Blessed2231 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 So my ex & I were in a relationship for about 9 months & recently broke up around mid January. During the course of our relationship the good far outweigh the bad, but there was a few incidents that happened that caused her to lose some of the trust you have for me. Since we have broken up, we have hung out two different time and each time it ended in us having sex. I am just a little confused because she keeps saying that she needs space, but continues to contact me via text and Snapchat on a regular basis, but when I ask her about what she wants she keeps telling me that she hasn't had the time to process things. At this point, I'm starting to feel like it's not even worth it anymore. For myself, I know exactly what I want and I would love for her to be a part of my life and I have relayed that information to her. I'm just really confused and would appreciate any real advice that could be provided to me at this point. I love this woman very much and would love to reconcile things with her and give our relationship another chance, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. Also, we had a lot of plans for the future and before we had broken up I had bought her a gift for Valentine's Day. Do I still give her the gift? Or do I just keep it?
ExpatInItaly Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 What happened that caused her lose trust in you?
Author Blessed2231 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 about 5 months into our relationship, I noticed that she was bringing up a guys name pretty often, so I checked her phone and saw that she had been texting him when we first started dating, but it had been a long time since they had talked. I know I made a mistake by doing that and when I asked her about it she was very upset and told me that she has lot have lost trust in me and needed time to get past it. This was in November and she ended up breaking up with me in January because she said that she couldn't let things go and that she needed space to work through this issue on her own and to figure out if she wanted to be in a relationship with me again.
central Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 It sounds like an excuse - IMO, she wants a break from you to be with that guy and decide which of the two of you may be better for her. Since she kept mentioning him, she probably has another way of communicating. Now, I could be wrong, but it's worth considering.
Author Blessed2231 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 Well this guy doesn't even live in the same state, so I'd have to rule that option out right now. It's just confusing. I really feel that she is sincere whe. She says she's confused by her actions, but I could be wrong. We had something really good. Our kids were involved & we were a pretty happy group. I just don't understand how people can give up so easily vs. working together to build a strong relationship.
Author Blessed2231 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 He is also in a relationship now.
goldway90 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 No gifts or anything, she's not your gf anymore. You told her you want to give the relationship another chance and her response was a random excuse( yet she'll have sex with you!.) you probably don't want hear this but it's time for NC, she's leading you on while taking her time to find the best option, pursuing her at this point is needy act. Next time she contacts you just be direct and tell her you don't want be stuck in a limbo and let her know to contact you when she finally made up her mind. Meanwhile you keep moving forward and you stop texting, snapchatting...
Author Blessed2231 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 Thanks for the response goldway90. I tried the NC about two weeks ago and four days into it she contacted me. I gave her the benefit of the doubt so I called her back to see what she was wanting. Basically, she asked me if I was seeing anybody else and this is why I told her I didn't want to talk anymore. I told her no and that I would still like to work things out between us. I just feel like she was assuming things because I was pulling away and wanted validation on whether or not her feelings were right.
Jimmyjackson Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 Thanks for the response goldway90. I tried the NC about two weeks ago and four days into it she contacted me. I gave her the benefit of the doubt so I called her back to see what she was wanting. Basically, she asked me if I was seeing anybody else and this is why I told her I didn't want to talk anymore. I told her no and that I would still like to work things out between us. I just feel like she was assuming things because I was pulling away and wanted validation on whether or not her feelings were right. Next time she asks you if you're seeing anyone, change the topic of conversation and avoid it. It'll drive her nuts.
Jimmyjackson Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 So my ex & I were in a relationship for about 9 months & recently broke up around mid January. During the course of our relationship the good far outweigh the bad, but there was a few incidents that happened that caused her to lose some of the trust you have for me. Since we have broken up, we have hung out two different time and each time it ended in us having sex. I am just a little confused because she keeps saying that she needs space, but continues to contact me via text and Snapchat on a regular basis, but when I ask her about what she wants she keeps telling me that she hasn't had the time to process things. At this point, I'm starting to feel like it's not even worth it anymore. For myself, I know exactly what I want and I would love for her to be a part of my life and I have relayed that information to her. I'm just really confused and would appreciate any real advice that could be provided to me at this point. I love this woman very much and would love to reconcile things with her and give our relationship another chance, but I don't know if that's the right thing to do. Also, we had a lot of plans for the future and before we had broken up I had bought her a gift for Valentine's Day. Do I still give her the gift? Or do I just keep it? She won't have time to process things if she is always texting you and having sex with you. If she wants 'space' then give it to her, let her be on her own and 'process' whatever it is she feels she needs to do. I personally would give her the gift and just say goodbye, tell her you're not waiting around for someone who's unsure of you, you deserve better. Don't keep telling her how you feel she'll just get an ego boost from it and she's likely already aware of how you feel about her. Walk away and leave it at that. You'll get your answer either way; she'll come running or she'll not contact you and you'll know she wasn't worth it.
Marc878 Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 He is also in a relationship now. Doesn't m an a thing. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. NC is for you to keep not based on when she calls you. Why are you accepting breadcrumbs? If it were me I'd say adios unless you want a serious discussion other than that go your own way.
Author Blessed2231 Posted February 13, 2017 Author Posted February 13, 2017 She won't have time to process things if she is always texting you and having sex with you. If she wants 'space' then give it to her, let her be on her own and 'process' whatever it is she feels she needs to do. I personally would give her the gift and just say goodbye, tell her you're not waiting around for someone who's unsure of you, you deserve better. Don't keep telling her how you feel she'll just get an ego boost from it and she's likely already aware of how you feel about her. Walk away and leave it at that. You'll get your answer either way; she'll come running or she'll not contact you and you'll know she wasn't worth it. I agree. She's been doing this for about a month now, and it needs to stop. It's confusing, but at the same time I've allowed it to continue with the hopes that she would come around. I'm too old for these types of games & the being in limbo state is exhausting. So you really think that the giving her the gift is a good idea?
Jimmyjackson Posted February 13, 2017 Posted February 13, 2017 I agree. She's been doing this for about a month now, and it needs to stop. It's confusing, but at the same time I've allowed it to continue with the hopes that she would come around. I'm too old for these types of games & the being in limbo state is exhausting. So you really think that the giving her the gift is a good idea? Not saying it would work for certain, but only way for her to make her mind up is for you to knock it on the head and show her you have too much self-respect. Walk away and don't look back unless she's yelling your name. The gift, well I'd just go see her tomorrow regardless to tell her you're done with it and you're gonna walk away from it as life's too short etc etc. If it was me I'd have no use for the gift, it would only be in my house serving as a reminder. The girl I was last seeing ended things with me two days after her birthday and she offered to give me the gifts back I'd bought for her, I just said keep them as they'd only remind me of her if I took them back.
Author Blessed2231 Posted February 14, 2017 Author Posted February 14, 2017 My ex & I have been broken up for about 3 weeks now. We still have been in contact, but she says she still needs "space" to figure out things. Ive tried to give her space, but her version of space is a little twisted. We have also slept together twice since then which complicates things even more. So before we broke up, i bought her a gift for valentines day and I'm unsure if i should give it to her or not? I'm really going back & forth with this and its been a struggle for me to make a decision because i do still care about her very much.
Zahara Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 It's a break-up. Treat it as such. Personally, I would return the gift and get a refund. Also, don't let a dumper keep you in "space". Draw your own boundaries as well. I know you are probably hoping for reconciliation but you do need to protect yourself. Most times a dumper does this as a means to transition comfortably into singledom. It's a story told on LS countless times. 1
d0nnivain Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 If you can get your money back take it back. If you can't, give it to her because what are you going to do with it? Just don't assume she will care that you did this nice thing for her
Jimmyjackson Posted February 14, 2017 Posted February 14, 2017 How much is it worth? Is it worth returning? Like I said in your previous post, having it around will only serve as a reminder...may as well just give her it and then disappear.
Author Blessed2231 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Posted March 23, 2017 (edited) My ex broke up back in mid Jan because she said that she was a little confused and needed space to figure things out. I probably chased more than i should have in the beginning because i was crazy about this woman for the last 10 months that we were in a relationship. We had several talks about the breakup & i asked several times for her to just take a chance and try to work things out, but she insisted that we continue to work on ourselves & do what makes us happy. She even mentioned the words "selfish" and how for the first time she wanted to take time to do her. I finally took the hint that she did not want to be with me at the current time & started to put my all up again and move on. We still would talk everyday, but declared friends would be the best situation at this time. Fast forward to about a month ago where i was introduced to a girl through mutual friends. This woman is pretty amazing and we have been spending a lot of time together since then. Well needless to say, my ex found out and pretty much flipped a lid! suddenly, she knows what she wants, begged me to take her back because she finally realized how much she cares about me, trying to use my relationship with her kids as leverage as well. This woman & her children will always hold a special place in my heart, but i feel like had i not met someone else, she would still be playing games and making me an option number 2. Im very happy with the new girl, but still have the what if thoughts because of the history between my ex & I. is this normal? i have pretty much told her that i did not want to be wth her, but she still says she's in love with me. Its made the last week very hard, but i know I'm making the right decision. Has anyone had a similar experiece ? Thoughts and advice would be greatly appreciated. Edited March 23, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and merge similar threads
William Posted March 23, 2017 Posted March 23, 2017 Moderator bump for a merged thread on this breakup. It appears this is the second merge of similar threads so we're requesting discussion of this breakup continue, with any updates, in this thread. There may be some duplication of content. Thanks!
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