Grey40 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I messaged a girl on Instagram the other day that I used to know in college, so roughly 5?years ago. I know she's single and has been for at least 6 months. I started out by just saying "hey how are you? What are you up to these days? I was wondering if you'd want to go out sketching me when you're free, here's my number definitley feel free to text me xxx-xxxx She responded with something like "hey! Really nice to hear from you! Just stalked your Instagram nice videos with your guitar :)" She goes out n explaining what she's doIng now, then asked me a question to keep the conversation going. She even went on Facebook, found my music page and liked it. So I thought ok cool, this is good she's responding and is interested enough to ask questions and stalk me a bit. So we keep exchanging a few messages back and forth, I replied but now she hasn't answered my last message, it's been over 24 hours, and it doesn't show she's even read it,.though I know she's been on her phone. I was literally going to ask her out after she responded one more time, but now feel like I shouldn't until she at least responds to this last message. She's probably not interested, but Can someone explain this to me? A) I gave her my number in the first message she totally disregarded the going out question and then instead of texting me she keeps talking via Instagram.
SevenCity Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 It's never a good sign when they ignore that. I had girls ignore a request to get together and still keep on texting / messaging. We never met. Don't send another. Think of it like tennis - you lobbed the ball and now are waiting for it to come back. Don't lob more balls. 4
smackie9 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 A) she's still checking things out before she decides IF she would like to go out with you. B) I know a lot of ladies that only like to use instagram, FB is for old people. C) this may take awhile...but don't let it go on for too long, or you will be a penpal. D) I agree don't push it anymore. better to just pull back and see if she comes around. If she doesn't you will have your answer.
Whodatdog Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 You asked her out and gave her your number. Asking again would be considered pushy and even rude. She has your info if she wants to see you. Leave it at that.
introverted1 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Ask her out properly - with a day and time and activity. asking if she wants to go "sketching" (what is that? art?) "sometime" is a lazy way to date as now she's left having to figure out the logistics.
olivetree Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 OP, I'm not meaning this to be mean, but just speaking from a woman's point of view. If a guy messaged me after 5 years asking me to get together in the first sentence with his number, I would be turned off. It would come off as desperate to me - not saying you are but that's how it reads. You need to establish some sort of connection/back and forth first. 4
Author Grey40 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 Ask her out properly - with a day and time and activity. asking if she wants to go "sketching" (what is that? art?) "sometime" is a lazy way to date as now she's left having to figure out the logistics. That was a typo cause I made this thread on my phone. I just asked her out no "sketching" it autocorrected me for some reason. Yes I know I need to specify an activity/day and time, but she hasn't responded to my previous message so doubling it with a date request isn't really something I think I should do, though I definitley will if she takes another day or so with no answer.
Author Grey40 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 (edited) OP, I'm not meaning this to be mean, but just speaking from a woman's point of view. If a guy messaged me after 5 years asking me to get together in the first sentence with his number, I would be turned off. It would come off as desperate to me - not saying you are but that's how it reads. You need to establish some sort of connection/back and forth first. I can see where someone would think like this. And I think initially that's why she didn't directly answer the date request but just kept talking she wanted to establish a connection and get to know me a little bit more first, which is what was happening, but she stopped responding for whatever reason. I have heard from guys that messaging girls and asking them out cold on Instagram has worked for them before so I decided to give it a shot, as the online dating apps have been really not promising lately. Is it risky? Yeah and does it come off desperate? It could I guess but it could also be flattering that I went out of my way for them. And either way, does it matter what one girl thinks I'm desperate or not? Who really cares? If I don't try then there is 0 chance. What's the problem with going for what I want? Edited March 22, 2017 by Grey40
olivetree Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I can see where someone would think like this. And I think initially that's why she didn't directly answer the date request but just kept talking she wanted to establish a connection and get to know me a little bit more first, which is what was happening, but she stopped responding for whatever reason. I have heard from guys that messaging girls and asking them out cold on Instagram has worked for them before so I decided to give it a shot, as the online dating apps have been really not promising lately. Is it risky? Yeah and does it come off desperate? It could I guess but it could also be flattering that I went out of my way for them. And either way, does it matter what one girl thinks I'm desperate or not? Who really cares? If I don't try then there is 0 chance. I can see it working occasionally if a guy is really cute and the girl is superficial. It also works better if the guy is direct and says it as a statement rather than a question: "I think you're really cute and that we should meet." But for a woman who wants a man with substance, I don't think this would work. So consider what kind of woman you want with how you approach her. Another difference is that you knew this girl before, so she might be like... he hasn't talked to me in 5 years, why now? And then her mind fills in all sort of answers that lead to the conclusion that you must be desperate.
Author Grey40 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 So the general consensus is that I should just wait for her to get back to me? Maybe she's just waiting for me to actually ask her out with a plan. I think I'm going to hold out another day and then I'm going to ask her out for a specific day and plan. Thoughts? Ps her birthday is tomorrow, chances are she probably already has stuff planned with friends or family
smackie9 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Back away...just back away. maybe send her bday wishes, then back off.....maybe chat with her a little more before just throwing out a date invitation.
Author Grey40 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 Back away...just back away. maybe send her bday wishes, then back off.....maybe chat with her a little more before just throwing out a date invitation. Ok, well that would require her to respond. Do I wait until I get a response or should I just wait a day or two and try a new conversation?
dumbass2 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Ok, well that would require her to respond. Do I wait until I get a response or should I just wait a day or two and try a new conversation? Exactly what was the last message/reply that you sent her?
Kitchen Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I messaged a girl on Instagram the other day that I used to know in college, so roughly 5?years ago. I know she's single and has been for at least 6 months. I started out by just saying "hey how are you? What are you up to these days? I was wondering if you'd want to go out sketching me when you're free, here's my number definitley feel free to text me xxx-xxxx So you haven't talked to her in 5 years and asked her out in the first message? I feel like that's coming on a bit strong. You need to build conversation first. Maybe even set up a group thing with common college friends (that you know won't hit on her).
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I don't think there's anything too deep going on here and it may not even have anything to do with the quick asking-out, though honestly I'd have found that a bit odd once I was past maybe my very early 20s, but with that aside...I think it's pretty obvious, OP. She just isn't interested in that way. So she's kind of avoiding your direction questions about going out. No, don't keep pursuing. You already did, and you asked her, directly. She already knows that's what you want.
Author Grey40 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 Exactly what was the last message/reply that you sent her? Common small talk stuff and I was answering her questions from the previous message. It doesn't say "seen" which means she hasn't even opened the message to read it, but I mean..she's gotta know it's there I would think. Even if she missed the notifiaticon on her phone, it still shows up in your inbox as a message. Strange that she would just stop in the middle of a conversation like that. And yeah it's random to do what I did after so long, but is it really that big a deal in today's world? Don't know what kind of group thing id setup, we don't share mutual friends really. Despite the advice on here, which is usually and typically negative and defeatist, I'm going to send her another message tomorrow--I'm going to wish her a happy birthday and ask her out for the weekend. I'll say something like, "Happy birthday! I'm sure you probably have stuff planned but we should grab some drinks at XXX on Friday or Sunday I have off both days. Let me know
Author Grey40 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Posted March 23, 2017 She could have easily ignored my initial message when I asked her out and gave her my number, but she actually answered and tried to keep the comvwraati N moving, she went out of her way to check into my social media accounts etc. So she was initially intrigued and at least interested enough to consider giving me a chance, not sure what could have made her choose one way or the other. The only way to know for sure is to ask her out again and see if she responds. It's true that her not responding to the last message is not a good sign and puts the odds against me, but honestly what do I have to lose? Maybe she just forgot to answer me or something or is waiting to see if I'll try and chase who knows. Most likely I'm just such a low priority on her list that I basically don't exist and that's fine, but I'd rather at least say I gave it all I could.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 23, 2017 Posted March 23, 2017 She could have easily ignored my initial message when I asked her out and gave her my number, but she actually answered and tried to keep the comvwraati N moving, she went out of her way to check into my social media accounts etc. So she was initially intrigued and at least interested enough to consider giving me a chance, not sure what could have made her choose one way or the other. The only way to know for sure is to ask her out again and see if she responds. It's true that her not responding to the last message is not a good sign and puts the odds against me, but honestly what do I have to lose? Maybe she just forgot to answer me or something or is waiting to see if I'll try and chase who knows. Most likely I'm just such a low priority on her list that I basically don't exist and that's fine, but I'd rather at least say I gave it all I could. You're trying to talk us and yourself into this, but you aren't her and we aren't her. "She just forgot to answer..." If that's how little she thinks of you, then...no. When a person is interested in a new possibility, that person does NOT just forget. Anyway, you already said you're going to contact her no matter what anyone says. So why keep trying to convince us? You won't be changing our minds. Then again, you won't be changing hers, either. You already said you're going to do what you want to do, so do it and good luck...who's to stop you? Hope it all works out. 1
Author Grey40 Posted March 23, 2017 Author Posted March 23, 2017 Ok she finally replied to my last message tonight. I'm very happy she did. She answered my questions but did not ask me any new ones. Though she did use a lot of hahas, ! and seemed happy to be responding. She sent a good paragraph back. Where should I take it from here? Should I ask her out this weekend even though it's her birthday today?
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