amystery Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 Hello, everyone. I am new to this site and could really use some advice. I have been seeing a guy I met online for 2 months now. We surprisingly have lots in common and whenever we get together I have a great time with him. We've been out every single Saturday since our 1st date. But the problem is we ONLY ever see each other on Saturdays and its not even for the entire day, just a few hours in the evening. We do the typical date night things such as dinner and a movie. We rarely text each other and have literally never talked on the phone. I've asked if he's still on the site that we met on, he said no, that he really liked me and that he wasn't seeing anyone else. I waited to sleep with him even though he was ready before I was, and said waiting was fine with him. I really like this guy and would like to continue to see where this goes but don't like that we never see each other except for Saturday evenings. I don't like that we never talk on the phone and barely text during the week. I'm afraid that now that we've started to sleep together this will become a FWB situation since we only see each other once a week. He's not a player and has said he's looking to settle down. I would like us to move forward with the relationship but how can we do that if we only ever see each other for a few hours on a Saturday? He's admitted to being a loner. Is this typical loner behavior? How do I tell him I want more-to see him more and talk to him more without him thinking I'm clingy or needy? We've only been together 2 months, should I wait another month to see if things change?
Whodatdog Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 Well, he seems to be driving this bus. He's seeing you on his terms, and as much as he wants to see you. If he wanted to see you more, he would ask you, I would think. Looks like you just have to come out and ask him yourself. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 Hello, everyone. I am new to this site and could really use some advice. I have been seeing a guy I met online for 2 months now. We surprisingly have lots in common and whenever we get together I have a great time with him. We've been out every single Saturday since our 1st date. But the problem is we ONLY ever see each other on Saturdays and its not even for the entire day, just a few hours in the evening. We do the typical date night things such as dinner and a movie. We rarely text each other and have literally never talked on the phone. I've asked if he's still on the site that we met on, he said no, that he really liked me and that he wasn't seeing anyone else. I waited to sleep with him even though he was ready before I was, and said waiting was fine with him. I really like this guy and would like to continue to see where this goes but don't like that we never see each other except for Saturday evenings. I don't like that we never talk on the phone and barely text during the week. I'm afraid that now that we've started to sleep together this will become a FWB situation since we only see each other once a week. He's not a player and has said he's looking to settle down. I would like us to move forward with the relationship but how can we do that if we only ever see each other for a few hours on a Saturday? He's admitted to being a loner. Is this typical loner behavior? How do I tell him I want more-to see him more and talk to him more without him thinking I'm clingy or needy? We've only been together 2 months, should I wait another month to see if things change? Married? (10 characters) 2
Miss Spider Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 (edited) Nah it's not likely to change...As whodatdog said you'll probably be the one who needs to bring it up. The one who brings that up is usually the one who cares the most. He's fine with this situation you all have. He gets all this time to do whatever he wants then he gets a girl for company or sex on Saturday night with no strings, not even really needing to commubicate in-between. What's not to love about that???This is not 'I want to build a relationship with you' mode this is 'meh' mode. Loner or not, when a guy is into you and wants to settle down/start a serious relationship, it's very easy to see. It doesn't look like this. I would be very surprised if he wasn't still playing the field or 'talking' to someone else. I'd only believe that if he was a near-comatose-lazy hermit. Edited March 24, 2017 by Cookiesandough 4
smackie9 Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 He's married for crying out loud. His wife is probably at her jazzercise class on Saturday. 8
Miss Spider Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 LOL @ jazzercise. Can you confirm he's not married, Op?
joseb Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 Hello, everyone. I am new to this site and could really use some advice. I have been seeing a guy I met online for 2 months now. We surprisingly have lots in common and whenever we get together I have a great time with him. We've been out every single Saturday since our 1st date. But the problem is we ONLY ever see each other on Saturdays and its not even for the entire day, just a few hours in the evening. We do the typical date night things such as dinner and a movie. We rarely text each other and have literally never talked on the phone. I've asked if he's still on the site that we met on, he said no, that he really liked me and that he wasn't seeing anyone else. I waited to sleep with him even though he was ready before I was, and said waiting was fine with him. I really like this guy and would like to continue to see where this goes but don't like that we never see each other except for Saturday evenings. I don't like that we never talk on the phone and barely text during the week. I'm afraid that now that we've started to sleep together this will become a FWB situation since we only see each other once a week. He's not a player and has said he's looking to settle down. I would like us to move forward with the relationship but how can we do that if we only ever see each other for a few hours on a Saturday? He's admitted to being a loner. Is this typical loner behavior? How do I tell him I want more-to see him more and talk to him more without him thinking I'm clingy or needy? We've only been together 2 months, should I wait another month to see if things change? Who suggests the dates? Have you asked to meet during the week?
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 He's not a player and has said he's looking to settle down. I would like us to move forward with the relationship but how can we do that if we only ever see each other for a few hours on a Saturday? He's admitted to being a loner. Is this typical loner behavior? How do I tell him I want more-to see him more and talk to him more without him thinking I'm clingy or needy? We've only been together 2 months, should I wait another month to see if things change? 1. Players always tell you that they are NOT players and most will tell you that they are looking to settle down. 2. How are you that settling down is important for you? What do you mean by settling down? 3. No, once a week for a few hours is not enough if you two are exclusive and live close by. 4. You should be having much more weekly communication and not by phone yet? 5. Does he work or school? He can't be SO busy that he cannot text or phone more. 6. He's had sex and so probably placed you in the FWB or about to drop you all together for someone else if he hasn't already started. Let him know NOW you need more time. If he balks, you know your answer. 2
Shanex Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 Hmm, I was exactly in the same kinda situation for six months but she was extremely busy profession wise. Him being married is a blind assumption and if you don't have the answer nobody here either. It's a casual relationship leaning to a FWB or even a mere booty-call. The guy maybe don't need more at the moment. 2
Kitchen Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 I was once the guy in this type of situation. I wasn't a player, nor was I married, nor did I have any ulterior motives. We "dated" for like 4 months, seeing each other once a week or maybe even once every two weeks. It was simply that I was looking for a connection where none could be found. She was very attractive so I kept trying. But we were different, and I just couldn't grow the relationship. I didn't have much dating experience back then, so I kept going with it. Believe it or not, we didn't even kiss. One thing I didn't like about her, and I'm not saying you're like this, is that she was way too passive. I made the plan every week, I was always the one to ask, she always just went along with whatever I suggested. She didn't express much desire to want to do anything in particular. She never even offered to pay which bothered me. I paid a few times and then we'd split the check the rest of the time. The reason I feel we didn't connect was because I'm a talkative, humorous, extrovert. And she was the quiet type. Didn't even laugh much. I felt like I was playing ping pong without getting the ball hit back to me, which can become boring very quickly. Good luck!
act00 Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 I think the best you can do is express you'd like to spend more time during the week. During your time out on Saturday, do you talk about your daily lives? Is he crazy-busy? Do your work schedules create problems getting out during the week? Do you live close or far, like how much time/driving is involved? I'd like to know where you're "doing the deed." Your place only? His place? Both? If he's not bringing you to his place, we could be looking at something to hide. Have you expressed, ever, you'd like to see him more often? Communication may be a tough one to crack. Some people just don't communicate like that. I agree, some texting during the week is a definite must, even if you can't get a phone call out of him, but people have to compromise if they want to work a relationship. If he can't make some changes, then you need to expect he's liking his weekly booty call, a sure thing, and decide where you want to go from there.
Miss Spider Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 I don't think he's married either. Just another passive OLDer not looking for anything serious. Pretty typical. 2
hercules22 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 people can say one thing but the way the act is how you can truly see them if i was actually interested in possibly starting something serious i would be talking to the girl alot more 1
curiouslysearching Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 He's married for crying out loud. His wife is probably at her jazzercise class on Saturday. you are toooooooooooo funny love it 1
CarbonCopy Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Wow, sounds just like my situation! Been seeing him for about a month and a half but only on Sunday nights, limited conversations during the week.
BlueIvy Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 I would cancel his ass. I don't think he's that into you. Men who like you make the effort and want to see you a lot even if they are busy. The fact you only see each other for a few hours a week should make the communication more intense. So basically he's ok for seeing you for a few hours only, barely communicates with you and already had sex with you. I don't see this changing. This should be the honeymoon stage where you want more and more imo. people will suggest to be more proactive but I feel if a man wants you, you won't have doubts. 4
basil67 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 How do I tell him I want more-to see him more and talk to him more without him thinking I'm clingy or needy? Generic rant: Why do so many women think that expressing their needs make them "needy"? Tell him you want more. If he doesn't want that, them dump him. Don't give a second thought to what the thinks of your relationship needs. 4
Author amystery Posted March 25, 2017 Author Posted March 25, 2017 Thanks everyone for the advice. I appreciate it! To answer a few of the questions that were asked-we meet up at his place, we only live 30 mins. away from each other, and he works the typical 9-5 hrs. And as I write this I clearly realize that he could have been making the effort to see me if he wanted! I'm going to take the majority of advice given and just tell him that I want to grow the relationship by seeing him more and talking to him more. If he's not capable of even doing that, then it will be time for me to move on. 2
newheart Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 I have a really silly question but you say you've never spoken on the phone - have you ever picked up the phone and called him? If so, what happened? 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Generic rant: Why do so many women think that expressing their needs make them "needy"? Tell him you want more. If he doesn't want that, them dump him. Don't give a second thought to what the thinks of your relationship needs. Because so many playing men who have no intention of having a long-term relationship tell ladies that they are being 'needy.' These guys don't want to hear what is required of them for a healthy relationship, only interested in their own agenda. OP, as soon as he asked to meet at his place, so early on, I would have walked. He is looking for sex and/or unacceptably LAZY. 2
Whodatdog Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Wow, sounds just like my situation! Been seeing him for about a month and a half but only on Sunday nights, limited conversations during the week. Probably the same guy. OP has him on Saturday, you have him on Sunday nights. 7
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 I have a really silly question but you say you've never spoken on the phone - have you ever picked up the phone and called him? If so, what happened? This is a good question. Did he expressly ask you NOT to call, OP? Did you ask if you could? How is it possible to never once have spoken on the phone?
CarbonCopy Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 Probably the same guy. OP has him on Saturday, you have him on Sunday nights. I seriously laughed out loud, lmao. 1
1fish2fish Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 To me, it sounds like a compatibility issue. My bf and I have been seeing each other for 7 mths but we only see each other once a week...sometimes for a few hours, sometimes for an entire day, and overnight are rare. We live 15 min. apart and enjoy each other's company very much, too. This is why it works for us: This is perfect for me and my personality. I'm very introverted, and while I do go out with friends during the week, I cherish and need alone time to recharge. We both have needy pets that do not like each other. He wakes up at 4 am for work and is in bed by 8 pm. His job is very stressful and he enjoys his evenings alone to just chill. We both have a life outside of our relationship with hobbies and separate friends. We do talk on the phone daily, and we text throughout the day ~asking how our days are going, sharing something funny, touching base...basically letting the other person know we are thinking about them. This is not the norm, I know, but like I said, it works well for us.
1fish2fish Posted March 26, 2017 Posted March 26, 2017 ^^^All that to say, if he is fine with how things are now and you want to see each other more during the week, it could be just a compatibility issue. Not that it makes anything easier, because since you want/need something different, this may not be the relationship for you and you'll have to walk away.
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