She wants sex but no relationship

[SpinScratch]

So I met this girl... we started texting all day for a couple days. We have a lot in common, and a lot to talk about. She just recently got out of a long term relationship and moved back home, but still is in contact with him, now her "best friend" (yeah right). We are both about 30.

 

Now let me preface all this with the fact that this girl is very smart and educated (which I love). So I feel like everything she says, or does, has intention. Cut to the chase...

 

We have been having very intense sex. Without getting to graphic, this is lovers sex, not hookup sex. Calling out each other names, staring into each other eyes as we ^$*@, together... you get the idea.

 

So obviously, Im fallin hard, but i havent told her. She maintains that she doesnt believe in love, and doesnt want a relationship, and doesnt want to give up her independence to another man. And says that what we are doing is "dangerous". I am frankly astonished that a woman can have sex like that with a man and not feel attached.

 

But I think this might be a cat and mouse game. In bed she LOVES to push me away and build anticipation. I feel like she's doing the same thing emotionally, she is a very smart girl. I feel like she has her heart in so many different places... her recent ex, and another man she said she will always love.... now that I type that, it doesnt seem like the kind of woman I should be with, but we just connect on every level and I want all of her... what to do?

[smackie9]

No you connect with her on every level...she is just playing a role to make the sex intense...no different than someone getting excited if their partner dresses up as fireman or rough sex. She's just kinky that way.

 

Whatever her issue is you are not going to change her...she warned you for a reason.

[KBob]

If she doesn't believe in love, but you're falling for her, then she's right, what you're doing is dangerous. She's made the warning very clear: you are in danger of being hurt.

[SpinScratch]

hmm... yeah maybe i need to get my stuff under control, and just ride the wave until it crashes.

[NTV]

You use her for physical needs until bored and move on. if you cant or wont do that then drop her now. She isn't girlfriend material at the moment. Definitely not marriage material.

[mikeylo]

Isn't it great that you know it the way it is rather than wasting a decade and trying to figure it out or trying to make something out of nothing ?

[Redhead14]

So I met this girl... we started texting all day for a couple days. We have a lot in common, and a lot to talk about. She just recently got out of a long term relationship and moved back home, but still is in contact with him, now her "best friend" (yeah right). We are both about 30.

 

Now let me preface all this with the fact that this girl is very smart and educated (which I love). So I feel like everything she says, or does, has intention. Cut to the chase...

 

We have been having very intense sex. Without getting to graphic, this is lovers sex, not hookup sex. Calling out each other names, staring into each other eyes as we ^$*@, together... you get the idea.

 

So obviously, Im fallin hard, but i havent told her. She maintains that she doesnt believe in love, and doesnt want a relationship, and doesnt want to give up her independence to another man. And says that what we are doing is "dangerous". I am frankly astonished that a woman can have sex like that with a man and not feel attached.

 

But I think this might be a cat and mouse game. In bed she LOVES to push me away and build anticipation. I feel like she's doing the same thing emotionally, she is a very smart girl. I feel like she has her heart in so many different places... her recent ex, and another man she said she will always love.... now that I type that, it doesnt seem like the kind of woman I should be with, but we just connect on every level and I want all of her... what to do?

 

We have been having very intense sex. Without getting to graphic, this is lovers sex, not hookup sex. Calling out each other names, staring into each other eyes as we ^$*@, together... you get the idea.

 

So obviously, Im fallin hard -- So, intense sex = love??? Paleeze.

 

this is lovers sex, not hookup sex. -- This is you spinning reality -- it is hook up sex because she's basically told you she doesn't want anything else.

 

but we just connect on every level -- You are connecting on every level, she isn't. And, there is no connection unless both parties are holding the other end of the scenario.

 

I am frankly astonished that a woman can have sex like that with a man and not feel attached. -- Some women who are content with the way their lives are and really don't want a relationship can do that very well. They are attached to the sex at least . . .

 

I feel like she has her heart in so many different places... her recent ex, and another man she said she will always love.... this says she very easily can be disconnected emotionally.

 

I feel like she's doing the same thing emotionally, she is a very smart girl. -- You want her to be doing that . . .

 

If she is as smart as you think/say, she's smart enough to know what she does and doesn't want and, therefore, you should believe her words and not spin them so that you can string yourself along.

[coolheadal]

So I met this girl... we started texting all day for a couple days. We have a lot in common, and a lot to talk about. She just recently got out of a long term relationship and moved back home, but still is in contact with him, now her "best friend" (yeah right). We are both about 30.

 

Now let me preface all this with the fact that this girl is very smart and educated (which I love). So I feel like everything she says, or does, has intention. Cut to the chase...

 

We have been having very intense sex. Without getting to graphic, this is lovers sex, not hookup sex. Calling out each other names, staring into each other eyes as we ^$*@, together... you get the idea.

 

So obviously, Im fallin hard, but i havent told her. She maintains that she doesnt believe in love, and doesnt want a relationship, and doesnt want to give up her independence to another man. And says that what we are doing is "dangerous". I am frankly astonished that a woman can have sex like that with a man and not feel attached.

 

But I think this might be a cat and mouse game. In bed she LOVES to push me away and build anticipation. I feel like she's doing the same thing emotionally, she is a very smart girl. I feel like she has her heart in so many different places... her recent ex, and another man she said she will always love.... now that I type that, it doesnt seem like the kind of woman I should be with, but we just connect on every level and I want all of her... what to do?

 

Have fun, but be careful as you already know she's still in communication with her ex an others. Your just her release then when done she tells you bye for now. I been here also, I don't like that, that's no relationship at all just for sex and that's it. She's in control. I am sure if she came over she would talk a little then want to take it into your bedroom and in your bed. But if that's all you want to do with this women then do it. But your not going to get anything else with her. Your barking up the wrong tree. We men want so much but tolerate so much too. So what you connect on all levels that's doesn't men squat. It's all about sex with her and you know it. She only wants sex if you don't want sex with her only then move on to find more than sex with the next woman. Do not waste time with her you can have her on the side and find another woman. You do not have to be one man woman.

[Erik30]

Listen to her and believe what she says, I wouldn't be shocked if one day she decides to go back to her ex. She doesn't want a relationship... with you. Enjoy it while it lasts, and try not to get too attached

[VeveCakes]

When people tell you who they are, BELIEVE them.

[Miss Spider]

So I met this girl... we started texting all day for a couple days. We have a lot in common, and a lot to talk about. She just recently got out of a long term relationship and moved back home, but still is in contact with him, now her "best friend" (yeah right). We are both about 30.

 

Now let me preface all this with the fact that this girl is very smart and educated (which I love). So I feel like everything she says, or does, has intention. Cut to the chase...

 

We have been having very intense sex. Without getting to graphic, this is lovers sex, not hookup sex. Calling out each other names, staring into each other eyes as we ^$*@, together... you get the idea.

 

So obviously, Im fallin hard, but i havent told her. She maintains that she doesnt believe in love, and doesnt want a relationship, and doesnt want to give up her independence to another man. And says that what we are doing is "dangerous". I am frankly astonished that a woman can have sex like that with a man and not feel attached.

 

But I think this might be a cat and mouse game. In bed she LOVES to push me away and build anticipation. I feel like she's doing the same thing emotionally, she is a very smart girl. I feel like she has her heart in so many different places... her recent ex, and another man she said she will always love.... now that I type that, it doesnt seem like the kind of woman I should be with, but we just connect on every level and I want all of her... what to do?

 

She sounds like she still has feelings for ex and not that into you so the detached sex is easier. At this moment, I see where she's coming from. If my personality and my morals would allow me, I would go out and have intense, detached sex with someone I was very attracted to, but not connect with them at all. And it would probably be enjoyable. This is like a rebound fling . If you are falling, cut it off.

[curiouslysearching]

Listen to her and believe what she says, I wouldn't be shocked if one day she decides to go back to her ex. She doesn't want a relationship... with you. Enjoy it while it lasts, and try not to get too attached

 

It would not surprise me either. Take it for what it is and if you want

something more you might be looking in the wrong place. just my

take on it......

[curiouslysearching]

No you connect with her on every level...she is just playing a role to make the sex intense...no different than someone getting excited if their partner dresses up as fireman or rough sex. She's just kinky that way.

 

Whatever her issue is you are not going to change her...she warned you for a reason.

 

Is this a "sort of" ROLEPLAY scenario? If so, how many enjoy such trysts?

[curiouslysearching]

So I met this girl... we started texting all day for a couple days. We have a lot in common, and a lot to talk about. She just recently got out of a long term relationship and moved back home, but still is in contact with him, now her "best friend" (yeah right). We are both about 30.

 

Now let me preface all this with the fact that this girl is very smart and educated (which I love). So I feel like everything she says, or does, has intention. Cut to the chase...

 

We have been having very intense sex. Without getting to graphic, this is lovers sex, not hookup sex. Calling out each other names, staring into each other eyes as we ^$*@, together... you get the idea.

 

So obviously, Im fallin hard, but i havent told her. She maintains that she doesnt believe in love, and doesnt want a relationship, and doesnt want to give up her independence to another man. And says that what we are doing is "dangerous". I am frankly astonished that a woman can have sex like that with a man and not feel attached.

 

But I think this might be a cat and mouse game. In bed she LOVES to push me away and build anticipation. I feel like she's doing the same thing emotionally, she is a very smart girl. I feel like she has her heart in so many different places... her recent ex, and another man she said she will always love.... now that I type that, it doesnt seem like the kind of woman I should be with, but we just connect on every level and I want all of her... what to do?

 

I have NEVER EVER come across a woman like you describe. It almost

seems like the male and female roles are reversed. IE..she is acting like a guy. To be candid, most women that I have interacted with are very reserved and adverse to even discussing intimate things.

[Space Ritual]

what to do?

 

Bang it like a drum kit at a Black Sabbath Concert until one of you tires of it and moves on. That's what you do. It's quite simple. lol.

 

Why the hell you youngsters these days make things so difficult for yourself by looking a gift horse in the mouth is beyond comprehension. lol

[lolablue17]

If she maintains clarifying your status multiple times, she is probably reminding herself not to get too attached to you, which is more of a decision than her current true feeling.

 

Anyway, she arranges her life according to her needs, you should do the same. I advise you to talk to her about it, not from a weak point, but from a strong place of a man who knows what he wants and insist of getting it.

 

You can say that this situation in which you're not exclusive, and everyone can have sex with other people, was ok for the beginning, but doesn't suite your needs right now, and if she insists, well, you're going to look for a real girlfriend, bye bye.

[Miss Spider]

Bang it like a drum kit at a Black Sabbath Concert until one of you tires of it and moves on. That's what you do. It's quite simple. lol.

 

Why the hell you youngsters these days make things so difficult for yourself by looking a gift horse in the mouth is beyond comprehension. lol

 

It's not such a gift once you have feelings and want an emotional connection and you don't feel worthy of that. It will be painful later when she starts fading and then completely drops him to start dating/sleeping with another guy and he still likes her. Not worth the sex sometimes especially if OP has the ability to getting casual sex without too much difficulty.

Edited March 24, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[SpinScratch]

Well... we are mostly having sex... but its not just like she comes over and bangs me and leaves. She stops over without having sex, texts me everyday, reads me her poems, tells me all the things she wants to do with me this summer... shes baking me a cake right now for heaven sake.. but doesnt want a relationship? It just doesnt make sense to me. All signs point to she wants something more, except that she says she doesnt.

 

Thats why I think she MIGHT be playing some kind of cat and mouse game. But obviously all the women here see it differently... so maybe not.

 

EDIT: and yes i do get casual sex elsewhere... very easily. But this is the one I would want to try something more with.

Edited March 24, 2017 by SpinScratch

[central]

At best, I think you can only let this evolve and see what happens. I've had FWB who would do those kind of relationship things, too - but they were just being good friends. Sometimes these things do become a relationship - if you can't handle the possibility that it won't, or that she'll end it if you push her, then you should get out now. Most relationships end (and nearly half of marriages), so that wouldn't be an unusual outcome. However, spending more time in this quasi-relationship does limit your time and focus on finding someone great who also wants a deeper relationship.

[BlueIvy]

As a woman, it sounds like she is still in love with her ex or has feelings for him. For one, she is still in touch with him. And she calls him her "best friend." She kinda reminds me of myself. I still stay in touch with my ex, we both do because there are still feelings there and I call him my best friend,lol. I think she is trying to get her ex out of her system hence she is having detached sex with you. You say it's making love sex, but she doesn't love you so she is probably just a very passionate sexual person.

 

As for her texting you everyday and baking a cake for you, it could just be her being nice or being a friend. You said it yourself, it's mostly sex.

 

I would see how it develops but if a few months pass and it's still sex, then that's all it's gonna be.

[smackie9]

Is this a "sort of" ROLEPLAY scenario? If so, how many enjoy such trysts?

Some people get sexually aroused by playing with and smelling balloons and make it a part of their sex play.....anything is possible when it comes to things that are kept behind bedroom doors.

[joseb]

 

Thats why I think she MIGHT be playing some kind of cat and mouse game. But obviously all the women here see it differently... so maybe not.

 

EDIT: and yes i do get casual sex elsewhere... very easily. But this is the one I would want to try something more with.

 

Why? Is it just because she doesn't?

 

She doesn't sound like gf material. Sounds like she is either still with the ex or hoping to get back with him.

 

Just enjoy it for what it is. Hookup sex isn't usually as clinical as you seem to expect it to be, so don't read too much into staring into eyes, etc.

 

If you can't just enjoy it then I'd say you should drop it.

[SpinScratch]

Appreciate all the honest input. It really puts things into perspective. Im just gonna keep drilling her and sit back and see how it plays out.

[VeveCakes]

Good luck hiding those feelings...

[Ruby Slippers]

I want all of her

Your best hope is to be completely cool and hold back any expressions of emotion. Keep up the great sex, but let her come to you. Don't initiate anything, don't express anything, don't inform her of what you're doing when she's not around. Date other women. Be stoic, be mysterious, and keep giving it to her good. I think this is the only behavior that has any chance of evoking more emotion from her. And it might not happen, so don't invest emotionally or you risk doing so alone.