Marshbear Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by scratch JS17, have a look at the theory I set forth in the last post. If you want more guys to be interested, both in terms of quality and quantity (they inadvertently go hand in hand), don't become less independent or smart - become more hot. It is not surface stuff. Do you really think that someone rejected you after weeks or months because you were too independent and smart, rather than because the attraction wasn't that strong to begin with? See the simplest explanation first, my dear. I think JS17 is already HOT so I really don't think that is the problem. You are just finding guys that are not comittment ready or it's bad sex..... Sorry, JS.... I really don't think it's the sex....
JS17 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 yeah, if anything i'm always afraid that i will be liked only for my looks so i'm not too offended...plus none of you dolts have ever seen me. i know why my relationships haven't worked. i've been dating people who are too immature for me and not commitment ready. i can also be very emotional, i know it's not all their fault. i'm just floored by this concept that men don't want independent women because i always thought that they did. cest la vie.
Outcast Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 independent = unfeminine i didn't know that. Only in the minds of spineless, insecure men. And you don't really want one of those, do you? "Damn look at that not at all physically appealing Girl/Guy I MUST go over there and get to know him/her" There is a VAST area between 'HOT' and 'not at all physically appealing' which is inhabited by 'ordinary-looking people'. If you insist on HOT only, you may well do yourself out of what turns out to be a very hot relationship with someone whose looks belie their talents You are just finding guys that are not comittment ready or it's bad sex..... It's so much simpler than that. Some people you can live with and some you can't and that's all about personal preference. So somebody decides you're not his cup of tea (mug of beer, whatever), don't look for the lack in you - just move on and look for someone who suits you and whom you suit.
scratch Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 See your posts below: Originally posted by JS17 i've been dating people who are too immature for me and not commitment ready. i can also be very emotional, i know it's not all their fault. Originally posted by JS17 i'm just floored by this concept that men don't want independent women because i always thought that they did. You see the inherent contradiction, do you not? One one hand, you are high-maintainance emotionally, yet on the other independent? That's actually kind of a pet peeve of mine. I had an ex where "independent" didn't mean that I didn't have to take care of her, it just meant that I couldn't tell her what to do. I'm sure you're more fair about it than she was, but I'm curious to hear what you mean by independent, and very emotional.
Merin Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Outcast There is a VAST area between 'HOT' and 'not at all physically appealing' which is inhabited by 'ordinary-looking people'. If you insist on HOT only, you may well do yourself out of what turns out to be a very hot relationship with someone whose looks belie their talents I'm aware there is a vast area between hot and not at all physically appealing, my point is/was typically there needs to be some kind of physical attraction (I didn't say the person MUST be hot, I said there needs to be some appeal) for a person to find reason to want to get to know/date the other person in question. I don't insist on hot, I don't insist on a certain hieght, wieght, eye colour, hair colour, etc... However there must be something about the Guy in question that I find physically appealing or the chances of us dating are not good.
JS17 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 in the context of dating, independent in that i take care of myself, i don't "need" anything. emotional in that "my feathers get ruffled" easily.
BLF04 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Independant can have different meanings w/ people. Me and my ex gf of 4 yrs just broke it off for the 2nd time. She broke it off, but I was ready to do it myself. Why? Because Im going to be a senior in college, have lots of friends, and she would never let me do anything w/ them by myself. If I was so lucky to go drinking w/ them, she had to come everytime, even if she was the only girl. Thats definently NOT independant. As far as "HOT" girls. I've only dated them. My two ex gf's in college are 5'10" & 5'9", one brown hair the other blonde. One is an only child that cant be single and has issues. The other was not good in bed. Im single. Im actually a pretty "down to earth" person. I get it from parents and share w/ my friends. I just haven't figured it out yet in a mate. peace.
Marshbear Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 independent in that i take care of myself, i don't "need" anything Men do want to think he is not insignificant in a women's life. If she doesn't need him he might as well be a sign post. emotional in that "my feathers get ruffled" easily. Does this mean you are emotionally high-maintenance?
alphamale Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Merin However there must be something about the Guy in question that I find physically appealing or the chances of us dating are not good. chances are, MERIN, that if you find something physically appealing in some particular dude then the majority of women will find something physicallly appealing in him also. People don't understand this concept. Basically, if one member of the opposite sex finds person "X" attractive, then chances are that many others will be attracted to person "X" also. Good looking people are almost universally attractive to the oppostie sex.
Merin Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Good looking people are almost universally attractive to the oppostie sex. This isn't a new or unusual concept for me, I don't disagree that more than one person will find another attractive, I don't disagree that Good Looking people are attractive to others.. What is appealing to ME isn't going to be whats appealing to EVERYONE else and vice versa.. we don't all like the same things... only point was/is (AGAIN) That regardless of whom it is we are talking about IF they do not find SOMETHING physically appealing about a Male/Female chances of getting to know or date that person are not good.
JS17 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear Men do want to think he is not insignificant in a women's life. If she doesn't need him he might as well be a sign post. well what do you "need" from a woman?
alphamale Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Merin ... only point was/is (AGAIN) That regardless of whom it is we are talking about IF they do not find SOMETHING physically appealing about a Male/Female chances of getting to know or date that person are not good. exactly MERIN....and that is why 10% of the people get 90% of the dates. i know attractive women that date a new guy every month.... i know ugly women who have not had a date in 5 yrs.... make your own conclusion.
Merin Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale exactly MERIN....and that is why 10% of the people get 90% of the dates. i know attractive women that date a new guy every month.... i know ugly women who have not had a date in 5 yrs.... make your own conclusion. What!? *Merin pops tylenol and looks for the xanex* LOL I think you just like to scream my name Alpha
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale chances are, MERIN, that if you find something physically appealing in some particular dude then the majority of women will find something physicallly appealing in him also. People don't understand this concept. Basically, if one member of the opposite sex finds person "X" attractive, then chances are that many others will be attracted to person "X" also. Good looking people are almost universally attractive to the oppostie sex. You mean that the ugly looking people are almost universally attractive to same sex people? LOL Sorry, I couldn't resist. I do understand your theory ALPHA, but at the same time, what one finds attractive in someone may not be what is attractive to another. But is attractiveness just about beauty or is it the whole package...I mean a man or a woman could be drop dead gorgeous, but stupid as all hell. To me, the attractiveness of that person is wasted. There's ALOT more then just physical beauty. Much of it is HOW the person carrys themselves and what's inside. Remember, looks fade in life, personality doesn't, it only shines even more. I guess, I'm just curious how important attraction is in a relationship? It all has to be right, stars, sun and moon lined up ... It all comes down to taste and chemistry. You could meet the greatest person in the world, but if you aren't attracted to them physically, it's definately harder to pursue a relationship and hope someday the attraction will come. Obviously there is someone out there for everyone, otherwise many would be very lonely and alone. What always amazes me is you see couples together and wonder....??? Yes, we've all done that! What brought them together!! Kinda reaction. To me, my husband is right for me. If I didn't "feel" it, I wouldn't be with him, no matter how goregeous he was.
JS17 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 independent - adjective - Having political independence: autonomous, free, self-governing, sovereign. See dependence/independence, free/unfree. - Free from the influence, guidance, or control of others: self-contained, self-reliant, self-sufficient. See dependence/independence. - Able to support oneself financially: self-sufficient, self-supporting. See dependence/independence, money.
Marshbear Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 well what do you "need" from a woman? Well, the obvious answer, since I am a man, is sex. What do you "need" from a man?
JS17 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 companionship, intimacy, love & sex....i am a woman afterall, it's not going to be just sex.
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear Well, the obvious answer, since I am a man, is sex. What do you "need" from a man? Well a blow up f*** Doll can do the same thing. What else do you need from a woman? OK, oral sex is next on your list...What else?
Marshbear Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 companionship, intimacy, love & sex....i am a woman afterall, it's not going to be just sex. The question is what do I NEED from a women. I want love, companionship and intimacy.
Marshbear Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup Well a blow up f*** Doll can do the same thing. What else do you need from a woman? OK, oral sex is next on your list...What else? And they don't talk back... I want lots of things from the woman I love and she from me. The one thing I can't provide for myself is sex. I am not able to f^ck myself. I hope you don't think I am so shallow to think all a women is good for is sex.
Marshbear Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 companionship, intimacy, love & sex....i am a woman afterall, it's not going to be just sex. If you had companionship, love, intimacy but no sex would you still be with him? Be honest...
whichwayisup Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear And they don't talk back... I want lots of things from the woman I love and she from me. The one thing I can't provide for myself is sex. I am not able to f^ck myself. I hope you don't think I am so shallow to think all a women is good for is sex. I think my line of the day is, Thanks for the visual! You're funny. I don't think you're shallow. Just honest. Obviously sex is a huge part of being with someone you love. If my husband didn't put out at all, it would be really hard to deal with that...I mean if he was in an accident or couldn't get it up anymore, that would be different, but if it was by HIS choice or didn't feel attracted to me, well, I'd be real upset. If we didn't have it to begin with, I'd never would have stayed with him. Why bother going deeper into a relationship if the sex sucks????
Outcast Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 i know attractive women that date a new guy every month.... And most of Hollywood's most beautiful women have had zillions of dates - and several divorces, too. I guess if your only goal in life is to go out with as many people as possible rather than to have some quality long-term relationships you might think that admirable.
New_Wife Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 To the OP, for me, if I am attracted to the man or not is very important. He doesn't have to be Antonio Sabato Jr. though. A perfectly plain guy can be sexy with a devestating smile and wicked sense of humor. A tall walk, maybe even a little strut, confident stance, great laugh, eyes that twinkle when he's mischevious - these are very very attractive traits! Conversely, I have met some truly gorgeous men who didn't have the brains God gave a tree stump. The looks are nice enough for a minute or two of good oogling, but that's it. It's like a fluffy appetizer when you're hankering for a good solid meal. So, my answer to your question is this: attractiveness is very important, just allow yourself to experience the full realm of it - not just knee-jerk first impressions.
JS17 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear If you had companionship, love, intimacy but no sex would you still be with him? Be honest... yes i would, and i've done it before, kind of. my bf in college didn't want to have sex. we were together for a while but i didn't love him. my bf that i broke up with in the beginning of the year had ED and i was willing to marry him. i may not be the norm though.
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