leslinann Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 I Guess with how the whole situation went down, I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years, I could not stand his uncertain behavior. on friday February 24th, he came for his graduation, and he had messaged me the Thursday before, saying that on Friday he was coming early here to town where I live, because he was closing and giving the keys back, of the student apartment that he has here where I live.(Around a week before all of this, he had said"''listen what are we going to do for next friday for my graduation, you want us to see eachother before,u wanna go there or what? and I said after would be cool, but I told him to text me the thursday before the graduation so he cann confirm plans. he told me that in reality he just wanted to get it over with the graduation,and get his Diploma.) So it was thursday and he messaged me''Tomorrow i'm coming early because I need to give the apartment,close it down'', and I text him back on Thursday asking him, ” so what are we going to do tomorrow when you come? and he replied ”I will see your early on around 10:00 am”. So I replied ”OK you text me when you arrive”. I even found it weird that he did not begin the message saying ”Hi—, he just went directly for it. In my mind I understood that he wanted to have sex, before closing the apt, so I assumed that’s why he wanted to see me early as well. Before he closed the apartment. I had also been preparing myself mentally for a breakup for some reason, I just did all these assumptions that basically brainwashed me to a point where I believed them,,I was also very very indecisive whether I wanted to go out on friday with him or not!!. So it was Friday morning, his grad was scheduled to start 4:00 pm in the afternoon, and I assumed we were going to see each other AFTER the grad (I guess not) . At 11:26 AM, he text me saying ”I’m here”, then seconds after, he calls me and says: I’m here in the town, I just arrived, are you ready? Or you need more time and I said ”no am not ready, I need time” and he said ”OK in half an hour then (in his terms its like an hour, he is always a little late LOL) I said OK and hung up. I decided to go, I got ready,dressed up,put some makeup. But the point is that 15-20 minutes after he called me and we had spoken, I texted him after saying ”we should see each other better in the evening” (I, wanted to see what he was going to answer and if it was cool with him or not) and after that I never got a message response back from him. Time was passing, and it was 1:30 PM already, I got angry so I took my clothes off and put my pajama back on. Then almost at 2:00 PM I text again saying: ”you know what forget it, don’t come, stop wasting my time, you are late”. And got nothing back from him, I know it was his grad and he was not going to ruin it for him. But he should of acted differently. He just disappeared no message, no call. nothing just rude. I forgot to mention that after his grad, maybe in a month and a half later he is leaving back to the states. And we had not talked seriously about our future in a clear manner. So I don’t know what made him act this way this past friday?!! I have 3 theories #1- he got mad that when he called I was not ready, #2-what really triggered him was that after he called me saying that he was here, 20 mins after I text him saying''we should see eachother better in the afternoon'' #3-He did it on purpose for some ulterior motive. what do you think?
KBob Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 #2. You seem to have some expectations about what you wanted to happen, and he didn't fulfill them. You made assumptions about what he was coming to town early for (sex) that were incorrect, and not only were you not ready for your set time, but over an hour behind schedule (which you later blamed him for always being late), you blew him off and told him you didn't want to meet until later. Too many assumptions, not enough clear communication. It looks to me like as far as he is concerned, you are both finished and he wants to move on. 5
Author leslinann Posted March 24, 2017 Author Posted March 24, 2017 #2. You seem to have some expectations about what you wanted to happen, and he didn't fulfill them. You made assumptions about what he was coming to town early for (sex) that were incorrect, and not only were you not ready for your set time, but over an hour behind schedule (which you later blamed him for always being late), you blew him off and told him you didn't want to meet until later. Too many assumptions, not enough clear communication. It looks to me like as far as he is concerned, you are both finished and he wants to move on. He was actually late, he said at 10:00 AM he calls me at 11:26 AM,, SORRY but that's totally not my fault. perhaps the traffic, but not mine. I still think his reaction was very childish and he could of at least express the anger by texting me back, Sounds odd to me!
act00 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 I am also lost on the timeline. The original plan was to meet at 10, but it sounds like he was really busy with closing the apartment and graduation, so this timing may seem a bit up in the air, which I would expect should have been discussed. I question why there wasn't more communication on where to meet, and I also question why you were not at least mostly ready for the expected time, so when he did call, it wouldn't take much time to get out the door. I would be miffed waiting an hour and a half, but if it was clear the time may be sketchy, work with it. Instead you waited until he called before you got ready, making you a full hour late. Then you waited. I don't get this. Was he supposed to pick you up, or were you supposed to meet him? If he was supposed to pick you up, I would be mad he never showed at presumably 12:30, giving you an hour to get ready. If you were supposed to meet him at his apartment or somewhere, why didn't you meet him? Why did you sit around and wait for him to text instead of just meet him and solidify where to go for the graduation and afterwards, when you saw him in person? Why not get ready and text him, "I'm on my way"? I agree you seemed to put a certain idea in your head on how the day/night was supposed to go, and you were rather uncompromising when it didn't play out just like the idea you had in your head. The fact you were already thinking about breaking up, suggests you self-sabotaged (probably unconsciously), and there's more going on here, or you wanted to make him work for you, and prove he doesn't want to break up. He had to move. He had to close the apartment. He had graduation. Among all this, he was probably spending time with friends, tying up loose ends, which also sounds like he had to settle into a new place, and just getting through HIS day, which is a pretty spectacular day, but you made it all about you and what he should be doing for you. You had already told him you would prefer to do something after graduation, and you also said that afternoon would be better (When? Grad was at 4 p.m., I'm sure he had to be there an hour early, spend time with family if any came?) So I would think that meant he was free to do as he wished beforehand, and he did try to bring you into it, whether he wanted one last romp in his old apartment or not. I think if you would have just met him like you said you would, the outcome of the night would have been a lot different. You could have seen him graduate, and you could have celebrated with him afterwards. 1
KBob Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 At 11:26 AM, he text me saying ”I’m here”, then seconds after, he calls me and says: I’m here in the town, I just arrived, are you ready? Or you need more time and I said ”no am not ready, I need time” and he said ”OK in half an hour then (in his terms its like an hour, he is always a little late LOL) I said OK and hung up. I decided to go, I got ready,dressed up,put some makeup. Yes, he was an hour and a half late, but despite him being late, you STILL weren't ready to go. You needed more time. So you were late. Unless you typed that wrong that's how I'm seeing it. 2
Author leslinann Posted March 25, 2017 Author Posted March 25, 2017 I am also lost on the timeline. The original plan was to meet at 10, but it sounds like he was really busy with closing the apartment and graduation, so this timing may seem a bit up in the air, which I would expect should have been discussed. I question why there wasn't more communication on where to meet, and I also question why you were not at least mostly ready for the expected time, so when he did call, it wouldn't take much time to get out the door. I would be miffed waiting an hour and a half, but if it was clear the time may be sketchy, work with it. Instead you waited until he called before you got ready, making you a full hour late. Then you waited. I don't get this. Was he supposed to pick you up, or were you supposed to meet him? If he was supposed to pick you up, I would be mad he never showed at presumably 12:30, giving you an hour to get ready. If you were supposed to meet him at his apartment or somewhere, why didn't you meet him? Why did you sit around and wait for him to text instead of just meet him and solidify where to go for the graduation and afterwards, when you saw him in person? Why not get ready and text him, "I'm on my way"? I agree you seemed to put a certain idea in your head on how the day/night was supposed to go, and you were rather uncompromising when it didn't play out just like the idea you had in your head. The fact you were already thinking about breaking up, suggests you self-sabotaged (probably unconsciously), and there's more going on here, or you wanted to make him work for you, and prove he doesn't want to break up. He had to move. He had to close the apartment. He had graduation. Among all this, he was probably spending time with friends, tying up loose ends, which also sounds like he had to settle into a new place, and just getting through HIS day, which is a pretty spectacular day, but you made it all about you and what he should be doing for you. You had already told him you would prefer to do something after graduation, and you also said that afternoon would be better (When? Grad was at 4 p.m., I'm sure he had to be there an hour early, spend time with family if any came?) So I would think that meant he was free to do as he wished beforehand, and he did try to bring you into it, whether he wanted one last romp in his old apartment or not. I think if you would have just met him like you said you would, the outcome of the night would have been a lot different. You could have seen him graduate, and you could have celebrated with him afterwards. @act00 Hi You are right, but he was supposed to come pick me up at my house, in half an hour to an hour after he called me, so after I hanged up on on him, I got ready, dressed up, and like I said 15 minutes after he called me, I texted him saying: ''we should see eachother better in the evening''( I just did it with the intention to see what his thoughts were, if it was ok with him or not,basically just to get a response from him. If he would of said no, I would have understand. I never thought he would act like that, But I also understand that maybe he was stressed and anxious) maybe he misread this and got mad that's why he dissapeared, but the thing is Since I was not really aware of the time exactly, How can I possibly know it was the text message and not the fact that maybe if I would have not send him that message he would have done the same and ?? Plus not even his family traveled to come to his graduation, as far as I know, Unless he had some hidden agenda ( from the bottom of my heart I don't think so, in the sense that who in there right mind would bring his family early and had to close an apartment and do all these things before a graduation, don't make sense to me) My mom also told me'' 3 years together and he dissapeared just like that? that is really weird!
kendahke Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 (edited) Sounds like he's got separation anxiety. I still think his reaction was very childish and he could of at least express the anger by texting me back, Sounds odd to me! Could have would have should have... He most likely didn't want to get into a protracted text fighting expedition with you. Just because you were spoiling for a fight doesn't mean he's obligated to join in. Edited March 27, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Merge
Author leslinann Posted March 27, 2017 Author Posted March 27, 2017 (edited) Could have would have should have... He most likely didn't want to get into a protracted text fighting expedition with you. READ THIS!,Like I said, I happen to be in a relationship for almost 3 years now, with my older bf and well, I have come to the conclusion that he is somehow mysterious, I mean I get that he is discrete, but it just comes off as mysterious to be quite honest, I Don't even think he has many friends, the only ''friend'' that I have met was his roomate (which is a weed head, smokes a lot of weed) it was a HI and Bye type of interaction, he has another friend that he talks about which is an old man in his 50, that supposedly is a friend of his family, I have never seen that man, another thing supossedly my bf does not smoke, yet I caught a box of marlboro cigarettes underneath his laptop and his odd excuse is: he keeps it there for the laptop to ventilate the hot air. And I said to myself, Oh really? so he bought a box of marlboro just to serve as a laptop cushion, I don't think so. Then when I confronted him he said'' I smoke once in a blue moon, almost never'' so he did lie, why did he not say this from the beginning? I remember when we started dating, he told he me how he disliked all the social media frenzy, and ''did not have any of them''.He happens to hate pictures, in our whole relationship we never took not one picture, I tried long time ago for a dinner,and he did not want to!, he said he look unpolished and so on, he was so awkward about it, and just told me he did not like to take pictures, and the fact that he does not like his pictures to be on internet, since he likes ''privacy''.he also mentioned that there are not many pics of him. Yet I checked his family members facebook and saw 3 pics of him, then, the part that bothered me was that I ended up finding out that he has a facebook profile, with a made up name and an actual picture of him ( very ironic isn't it, since he does not like neither social media or taking pictures and is so conscious about his Privacy Humm???). something that really caught my eye is that he does not have any of his family members on his facebook profile,I have seen all of his families profiles and none of them have him and visceversa. His excuse to why he has that FB account is: ''yeah that's an old FB account that I made, but I don't use, it's been sitting there for some time, but, I don't use it. Honestly I could not see any content, I suppose he has it private, yet I saw 5 people that are friends with him, and facebook suggested them to me, there profiles are public. 4 of them I have seen them from university, and there was this girl, whom I have no clue who she is. so I checked her facebook and HE became friends with her on 2015, to me that is not so long ago, So he must have been logging around that time.Facts are facts and this does not match with his so EXCUSE according to me. This especific facebook issue gives me the impression that something is rotten in the state of denmark, even though he insist in the'' it's old and I don't use it'' excuse. I really don't want to judge him and believe he is not telling the me the truth, But TBH all of it, just seems weird!. Edited March 27, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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