Why Some Men Are Intimidated by Smarter Women or are they?

March 24, 2017

Why is female intelligence a turnoff for some men—even those who profess otherwise?

I’m putting some general info from a couple of stories, but I overheard a pretty lively discussion from students at my place of employment on the subject of “guys not liking smart women, or women must hide their ambition while dating guys”

I have heard the arguments before, and on occasion women will have things in their profiles hinting to this dilemma.

Me, bottom line I love smart women, a dumb empty headed type will simply bore me in a short period of time. I have always said I want to enjoy listening to her AND look at her. Not a partner who can only converse spouting meaningless drivel, has opinions, is passionate and willing to express what she knows.

Do men actually totally disregard intelligent women AND is this generational?

From the articles:

“psychologists at the University of Buffalo, California Lutheran University and University of Texas questioned 105 men with a series of experiments and discovered that smart women made them feel less masculine. They found – and I’ll précis here… – that even though most men like the idea of dating an intelligent woman, put them in front of one and that attraction suddenly withers. Put bluntly, they feel threatened.”

“previous research has shown that men are attracted to female intelligence; in fact, it’s one of the strongest predictors of romantic interest. It’s when men have the sense of being outperformed, she says, that “things get tricky in real life.” The finding jibes with previous research, including a Columbia University speed-dating experiment in which single guys valued female smarts—but only up to a point. If a woman they met seemed smarter or more ambitious than they believed themselves to be, they dialed down their romantic interest.”

“But how does a brainy woman get from “me” to “we”? A better strategy than propping up male self-esteem by hiding her own intellect, Park suggests, is finding a man who’s supportive of a prospective mate’s intelligence and ambition from the start. A woman has more options if she’s willing to override romantic scripts that encourage her to underplay her strengths and make men think they’re smarter than she. “

“As for single guys, there’s a little-known benefit for those who genuinely prefer women who are smarter than they are. Park’s latest research found that these men, once primed with romantic thoughts, actually perform better than they otherwise would on science and math tests. Motivated to impress an impressive woman, some men rise to the occasion.”

March 24, 2017

I couldn't say what other men prefer, but give me a very smart, funny woman every time.

Intelligence doesn't intimidate me; I figure I can hold my own with just about anybody.

March 24, 2017

I'm smart and my intelligence has been, hands-down, the number-one draw of nearly all the men I've dated, according to them.

Well, that and my betties.

But yeah. Intelligence FTW, apparently. Haven't had a problem with this. It could be because I gravitate toward very, very smart men. They couldn't possibly be intimidated, given that fact.

March 24, 2017

The answer is, yes, there are plenty of men intimated by intelligent women and especially if the woman is smarter than he is.

This is well known. I have dated and married some very intelligent women and I love it. The issue is two-fold, I believe...

1. Confidence

2. Culture

Ultimately the umbrella determinant is culture, but here is my take. To speak to confidence, that one is simple, men who find it awkward to try to match or complement a woman with superior intelligence simply cannot cope and would rather be with someone that they feel some superiority over.

But culture is important. Very. Men have long made substantial efforts to undermine and relegate women to sub-status. All about control. Prevented women from becoming educated or coerced or 'encouraged' to set aside academic pursuits for 'traditional' ones. I find many mean continue to value this because it places them above, so more control. Because so many of our men today continue to hold this bias, they are not prepared or equipped to see women as equals or capable of being intelligent w/o being a 'biotch.' Many men are intimated by the independence and more liberated views that intelligent women have. Again, about control, culture.

I grew up in a family where my mother, aunts, were all encouraged to succeed academically and professionally. I watched this as I grew up and raised this way. It wasn't foreign for me to be around such women and so, today, I actively pursue women who are intelligent. It's not always about the degree, but that is one of my criteria. Too many men continue to be intimated by a woman's success, ambition, intelligence and feel like if they have not attained as much that that is a direct reflection on their failure. Balderdash!

I was married to a intelligent, professional woman who made 3x more money than I did and possessed some authority I could never! Loved it! Unfortunately she had some fundamental flaws that had nothing to do with intelligence or education.

March 24, 2017

Why Some Men Are Intimidated by Smarter Women

Early and consistent messages regarding a woman's image as related to themselves, reinforced by choices as they integrate with their peers, including women.

or are they?

Depends. Billions of unique individuals and experiences. The cool thing is all associations are voluntary so if things don't fit, next.

No matter how treated, the love smart women tape continues to play so that's how it goes, for me anyway. I just get gone if they use it like a gun. They can kill someone else. Never know until you go.

March 24, 2017

I'm not intimidated, and I am not looking for a Mensa IQ woman, just somebody equally intelligent. I've dated both: though very silly ones can be fun, I get tired quickly of them whereas the cleverer ones have a hold on my mind and are capable of keeping me along longer. So I chose the latter ultimately.

Edited March 24, 2017 by Shanex

March 24, 2017

My gf is a professor these days and she has stories of guys bailing out of the conversation once they discover that. When she told me she was a professor on our first date, my thought was "oh, cool, another professor". Lol. I haven't met many in the dating world, but they do tend to like me. I think I would have been more intimidated by her previous job as a international marketing director at a major company or that she had been a baton twirling majorette when she was young. Thankfully I already liked her before I found these last things out.

She told me she feared that one day I'd discover that she actually wasn't smart and leave her. Why? She told me that I am brilliant and kind of intimidating. She also said that while she isn't that smart she is very persistent.

We all worry about such silliness, don't we?

The most important thing to me is that I don't feel I need to talk down to the person I am with. I have dated a few women like that and it was not very satisfying once the having sex like rabbits phase wore off and we had to start talking.

Edited March 24, 2017 by Jj66

March 24, 2017

Statistics show that the more education a woman has the more likely she is to marry and the less likely she is to divorce. Smart and educated women are actually having the most relationship success out of any group of women in this country so a lot of men don't seem to have a problem with involved with an intelligent woman.

March 24, 2017

But more and more research reveals that though the thought of a smart woman is appealing to men, a real, live smart woman standing in front of them is actually a turnoff.

This is a quote from another story but ever since I listen to the students argue about this particular subject and I started reading a number of websites this particular dating issue apparently is gaining more traction.

The other side of this is the fact that be increasing earning potential of women and also the fact that women now have past men in terms of those that are obtaining Advanced degrees.

Another story that I saw pointed out something else that was interesting and that was because the fact that so many young men in particular young boys are growing up without fathers that their drive to become "successful" is slowly diminishing.

So the last thing apparently some of these men want is to be reminded of their lack of success.

Simply mentioned culture... Bingo

I read a story on ESPN about the fact that the women in the Philippines are leaving the country to advance their careers an education so you not have a country of men who stay at home and raise the kids waiting for the woman who have become successful the send money back, (because many of the women have actually left the country) to support them.

The more I'm reading this is very much a worldwide phenomenon and not just here in the states.

March 25, 2017

Not sure about intimidation but the number one priority for males is physical attractiveness, according to this study. Female intelligence can only be perceived as advantageous until she hits the male observer's subjective level of intelligence. After that, she loses attractiveness points.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/attraction-evolved/201609/are-men-just-not-interested-in-clever-women

Studies like these are interesting general trends but when it comes to intelligent people, they tend to date within their IQ range of one standard deviation point, whether they're male or female.

March 25, 2017

One of my female friends is a an academic who has worldwide recognition in her field. Her husband is immensely proud of her.

March 25, 2017

Studies like these are interesting general trends but when it comes to intelligent people, they tend to date within their IQ range of one standard deviation point, whether they're male or female.

Was just thinking online dating websites where you can see someone's level of education does that really matter to people?

So someone who is genuinely looking to be in a serious relationship will they only go out with people that matches their education level? Of course knowing that the degree level does not exactly measure intelligence...

March 25, 2017

Was just thinking online dating websites where you can see someone's level of education does that really matter to people?
So someone who is genuinely looking to be in a serious relationship will they only go out with people that matches their education level? Of course knowing that the degree level does not exactly measure intelligence...

It is one of the first things I look at. It does matter to me, but like I said, I also look at their profession and profile to get an idea of their intelligence, ambition.

March 25, 2017

l don't think it's any intelligence that turns men off but notice a lot of really smart women often carry a chip on their shoulder and are always challenging ,that becomes a total pain in the ass.

Just like it would if he was always challenging her.

They're often highly strung,often high maintenance and often about as much fun as a migraine, major turn offs.

l have 6 way highly educated sisters and over the years around them and dozens of their friends, that stuff was a very strong pattern.Just shoot me if l had to be with any of them.

Where as say even my brothers wife , she's got an extremely high iq, far greater than any of them yet she's a lovely lady, beautiful personality.

My gf, extremely intelligent, run rings around me but she's fun and great sense of humor,wears stuff l love,we talk for hours about anything with none of any of that bs.

My daughter , she's only 16 but she can bring anyone undone without even raising a sweat but again she's a great girl , very easy going , light and fun, just very very smart.

So me l couldn't care less how smart she was, hell she can do all the thinking, good. But it's about the personality and the person.

Edited March 25, 2017 by Chilli

March 25, 2017

Chill that is a good point and the thing is if you read online dating profiles carefully you can kind of see that sort of attitude coming out with some of the profiles.

Almost some sort of a feminist rant.

I'm very much about the personality. Many years ago I had an opportunity to work at a major Medical Center's education department all women much older than ours that was very young but many of them had multiple Advanced degrees and doctorates but I remember them all fondly they were very driven and determined women but all had amazing personalities and we're some of the best people I've ever been around.

My ex-wife was Mensa smart but had one of the best personalities undershirts really smart but her personality and disposition was what drew me to her.

March 25, 2017

l don't think it's any intelligence that turns men off but notice a lot of really smart women often carry a chip on their shoulder and are always challenging ,that becomes a total pain in the ass.
Just like it would if he was always challenging her.
They're often highly strung,often high maintenance and often about as much fun as a migraine, major turn offs.
l have 6 way highly educated sisters and over the years around them and dozens of their friends, that stuff was a very strong pattern.Just shoot me if l had to be with any of them.

Where as say even my brothers wife , she's got an extremely high iq, far greater than any of them yet she's a lovely lady, beautiful personality.
My gf, extremely intelligent, run rings around me but she's fun and great sense of humor,wears stuff l love,we talk for hours about anything with none of any of that bs.
My daughter , she's only 16 but she can bring anyone undone without even raising a sweat but again she's a great girl , very easy going , light and fun, just very very smart.

So me l couldn't care less how smart she was, hell she can do all the thinking, good. But it's about the personality and the person.

This makes sense.

March 25, 2017

I don't know if the two are related but the many smart, highly driven and ambitious women I've been on dates with come off kind of cold. There's absolutely no chemistry. Is part of that my fault for being bad at flirting? Who knows?

Edited March 25, 2017 by SwordofFlame

March 25, 2017

I don't know if the two are related but the many smart, highly driven and ambitious women I've been on dates with come off kind of cold. There's absolutely no chemistry. Is part of that my fault for being bad at flirting? Who knows?

Maybe the key is in that highly driven part? I don't know. Just a possibility. A woman can be smart without being the chilly ice queen exec stereotype. Maybe you've just had bad luck.

March 25, 2017

For quite some time, I only pursued very intelligent girls/women. On of my earliest girlfriends (in high school) spoke seven languages and had an IQ in the 150's. She kind of set the bar for other girls/women for several years after. It wasn't until much later that I realized how much this intelligence "requirement" was limiting my options. Now, while I'm still attracted to intelligent women, I know longer "require" them to be on my level or higher. I have intelligent friends who can fulfill my intellectual needs.

While I'm happy to approach an intelligent woman when single, I've found some barriers over the last few years. Many intelligent women pursue higher levels of education than me and require their men to have the same level of education or higher. If I don't meet her requirements, I don't approach. It has nothing to do with being intimidated.

March 25, 2017

I have never had this problem...

I am lucky enough to have a fairly high IQ, but unlike a lot of men that are fairly smart, I have a lot of common sense as well. I guess you would call it street smarts.

Further I am intimidated by no ones intelligence male or female. If I am not the smartest person in the room, I am fine with that. I like learning from people that are as smart or smarted than me.

The thing is that "people that are smart" in general are actually stupid in some very basic ways. I can learn from and converse with people of all intelligence levels. It is as easy for me to talk with a janitor as it is for me to do business with a CEO. So many people look down on someone if they think they are not as intelligent as them. That is a mistake.

Now, I am not going to date a woman that is just bone stupid because it just gets to be about sex and no mental stimulation.

Give me a woman that is brilliant anytime. And if like Chilli or whoever was posting about, they try to play mental games or get to be a PITA, they need to bring a lot of ammunition.

I think people are people and they all have something interesting sometimes...

March 27, 2017

Maybe the key is in that highly driven part? I don't know. Just a possibility. A woman can be smart without being the chilly ice queen exec stereotype.

I just believe that smarter women are more open and creative.

Other intelligence people are attracted to intelligence because generally those people understand its worth.

Intelligent people can see past the emptiness of stuff like celebrity gossip and reality television and into what is really important, not the silly superficial crap that seems to have engulfed the world. Intelligent women see the world thru a wider lens.

Sense of humor was mentioned before. Intelligent people generally have better sense of humor and are witty, most would not be (at least I have never experienced) that “ice queen” vibe.

Being dumb simply is not cute a women who is “dumb” would have no depth and being around such would get old quickly.

March 27, 2017

I don't know if the two are related but the many smart, highly driven and ambitious women I've been on dates with come off kind of cold. There's absolutely no chemistry. Is part of that my fault for being bad at flirting? Who knows?

Most of the time, being ambitious, involves qualities that are deemed "male" traits. And so when women exhibit them, they are seen as negatives.

“Success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively for women. When a man is successful, he is liked by both men and women. When a woman is successful, people of both genders like her less.” “Aggressive and hard-charging women violate unwritten rules about acceptable social conduct. Men are continually applauded for being ambitious and powerful and successful, but women who display these same traits often pay a social penalty. Female accomplishments come at a cost.” Aggressive and hard-charging women violate unwritten rules about acceptable social conduct. Men are continually applauded for being ambitious and powerful and successful, but women who display these same traits often pay a social penalty. Female accomplishments come at a cost.17

― Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead

Being with someone that is more intelligent and/or higher compensated can be a major hit to a man's self esteem where both are lauded as being in the man's corner in the relationship. So this can cause a challenge that will lend to a lessening of sexual interest.

Women are in a damned if you do damned if you don't spot especially if they make more money. This causes power struggles in marriages even while, statistically, the women is still carrying the majority of the home duties as well.

March 27, 2017

Most of the time, being ambitious, involves qualities that are deemed "male" traits. And so when women exhibit them, they are seen as negatives.

“Success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively for women. When a man is successful, he is liked by both men and women. When a woman is successful, people of both genders like her less.” “Aggressive and hard-charging women violate unwritten rules about acceptable social conduct. Men are continually applauded for being ambitious and powerful and successful, but women who display these same traits often pay a social penalty. Female accomplishments come at a cost.” Aggressive and hard-charging women violate unwritten rules about acceptable social conduct. Men are continually applauded for being ambitious and powerful and successful, but women who display these same traits often pay a social penalty. Female accomplishments come at a cost.17
― Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead

Being with someone that is more intelligent and/or higher compensated can be a major hit to a man's self esteem where both are lauded as being in the man's corner in the relationship. So this can cause a challenge that will lend to a lessening of sexual interest.

Women are in a damned if you do damned if you don't spot especially if they make more money. This causes power struggles in marriages even while, statistically, the women is still carrying the majority of the home duties as well.

Yes true, but I think that this applies to men that are already insecure.

I could be wrong....

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