avvril3000 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 what is "wife material" in your opinion? lay it all out there guys, what differs in someone you'd wanna marry to just a gf you're gonna be with for a few years and then move on?
basil67 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Welcome to the board Avvril. What's the context to your question? Is this an issue you're battling with? 1
Author avvril3000 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 well, my issue is that i'm 32, f, been in 4 long term relationship spreading from 3 years to 7 years. and none of those relationships with guys i have loved have ever developed into anything more than just a gf bf live-together situation. i'm a good gf, i'm kind, understanding, patient, communicative, smart, pretty face, good body, fit, good job, etc. and i fall in love big, but the guys of my past have never popped the question even after 3, 4, 7 years together. What is wrong with me? Am i doing something wrong? So thats where my question lies... what is wife matieral? because i'm definitely long term gf material but i cant quite get to the fiance or wife stage ever.
basil67 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 The problem may not be with you exactly....but perhaps you've been picking the wrong guys. Before you move in with a guy, it's crucial to make sure the two of you are on the same page about marriage. Now, if you're both younger, it's not unusual to change one's ideas and so there's always that risk. But by the time you're in your mid-late 20's, it's fair to expect a guy to know what he wants. Does he see marriage in his future? If so, what kind of timeline is he looking at? Some people say that women should never raise the issue of marriage because it will make him hold back on any proposal. But I'm more of a mind to say what I need and if he won't join in the conversation, then he's the wrong guy. Sure, he doesn't need to propose then and there, but it would be fair to expect him to discuss how he feels on the topic and what kind of time line he's looking at. I also think it's fair to marry at a negotiated time and not just when the man deems himself ready. (We are no longer in the Victorian era!) What do you think? Can you see that more conversation could have been had? Or perhaps you did all this stuff to no avail? 5
carhill Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Welcome to LS.... A good question to ask prospects early on is how they feel about marriage in general. Listen. If they find the question off-putting that's an answer too. If you find synergy on the topic and their actions support their words, then the chances of progress on that front increase. No guarantees though. Anyone can change their mind. It's that human thing. Back during my divorce when dating, I found the ladies bringing up the subject of divorce and marriage to be refreshing. Didn't mind discussing it at all. Remember, discussing marriage as a topic isn't a marriage proposal. It's a discussion. 3
Arieswoman Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 avvril, You're looking at this the wrong way round. How about checking that they are "husband material" first? have ever developed into anything more than just a gf bf live-together situation. here's your answer ^^^ If you want marriage then you tell them that after you've had the "exclusive" talk. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be married. Make sure that they want it as well as you do. You've heard the old adage "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free" ? Don't move in with guys unless you have a wedding date set, otherwise your're letting them have all the benefits of marriage without the commitment. If you're dating a guy who tells you he doesn't want to get married (again) then move one. Don't hang around and hope he'll change his mind. None of this will guarantee that you'll get married, but it will stop you wasting your time with guys who aren't on the same page as you. 5
carhill Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Yeah, as a marriage-minded guy looking for 'wife material' and socialized by parents who were married for life, I've never lived with anyone without being married to them. Clear and simple. No ambiguity. With the person who came closest, besides the lady I did marry, to that point, I'd say her 'wife material' was her quiet strength, clear leadership as a mother and grandmother, and focus on our interactions as partners, sure with romance and fun thrown in, but also serious partnership and leaving little ambiguity about that. She also routinely kicked me out of the kitchen with a few Russian epithets, stating I was 'stealing her work' Heh, yup... 2
CptInsano Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Around my circle of friends guys only considered marriage once they became serious about having kids and starting a family. I would consider that the strongest indicator that a guy actually wants to get married. My brother for example never wanted kids and never got married. But he's been living with his girlfriend for 10 years and they bought a house together. 3
Shining One Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 what is "wife material" in your opinion? lay it all out there guys, what differs in someone you'd wanna marry to just a gf you're gonna be with for a few years and then move on?Different men define "wife material" differently. A woman who is "wife material" for me may not be "wife material" for any other man in this thread.How about checking that they are "husband material" first?I think it's important to do both simultaneously. Ensure you are "wife material" for the person you're with and ensure they are "husband material" for you. 1
mikeylo Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Everyone has their own requirements that fit the wife or husband material. A casual sex partner is different from a serious long term gf/bf. If marriage is important to you, then dont move in without any solid commitment. 1
basil67 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 My hubby and his mates all had one thing in common with their wives - we all stand up to the guys when they need a reminder. But not too often. It's finding that sweet spot between nagging and being a doormat 2
TheWoman Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 A woman who is 'marriage material' is a woman who has set her intentions clearly in that regards. Once I had decided I wanted to get married and have children I was completely transparent about it. On the first date with my ex h, I told him I was looking for someone to marry and have children with. I also told him that I did not consider him to be suitable (he was a few years younger than me). So of course he went out of his way to prove otherwise to me. I am not suggesting anyone follow that course of action, as it made it all about the chase for him, which is no way to start a lifelong partnership. He is also the only man I have ever lived with. However I do know there is much power in being direct and honest - without being needy. That way from the outset you have made your position clear, and that will give you the ability to refer back to that as the relationship progresses - without appearing pushy or demanding or whatever. Be honest from the outset and you will have an ongoing right (and they have an ongoing responsibility) to keep updated on where you both stand on this issue. 1
Chilli Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 (edited) l don't think it hurts if marriage pops up in convo, my gf now does, has a dozen times, doesn't worry me. lt'll probably only scare him off if he's not feeling it. lf he's feeling right even a touch of pressure , just a nudge or two not too much, shouldn't bother him either. For me there's things about her, definitely. How to explain them though is tricky. l knew with my ex and we were good for a very long time but it was life that got on top of us in the end more than anything.Nother story. But l thought l'd never get married again after that, "ever" ,but l'd marry gf now if we kept it together. l knew with her too. l couldn't imagine wanting to marry anyone else though now if we didn't. Ex was the only one l'd met that l wanted to marry back then, had pressure from others though and gf is the only one l've met now that l've felt it for. But there's a quality, loyalty, good person, trust, one in a million, l've just gotta feel it thing, just gotta love her, about gf now and ex was the same. Myself, that's what l need. Edited March 22, 2017 by Chilli
Tribble Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Why did you break up with these long term guys? Did you ever discuss marriage? It might not be a case that you're not wife material or you are lacking something. Did you want to marry any of these guys? Were you just waiting with no mention? It might not have been a priority for them. Or they thought you weren't that bothered and neither were they. But you did break up with these people. That is much easier than a divorce. Something wasn't right or you wouldn't have broken up. Consider that a blessing. 1
preraph Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Someone you love and respect and have fun with that you can see being happy with for the long term who is also a responsible person, and oh, be sure she wants kids if you do and doesn't if you don't. 1
WaitingForBardot Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 For me, there is no difference. I have never been in a LTR with a girl/woman I did not consider wife material. Only one of these relationships led to marriage, but the others were all with good girls/women that just didn't work out over the long run. So IMO, it is not whether you are good wife material or your BF is good husband material in any sort of general sense, but rather whether you are good material for each other. For me personally at least, I think two years together is enough time to make a judgment call on this, be engaged by then, and married by year five. More important than any specific timeframe though, is that you must be clear with your intentions/expectations (vis-a-vis marriage) and willing to walk away when you determine things are not going where you need them to. 1
Author avvril3000 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 Everyone has their own requirements that fit the wife or husband material. A casual sex partner is different from a serious long term gf/bf. If marriage is important to you, then dont move in without any solid commitment. Firstly let me know thank you for all of you guys' inputs. I appreciate it. People are saying a lot of the above quote on this forum, however i feel like my age group in this day in age does it - moves in together before engagement. I feel that moving in together is the next step forward. It's what everyone does where i'm from. And it never stopped my peer group's relationship from advancing forward. unfortunately 90% of theirs did and mine never did. And in terms checking to see if the guy wants to ever get married, there was only one relationship where he didnt, the rest have told me they did but they werent ever ready. In retrospect, these men eventually weren't good for me so i'm glad i never did marry them but it makes me question if i'll ever be good enough for a man to move forward into engagement and giving me that commitment.
Author avvril3000 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 For me, there is no difference. I have never been in a LTR with a girl/woman I did not consider wife material. Only one of these relationships led to marriage, but the others were all with good girls/women that just didn't work out over the long run. So IMO, it is not whether you are good wife material or your BF is good husband material in any sort of general sense, but rather whether you are good material for each other. You're right. I like the way you think about this. It is true that my last 4 relationships, there was something not quite right in the relationship and its better now that we're not together now. Im currently a year with a great guy and i see him as husband material. I just have a tiny complex now that makes me feel that no man will think i'm "it", i'm wife material, will wanna moveforward like that with me. I'm hoping i have met my match. I hope we're good material for eachother.
Author avvril3000 Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 Why did you break up with these long term guys? Did you ever discuss marriage? It might not be a case that you're not wife material or you are lacking something. Did you want to marry any of these guys? Were you just waiting with no mention? It might not have been a priority for them. Or they thought you weren't that bothered and neither were they. But you did break up with these people. That is much easier than a divorce. Something wasn't right or you wouldn't have broken up. Consider that a blessing. I broke up with all these guys for different reasons. Some were me breaking up with them, some were them. They weren't right for me long term. But the relationships never moved forward and i think that was a major frustration for me during the time. You're right , i should think more about the fact that they weren't right for me long term, and not that i wasn't wife material. thanks everyone, im getting a better sense on how i should be thinking and not letting some little worry of mine "that i might not be wife material" eat me up inside
WaitingForBardot Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 If marriage is important to you, then dont move in without any solid commitment. /..snip../ People are saying a lot of the above quote on this forum, however i feel like my age group in this day in age does it - moves in together before engagement. I feel that moving in together is the next step forward. It's what everyone does where i'm from. And it never stopped my peer group's relationship from advancing forward. unfortunately 90% of theirs did and mine never did. /..snip../ I don't see any problem with cohabitation before marriage and most of the long-time married couples I know did exactly that. To me at least, the solid commitment doesn't have to be engagement first, but rather a solid commitment that it is just the first step in that direction.
Simple Logic Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 what is "wife material" in your opinion? lay it all out there guys, what differs in someone you'd wanna marry to just a gf you're gonna be with for a few years and then move on? A gal who was very rich and well connected who will help me get elected the the US senate.
Fair Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Men prefer to marry less attractive women: study - All Woman - JamaicaObserver.com
PegNosePete Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 i feel like my age group in this day in age does it - moves in together before engagement. Yes, it makes a lot of sense to live together before marriage. After all you don't really know someone until you've lived with them 24/7 for a few months, at least. You know their bad habits, you know their laundry routine, you know what they're like when they're ill. All those things are unknowns until you live together. If that is after marriage, you could be in for a nasty shock. It's easier to break up and move out then it is to divorce. I feel that moving in together is the next step forward. Step forward... hmm. I wouldn't be too tied up on that idea, really. Because after that, marriage is the next step logically? It's a common way of thinking, even I thought that before my marriage. But now I realise that marriage is marriage, it's not the "next step". You can either get married, or not. It's not required to get to the "next step". You can be perfectly happy and move on with a relationship for the rest of your life, without a marriage. But as people have said. If you want marriage then you need to find someone who also wants one. told me they did but they werent ever ready. In retrospect, these men eventually weren't good for me so i'm glad i never did marry them but it makes me question if i'll ever be good enough for a man to move forward into engagement and giving me that commitment. It's absolutely nothing to do with you or whether you're "good enough" for marriage (whatever that means???). It's 100% HIM he's talking about here. If a man is "not ready" for marriage (whatever that means??? I've never really heard anyone able to say what that ACTUALLY MEANS??) then it simply means he doesn't want to marry you. At that point you should consider the relationship as going downhill rapidly, and if you're looking for marriage, then it's time to end the relationship.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I'm not a guy, but I have been married twice (my 15th wedding anniversary is next week, actually). I KNOW my husband felt I was marriage material, if you will (he doesn't call it that) because I was pretty (in his estimation) but not a super-party girl (ever), had a great, solid job, took care of my home and all my own affairs, was loving/reciprocal, liked sex and was a good mother. In addition, I am intelligent, creative, have an off-the-beaten-path set of interests and have a sense of humor. These things were non-negotiables for him, just as they are for me, but I don't count them in the "wife material" category as these were always non-negotiables for each of us even in relationships where we weren't expecting a marriage to result. With my ex-husband and also with the two other men in my lifetime who had seriously asked me to marry them (v. just batting the idea around), it was all basically the same (wife material category - above) stuff, amounting to: an "entire package" with an emphasis on stability and capability.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Men prefer to marry less attractive women: study - All Woman - JamaicaObserver.com Well now THAT'S weird, considering all the studies stating men choose more attractive women to marry and less attractive women to have affairs with. Hmm. I suppose this all proves that whatever pool you choose from, how subjectively you rate attractiveness, what you assume is general attractiveness (in this case, they designated "more feminine" features as automatically the perceived beautiful ones and then went forward on that unproven assumption), you can get the results you're looking for. Either way, I know both beautiful and very very plain married women, and both beautiful and very very plain unmarried women. The majority of people either way, both male and female, fall somewhere in between. Now as the marriage, and time, go on, attractiveness can diminish, but that's going to happen to a percentage of people with age, illness, weight changes, stress and so on whether one has a ring on one's finger or not. However you slice it, sadly, I have noticed in 49+ years of observation now that the less attractive women are less likely to be either dating someone OR married, and the more attractive women are more likely to be snapped up...for flings, relationships, marriage or whatever. But MOST of us...married or not, are pretty much average, though often, beautiful in the eyes of our SO because our SO knows us in a three-dimensional way and loves all parts of us. That's pretty much universal too...again, just in my observation.
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