Nina1995 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 So I accept my husbands love of porn. Cool. Whatever. We're totally open about it, however I've asked numerous times for him not to save photos or videos of JUST naked girls, or girls masterbating on their own as that made my anxiety about my body worse. The problem I'm having issues that I'll say this he'll say sure. Then he lies and does it any way and I find it and I get upset and it starts all over again. I have lost my trust in him. How can I trust him when he lies continously about this? I've even said if he can't stop looking then just tell me because I can't take the lieing anymore. What can I do?
basil67 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Saving pictures of these girls on their own is part of his love of porn. You're either going to have to accept this too or reconsider your marriage. Tell us about the rest of your marriage. Why have you stayed despite the lies and disrespect? 2
Author Nina1995 Posted March 25, 2017 Author Posted March 25, 2017 Because he is an incredible person. He is 100% supportI've and an amazing father. I would never considered this an issue worth leaving over. However my anxiety and depression is running rampant since the birth of our baby, I hate knowing when I send him sexy pics he doesn't save them or use them. Instead he'll look for a more attractive girl to wank off to. And then he lies. WHY THIS ONE THING? he doesn't lie or hide anything else and he is into way kinkier shot that those pics. 1
grays Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 (edited) The bottom line is that youre the one he chooses to actually be with. If you had to choose a fantasy figure to jerk off to, it would prob be someone a little more put together than him, but in real life you choose him. ETA: and you prob shouldnt be checking up on what hes been looking at. Just let him have that as his private thing. Edited March 25, 2017 by grays 2
smackie9 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 You have been nothing but fair by making a compromise with him, set a boundary, and yet he refuses to follow through and just lies to pacify you. When it gets to a point where trust is lost and you have great anxiety, it's time to seek out couples counseling. The big problem is that he doesn't care about your perspective, and is being selfish/disrespectful of your feelings. This is not a loving marriage when you have such selfishness. My guess is that he feels entitled to his habit because he holds up his end of the marriage of being good a supporter/father. That is some bad stuff right there. 7
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Because he is an incredible person. He is 100% supportI've and an amazing father. I would never considered this an issue worth leaving over. However my anxiety and depression is running rampant since the birth of our baby, I hate knowing when I send him sexy pics he doesn't save them or use them. Instead he'll look for a more attractive girl to wank off to. And then he lies. WHY THIS ONE THING? he doesn't lie or hide anything else and he is into way kinkier shot that those pics. First of all, he IS NOT 100% supportive of YOUR needs. Perhaps a great father, but not a great husband, eh? He is certainly disrespectful of your needs. BTW, you are generous and asking him to simply not save pics of other women to masturbate to is reasonable. Saving that kind of crap eventually gets to places, eyes unintended. Hopefully your children will never accidentally come across that stuff. His inability of unwillingess to comply simply means, to me, he is not satisfied with the sex life and/or your body. Sorry, but he is clearly aware of how this makes you feel, but he simply does not want to change his needs for alternative forms of self-pleasure. This is a tough situation. How often do you have sex? Is it pleasurable? 4
todd18us Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 I am a husband and dad. I went through a period of using a lot of porn. It took me a long time to get out of this habit and put my energy into my wife. Now when I masturbate I think of my wife. The problem is my wife does not want to have the same amount of sex as me, so then I go back to porn sometimes. But I am not addicted like I was. He may need time to change or something to happen to change. I took on yoga and meditation which helps. It takes a strong will to change.
Larryville Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Because he is an incredible person. He is 100% supportI've and an amazing father. I would never considered this an issue worth leaving over. But then you decided to create this thread And ignore the obvious. The big problem is that he doesn't care about your perspective, and is being selfish/disrespectful of your feelings. This is not a loving marriage when you have such selfishness. First of all, he IS NOT 100% supportive of YOUR needs. The bottom line is some people don't believe they deserve to be treated with respect. You also have to be able to recognize it. Good enough is good enough until one day it's not. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 I am a husband and dad. I went through a period of using a lot of porn. It took me a long time to get out of this habit and put my energy into my wife. Now when I masturbate I think of my wife. The problem is my wife does not want to have the same amount of sex as me, so then I go back to porn sometimes. But I am not addicted like I was. He may need time to change or something to happen to change. I took on yoga and meditation which helps. It takes a strong will to change. I rarely, if ever took to porn when with a partner having compatible sexual needs and drives. My ex and I, even within periods of disagreement, had sex often. No need to fantasize or think about anyone else other than my wife b/c I didn't have time to. :-) My ex was sexy HOT! 1
joseb Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 This is a tough situation. How often do you have sex? Is it pleasurable? Yeah the answer to this is important. 1
Author Nina1995 Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 simpleNfit We have sex a couple times a week and it is good. I feel like for what ever reason he is holding back though, we used to be relaxed and let the mood take over but now it sometimes feels like he is just trying to get it over with. Having people accidentally see the pics he saves is what stresses me out too! he has them mixed in with normal pics and it's not something I want our families to see... We have started couples therapy and it's about time I bring this up.
Author Nina1995 Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 Also I did gain 30kgs (medical reasons and also from the pregnancy) I am shredding the weight though, I want to get back to being my petite and pretty self. I defiantly feel that, that has made a difference regardless of if he admits it or not. I know that my previous looks were his type and now I don't suit his taste.
Author Nina1995 Posted May 2, 2017 Author Posted May 2, 2017 Also I did gain 30kgs (medical reasons and also from the pregnancy) I am shredding the weight though, I want to get back to being my petite and pretty self. I defiantly feel that, that has made a difference regardless of if he admits it or not. I know that my previous looks were his type and now I don't suit his taste.
PegNosePete Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 How can I trust him when he lies continously about this? Well obviously, you can't. WHY THIS ONE THING? he doesn't lie or hide anything else and he is into way kinkier shot that those pics. Because why not lie? He knows that whatever you say, you'll never "put your money where your mouth is". HE knows that the consequences for lying are zero, and that you'll always forgive him. He knows that you are a total pushover and he can get away with whatever he wants. Until you start setting boundaries and enforcing them, there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop him acting like this.
joseb Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 There really is no.good reason that he needs to save off pics. It's so easy to download images I really don't know why he needs to save them off. Kinda sounds like an addiction. What reason does he give for having to save them?
Gaeta Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 Who masturbates to pictures nowadays with all that free video porn available. Tell him to get his own computer this way you won't know what he's doing on there and what he is looking or saving. You said you accept his addiction so that should not be a problem for you to let him have his own pc. He is lying because he is addicted and he cannot do any better. It's like telling a drug addict to slow down his drug usage or the same as telling him to not use drug before coming home. It's utopia to think an addict can control anything. Addicts lie, it comes with the territory. Your husband does not lie by disrespect, he lies because he is out of control, he is sick in his head and he cannot not save those pictures.
Lilyana76 Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 I'm so sorry you are going through this, and can honestly say, I have been exactly where you are. In my experience, this will only get worse. My ex husband started out with light porn watching occasionally. But then he started hoarding it. I would find stashes all over my home, in random places. And I'm talking magazines, movies, stories, ect. It was everywhere. When we got a home computer it got worse. He was constantly on the computer looking at porn, chatting in chat programs to women about sex, even pretending to be a woman and chatting to men about sex. At one point, I came home from work to find him watching porn with my two year old sitting on his lap. I was livid. We tried counseling, he tried joining a SA group. But in the end he never wanted to change. With any addict, the addiction escalates. My ex husbands addiction got so bad he was having sex with anyone, any time, and anywhere. Including random men on craigslist, and even his cousins wife. He didn't care who or where, just as long as he fed his addiction. Your husbands complete lack of respect for you, and the lying, is only the beginning. I would hate to see you suffer the way I did, and completely lose yourself. I speak from experience, put your foot down now. DEMAND change, or you need to summon up your inner strength and get out now. Best of luck.
preraph Posted May 2, 2017 Posted May 2, 2017 As someone who found my dad's porn when I was a kid, I can just advise you that it shouldn't be in the house with kids. It will affect them in adverse ways. Sure, they will discover it on their own on the internet one day, but knowing it's not appropriate and having a parent role model it are two different things. People tend to overlook the fact that most of these women in the films have had past abuse or just this sort of poor boundaries in their home growing up, and many of them have been human-trafficked and enslaved in some form or another, become drug addicts in order to be able to stand the work, and it's exploitation of them and objectifying women, whether they agreed to it or not. To me, that is the biggest issue with porn, though everyone conveniently tells themselves they want to do it, which of course is the male fantasy. Most women understand otherwise at least. Porn gives unrealistic expectations to young men, and it will to your sons and daughters. Plastic bodies, women who do things only paid women would do, women who do things that will mess their insides up eventually and need surgery. Masturbation is normal, but no one HAS to watch porn to masturbate. Your husband is ignoring all these things and your feelings and his children's wellbeing for his own selfish indulgent fantasy.
zouz71 Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 I am a bit confused about the definition of addiction to porn . I am not sure if i am addicted or not , but for me availability of sexual encounters with my wife is a direct factor affecting my porn watching ; the less we do it the more I go into porn . I guess being a man aroused by visual ( especially when lacking any from my partner ...) is a normal outcome as I am HD; I desire sex 2-4 times a week , my wife never initiate; so I end up masturbating and watching porn few times per week. when i get enough from my wife , which rarely happened in the 18 years of marriage ; I never desire to watch porn .
zouz71 Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 the weired thing I understaood lately ; is that she is bothered to know that i am watching porn or masturbating not because I am doin it . it is like saying " go f ..... yourself , but don't let me know about it "
JohnWick Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 The problem is my wife does not want to have the same amount of sex as me, so then I go back to porn sometimes. I feel the same way, If my girl does not want to have sex by 2-3 days I give into porn. I often think if my girlfriend had a higher sex drive I would watch a lot less porn. I do also have a "collection" for no reason at all.. I hardly go back to them. I just have it "Incase" one day I will need it lol. I can't masturbate to my girlfriend everyday, I just find it boring and growing up with such wide variety online... it's hard to break the habit. I wish it wasn't this way But I have 0 intentions to cheat.
smackie9 Posted May 4, 2017 Posted May 4, 2017 This is only going to get worse for you if you don't speak up, and request couples counseling. Intervention, and discussion under the supervision of a professional is your only answer to this. Be an adult and take responsibility to get this taken care of.
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