Should I cancel?

[Lorenza]

So I agreed to go on a date with a guy from Tinder (note: where I live it's considered as a normal dating app and doesn't have a bad reputation) and after dismissing a lot of other guys was kinda looking forward to it since that guy seemed to be exactly my type. But after agreeing on a place and time the communication came to an abrupt halt and he didn't reach out for 3 days, didn't even say "See you then" or "Looking forward to meet you". I feel its really weird. Of course didn't reach out myself either, since mine was the last message.

 

I don't feel like asking if it's still on either. Definitely not gonna do that. But if he doesn't write anything at all the day before the estimated date, would it be safe to assume that it's not on? Or should I just inform that I'm canceling? How bizarre

[KBob]

If I didn't text a woman for three days I would not expect her to assume the date is still on. I'd say you're good to make other plans.

[Gr8fuln2020]

He likely found someone else and/or he was already involved and couldn't follow through on the finalization of the date.

 

I'd make other plans.

[act00]

I'm really not the best judge of character on this one, but let's think about the guy here too -- is he wondering why YOU dropped off the planet? You completely stopped texting him, and he might be feeling you're blowing him off. I realize it was "his turn" to text, but why does there have to be this rule? This is a complaint among both genders, is they all deal with flakes, and no one knows what's going on.

 

I think if you really think this guy is "the real deal," you should throw him a text and say, "Howdy stranger! I haven't heard from you all week. I was wondering if we still have plans for tomorrow. How are you doing?" It won't kill you to put yourself out there. No response=your answer. Done and done. You at least have the peace of mind that you tried.

 

You could just assume that this one isn't going to happen. I have found this to be true more times than not, that if a plan is made too early, and there is no communication in between, there is no plan. They could have met someone they clicked with better in the interim, which turned into a priority. You can easily make other plans, and he won't even notice, since neither of you will show up. If you want to be safe and not flaky, because maybe he does plan on seeing you, shoot a text, "Hey, haven't heard from you all week, so I'm going to have to cancel tomorrow." The reason for this would be on the off-chance he does show up, and you get a text, "Hey, I'm here. Where are you?" You want to avoid standing someone up. It's not right.

 

No one knows what to do, but the fact he hasn't contacted you at all for the past three days is not a good sign. I think if you ask or cancel, it would be more for YOU, so you know you tried. Otherwise, you might wonder, "What if...?" and if you let "Prince Charming" slip away because you were too concerned over who's turn it was to text.

[Imajerk17]

I agree with act00. All this gamesmanship on here in the early stages of dating is ridiculous. You'd find out way more by shooting a text as act00 suggested than you would if this thread goes to 3 pages (which knowing the way things are here I am suspecting it might! )

[Lorenza]

I'm really not the best judge of character on this one, but let's think about the guy here too -- is he wondering why YOU dropped off the planet? You completely stopped texting him, and he might be feeling you're blowing him off. I realize it was "his turn" to text, but why does there have to be this rule? This is a complaint among both genders, is they all deal with flakes, and no one knows what's going on.

 

I think if you really think this guy is "the real deal," you should throw him a text and say, "Howdy stranger! I haven't heard from you all week. I was wondering if we still have plans for tomorrow. How are you doing?" It won't kill you to put yourself out there. No response=your answer. Done and done. You at least have the peace of mind that you tried.

 

You could just assume that this one isn't going to happen. I have found this to be true more times than not, that if a plan is made too early, and there is no communication in between, there is no plan. They could have met someone they clicked with better in the interim, which turned into a priority. You can easily make other plans, and he won't even notice, since neither of you will show up. If you want to be safe and not flaky, because maybe he does plan on seeing you, shoot a text, "Hey, haven't heard from you all week, so I'm going to have to cancel tomorrow." The reason for this would be on the off-chance he does show up, and you get a text, "Hey, I'm here. Where are you?" You want to avoid standing someone up. It's not right.

 

No one knows what to do, but the fact he hasn't contacted you at all for the past three days is not a good sign. I think if you ask or cancel, it would be more for YOU, so you know you tried. Otherwise, you might wonder, "What if...?" and if you let "Prince Charming" slip away because you were too concerned over who's turn it was to text.

 

I assumed that the ball is in his court, since he suggested to meet and then I followed up by suggesting the time and place to which he answered "sounds good". I then said "great" and there was never an answer after that (one could think there's not much to say after the plan is made, but still).

 

Yes, I would of course say something before not showing up just in case, to avoid being "the impolite one". But cannot decide if I should ask if its still on (I really really don't want to as it sounds like I was just waiting around) or if I should inform that I'm canceling.

 

Ugh, dating is so confusing. And I was finally getting a bit excited

[Gr8fuln2020]

Her message the last message. IT'S his turn to have responded. Really. A guy gets a date set up, but doesn't follow-up on HER last message??? No, the bigger question is why HE dropped off the face of the earth.

[Lorenza]

I agree with act00. All this gamesmanship on here in the early stages of dating is ridiculous. You'd find out way more by shooting a text as act00 suggested than you would if this thread goes to 3 pages (which knowing the way things are here I am suspecting it might! )

 

It is ridiculous, I agree. But I somehow always manage to end up "chasing" and I'm determined to not fall into same old patterns where I'm the one who always reaches out and wonders.

[Lorenza]

Her message the last message. IT'S his turn to have responded. Really. A guy gets a date set up, but doesn't follow-up on HER last message??? No, the bigger question is why HE dropped off the face of the earth.

 

Right? It surely was his turn to at least say "Looking forward to meet you". Or he's arrogant enough to think I'll look forward to the date with no more input

[Gr8fuln2020]

I assumed that the ball is in his court, since he suggested to meet and then I followed up by suggesting the time and place to which he answered "sounds good". I then said "great" and there was never an answer after that (one could think there's not much to say after the plan is made, but still).

 

Yes, I would of course say something before not showing up just in case, to avoid being "the impolite one". But cannot decide if I should ask if its still on (I really really don't want to as it sounds like I was just waiting around) or if I should inform that I'm canceling.

 

Ugh, dating is so confusing. And I was finally getting a bit excited

 

Lorenza, I don't know what the dating dynamics are like in whatever Scandinavian country you are in, but if I were a woman, I would be put off by this guy. I don't care how progressive people have become, the guy should make some contact during this if he were truly that invested in meeting you. I don't think he is and/or he has a BIG ego. He wants you to make the next move b/c he's so full of himself.

 

As a father of a daughter not yet dating, I have seen and heard of all kinds of jack-wagon type guys out there. Some guys are simply pretty boys playing the field and stroking their own egos by their poopy behavior. Move on and/or make him make the next move.

 

....maybe I went overboard here.

[act00]

I assumed that the ball is in his court, since he suggested to meet and then I followed up by suggesting the time and place to which he answered "sounds good". I then said "great" and there was never an answer after that (one could think there's not much to say after the plan is made, but still).

 

Yes, I would of course say something before not showing up just in case, to avoid being "the impolite one". But cannot decide if I should ask if its still on (I really really don't want to as it sounds like I was just waiting around) or if I should inform that I'm canceling.

 

Ugh, dating is so confusing. And I was finally getting a bit excited

 

OMG, is it the worst thing in the world for someone to think you were "waiting around?" If he's really interested in you, he'll be GLAD because he's also "waiting around" for you! If he's a jerk, does his opinion really matter? And "Great" is not really something that requires a response. I think a next text could have been, by you or him, "How was work? I'm exhausted. Can't wait for TGIF!!" "How did the <thing> go with the <thing>?" Anything. You talked before, but now everyone is shutting up. You are both guilty of it. I don't know if he's a jerk or not. You won't know if you don't extend some effort in finding out, and you may be crushed by it, but dating is not always a pleasant world.

[Ieris]

Isn't it just easier to send a message asking whether it's still on rather than jumping to conclusions and waiting around..?

[Gr8fuln2020]

Isn't it just easier to send a message asking whether it's still on rather than jumping to conclusions and waiting around..?

 

THREE DAYS OF NO COMMUNICATION means I am not interested or you are not important enough for me to confirm our date. Personally, I would make other plans.

[Lorenza]

You both have valid points, SimpleNfit and Act00, but I think Im leaning towards not finding out... Due to my past experiences I'm not becoming too proud and inflexible. Even if I did like him and he sticked out of hundreds of others who wrote to me, I don't want to reach out

[Gr8fuln2020]

You both have valid points, SimpleNfit and Act00, but I think Im leaning towards not finding out... Due to my past experiences I'm not becoming too proud and inflexible. Even if I did like him and he sticked out of hundreds of others who wrote to me, I don't want to reach out

 

YOU fricken' deserve a MAN who is responsive and genuinely interested in getting to know you. I mean, jimminy crickets! If I were a guy and I last responded or posted something, it's not my turn to 'test if she is still interested in me.' I know what I have to offer and my self-worth is abundant enough to say ADIOS!

[act00]

Go with your gut. If something feels "off," it's probably better to go with that instinct.

[Lorenza]

I thought about one more thing. Because of how flaky I've been with this whole Tinder thing, I installed and uninstalled the app several times. First time I was talking to this guy, I deleted my account and only then realized that I dropped out in the middle of conversation with him. Later I couldn't find it among all the other users, until he sent me that blue start indicating "super like" and asked why the communication seized last time. Oops, could it be that the ball is in MY court?

[lovely81]

In these situations, I tend to just go ahead and contact the person. Unless I really just want to have a free day. I think about it more like a chance to show to myself that I keep my word . . . can't really now what's going on in their heads.

[usa1ah]

I thought about one more thing. Because of how flaky I've been with this whole Tinder thing, I installed and uninstalled the app several times. First time I was talking to this guy, I deleted my account and only then realized that I dropped out in the middle of conversation with him. Later I couldn't find it among all the other users, until he sent me that blue start indicating "super like" and asked why the communication seized last time. Oops, could it be that the ball is in MY court?

 

 

Yep, in your court. Also, if you had to make another account, maybe you missed his messages.

[Miss Spider]

I don't think it'd do any harm to reach out and ask if you guys are still on for whatever day~

[act00]

You're second guessing yourself all over the place. Yeah, deleting your profile and jumping back in, and him chasing after you (taking that chance), suggests that you need to take a more proactive step in this because you're coming across as flaky and wishy-washy (which you admit you are), and he's stepping back for a reason. Yes, I think the ball is in your court.

 

Do this guy a favor and make a choice. Go out with him or not. You're mucking up his mind the way you feel your mind is getting mucked by him.

 

Make a choice so that everyone can move on with their lives.

[Lorenza]

You're second guessing yourself all over the place. Yeah, deleting your profile and jumping back in, and him chasing after you (taking that chance), suggests that you need to take a more proactive step in this because you're coming across as flaky and wishy-washy (which you admit you are), and he's stepping back for a reason. Yes, I think the ball is in your court.

 

Do this guy a favor and make a choice. Go out with him or not. You're mucking up his mind the way you feel your mind is getting mucked by him.

 

Make a choice so that everyone can move on with their lives.

 

How am I mucking up anything? I agreed to go on the date and then we didn't talk more haha you misunderstood something

[Lorenza]

Guys the making of a new account was way before

Talked a bit the first time we matched, then we matched again for the second time and agreed to meet, that's it.

 

I decided to write and cancel, if it makes me wonder so much - it's not worth it.

[Gr8fuln2020]

Oops, could it be that the ball is in MY court?

 

Lorenza, what is going on in your mind? You are second guessing and putting yourself through an emotional hula-hoop. If this happened in the past, before you two decided, then why bring this up? When I first read this I though, oh-oh, she's trying to make any excuse to contact him. Do you put yourself through such unnecessary uneasiness when you date in general? Ack. Move on. You will CERTAINLY have another opportunity with another guy who will be more responsive.

[coolheadal]

So I agreed to go on a date with a guy from Tinder (note: where I live it's considered as a normal dating app and doesn't have a bad reputation) and after dismissing a lot of other guys was kinda looking forward to it since that guy seemed to be exactly my type. But after agreeing on a place and time the communication came to an abrupt halt and he didn't reach out for 3 days, didn't even say "See you then" or "Looking forward to meet you". I feel its really weird. Of course didn't reach out myself either, since mine was the last message.

 

I don't feel like asking if it's still on either. Definitely not gonna do that. But if he doesn't write anything at all the day before the estimated date, would it be safe to assume that it's not on? Or should I just inform that I'm canceling? How bizarre

 

I remember you. Your having such a go of it. Your smart woman, don't let the guys on Tinder, bubble and the rest of these apps are all doing the same for OLD. I must say you shouldn't settle for guys who are not gentlemen. Move on to the next man, don't wait for no one. You should have 100% communications not like this. I have no problem with OLD and I use it too. The apps for the cell phone I tend not to use those. But for you in your country you have to use them. So you talk to the guy and then when you feel it's right he can ask you out on date. But there should be more interaction your not getting that. Either he doesn't how to effectively communicate, or he's just playing games with you and lining up dates to see.