Jj66 Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 When people tell you who they are, BELIEVE them. If it's not what you want to hear, otherwise be skeptical.
Space Ritual Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 Im just gonna keep drilling her and sit back and see how it plays out. You are getting repeat business so you are obviously doing something right. 1
lionlover1973 Posted March 24, 2017 Posted March 24, 2017 I am frankly astonished that a woman can have sex like that with a man and not feel attached. Believe it. It's not terribly all that uncommon. Sure, biologically - women typically aren't designed for meaningless sex - but that doesn't mean it does not exist. That is not to suggest 'casual sex' is more important to a woman (most women) over 'meaningful sex', nine times out of ten she will opt for 'meaningful sex' over 'casual sex' (and, I tend to believe women who engage in ongoing casual sex, risk an aftermath that does not benefit them psychologically, or otherwise). I am quite an emotional individual when push comes to shove, but there were a few times where I was able to 'detach' emotionally. Nonetheless, I prefer 'meaningful sex' and I presume most women do (casual sex is hollowing and having sex with someone when feelings are present, is sooo much better). Consider the above - and, tread carefully. 2
Redhead14 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Why? Is it just because she doesn't? She doesn't sound like gf material. Sounds like she is either still with the ex or hoping to get back with him. Just enjoy it for what it is. Hookup sex isn't usually as clinical as you seem to expect it to be, so don't read too much into staring into eyes, etc. If you can't just enjoy it then I'd say you should drop it. She doesn't sound like gf material. -- Of course, she is, Joseb, up above he said she's baking a cake for crying out loud 1
hercules22 Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 cut her off if u already fell for her things might get worse not worth it 1
salparadise Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 Your best hope is to be completely cool and hold back any expressions of emotion. Keep up the great sex, but let her come to you. Don't initiate anything, don't express anything, don't inform her of what you're doing when she's not around. Date other women. Be stoic, be mysterious, and keep giving it to her good. I think this is the only behavior that has any chance of evoking more emotion from her. And it might not happen, so don't invest emotionally or you risk doing so alone. Yup, Ruby has it right I think. She has the avoidant push-pull thing going on. Your biggest mistake would be to catch feelings before she does. You need to present a challenge, be a bit more aloof and less available, trigger her anxiety. Don't let her think that she's conquered you, make her work for it and wait until she wants more... and even then be somewhat reticent. This dynamic is probably not good for a long-term relationship as it will always be tenuous, lacking depth and intimacy, and you'll never know when she's going to pull the plug. It's built around novelty and excitement, and that's not sustainable. So protect your heart as you enjoy the ride and have lots of fun. Of course there is a chance that she could flip and want the opposite, but it's unlikely. Keep the expectation realistic based on what you know more than what you feel. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 One thing that you seem to think is that just because this woman is smart, she is somehow more skilled at playing strategic games to catch a man. I am a highly educated woman as well and lots of men I date seem to think the same way you do. There are a few flaws: 1. Academic/career smarts have nothing to do with "street smarts" that involve knowing how to "catch a man". A high school dropout may have a better intuition on how to achieve that than a PhD graduate. 2. There is an assumption by you that her "end game" is to somehow manipulate you into catching you for a relationship. Sometimes a woman genuinely doesn't want a relationship and therefore has no "end game". 3. The simplest explanation is usually true. 1
BluesPower Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 One thing that you seem to think is that just because this woman is smart, she is somehow more skilled at playing strategic games to catch a man. I am a highly educated woman as well and lots of men I date seem to think the same way you do. There are a few flaws: 1. Academic/career smarts have nothing to do with "street smarts" that involve knowing how to "catch a man". A high school dropout may have a better intuition on how to achieve that than a PhD graduate. 2. There is an assumption by you that her "end game" is to somehow manipulate you into catching you for a relationship. Sometimes a woman genuinely doesn't want a relationship and therefore has no "end game". 3. The simplest explanation is usually true. Brother man, you are in dangerous territory with out a doubt. You need to keep your feelings in check. And think about this... You can ride the wave until you meet someone that you are really interested in. Then if you have to you can have a talk when you need to make a decision. This is what I do. But the other way around. When a woman wants a relationship she will let you know. Which for me is when I usually leave her, sad but true. Until then, have fun and enjoy yourself, but keep the love in check or you will get hurt... 2
TheBathWater Posted March 25, 2017 Posted March 25, 2017 (edited) Keep seeing her, and see as many other women as you can. Ideally, you want to find at least one other woman you feel the same intensity with. If/when she wants more, she'll let you know, but don't make her your primary focus. I get so exhausted when every thread's responses are garnished with "dump them and move on." Unless people are blatantly hurting each other and being abusive, and as long as there is chemistry, relationships deserve a chance. Relationships develop over time and will always include conflict as part of the narrative. I think more people just need to learn how to tolerate said conflict without polarizing in the "dump them" direction or the "I've absolutely got to have them" direction. I am not exempt from this. Edited March 25, 2017 by TunaInTheBrine 1
Author SpinScratch Posted March 26, 2017 Author Posted March 26, 2017 Keep seeing her, and see as many other women as you can. Ideally, you want to find at least one other woman you feel the same intensity with. If/when she wants more, she'll let you know, but don't make her your primary focus. I get so exhausted when every thread's responses are garnished with "dump them and move on." Unless people are blatantly hurting each other and being abusive, and as long as there is chemistry, relationships deserve a chance. Relationships develop over time and will always include conflict as part of the narrative. I think more people just need to learn how to tolerate said conflict without polarizing in the "dump them" direction or the "I've absolutely got to have them" direction. I am not exempt from this. Right... Im having a lot of fun with her, and if I never saw her again it wouldnt be devastating. So why would I dump her? No good things in life come without risk. Everything seems to be going awesome and conversations are getting deeper. but this ex she has going on is killing it, shes going to visit him for a few days this week. And honestly, I dont know if i'll feel the same way about her when she gets back. We talk all day everyday, but im sure that will stop while shes gone, and im certainly not going to initiate contact, nor answer her if she does. Last time we banged, just before we reached the finish line, she said she was gonna think of me the whole time she was with him. It just seems like an odd thing to bring up for sex talk... either there is a little truth to that statement, or she reads something in me and thinks thats what I want to hear... or both. Whether or not she starts to push this ex by the wayside for me will dictate the path I intend to take with her. But I understand why she's not doing that for a guy she only met 3-4 weeks ago. 2
TheBathWater Posted March 30, 2017 Posted March 30, 2017 Right... Im having a lot of fun with her, and if I never saw her again it wouldnt be devastating. So why would I dump her? No good things in life come without risk. Everything seems to be going awesome and conversations are getting deeper. but this ex she has going on is killing it, shes going to visit him for a few days this week. And honestly, I dont know if i'll feel the same way about her when she gets back. We talk all day everyday, but im sure that will stop while shes gone, and im certainly not going to initiate contact, nor answer her if she does. Last time we banged, just before we reached the finish line, she said she was gonna think of me the whole time she was with him. It just seems like an odd thing to bring up for sex talk... either there is a little truth to that statement, or she reads something in me and thinks thats what I want to hear... or both. Whether or not she starts to push this ex by the wayside for me will dictate the path I intend to take with her. But I understand why she's not doing that for a guy she only met 3-4 weeks ago. Just remember, he's her ex for a reason. Even if she continues to meet up with him or see other guys, it is likely that all of them will screw things up at some point. As long as a man (i.e. you) can be consistent with NOT screwing things up with a woman, the woman becomes a lot more likely to ultimately ditch the other guys and want exclusivity with you. The thing is, most men don't make it that far because they screw up (e.g. get needy, demand exclusivity before she's ready, become unglued when they develop feelings, etc...). Hang in there.
Author SpinScratch Posted April 15, 2017 Author Posted April 15, 2017 She said she's starting to 'feel something" for me, and that something "might be growing", which she did not expect. She said it partially due to the way we have sex which she described as making love. I havent seen her in over a week now because I think she's trying to get a handle on all of that, but we still text everyday. So I guess im starting to get an answer to my original question about why she is not feeling attached... she is. Im just gonna play it cool and give her time because I know she has her hang ups about the responsibilities of being in a relationship, but at the same time, now I know she likes me.
Emilia Posted April 15, 2017 Posted April 15, 2017 She said she's starting to 'feel something" for me, and that something "might be growing", which she did not expect. She said it partially due to the way we have sex which she described as making love. I havent seen her in over a week now because I think she's trying to get a handle on all of that, but we still text everyday. So I guess im starting to get an answer to my original question about why she is not feeling attached... she is. Im just gonna play it cool and give her time because I know she has her hang ups about the responsibilities of being in a relationship, but at the same time, now I know she likes me. A person can love someone and still screw up the relationship. It's not just about the other person catching feelings, it's whether they are capable of having a healthy relationship without stupid games. You are planning to have a relationship with a woman who may or may not be banging her ex right now and who may or may not do this in the future even if you two get together. You want to commit to a woman who has no boundaries and who doesn't care that you could potentially pull back at the appearance of the ex. Is your self respect really this low?
reeseyummy Posted April 16, 2017 Posted April 16, 2017 There are 2 choices, stay in the game or abort. Abort- She warned you she's not into a serious relationship, stop wasting your time. Stay in the game- Means you are going to treat this as a battle game. She's the prize. You will have to work some techniques to win her. I don't know her so you might need to think about how, but get her emotionally attached by strategy. But, set a bottomline. You're challenge is going to be difficult, and sometimes you need to know when to back off.
Author SpinScratch Posted April 16, 2017 Author Posted April 16, 2017 Is your self respect really this low? Interesting question
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