still got a soft spot for her.

 

Running into her while out with friends would have been one thing. But that's not what happened. There should be no need or desire to "reminisce" and have an apartment tour and a home-cooked meal.

 

There is a lack of boundaries here, and that's never good. In my opinion, you are right to be concerned.

 

Do you know who broke up with whom, and why?

[Sarahgire3376]

He broke up with her because they lived an hour away at the time and they started to drift apart but now she's back to the city and lives behind him.

[Gr8fuln2020]

He broke up with her because they lived an hour away at the time and they started to drift apart but now she's back to the city and lives behind him.

 

There you go. Now that the distance is gone, there is likely a move from either coming up to re-ignite the relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if they had a talk that if one or the other managed to live closer that they could reconsider getting back together again. I hate to think this, but you need to give CLEAR boundaries and prepare for the worst. Now that she's just behind him, there is little to no chance that things will remain status quo with you. UGh.

[coolheadal]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half and before we started dating he recently broke up with his ex of 3 years. Apparently they do not communicate at all but I recently found out she moved into the apartment behind my boyfriend. My boyfriend knew but didn't tell me until one of his friends brought it up when I was in the room. His best friend is dating her room mate and his best friend is also really good friends with his ex. Two weekends ago my boyfriends best friend and his ex went out to dinner together and then went to the bar after dinner and my boyfriend met up with them. This was the first time my bf and his ex saw each other in awhile and apparently they were talking a lot and he was letting her drink from his beer. I know this because my coworker was at the same bar and told me. One week went by and I didn't tell him I knew he saw his ex because I wanted to see if he would tell me himself but he didn't. When I confronted him about it, he was cold and not willing to tell me anything. Eventually he told me they all met up and were drinking at the bar and then they all took an uber back to her apartment since he lives behind her now. My bf, his best friend, and his ex all sat in her car because my bf wanted to reminisce on the times they spent together in her car, then he wanted to see her apartment so they all went into her apartment and she made them food. Then his best friend went to sleep in her roommates bed since they are dating and my boyfriend gave his ex a hug and left. This is everything he told me. Also, we went out to dinner this night and he told me he was going to hang out with friends and I believed it was only the guys and not his ex. He knew his ex was gonna be there and didn't say anything to me about it at dinner and didn't invite me to come.

Does this sound shady and should I be worried there is still a connection with his ex? Why wouldn't he want me to be at the bar with them when he knew his ex was going to be there and why would he go into her car to remenisce and then go into her apartment? Please help and I can't stop thinking about this!

 

Your in a situation that is not healthy. He has the ex girl friend right behind him and you going tolerate it. Not wise to do so. Wake-up and clear your mind. Your not allowing your inner thoughts to project the truth. Your blocking it. Trust is gone no respect. If he's doing all what you say behind your back then you tell him this " Listen you continue down this path then you continue it without me!" I am not your second and I am not your back-up girl friend!" I would walk out anyway to show him you mean business!