cheeseisnice Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I am in a 4~ year relationship with my girlfriend who is 8 years older. me 21 and she 29. We live together for 3 years in her country. I decided to break up with her because I don't feel ready to settle down and marriage etc. (I promised all those things but changed my mind ) The problem is I never knew how big i impacted my girlfriends life she is almost 30 and apparently in her country she is doomed (and she wants children too). I never knew womans in their 30's do those things always when she talked about marriage and kids i brushed it away... i just didn't know about declining fertility etc and i forgot she is older i treated her like my peer... The thing that she is 30 and single/childless and heart broken by me is already really terrible.... but the worst part is that she got in a huge debt because of an accident she lost 3 years of savings (working 6 days a week) and is 7000$ in debt (she lives in a third world country) This combined with me leaving and the debt i lost all hope for her future.... I think it is getting too much for her because we still talk and she still thinks we are in a relationship (i broke up with her in person i still make it clear but she is in denial). all her friends get married and basicly her family is giving her lot of **** because she is unmarried at 30...... she has littery no support system there is only me in another country.. (and our cat). Her situation is partly my fault i took to long to end it.... but on the other hand. 1.she dated me when i was not mature (i am still not). 2.the accident is partly her fault. 3.i need my money to go to college again.. I own 3000$ and probably could earn more... and i think about paying her debt off so she can focus on finding a new husband.... Her life going bad is ruining me too i am already 2 months sick in my bed because i know it is my fault too (i never had those intentions i loved her deeply). It is really sadly because when i met her she was a intelligent awesome girl and now she is a mess... i felt i robbed her most infertile years and future..
basil67 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 (edited) It's not all your fault. Any woman with half a brain should know that a man as young as you would not be ready to settle down and have children. When you made those promises to her, you weren't old enough to understand how much your life and dreams would change between then and now. She was old enough to know better. What kind of accident was she in? How was the accident partly your fault? Edited March 22, 2017 by basil67 3
Author cheeseisnice Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 Yes i know a woman at her age should know better and especially a 25 year dating a 18 year is strange........ She is 1.44 and bascily spend her child years on the street with no food (i suspect that is why she is less smart). But she acomplished amazing things she went to university traveled to europe (meet me). The accident is not really my fault but I always say too much no, so one time she went to buy a house for us,her family.. and I knew something was off but i really didn't stop her from buying it ( i was really burned out from my work). if i just fought harder and showed more interest in her buying the house this wouldn't happen...... I know it is her own bad decisions (dating much younger / buying house) but she is actually a really good person (taking care of her family) treated me with much love and respect...
basil67 Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Yes i know a woman at her age should know better and especially a 25 year dating a 18 year is strange........ She is 1.44 and bascily spend her child years on the street with no food (i suspect that is why she is less smart). But she acomplished amazing things she went to university traveled to europe (meet me). The accident is not really my fault but I always say too much no, so one time she went to buy a house for us,her family.. and I knew something was off but i really didn't stop her from buying it ( i was really burned out from my work). if i just fought harder and showed more interest in her buying the house this wouldn't happen...... I know it is her own bad decisions (dating much younger / buying house) but she is actually a really good person (taking care of her family) treated me with much love and respect... Again, you're taking too much blame on yourself. Buying a house was her own decision. 1
Maldives Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I am in a 4~ year relationship with my girlfriend who is 8 years older. me 21 and she 29. We live together for 3 years in her country. I decided to break up with her because I don't feel ready to settle down and marriage etc. (I promised all those things but changed my mind ) The problem is I never knew how big i impacted my girlfriends life she is almost 30 and apparently in her country she is doomed (and she wants children too). I never knew womans in their 30's do those things always when she talked about marriage and kids i brushed it away... i just didn't know about declining fertility etc and i forgot she is older i treated her like my peer... The thing that she is 30 and single/childless and heart broken by me is already really terrible.... but the worst part is that she got in a huge debt because of an accident she lost 3 years of savings (working 6 days a week) and is 7000$ in debt (she lives in a third world country) This combined with me leaving and the debt i lost all hope for her future.... I think it is getting too much for her because we still talk and she still thinks we are in a relationship (i broke up with her in person i still make it clear but she is in denial). all her friends get married and basicly her family is giving her lot of **** because she is unmarried at 30...... she has littery no support system there is only me in another country.. (and our cat). Her situation is partly my fault i took to long to end it.... but on the other hand. 1.she dated me when i was not mature (i am still not). 2.the accident is partly her fault. 3.i need my money to go to college again.. I own 3000$ and probably could earn more... and i think about paying her debt off so she can focus on finding a new husband.... Her life going bad is ruining me too i am already 2 months sick in my bed because i know it is my fault too (i never had those intentions i loved her deeply). It is really sadly because when i met her she was a intelligent awesome girl and now she is a mess... i felt i robbed her most infertile years and future.. I got a big heart but it's not ur fault. Hell, if u stayed a cpl more yrs I guarantee she would of lost wat they call there feelings and checked out and dumped u u just got in 1st. Don't feel responsible for her debt either plus she's only 30 that's still of a age where she has still plenty of time for kids. I have a lady friend who didn't conceive until her mid 40's. My ex wife fell pregnant wth her new husband wen she was like 33 so don't beat ureself up over situations that aren't that bad nor created by u. She's an adult like i said If itd been another cpl more yrs say like 2 yrs she would of done wat u did to u and trust me woman are not as forgiving or nice wen they dump they'll screw ur best friend in front of u and rub salt in ur wounds whilst ur hurting as bad as a mo for please please trust me on this wen I say don't feel guilty or worry about her. Definatly garauntee she would o dumped if ud stayed just that little longer. U kno its happened to me i stupidly stayed even wen I wasn't happy til they broke it off that's how I'm very sure I know l.
Author cheeseisnice Posted March 23, 2017 Author Posted March 23, 2017 Again, you're taking too much blame on yourself. Buying a house was her own decision. I actually left a big part out why i feel guilty and sick (already 3 months bed ridden). I knew already maybe 1,5 years ago we wouldn't work out and stringed her along i was still in love and really confused. ( i knew no one in the country and only had her and was depressive so i just didn't want to break up) only when i realised how precious her time was I broke up.... ( i never tought about her age...) Actually if she was the same age as me or little older I wouldn't break up because i feel with such age gap you need to have a strong relationship.... and she don't take care of her self and i do of my self so she actually looks 10 year older and she gets really insecure.. so i can imagine when i am 30 and she 40 it will cause too much tension...
confusedgirlfriend11 Posted March 23, 2017 Posted March 23, 2017 It's difficult to comment without knowing the cultures but I'm nearly 31, not married and no children yet. I know I have plenty of years to find a decent partner to have all that with. What countries are you from as maybe culturally things are very different? Either way you can not accept all the blame here. In fact, no one is to blame for the situation. It's just a sad situation that you have not worked out. You both deserve to be happy and breaking up was the right decision. Whether you knew a year and half ago that you should break up, it's irrelevant. That time has gone now and all you can do is focus on the future.
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