palmsand Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 Maybe more of a question for the ladies. Heard the same story again today, "it's so hard to find a real, decent guy". From your experiences in dating, considering people you've met face to face, including dates set up through OLD, what percentage of guys would you say are decent, caring, outgoing, not playing games, don't go psycho when you dump them, etc.?
RecentChange Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 I think age range, who you are attracted to, and who you attract play a role. I never had any problem finding a decent guy. I would say all my ex's were decent guys and so is my husband. Most of my female friends (mid 30's) are married or in LTR with guys who I would catagorize as decent. And then I know a small handful of women who "can't find a decent man" have been doing the OLD thing etc without much luck. I am not sure where they are going wrong, but I suspect unreasonable expectations play a big part of it. I would also say the few girls I know who would call themselves "princesses" also happen to be the single ones. 2
Simple Logic Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 Descent guys are as rare as descent girls. 3
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 Tho it's been forever since I was dating, there are different types and levels of s$%tty dates/guys that were out there but I remember the crap I went thru and it's the same crap I see today. These days they are just more accessible because of OLD so the problem seems bigger. When you are young, you are still developing as a human being, and so is everyone else and that includes, behavior, maturity, learning what you want, and not let your emotions get the better of you, and putting your ego in it's place. Some are slower to develop than others. IMO that's why dating is so messed up, fighting your way through what you think is unacceptable, crazy or psycho and getting your priorities straight. That's why experience is so important...going thru the bumps and grinds of finding the right one. If it was that easy there would be no such thing as being single, and what a boring world this would be without such challenge. Now I'm not saying everyone grows up...there are middle age people that never get their act together and still act like dbags.
Tressugar Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 EXTREMELY rare and I'm serious about that. Everybody has their flaws, so you'd have to ask yourself and figure out what type of flaws are you willing to put up with.
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 BTW there are plenty of decent guys...just that women don't find them attractive. lol 13
Author palmsand Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 BTW there are plenty of decent guys...just that women don't find them attractive. lol See that's sort of the subtext of this thread, what I've been thinking about. Again, girl I've been seeing ends things and says I'm a nice guy and it's hard to find decent people and all that. I guess I wonder if she meant that, and if she did, is that part of the reason she doesn't want to see me again? I guess I don't know how to act not respectful and thoughtful towards people and don't think I should have to?
Larryville Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I'm going to interject something here. Yes this particular threat gets recycled about every few days. Ladies ask yourselves if you live in a metropolitan area that has let's say 1 million people how many men who live within 100 miles of you would you say you would be compatible with? Someone responded to me in another post and said basically that she was only attracted to one out of five hundred guys on online dating sites. I can't doubt that because I don't know what her particular criteria is for guys. Are people honest with themselves and look in the mirror and say wow I can't understand why I don't get second dates. Do you actually look in the mirror and process who and what they are and ask themselves, "would I date me?" Before you answer the question write down a list of maybe 20 must have parameters that a man must meet in order for you to just simply accept who they are. Certainly include traits like height, weight, religion, hair color, eye color, education, income, race, divorced, never married, age, career... Now look in the mirror and process what you see when you look in the mirror. What makes you such a catch? Things from your height your weight body type hairstyle overall style... Your education, your income, do you have kids, where you live, your living style, Also things like are you narcissistic or are you selfish, can you cook, do you have external hobbies, are you close to your family, what was your relationship with your father.... Saying that there are no good guys out there is all well and good but you have to be somebody a man actually wants. Just sayin.... 3
Ieris Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 (edited) Saying that there are no good guys out there is all well and good but you have to be somebody a man actually wants. So true.. I had some female friends who told me their criteria for men: Ambitious, rich, tall, good looking, generous etc. Then I looked at them and thought but why would they go for you? ----- From your experiences in dating, considering people you've met face to face, including dates set up through OLD, what percentage of guys would you say are decent, caring, outgoing, not playing games, don't go psycho when you dump them, etc.? I'd say a good 60-70% of guys I've met are decent and tick a lot of boxes, sometimes I wonder why they're even single... Edited March 22, 2017 by Ieris 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I really think most people are decent people...we all want the same basic things and I have rarely met anyone who wants to hurt others. We do stupid things at times but we are all just trying to get by and find happiness. Men and women both. 9
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 See that's sort of the subtext of this thread, what I've been thinking about. Again, girl I've been seeing ends things and says I'm a nice guy and it's hard to find decent people and all that. I guess I wonder if she meant that, and if she did, is that part of the reason she doesn't want to see me again? I guess I don't know how to act not respectful and thoughtful towards people and don't think I should have to? Are you going for shallow girls? Look around you at all the married, decent, hardworking, not amazing looking guys you see and tell me girls just don't go for nice guys. Obviously, someone chose these decidedly averages non-player, decent joes. What sort of woman do you generally go for? Because given MOST people are just average (hence the term "average") yet most also manage to have relationships, including loving ones, the idea that most guys or most women aren't "decent" and further, that nice men never get women, absolutely doesn't hold up. I find (just my experience) that more often than not, when men complain that women don't want good guys, they are going for the super hottie girls who, naturally, think these plainer dudes are beneath them. Likewise, again just my experience...often, women who claim there are no good men are for their own reasons seeking out men who can never give them what they want.
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 In my close to 200 coffee-dates I met a fair amount of decent men and some of them were more than decent, they were men raising their children alone, working, devoting their free time to volunteer work, caring for an elderly parent, they deserved a medal. They treated me like a lady, took interest in me, etc. There are decent men out there. I just didn't feel it after a couple of dates. 1
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 In my close to 200 coffee-dates I met a fair amount of decent men and some of them were more than decent, they were men raising their children alone, working, devoting their free time to volunteer work, caring for an elderly parent, they deserved a medal. They treated me like a lady, took interest in me, etc. There are decent men out there. I just didn't feel it after a couple of dates. Now depends what you consider 'decent'. I judge a man decent by his character, integrity, respect, kindness, honesty, will power. Some people would quality 'decent' as someone with a 6 digit salary, driving a BM, house paid off and 3 trips a year. 3
RecentChange Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I also bristle at catagorizing whole genders. "No decent men" are their fathers, brothers, uncles, sons etc "indecent men"? Is the same when some men disparage that all women are "x" undesirable trait. I wonder if they feel the same way about their mothers, grandma's etc. Now if they don't think that the men they know well or are related to are terrible - well then I say they are just picking the wrong people to date. If they DO think these negative things about their "loved ones" well then I KNOW why they are picking the wrong people to date! 3
Miss Spider Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 BTW there are plenty of decent guys...just that women don't find them attractive. lol Quoted for truth:( :(
Miss Spider Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 In my close to 200 coffee-dates I met a fair amount of decent men and some of them were more than decent, they were men raising their children alone, working, devoting their free time to volunteer work, caring for an elderly parent, they deserved a medal. They treated me like a lady, took interest in me, etc. There are decent men out there. I just didn't feel it after a couple of dates. 200? Gaeta, where did you find these men???do you live in a large city? You found all of them attractive before meeting up? Over what course of time did you meet them. That sounds so exhausting:(but glad you finally found a match
normal person Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I really think most people are decent people...we all want the same basic things and I have rarely met anyone who wants to hurt others. I'll agree that most people probably aren't actively trying to, but I know a lot of people who always prioritize themselves first and don't care how that inconveniences or troubles others. I find a lot of people lack empathy in interpersonal relationships. We do stupid things at times but we are all just trying to get by and find happiness. Men and women both. But sadly we do a lot of "less than decent" things at the expense of others in pursuit of our own happiness.
Gaeta Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 200? Gaeta, where did you find these men???do you live in a large city? You found all of them attractive before meeting up? Over what course of time did you meet them. That sounds so exhausting:(but glad you finally found a match I live in a city of 4 millions. I met them over 3,5 years on and off online. Getting a date was easy, sometimes I met 2 a day or 3 in a week. It's Montreal here, of course they were all gorgeous ;-) 2
Fair Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 BTW there are plenty of decent guys...just that women don't find them attractive. lol This is such crap. If this is you, please don't take it upon yourself to speak for all women. I do think decent men are rare. I wonder if it's the conditioning of our society where women are seen as "less than", and therefore men subconciously feel they have licence to treat women poorly and that it's okay. I suspect it's something like that, among other things. I've seen these attitudes in action. I also don't think there's a man alive who wouldn't cheat under the right circumstances. Perhaps some of them are still basically decent but it doesn't bode well for their relationships. If you really want a faithful male, get a dog. At least you can get him nuetured. Most women end their lives alone or in the company of the other women in their lives, and not just because their husbands die, let's face it.
TheBathWater Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Maybe more of a question for the ladies. Heard the same story again today, "it's so hard to find a real, decent guy". From your experiences in dating, considering people you've met face to face, including dates set up through OLD, what percentage of guys would you say are decent, caring, outgoing, not playing games, don't go psycho when you dump them, etc.? The same percentage of women who are actually willing to date said decent guys when they find them, not just say they wish they could find one But seriously, there are LOADS of decent, caring, outgoing, honest men out there. I know WAY WAY more of those guys than the ones you described wanting to get away from...
Fair Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 The same percentage of women who are actually willing to date said decent guys when they find them, not just say they wish they could find one But seriously, there are LOADS of decent, caring, outgoing, honest men out there. I know WAY WAY more of those guys than the ones you described wanting to get away from... You would say that. You're male.
curiouslysearching Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I live in a city of 4 millions. I met them over 3,5 years on and off online. Getting a date was easy, sometimes I met 2 a day or 3 in a week. It's Montreal here, of course they were all gorgeous ;-) now you are just bragging.............. 1
Author palmsand Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 You would say that. You're male. This is interesting, I'm a guy as well. My impression has been the opposite, that a sizeable portion of men out there, considering younger guys (under 30) in my case, aren't decent. Just from all the stories I hear. And looking at my friends, most of whom I do not consider to behave decently towards women. Maybe some of it is bias in what women are telling me? Maybe they just talk more about the creeps and jerks than the regular guys?
Miss Spider Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 Hahah... no kidding. Even if I could get 3 dates a week with different attractive men for years, I don't think I'd have the stamina. But you go girl.
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