Tressugar Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 The guy I'm dating brother is in town. This visit will be the brother's first time here. The guy I'm dating last saw his brother during the Christmas holiday. Before his brother arrived, I'd asked him if I was going to see him during his brother's visit. He said yes. Now that his brother has arrived today should I just sit back and see if he'll make good on his word? Or just leave him alone to spend time with his brother? His brother is visiting because he's thinking about moving here to better his life.
act00 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 How long have you been going out with this guy? If you've only been out for a short period of time, you might expect him to not really see you this weekend because his brother is his priority. If you've been going together longer, hopefully you can do something together. I see nothing wrong with asking him what kinds of plans he has and if you'll be able to see him this weekend, also meet his brother. I guess it kind of depends on how long you've been going out on what to expect and how to approach it.
amaysngrace Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 I'd make other plans because waiting around for a man to decide if you have a life is uncool. 3
Author Tressugar Posted March 25, 2017 Author Posted March 25, 2017 We been consistently dating each other since late December/beginning of January. His brother will be here for one whole week! With two jobs and a a few standing meet ups with friends I hope that'll keep me occupied. I just have gotten so used to us doing things together. Maybe this break will put things in perspective for the both of us. Thanks for your insights.
Dis Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Hey girl! This is the same guy you've posted about before right? The one that kind of left you hanging a month or so ago? How are you feeling about the relationship in general? It could be that his brother coming to town (which should be a non-issue) is becoming an issue for you because you're questioning him or the relationship Thats just my take on it but from the threads you've made about him it seems you dont feel too secure in the relationship Its not worth it to stay with someone who gives you a reason to question what you have with them Do you think thats whats going on here? 2
Author Tressugar Posted March 26, 2017 Author Posted March 26, 2017 Hey Gurlie! Yes this is the one! It seems when I fall back he comes on strong and vice versa. We just got back from a vacation and we had a blast. It felt like he was distant during the vacation and then I disappeared for a moment and he blew up my phone. I wanted a moment to myself during my vacation to ask myself if he's the one. He said he had a fear of me leaving him. After we got back, I fell back by withdrawing from him and he picks it up by closing the gap by staying in constant communication with me. That's what makes me so confused! His brother is planning on moving here. I'm not sure if that'll be a good thing or bad for our dating relationship. Things between us is already hard enough let alone adding family to the mix. I figure it'll be what it's going to be regardless. 2
Dis Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 Hey Gurlie! Yes this is the one! It seems when I fall back he comes on strong and vice versa. We just got back from a vacation and we had a blast. It felt like he was distant during the vacation and then I disappeared for a moment and he blew up my phone. I wanted a moment to myself during my vacation to ask myself if he's the one. He said he had a fear of me leaving him. After we got back, I fell back by withdrawing from him and he picks it up by closing the gap by staying in constant communication with me. That's what makes me so confused! His brother is planning on moving here. I'm not sure if that'll be a good thing or bad for our dating relationship. Things between us is already hard enough let alone adding family to the mix. I figure it'll be what it's going to be regardless. So you have this push-pull dynamic going on But both of you are contributing to it I dont know about you but it would be really hard for me to be in a relationship like that (I've done it before and wouldnt do it again). You never know when he's going to turn cold and when he does thats your cue to back away and wait for him to come around...a lot of anxiety going on Seems like a lot of work for something thats maybe not meant to work No relationship is perfect but this doesnt seem healthy...you seem so sweet Tres, you deserve someone that doesnt make you play games like this I would think his brother moving here could cause some problems. The relationship is already unsteady. If his brothers visit is causing this much anxiety...can you imagine what it would be like if he moved here? 4
Author Tressugar Posted March 26, 2017 Author Posted March 26, 2017 Yeah you're right! It's the both of us...with this push/pull dynamic. We're both scared to love again. We've both been taken advantage of and used and abused. I like it's almost like a form of self sabotage what we are doing to each other in this dating relationship. He doesn't want to look weak and neither do I. He texted me this morning to thank me for my suggestions on where to take his brother. Now I'm going to back out of this. He knows how to reach me. The truth of the matter is he is the most normal person I've met from online. He's been consistent, gentleman and honest. That's unheard of esp from OLD. Time will tell. I've known him since September of last year. Which is a record for me dealing with folks online. I'll leave this one to fate. Always a big thank you for your feedback!
Imajerk17 Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 (edited) That you feel the need to write this thread, Tres, is concerning in and of itself. The right relationship is so easy. That his brother is in town--either for a visit OR permanently--wouldn't even be a problem. He'd still be making plenty of time to see you. Hell, he likely would be hanging out with you alone AND you with his brother. And you would be trusting this--no need to write a thread about it. That you have these "push-pull" dynamics so early on (3 months) adds to my thought that this just isn't the right relationship. Edited March 26, 2017 by Imajerk17 4
Author Tressugar Posted March 27, 2017 Author Posted March 27, 2017 So this is why I'm so damned confused! The guy I'm dating reached out to me today to see how my weekend went and to see how I am doing, but no invite was extended to meet his brother. Or no plans were made for when we are getting together. I've gotten used to spending time with him. He did tell me his brother loves it here and probably will be moving here, damn! I don't know if this is the beginning of the end. I just really feel that he'll forget about me if his brother moves here. Currently he has no family here and I became his #1 go to person to hang out with. Now my title will be taken away if his brother moves here. Maybe I'm over thinking all of this. I don't if he's interested in me or not. It really surprised me that he would even reach out to me especially when his brother is here. I really didn't think he do that. So I don't know where that leaves us again! I guess time will tell. I'll know for sure by Saturday. I just hate going back to the drawing board.
Redhead14 Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 So this is why I'm so damned confused! The guy I'm dating reached out to me today to see how my weekend went and to see how I am doing, but no invite was extended to meet his brother. Or no plans were made for when we are getting together. I've gotten used to spending time with him. He did tell me his brother loves it here and probably will be moving here, damn! I don't know if this is the beginning of the end. I just really feel that he'll forget about me if his brother moves here. Currently he has no family here and I became his #1 go to person to hang out with. Now my title will be taken away if his brother moves here. Maybe I'm over thinking all of this. I don't if he's interested in me or not. It really surprised me that he would even reach out to me especially when his brother is here. I really didn't think he do that. So I don't know where that leaves us again! I guess time will tell. I'll know for sure by Saturday. I just hate going back to the drawing board. If he forgets about you when his brother moves there, the connection wasn't very strong anyway . . . deal with it if it happens. Stressing and being anxious about it now is a waste of energy and will likely creep into your interaction with him. Chill. What will be will be. 1
Author Tressugar Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 I rather post here than to go off on someone. I'm thinking on pulling the plug on the guy I'm dating. Yes this is the same person that I've posted about before. My greatest fear materialized. He has forgotten about me. I'm glad I'm finding out now then after the fact his brother moved here permanently. I read this thread often to find answers and inspiration to not sell myself out. I'm not going to contact him in any way even if he reaches out way after the fact. The last time I heard from him is early Monday morning after I had sent him a text. He's good at promptly responding with one word replies. I haven't seen him in over a week since the 18th and no call from him since. I feel I shouldn't have to tell someone that I'm dating to contact me. Not going to do it again. I'm not asking for a lot. At least reach out to me enough to make me think that we are still dating each other and the interest is there on his part. He said before that he's content in the manner of frequency we see each other and communicate. I thought I was until his brother took precedence and he forgot that I'm alive. I'm just upset...don't mind me.
Dis Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 I rather post here than to go off on someone. I'm thinking on pulling the plug on the guy I'm dating. Yes this is the same person that I've posted about before. My greatest fear materialized. He has forgotten about me. I'm glad I'm finding out now then after the fact his brother moved here permanently. I read this thread often to find answers and inspiration to not sell myself out. I'm not going to contact him in any way even if he reaches out way after the fact. The last time I heard from him is early Monday morning after I had sent him a text. He's good at promptly responding with one word replies. I haven't seen him in over a week since the 18th and no call from him since. I feel I shouldn't have to tell someone that I'm dating to contact me. Not going to do it again. I'm not asking for a lot. At least reach out to me enough to make me think that we are still dating each other and the interest is there on his part. He said before that he's content in the manner of frequency we see each other and communicate. I thought I was until his brother took precedence and he forgot that I'm alive. I'm just upset...don't mind me. Ohhh girly I'm so sorry things turned out like this I totally understand why you're upset I've read some of your threads about this guy and tbh, he was never super in to the relationship You guys have been dating for months right? I find it odd that things never progressed or became more serious If I remembering correctly you guys were just 'casually dating'? Well....if thats the case then theres the reason why he was always half a$$ing things. He was content with the status quo while you wanted more (even though I dont think you let yourself admit that) He kind of disappeared on you after sex. Ya, not cool. Again, half a$$ing the relationship. He took what he wanted and gave little Like Redhead said, if his brother moving close by is going to cause him to lose interest in you...he was never that interested I'm so sorry things did work out the way you wanted them to. In the future I think it would help to be more honest with yourself and the guys you're dating about what you really want. Which seems to be a serious/commited relationship. I dont think you're cut out for casual dating (I'm def not) I think you kind of put your needs and desires on the back burner because of what he wanted....that can only result in disappointment Dont think of it as starting over again...think of it as a chance to find something that REALLY works for you and fullfills your needs Nothing is worse than being in a relationship that makes you unhappy Sending lots of love and peace Xoxo
clia Posted March 28, 2017 Posted March 28, 2017 I think it's not a good sign that he has not invited you out, even once, with his brother. That is not the sign of a man who is considering you to have long term, marriage potential. How long have you been dating him? 1
Author Tressugar Posted March 28, 2017 Author Posted March 28, 2017 Dis, Thank you for your kind words. Yes Red made a valid point, as many of you did too. I really appreciate the feedback and honest opinions. Yes we were casual until I proposed we become exclusive.
Author Tressugar Posted March 29, 2017 Author Posted March 29, 2017 I've been dating him consistently since beginning of January. I agree with you! Well at least I know and the evidence is indisputable.
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