Div Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Hey all, Just looking for some advice on my situation. I have been seeing a guy since Valentines day, we met a few times since then. He said he likes me, but he's a little older and not as good at communicating over messenger. Anyway 2 weeks ago he stopped talking to me for 4 days, and did not respond to 2 messages I sent him. I decided he was not interested and chose to move on, removing him from my contacts and Facebook. 4 days later he contacted me asking why had I deleted him, and I told him because he stopped talking to me and I expected better communication. He apologized and then we went on with our lives, and didn't talk for 2 weeks. He contacted me last night, saying he'd been thinking about me and wish we kept hanging out. Well I was still annoyed about the whole situation but I gave him the chance to explain what happened. He said he had witnessed a collegue at work have a heart attack, and it threw him off and he said he didn't speak to any of his friends or family (or me) for that period. Now even though we hadn't seen each other that long, I still would have expected some kind of message to say "Sorry, ****'s going down at work and I can't talk right now" instead of being ignored. I had assumed I was ghosted. So basically the communication sucked, but I feel horrible that he had felt that way because of what happened at work. So he has said he would like to keep seeing me now. I'm just a little cautious. Should I pursue this and give him another chance?
Marc878 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Not much of an age diff. It takes @ 30seconds to send a text. If you want to give it another shot I wouldn't wait around for a third
angel.eyes Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Is it possible he's married? Either that or he's blowing hot and cold....cold when he has other prospects he's pursuing, hot when they dry up and he has no other choices. At best then, he would be ambivalent about you. Neither scenario is promising. 2
act00 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Whatever is going on in his life, you are not a priority. He's not that into you. You may decide to give it another shot, just to see, and don't be surprised when he disappears again. This can be "three strikes, you're out." Wash your hands of it, you tried. You may decide you're done right now, which is probably the wisest choice, and just stop responding; even tell him you are no longer interested. This is a pattern that will continue indefinitely. He texts, drops off the planet, then texts again, days or weeks later. Maybe you meet in person at some point, then he's gone again. Even a month or two could go by, and he shoots you a text, and he'll marginally communicate, then go dark again. As long as you're available, he'll pursue it when he gets an itch, but let's notice that in times he has contacted you again, not only has he not arranged a date, but he ghosts you again. This won't change. 3
TheBathWater Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 (edited) I personally believe in giving people a chance when you don't know enough about them or have enough history with them to be certain of who they are. Why not go out with him again for a little while and see what he's like? If you do, I would encourage you to remain objective until you feel you know him well, just in case he does turn out to be someone you don't want to be with. What is your gut telling you about this man? Edited March 25, 2017 by TunaInTheBrine 3
caringsister Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Don't allow yourself to be anyones down-time... or their nothing better to do. If he was seriously interested he would have responded to your messages. He may like you, but you are not at the top of his list. I wouldn't waste my time. Delete, block and keep moving forward. 2
Author Div Posted March 26, 2017 Author Posted March 26, 2017 Thanks for the responses guys. I definitely agree with all of you - his behavior was not acceptable. I know even if I was in serious trauma I could send a message to someone I liked to let them know what's going on. We have plans to catchup, I'll see how it goes. but it's fair to say my heart is pretty guarded around this guy right now. 3
spiderowl Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 It may really have happened and it would be traumatic for him, but when a person is upset usually they want to turn to someone close. If he did not even attempt to contact you, he sees you are remote and uninvolved with him. The large gaps in between contacting you are just rude. I think he is likely to mess you about if you accept these excuses.
Miss Spider Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 I'd give it one more shot. Only a few dates... and if what he says is true(you never know) it may have really messed him up and dating went to the back of his mind. Idk but different people react different to traumatic situations
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 Personally, I wouldn't bother. It just sounded like a convenient excuse to justify his rude behavior and keep you around as a backup when it suited him. However, even if you give him the benefit of the doubt that his excuse was genuine, you are getting a pretty good insight into how he deals with things. Apparently he wouldn't even talk to his friends and family during that time, which indicates how closed off he can be. Either way, I wouldn't see him as boyfriend potential.
lurker74 Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 I tend to give everyone I date past two dates a single freak out pass. It's just too easy to get scared and make a bad decision. I gave one person a second freak out pass... The one I'm with now. And there are good reasons for the second pass (and she knows there is unlikely to be a third). So, if you like the guy and seeing him again excites you, give him a single pass... And remain cautious.
coolheadal Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 Hey all, Just looking for some advice on my situation. I have been seeing a guy since Valentines day, we met a few times since then. He said he likes me, but he's a little older and not as good at communicating over messenger. Anyway 2 weeks ago he stopped talking to me for 4 days, and did not respond to 2 messages I sent him. I decided he was not interested and chose to move on, removing him from my contacts and Facebook. 4 days later he contacted me asking why had I deleted him, and I told him because he stopped talking to me and I expected better communication. He apologized and then we went on with our lives, and didn't talk for 2 weeks. He contacted me last night, saying he'd been thinking about me and wish we kept hanging out. Well I was still annoyed about the whole situation but I gave him the chance to explain what happened. He said he had witnessed a collegue at work have a heart attack, and it threw him off and he said he didn't speak to any of his friends or family (or me) for that period. Now even though we hadn't seen each other that long, I still would have expected some kind of message to say "Sorry, ****'s going down at work and I can't talk right now" instead of being ignored. I had assumed I was ghosted. So basically the communication sucked, but I feel horrible that he had felt that way because of what happened at work. So he has said he would like to keep seeing me now. I'm just a little cautious. Should I pursue this and give him another chance? You were ghosted! No matter what excuse he gave you lame or not he just placed you on the side lines. If you are so important to him no matter what happen at work he could have talk to you about it. Say you know what this guy at work had a heart attack and it really affected me about it. No he didn't mention that to you until a few weeks later. So what could have happen he was seeing someone else and he and her have broken things off. So there you, he contacts you makes up lame excuse so you can feel sorry and he can walk back into your life. You and him are still strangers. I would never accept such an excuse from any women. You should never place second or backup. This one tough call unless you can prove to you someone at work did have heart attack then you still have to consider why he really didn't contact you so long. Sounds like you have the feeling he's a liar! If you feel this way move on. If a guy really wants to be with a woman he's going to contact her and talk not disappear for weeks then finally contacts you out of the blue.
todreaminblue Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 Thanks for the responses guys. I definitely agree with all of you - his behavior was not acceptable. I know even if I was in serious trauma I could send a message to someone I liked to let them know what's going on. We have plans to catchup, I'll see how it goes. but it's fair to say my heart is pretty guarded around this guy right now. its good to be cautious at first dating any guy anyway.....and giving him a chance with what had happened to him was the right thing to do....best wishes...deb
GoldSparkz Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 I wouldn't be giving him another chance. Ghosting is a big red flag in my book as it usually signals a pattern of behaviour ie. he disappears, regains contact after a few days, you forgive him and continue dating, then he disappears again. It becomes a never ending cycle. Also the fact that he didn't have the decency to tell you he needed down time, is a clear sign that you are not a priority in his life! Why would you want to be someone's option. There's no second chances.
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