AnnaN88 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Hi guys, I need your wise advice this time I met a nice guy a few months ago and we started dating.After our first date I found out that he has 2 kids and he went through a divorce recently. I have never been married, so I cannot really relate to his experience, although I can understand the responsibilities he has as a father. He seems interested in me and I like him too, my concern is that he is too attached to his ex wife. For me these are all red flags: after their divorce he rented a flat near his wife's house, so he can be near the kids. He spends every(!) weekend with his kids, which means we cannot plan anything during weekends. Also, he spent the Christmas with his ex wife and their in-laws. I found this pretty weird, but I did not say anything as we were just acquaintances at the time. Last week he told me that he plans to go on holiday with his ex wife and the kids in a few weeks time, because apparently the kids are used to both of them. I do appreciate the fact that he's a caring dad, but I am not sure if there is place for me at this point. Should I initiate a serious conversation with him about this? How can I do it without scaring him? Is there anyone here in a similar situation?
smackie9 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 So this is why we date...to see if they are suitable to date, fulfill our expectations, fit our schedules, etc. You found out he has his own situation, and it's not suitable to you. Simple thing to do is to not bother with him because you cannot change what is there, but you can meet someone else who is not in this situation. It's a no brainer. 4
ohso Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I've been in your situation and as far as I know from my friends, this is very common place for divorced people. If it seems to complicated, get out because it won't get any better or easier. I couldn't do it and a lots of people can't. Talking about it won't really change anything. You two are whole different worlds. Sorry. 1
fromheart Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 If you date a single parent, their kids will always come first and that's the way it has to be. I wouldn't recommend dating someone who gos on holiday with their ex for any reason though, unless your just looking to have fun with no commitments. 2
Author AnnaN88 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 Thank you everyone for your input, it's greatly appreciated! I am a bit confused, because this guy is genuinely a nice person, I like him a lot. I can understand he cares about his kids. Kids should always comes first, I am fine with this, what I do not understand is why he has to go on holiday with his ex wife or spend Christmas together. 1
Ieris Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 @AnnaN88 ~ It sounds like you don't have an issue with him spending time with his kids but his ex wife. Many couples remain on good terms or stay civil for the sake of the kids, they want to affect the kid(s) as little as possible. So I can understand the family holidays and spending Christmas together as both parents want to spend it with their kids, so instead of getting into a fight as to who has them for Christmas, why not just spend it together? Try not to see her as competition and don't assume that he's spending time with his kids just to be near her because that's all in your head. Sometimes it's interesting to see how people treat their exes/kids because you could be on the receiving end of that one day so it says a lot about his character, as some people turn into a **** after they breakup with someone. Give it a bit more time and maybe he'll introduce you to his kids then you can make plans together. I hope he is as genuine as you think he is.
TheBladeRunner Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 Dating single parents is difficult to say the least, when you are dating a parent that is weekends only is REALLY difficult, after all: Isn't that when you want to go out? I myself am a single parent and have tried dating woman that have 100% custody and I have to say that it just doesn't work for me because they are just plain unavailable. The way my custody arrangement works allows for every other weekend and every Monday and Thursday, If I could meet someone that has time for me that would be great, but for now I am quite content to stay single.
BettyDraper Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 Relationships are complicated enough without adding children and an ex wife in the mix.
coolheadal Posted March 27, 2017 Posted March 27, 2017 Hi guys, I need your wise advice this time I met a nice guy a few months ago and we started dating.After our first date I found out that he has 2 kids and he went through a divorce recently. I have never been married, so I cannot really relate to his experience, although I can understand the responsibilities he has as a father. He seems interested in me and I like him too, my concern is that he is too attached to his ex wife. For me these are all red flags: after their divorce he rented a flat near his wife's house, so he can be near the kids. He spends every(!) weekend with his kids, which means we cannot plan anything during weekends. Also, he spent the Christmas with his ex wife and their in-laws. I found this pretty weird, but I did not say anything as we were just acquaintances at the time. Last week he told me that he plans to go on holiday with his ex wife and the kids in a few weeks time, because apparently the kids are used to both of them. I do appreciate the fact that he's a caring dad, but I am not sure if there is place for me at this point. Should I initiate a serious conversation with him about this? How can I do it without scaring him? Is there anyone here in a similar situation? This can't work because you're in his shoes. He already started a family with his ex-wife who is still close because they share kids together. No matter what he tells you she'll be around for the kids. Just because they can't live together doesn't mean he's not part of her life and the kids are their lives. You need to find a man who doesn't have kids and you can start a life with him and just maybe have kids of your very own with. Your better off not seeing him because everything is not peaches and herbs. It's complicated and complex. He's still has the ex-wife in his life your just a woman on the side-lines. You do not want to be involved with this situation at all..
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