Gabi Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 Since we are in long distance relationship(i often go to visit her every 2 months to stay with her for a stretch of 60 days) we facetime when i am in my country and while she is in her Usually she has office from Monday to Friday and after office we talk on facetime 3 hours per day. Well not not 100% talk as i tend to work on my computer while she is staring at me and doing talks in between but yea its not a continous talk Sometimes she says we do not talk much because during initial times of relationship we did talk for around 6 hours per day and updating each hour of our life but now i have tried to cut down because i want to balance my work and relationship both. During the intiail phase it was probably honeymoon phase which is why i wouldnt mind talking for hours. Now during weekends she is free and has nothing to do as she stays alone in the house. She says she feels lonely and expects to talk in the morning and then afternoon and then night as well, maybe with few hours of break obviously. Today she was a bit upset because i didnt have time to talk with her because i didnt feel like talking much frankly speaking. And she said this "We both should say to each other what we are doing and send a message and if you dont contact me for long i dont know what are you doing and that is a good thing because i need to know if you are alright or not or something happened to you. Maybe guys dont think like girls."" BTW Just so you know i talk a lot when i am with her in real but on facetime we dont have much topics to talk about other than daily incidents which often dont happen in my life atleast. I need your thoughts of this please We both are 26 years old and i have been in relationship for almost 2 years now and stayed with her for 1 year(live in, which has been great) but when in long distance this issue pops up.
GoldSparkz Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 It sounds to me like she needs to get a life outside of the relationship and her work. Does she have many friends where she lives? If she is lonely, then you can't be expected to fill that void all the time. After a while, it gets too intense. Have you suggested that she find some hobbies? 2
ExpatInItaly Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 Talking for 3 hours every day is tedious. You two clearly run out of things to talk about if she just sits and watches you do your work on the computer. I agree with the other poster, she needs to work on getting her own life together and not relying on you to fill the gaps so much. It sounds like she doesn't do much, does she not have any of her own interests, friends?
Author Gabi Posted March 26, 2017 Author Posted March 26, 2017 She doesnt have friends nearby hence she feels lonely.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 She doesnt have friends nearby hence she feels lonely. She needs to change that, and try to meet new people. Otherwise, her reliance on you will reach an unhealthier level than it already has. 1
GemmaUK Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 The amount of issues you have with your gf I just think you two are incompatible really but... She is displaying neediness if she wants calls 3 times a day on a weekend and I am baffled why you would have a 3 hour call where you are working on your pc and she watches you - seriously odd! Maybe that is why she is so after your attention on a weekend - she is a 'bit part' in your weekly life. Maybe work nights and then have date nights so you can FOCUS on a call with her. It doesn't sound like she is much of a priority to you. Personally I couldn't cope with that level of contact but she and you it seems need much more contact than I would. Have you discussed switching things around so that you both feel satisfied at all? 2
curiouslysearching Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 The amount of issues you have with your gf I just think you two are incompatible really but... She is displaying neediness if she wants calls 3 times a day on a weekend and I am baffled why you would have a 3 hour call where you are working on your pc and she watches you - seriously odd! Maybe that is why she is so after your attention on a weekend - she is a 'bit part' in your weekly life. Maybe work nights and then have date nights so you can FOCUS on a call with her. It doesn't sound like she is much of a priority to you. Personally I couldn't cope with that level of contact but she and you it seems need much more contact than I would. Have you discussed switching things around so that you both feel satisfied at all? she seems Jealous to me? or potentially jealous...does she have any reason to be jealous?
smackie9 Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 You will always have this "issue" unless something changes. The only way for this to work is to not make this an LDR....pretty simple. This is why LDR's have a short shelf life....you are always dealing with loneliness, and insecurity. It's a relationship killer. 2
curiouslysearching Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 You will always have this "issue" unless something changes. The only way for this to work is to not make this an LDR....pretty simple. This is why LDR's have a short shelf life....you are always dealing with loneliness, and insecurity. It's a relationship killer. Once again, She ^^^ is right on target with her response. I know there are situations that are unavoidable that cause people to be apart for time periods but if you can work it out to be together THEN DO IT. Make sure the "music" of your love continues to PLAY 1
Author Gabi Posted March 26, 2017 Author Posted March 26, 2017 The amount of issues you have with your gf I just think you two are incompatible really but... She is displaying neediness if she wants calls 3 times a day on a weekend and I am baffled why you would have a 3 hour call where you are working on your pc and she watches you - seriously odd! Maybe that is why she is so after your attention on a weekend - she is a 'bit part' in your weekly life. Maybe work nights and then have date nights so you can FOCUS on a call with her. It doesn't sound like she is much of a priority to you. Personally I couldn't cope with that level of contact but she and you it seems need much more contact than I would. Have you discussed switching things around so that you both feel satisfied at all? not sure if i can agree with you on this. Yes she is my priority otherwise i wouldnt move in with her for so many months. LDR is difficult which i know and i dont know if any relationship is 100% without any defects. All i was asking if some solution to this problem
act00 Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 Three hours a day is a LOT. It's too much. The high demand that there are three calls a day on weekends is also a lot, especially if it is expected you speak for hours each time. Six hours a day in the beginning? That's insane! It's normal when a relationship is new that you talk a LOT. I grew up before cell phones, email, and text existed, and it was rather normal when you met someone new, you would be on the phone for hours, often daily, and then things settled down. You might not get daily communication, and calls grew shorter. In today's times, texting, emailing, and other forms of communication help, because I simply have no desire to be on the phone that much. I think it's reasonable to have a good talk once or twice a week, with texting or email in between, and there's Facebook and other forms of social media. This woman seems exceptionally needy, and how in the world does she have that kind of time? Does she have no other responsibilities or interests?
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