Rapto Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Hi guys. Just had a stomach drop moment so had to share and need opinion on this (We're both 27 FYI) I met a very nice and attractive girl 4 weeks ago, we met on a bar, had a laugh through the night, ended up kissing exchanging numbers. We have since been on two dinner dates, again, good fun, she said she enjoyed both and also planned to have a third date in a few days with me. All sounds positive and straight forward Then out the blue, on facebook, I notice she has gone bowling and for food with 3 of her friends, and her ex ?? Now, I am maybe thinking don't jump to conclusions but it's totally thrown me. This is an ex as far as I can tell she was with for 3/4 years and broke up over a year ago. She has no posts or photos with this guy over the past couple years, and now I'm dating her it pops up she's with him ?? The slightly awkward part is that I guess barring the standard Facebook stalking, I'm not meant to know who her ex is or anything. But isn't hard to go figure, Is it bit full on to approach her about this? Or this an instant red flag to immediately stop contact with her? I just don't understand the calls, dates and messages if she was sparking back up with her ex. Let me know your thoughts.
lolablue17 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 How do you know he is her ex, and all these details? 1
Author Rapto Posted March 25, 2017 Author Posted March 25, 2017 (Haha...) It's not hard to look through someone's Facebook for a few minutes to know who there ex is ..?
Poutrew Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Well, she's keeping her options open. After all, you've only known her a short time. If you suddenly put up some pics on your Facebook page of yourself having fun with a very beautiful blond (ex), would she get bent out of shape? Unless you have had the 'exclusive' talk with her, it is all still at the fun and games stage... and you are only out a few dinners. My advice is to go out with other women and don't be shy about it. Let her wonder if that blond bombshell you are rubbing suntan lotion all over is your sister... Have some fun. If this gal and you are meant to be serious, it'll happen, otherwise keep your options open as well.
Author Rapto Posted March 25, 2017 Author Posted March 25, 2017 Hmm, but when you've been with someone for a few years, and then if you were trying again after a year apart, surely you wouldn't 'have other options' (me) I don't get why people go back to exs though.
Erik30 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Hmm, but when you've been with someone for a few years, and then if you were trying again after a year apart, surely you wouldn't 'have other options' (me) I don't get why people go back to exs though. It sucks but you're not exclusive, so she doesn't owe you an explanation. She can still see whoever she wants. A lot of (attractive) women always have other options, it doesn't say anything about her relationship with you or her ex. Maybe you also had some bad luck with timing, and he now just came back into the picture
Versacehottie Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 (Haha...) It's not hard to look through someone's Facebook for a few minutes to know who there ex is ..? If you want to keep your confidence on HIGH and your game on point, don't look at FB or other social media if it will ding your confidence and mess with your game. That's all i see happening here. If you had never seen this stuff, wouldn't you just be acting your normal confident self with her? That's your best chance at getting her--so that's what you should do rather than worry about FB stuff. Think about it, do you think guys who have no problem getting girls are checking their FBs worrying about other guys? Not so much. Maybe you can sense she's only half in & your intuition is causing you to creep on her.
Simple Logic Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Hi guys. Just had a stomach drop moment so had to share and need opinion on this (We're both 27 FYI) I met a very nice and attractive girl 4 weeks ago, we met on a bar, had a laugh through the night, ended up kissing exchanging numbers. We have since been on two dinner dates, again, good fun, she said she enjoyed both and also planned to have a third date in a few days with me. All sounds positive and straight forward Then out the blue, on facebook, I notice she has gone bowling and for food with 3 of her friends, and her ex ?? Now, I am maybe thinking don't jump to conclusions but it's totally thrown me. This is an ex as far as I can tell she was with for 3/4 years and broke up over a year ago. She has no posts or photos with this guy over the past couple years, and now I'm dating her it pops up she's with him ?? The slightly awkward part is that I guess barring the standard Facebook stalking, I'm not meant to know who her ex is or anything. But isn't hard to go figure, Is it bit full on to approach her about this? Or this an instant red flag to immediately stop contact with her? I just don't understand the calls, dates and messages if she was sparking back up with her ex. Let me know your thoughts. Yes, this is a big red flag. You are over invested in a girl you have been on 2 dates with and tracking her activites on FB. QUIT. 3
TheBathWater Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 At only 3-4 weeks into dating, I would try to not invest so much emotionally in someone. Whether it's an ex of many years or some guy friend hanging around hoping to score, girls always have a list of guys on their radar long before we ever show up. When we do meet a girl who likes us, we're on that list too, but it can take some time to earn a place high enough so that she is willing to ignore the rest. If we either expect or worse demand that we be ranked higher too early on when she's not invested enough in us, it kills the attraction. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't bring it up. I would continue to see her and also see a couple of other girls, have fun when we're together, and let her interest level rise naturally until she's pursuing me. If she ends up going back to the ex, that's her prerogative, but just remember that he's her ex for a reason. Show her how awesome you are and even if they do get back together, it won't last and she'll regret having passed you over and possibly contact you. So either way, you win.
FastHands Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 IMHO I think if she respected you she would have nothing to do with the ex, but you can get the I can't have friends line.
coolheadal Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 Hmm, but when you've been with someone for a few years, and then if you were trying again after a year apart, surely you wouldn't 'have other options' (me) I don't get why people go back to exs though. Treat her like she's treating you. Contact one of your ex's and see how she like those can of worms. You have to deal with situations like this. You and her are stranger still she knows him longer than you. So she can contact or hang out with him as a friend or more. You do not have to settle for this, and if you allow it then it will continue. Facebook is face book if she still has him on her facebook as a friend and photo, oh boy! Some women I've dated keep the ex in their life as a friend or the photo's to remind them how their life was with their ex. No matter who you to her now the ex was there first. Your second. Friends to the end. She's having fun with her friends, why didn't you go as her boyfriend.. You not in control of this situation.
GoldSparkz Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 You only seen each other three times right? I'm not sure it's wise stalking her FB and finding out all these details about her life, rather than just getting to know her in person. The problem with stalking someone online that you don't know, is that you don't know the full story, so you're jumping to conclusions. For all you know, she is probably good friends with her ex...considering that she went bowling with him AND her other friends. It sounds platonic. If I were you, I'd get off FB and get to know her in person before she picks up on the fact that you know all these details about her that she never told you in person. 2
smackie9 Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 It's quite possible they are all still friends and this has nothing to do with him actually "being with" her. I agree this sounds platonic. 1
Author Rapto Posted March 27, 2017 Author Posted March 27, 2017 Thanks for replies. I agree with people saying just carry on doing what I'd do if I hadn't noticed she's spending time with her ex. So, I haven't said anything to her. She has since approached me for another 'date'- im pretty reluctant due to the situation. Pretty sure some of you lot will understand her situation better than I do. But I'm kind of feeling like a side show whilst she 'works on her ex' but I may have it wrong I'm sat here p***sed off with myself that I've started to care and like for this girl so early on. Don't normally.
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