Girlfriend being vague

[Johnson1]

Yeah.

 

You're on the way to losing her with this childish pouting.

 

You said you like honesty so there's some real honesty and I'm not trying to snark. I'm being real. As a GF I wouldn't put up with this sort of thing for long. Whether you mean it this way or not (and you probably don't - you seem the decent sort), it comes off as: I'm going to force my way into your privacy by first asking, then, when you won't give up exact details, pouting. It seems like the way a 5-year-old would operate and the pouting seems as controlling as the questions.

 

Get a hold on this problem you're having and if over time you legitimately feel constantly lied to, then that's the problem itself and you probably need to be going out with someone else instead, because in that latter case, either you literally can not control your jealousy and suspicion, or she actually is a liar and you definitely CAN'T control that...liars just get more sneaky when they're discovered.

 

I hope this all works out for you. As I said, you seem like a good guy. But you do sound controlling. I'm sorry. Work on that.

 

Agreed, and thank you, I am a good person. Although I wouldn't say I'm controlling. I'd never tell anyone what they can and can't do. I watch and observe. If anything I'd be guilty of assuming the worst too quickly based on past experiences.

 

When you have even the slightest doubt it's difficult to stay positive. Ladies especially let a guy know if somethings bothering them by giving them the silent treatment or act different in some way you have to admit.

 

All I want to is to know that I'm not being taken for a ride again.

Edited March 24, 2017 by Vocals5

[Redhead14]

Although I wouldn't say I'm controlling -- insecurity, spinning, reading into things without being balanced against logic, etc. are the seeds for controlling behavior . . . these are the kinds of things that cause a person to start putting the partner under a microscope and questioning everything they do and/or say and causes the partner to start feeling smothered and will pull away. It creeps into a relationship very quietly at first.

[joseb]

I think you are worrying about the wrong things.

 

What is odd is someone you just started a relationship with moving in and giving you control of her finances. What's all that about?

[GemmaUK]

How long have you actually been dating? I see odd things on both sides here.

 

1. She wants to move in.

2. She wants to pass her finances over to you.

3. You seem to want/need to know everything she does.

4. You 'have concerns' over her passwords.

 

Were 1 & 2 her decision alone?

3 & 4 You do know that a person is entitled to their privacy don't you? Even if you were to get married.

 

Your paranoia though will lead to controlling behaviour - sounds like it has in your other relationships.

 

To be honest you don't sound ready to date.

Edited March 25, 2017 by GemmaUK

[BluesPower]

What's messed up is once you've been lied to and cheated on by gaslighter's and narcissists to the point where you doubt yourself and your own inquisitiveness you started to doubt everything and anything, even your own gut.

 

In my case I'm 90% certain (and in some cases 100%) right about my ex's and so are others I know who have either known them personally and advised me beforehand to stay away, or whom I explained events to them and they concurred they were BS'ers. This woman is unequivocally the best woman I've ever been with in my entire life, sweet as can be, loving, caring, compassionate, soft hearted, yet I'm starting to question even her. If I lose her I'm done forever with relationships. I am dead serious.

 

Buddy, here is the real issue...

 

Yes you are paranoid. But the real issue is that you are too "dependent" or maybe co-dependent in general on your relationships or GF's.

 

Let me make some guesses about your marriage and last GF. When you found out your wife cheated, did you kick her to the curb or try to beg her back??? When your GF lied and cheated did you try to get her back or just blow her off?

 

Here is the deal, and I am not much younger than you... For me, if a woman want to be with me, well then cool. If she does something to piss me off or lies to me, she is done. They all know this and if they want my time and attention they know the rules.

 

Of course, in my case, I don't get too deep with any one woman, I date a variety of women. And I am not exclusive with them, so in general I really don't care what they do when they are not with me. I just don't put up with any drama or lying.

 

For you, if you want this relationship to work, dude, you need to relax. And also, when a woman acts the way you describe your GF, man she is deep in love with you. So I would just chill out and enjoy the ride...

[spiderowl]

She is entitled to have private conversations with others. She is entitled to receive messages and not share them with you. She is entitled to have private passwords. She is not entitled to cheat on you, but as far as I can see there is no suggestion that she is doing that.

 

I agree you are worrying about the wrong things. Her apparent naivety in trusting you with her finances and roping you in to help her to cut off her son is a bit weird. It may be true that he's awful and that she needs help with this but it is not appropriate in a new relationship.

 

If you'd been lied to before and have become more insecure as a result of this, then I can understand your need to feel that everything is above board. However, you cannot expect her to share passwords or private correspondence. I know some couples do but it is not something I would tolerate from a partner. There has to be a certain amount of trust. You are already watching her very closely for signs of something being wrong. Maybe there is something wrong but it does not sound as if cheating is an issue. Trust your instincts but don't invade her privacy.