He seems interested in me but he's a muslim...

[BlueIvy]

So, after work taj walks me to the bus stop i take after work. so far he always comes with me after work and we once went to starbucks where he paid for my beverage, even though i told him ill pay for my own drink.

 

I also noticed he touched me a few times on the shoulders.

 

Well yesterday i called out of work. And today taj tells me he was so worried that i wasn't in and he was worried i quit the job. he asked me if i'm ok. later on he tells me "i missed you." i just replied, aaw"

 

I have love for every race, every faith but in islam dating is a big no-no and touching a woman in public is a no-no so i feel like he probably just wants sex from me, especially since he's hasn't asked me out. still, even if he asked me out dating is prohibited.

 

i know a lot of muslim men see western western women as easy play things and then go to their countries and find a virgin. i even had older muslim men telling me this.

 

i feel hes been nice to me but at same time i'm wary...

[basil67]

Muslims - just like the followers of every other faith - have different degrees of how closely they follow the teachings of their faith. One of my girlfriends has a Muslim father and Christian mother - so this just blows what you've been told straight out of the water. Don't make the mistake of thinking everyone acts the same way.

 

If he asks you on a date and you like him, then TALK with him about his faith and what it means for a relationship.

[BlueIvy]

Muslims - just like the followers of every other faith - have different degrees of how closely they follow the teachings of their faith. One of my girlfriends has a Muslim father and Christian mother - so this just blows what you've been told straight out of the water. Don't make the mistake of thinking everyone acts the same way.

 

If he asks you on a date and you like him, then TALK with him about his faith and what it means for a relationship.

true, you are right. but he makes effort to talk and walk with me. even said he missed me so i would think by now, he would let his intentions known.

[Simple Logic]

So, after work taj walks me to the bus stop i take after work. so far he always comes with me after work and we once went to starbucks where he paid for my beverage, even though i told him ill pay for my own drink.

 

I also noticed he touched me a few times on the shoulders.

 

Well yesterday i called out of work. And today taj tells me he was so worried that i wasn't in and he was worried i quit the job. he asked me if i'm ok. later on he tells me "i missed you." i just replied, aaw"

 

I have love for every race, every faith but in islam dating is a big no-no and touching a woman in public is a no-no so i feel like he probably just wants sex from me, especially since he's hasn't asked me out. still, even if he asked me out dating is prohibited.

 

i know a lot of muslim men see western western women as easy play things and then go to their countries and find a virgin. i even had older muslim men telling me this.

 

i feel hes been nice to me but at same time i'm wary...

 

Find a virgin? A lot of times one has already been arranged.

[fromheart]

If he's born and bred in the 'west,' there's more of a chance he's in tune with the western life. If he's from a Muslim country, he might be conditioned to view non virgins and foreign women as prostitutes. This applies to Hindu men also. Sorry if that sounds negative but its true.

 

Doesn't necessarily mean that he himself is like that, but you are right to be cautious. Saying that, any man might just be wanting to use you for sex regardless of their race, religion.

[angel.eyes]

It's possible he just wants to be friends. Not every person who is friendly is looking to date you.

[act00]

So you haven't had an "official" date, he makes efforts, and this speaks a lot.

 

I think you're putting a lot on his faith. Most people I know are "cafeteria," and few really follow all "the rules," and maybe observe during holidays only. The best way to determine where his head is at, is talk about it, when you are at a point that this even becomes an issue...like if he asks you out and you've gone out a few times, and more serious topics start popping up, or even if it comes up when you're talking as "just friends".

 

If your religion is very important to you, which you observe fully, obviously a differing faith can be an issue, and will have to be something discussed when dating anyone of any faith.

 

It could be merely a friendship thing, but he does seem interested, so see where it goes. The rest will fall into place.

[BlueIvy]

Find a virgin? A lot of times one has already been arranged.

Very true.

If he's born and bred in the 'west,' there's more of a chance he's in tune with the western life. If he's from a Muslim country, he might be conditioned to view non virgins and foreign women as prostitutes. This applies to Hindu men also. Sorry if that sounds negative but its true.

 

Doesn't necessarily mean that he himself is like that, but you are right to be cautious. Saying that, any man might just be wanting to use you for sex regardless of their race, religion.

He's from Saudi Arabia, born and raised there. Its not negative, it is true. It's their culture to see assign value on a woman based on if she's a virgin or not. My local convenience store owner is from Pakistan and asked if I had a bf. I said I am single and he said, "Good...don't date." lol In those cultures, even dating is a no-no. It' either you are single or married. Very true any man can use you for sex.

 

It's possible he just wants to be friends. Not every person who is friendly is looking to date you.

Perhaps but based on my experience, most guys are friendly to me because they want sex or they wanna date me. They might be friendly but later on ask for a date or say they like me, or they try to be flirty.

 

So you haven't had an "official" date, he makes efforts, and this speaks a lot.

 

I think you're putting a lot on his faith. Most people I know are "cafeteria," and few really follow all "the rules," and maybe observe during holidays only. The best way to determine where his head is at, is talk about it, when you are at a point that this even becomes an issue...like if he asks you out and you've gone out a few times, and more serious topics start popping up, or even if it comes up when you're talking as "just friends".

 

If your religion is very important to you, which you observe fully, obviously a differing faith can be an issue, and will have to be something discussed when dating anyone of any faith.

 

It could be merely a friendship thing, but he does seem interested, so see where it goes. The rest will fall into place.

I am more spirtual than anything so it's not really his religion that's the problem, it's just that Muslims (I'm generalizing) tend to be strict and very conservative. And I am pretty liberal on most things.

 

I think I am going to let things continue as they are. If he wants to be friends, that's fine.

[GunslingerRoland]

It can go both ways. I've met muslim guys who are just like what you describe. They date western women, sometimes even have kids with them. But it's never a real relationship to them. And eventually they get a real wife from their own culture.

 

But I've also met Muslim men who met western women, and got married, had children and were great faithful partners, and fathers.

 

I can't say I don't know white guys who've similarly used women... so I'm not sure I don't know how much greater the increased risk is.

[smackie9]

Just wants sex was the first thing that came to my mind....run like the wind.

[BlueIvy]

Just wants sex was the first thing that came to my mind....run like the wind.

 

why you say that? Not disagreeing but want to know your reasoning.

[RecentChange]

Why don't you talk to him? Find out how devout he is to hair faith?

 

I live in a multicultural region with many immigrants etc.

 

Saying he is "Muslim" without knowing how deep he is into it doesn't tell you much at all. It's like saying someone is Jewish. Some are Orthodox and adhere strictly to the teaching, do not date outsiders, etc - others have never stepped foot in a synagogue.

 

I was once involved with a "Muslim man" well, actually to quote him "I was born Muslim - so I am Muslim"

 

But he was actually an atheist. Had very feminist views, despite being born and raised in the middle East was quite "American" in his values and lifestyle.

 

I know a Muslim men married to American Christian doctor, and I also know his friend who is quite devout, and the friends wife wears a chador (head to toe covering).

 

So what's his story?

[spiderowl]

I don't think you can know. If he is prepared to date you and make it publicly known to his friends and family that he is dating you, then that is a good sign. If he just wanted sex and secretly disrespected non-muslim women - or felt he would have to marry someone from his own culture one day instead of a non-muslim - I think he would not be willing to make it public. He would fear for his reputation in his muslim community.

 

I would allow a relationship to develop slowly and then if he was willing to confirm it was a relationship, then maybe get more involved with him. If it seems like he is living two lives - one for his family and one 'behind the scenes' with you - then be wary of getting emotionally involved with him.

 

It is hard for muslim men and women to go against their families and communities, even in the west. You need to know he is being upfront about any relationship with you.

[ashy555]

Please be very careful!

 

I have a good friend who is in a serious relationship with a muslim man who was born and raised here. His parents were from Pakistan. They welcomed her with open arms. Truly a beautiful family.

 

One of my other good friends (family friend) dated a muslim boy from Saudi Arabia. Took him two years before he introduced her to his family. They had no idea. Didn't like her because she wasn't muslim and made him choose. Family or girlfriend. 98% of the time they will choose their family. She was devastated.

 

Another girl I know dated a man from Pakistan for a few years who was here on a Visa. One day he went home to convince his parents to let him be with this girl only to find out they had arranged a marriage for him. He came home married.. My friend was heartbroken. The girl he married came from a family of money. He had an Australian citizenship(match made in heaven). The aim was to eventually bring over the whole family.

I ran into them a few months ago. They now have 2 young children together.

 

Unfortunately they don't always want to mix. For some reason so many families will forbid their children to mix with us, yet want to live in the Western world.

 

If you really like this guy, try and talk to him about his beliefs and the family he was raised in. Ask what he is looking for. Just be mindful that if he is a born and bred Muslim from Saudi Arabia, then there is a good chance a relationship with a Westerner will big no no. Just remember.. Saudi Arabia is one of the most gender segregated countries in the world. Woman don't have many rights if any. They cannot drive. They cannot talk to strange men who are not relatives or they face criminal charges. They can't open a bank account without permission from a man. They pretty much own woman. IF you think of someone who has been raised in that kind of a culture, it will definitely impact any relationship with someone of a western society.

[BlueIvy]

Why don't you talk to him? Find out how devout he is to hair faith?

 

I live in a multicultural region with many immigrants etc.

 

Saying he is "Muslim" without knowing how deep he is into it doesn't tell you much at all. It's like saying someone is Jewish. Some are Orthodox and adhere strictly to the teaching, do not date outsiders, etc - others have never stepped foot in a synagogue.

 

I was once involved with a "Muslim man" well, actually to quote him "I was born Muslim - so I am Muslim"

 

But he was actually an atheist. Had very feminist

views, despite being born and raised in the middle East was quite "American" in his values and lifestyle.

 

I know a Muslim men married to American Christian doctor, and I also know his friend who is quite devout, and the friends wife wears a chador (head to toe covering).

 

So what's his story?

 

That's very true, I'm making assumptions without knowing for sure. For instance a person I know is from Syria and I assumed she www Muslim but she's actually Christian. I haven't asked because we haven't gotten personal when we talk. We talk about future plans, where we traveled to, stuff like that. Why did you and your muslim break up? was it related to religion?

 

I don't think you can know. If he is prepared to date you and make it publicly known to his friends and family that he is dating you, then that is a good sign. If he just wanted sex and secretly disrespected non-muslim women - or felt he would have to marry someone from his own culture one day instead of a non-muslim - I think he would not be willing to make it public. He would fear for his reputation in his muslim community.

 

I would allow a relationship to develop slowly and then if he was willing to confirm it was a relationship, then maybe get more involved with him. If it seems like he is living two lives - one for his family and one 'behind the scenes' with you - then be wary of getting emotionally involved with him.

 

It is hard for muslim men and women to go against their families and communities, even in the west. You need to know he is being upfront about any relationship with you.

 

Very true, they often are very traditional. Idk if we will date and perhaps he is just being friendly but I told my male cousin and he said no such thing as a man being friendly, that he's just trying to get close lol. At same time I noticed he doesn't talk to any other female so it can't just him being friendly. If he was friendly, he would talk to other females. Perhaps he doesn't want to get rejected or perhaps he doesn't wanna cross the line...I have no idea. If he was not Muslim, I would think that he likes me and it wouldn't be my trying to analyze as deeply.

 

Please be very careful!

 

I have a good friend who is in a serious relationship with a muslim man who was born and raised here. His parents were from Pakistan. They welcomed her with open arms. Truly a beautiful family.

 

One of my other good friends (family friend) dated a muslim boy from Saudi Arabia. Took him two years before he introduced her to his family. They had no idea. Didn't like her because she wasn't muslim and made him choose. Family or girlfriend. 98% of the time they will choose their family. She was devastated.

 

Another girl I know dated a man from Pakistan for a few years who was here on a Visa. One day he went home to convince his parents to let him be with this girl only to find out they had arranged a marriage for him. He came home married.. My friend was heartbroken. The girl he married came from a family of money. He had an Australian citizenship(match made in heaven). The aim was to eventually bring over the whole family.

I ran into them a few months ago. They now have 2 young children together.

 

Unfortunately they don't always want to mix. For some reason so many families will forbid their children to mix with us, yet want to live in the Western world.

 

If you really like this guy, try and talk to him about his beliefs and the family he was raised in. Ask what he is looking for. Just be mindful that if he is a born and bred Muslim from Saudi Arabia, then there is a good chance a relationship with a Westerner will big no no. Just remember.. Saudi Arabia is one of the most gender segregated countries in the world. Woman don't have many rights if any. They cannot drive. They cannot talk to strange men who are not relatives or they face criminal charges. They can't open a bank account without permission from a man. They pretty much own woman. IF you think of someone who has been raised in that kind of a culture, it will definitely impact any relationship with someone of a western society.

 

I agree with everything you said. Saudi is very conservative he seems ok but he's here now so I'm sure he's gonna be more lax.

It's hard to go against your family since they are suppose to be family forever but true love prevails. There are people who give up their wealth and even their lives in the name of love. i know for myself I couldn't live in any society that limits my rights as a woman.

 

Today I walked with a female cohort and I noticed he didn't come all the way like he normally does. He just walked half way and since she was there we didn't really talk too much. I think next time I see him I'll ask him certain things to gauge his view on certain things. I like his personality from what I've seen but at same time I don't have all my eggs in one basket and have other guys I talk too.

Edited March 25, 2017 by BlueIvy

[lionlover1973]

Most Muslims are very religious.

 

Muslims (typically) are allowed to date non-Muslims, but they are told to date 'women of the book' (and, typically it is expected both of you believe in one and the same God).

 

I guess my question would be:

 

Does he (or his family) continue to follow the teachings of the Qur'an?

If so, how do they interpret Islam's teachings?

 

The good news is, not all Muslims adopt nor adhere to views of extreme nature.

 

Having said that,

There is no 'freedom of religion' in Saudi Arabia,

at least not in public...

For a Muslim to leave Islam, is punishable by death.

 

Would you yourself adopt and adhere to Islamic beliefs overnight though born and grew up in the ‘West'?

 

Some of my immediate (and extended relatives) were born in the ME.

Saudi Arabia, Iran, Turkey, and then some.

Moved to America (legally) at a young age and maintained strict beliefs, laws and practice.

30+ years later - a 'western' disposition was born.

Those Infidels.

 

My point, as it relates to your question, is also:

It took 30+ years!

 

Even still, the 'former' rears it's little turban-wearing-head from within the turtle shell, from time-to-time.

That's when I run for cover:p

[BlueIvy]

Please be very careful!

 

I have a good friend who is in a serious relationship with a muslim man who was born and raised here. His parents were from Pakistan. They welcomed her with open arms. Truly a beautiful family.

 

One of my other good friends (family friend) dated a muslim boy from Saudi Arabia. Took him two years before he introduced her to his family. They had no idea. Didn't like her because she wasn't muslim and made him choose. Family or girlfriend. 98% of the time they will choose their family. She was devastated.

 

Another girl I know dated a man from Pakistan for a few years who was here on a Visa. One day he went home to convince his parents to let him be with this girl only to find out they had arranged a marriage for him. He came home married.. My friend was heartbroken. The girl he married came from a family of money. He had an Australian citizenship(match made in heaven). The aim was to eventually bring over the whole family.

I ran into them a few months ago. They now have 2 young children together.

 

Unfortunately they don't always want to mix. For some reason so many families will forbid their children to mix with us, yet want to live in the Western world.

 

If you really like this guy, try and talk to him about his beliefs and the family he was raised in. Ask what he is looking for. Just be mindful that if he is a born and bred Muslim from Saudi Arabia, then there is a good chance a relationship with a Westerner will big no no. Just remember.. Saudi Arabia is one of the most gender segregated countries in the world. Woman don't have many rights if any. They cannot drive. They cannot talk to strange men who are not relatives or they face criminal charges. They can't open a bank account without permission from a man. They pretty much own woman. IF you think of someone who has been raised in that kind of a culture, it will definitely impact any relationship with someone of a western society.

 

 

My friend's cousin got involved with a saudi man. He impregnanted her and is involved in the child's life, but has never told his family he has a child OOW. They are also no longer together.

 

 

Also, I took your advice and tried to ask more questions to get an insight into his persona. He told me he misses his family and asked his mother to visit him here and she said, "Never" I asked him why and he said he doesn't know/didn't answer. So, I am going to assume his mother and probably his family don't like Western society. I mean if your son says he misses the fam/you, money and other things not being an issue, wouldn't you say, "Sure" or at least try to. The fact that she said, "Never" leds me to think she has an issue coming to America...

 

I also asked him since his family isn't with him, what does he do for fun. H says on the weekends he hangs out with other Saudis. Which leads me to think his culture is very central to his identity.

He did later mention a rap artist coming to town, which surprised me but then he said oh its on a sunday, like really.

 

I asked him what he thinks of American culture and to be honest, he said it's ok. He has been in the states for 4 years.

 

On one hand, I feel there is an attraction since I am the only girl he talks too and him always walking with me, at the other hand most guys try to ask me out or flirt at the least. Not to brag but I am considered very attractive. So, I think either he wants to just be friendly because he likes my personality or he finds me attractive but doesn't wanna pursue anything because it's prohibited or perhaps intimidation.

 

He did ask what my plans were after class. And if i was gonna take summer classes. But hmm. At same time we really only been talking for 3 weeks.

[BlueIvy]

Most Muslims are very religious.

 

Muslims (typically) are allowed to date non-Muslims, but they are told to date 'women of the book' (and, typically it is expected both of you believe in one and the same God).

 

I guess my question would be:

 

Does he (or his family) continue to follow the teachings of the Qur'an?

If so, how do they interpret Islam's teachings?

 

The good news is, not all Muslims adopt nor adhere to views of extreme nature.

 

Having said that,

There is no 'freedom of religion' in Saudi Arabia,

at least not in public...

For a Muslim to leave Islam, is punishable by death.

 

Would you yourself adopt and adhere to Islamic beliefs overnight though born and grew up in the ‘West'?

 

Some of my immediate (and extended relatives) were born in the ME.

Saudi Arabia, Iran, Turkey, and then some.

Moved to America (legally) at a young age and maintained strict beliefs, laws and practice.

30+ years later - a 'western' disposition was born.

Those Infidels.

 

My point, as it relates to your question, is also:

It took 30+ years!

 

Even still, the 'former' rears it's little turban-wearing-head from within the turtle shell, from time-to-time.

That's when I run for cover:p

Hell no. I don't believe in changing yourself for someone to accept or love you. If that's the case, the person is right for you.

 

I would adopt to Islam or any religion it called out to me, but I would do it for myself. And really I don't see that happening as I haven't been religious in nearly 10 years.

 

I think what's more important is being kind to people, respecting differences, not killing people,etc. Basically try to be a good person.

 

Anyway, I replied to ashy about questions I asked him. He has only been here 4 years but at the same time he's young. Young people I feel like are more open than old people. Older people tend to be set in their convictions, right or wrong.

[BlueIvy]

So, we finally talked about religion and he seems open-minded surprisingly, more than I expected anyway. He said he befriends people of other faiths and it isn't a problem. I even asked about homosexuality and he said in his culture, it's wrong but he says he would be friends with a gay person. He also said he feels it's stupid other religions fight each other. Only thing he seemed closed about is he said he agrees with men and women being segregated because sometimes men "might do bad stuff"

He asked for my number to let me know when his friend help me with a placement test. He said since i really need to pass, he will ask his friend since he's an expert on the topic.

[Gaeta]

There is a young woman in my city, a University student, that met a muslim student. A really cool guy. He fully embraced the western culture. He met all of her family and friends, he was liked by all. They dated, with no drama, their 4 years through University. After Uni they got married.

 

After they got married he wanted to take her to his country to meet his family. She went without a second thought.

 

Once there he took away her money and passport and locked her in a room. She has been there since 2005. She got 4 babies locked in that room. She is not allowed to go out, or to speak to anyone. Her mother back here in Canada has tried everything to get her out of there and there is nothing Canada has been able to do so far. Google her Nathalie Morin.

[BlueIvy]

There is a young woman in my city, a University student, that met a muslim student. A really cool guy. He fully embraced the western culture. He met all of her family and friends, he was liked by all. They dated, with no drama, their 4 years through University. After Uni they got married.

 

After they got married he wanted to take her to his country to meet his family. She went without a second thought.

 

Once there he took away her money and passport and locked her in a room. She has been there since 2005. She got 4 babies locked in that room. She is not allowed to go out, or to speak to anyone. Her mother back here in Canada has tried everything to get her out of there and there is nothing Canada has been able to do so far. Google her Nathalie Morin.

 

I googled the story, very sad what happened to her. Her kids are so cute and apparently he hits them :/

 

But in regards to my situation, I still DK if he likes me as a friend or romantic. I can be intimidating (I have been told) and sometimes guys will tell me much later on that they like me and I am mind blown because they give no hints, or I think we are "just friends."

 

But I just wanna focus on myself at this point. I don't have a problem being friends or friendly. And I don't see myself moving to Saudia Arabia even in the name of love,lol.

[Gaeta]

I googled the story, very sad what happened to her. Her kids are so cute and apparently he hits them :/

 

But in regards to my situation, I still DK if he likes me as a friend or romantic. I can be intimidating (I have been told) and sometimes guys will tell me much later on that they like me and I am mind blown because they give no hints, or I think we are "just friends."

 

But I just wanna focus on myself at this point. I don't have a problem being friends or friendly. And I don't see myself moving to Saudia Arabia even in the name of love,lol.

 

The woman in my story did not want to move to Saudi Arabia either, she was held their against her will during a visit.

 

You should not care if he wishes for a friendship or a romance, just move along. Do not get involved or associate with men that believe in the Sharia.

[BlueIvy]

The woman in my story did not want to move to Saudi Arabia either, she was held their against her will during a visit.

 

You should not care if he wishes for a friendship or a romance, just move along. Do not get involved or associate with men that believe in the Sharia.

 

He never said he believed in Sharia. He seems more open-minded since coming to America.

 

Actually, I hung out with him and a classmate last night and we all had fun! We all plan on hanging out together again lol. I actually told him about my ex and he was sweet, he said, "Oh, I'm sorry...don't think about it, one day you will find someone to love you." ha ha. One day:lmao:

[BlueIvy]

To add, the day after we all hung out in a group, he texted me his favorite song. From there on, we texted for a few hours about music and some of our favorite songs.

I kinda feel like he is trying to get to know me more but not really being forward either. Even when we hung out, he asked if I wanted kids.

I actually like his personality but not trying to get into anything right now, but I guess as we communicate more, he seems more progressive than I thought.