Olivesn Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 (edited) I've posted about what happened before,but here's a recap: >Girl A:Said she liked me since day one, broke up with her boyfriend, came to me right after. I told her that her ex and I were friendly and she also needed time to process her relationship. She told me she was a serial dater, gave me cold feet, smoked and drank a lot, couldn't do much house work and never did much for me. I tried teaching her to cook, fixed up her car that she crashed when she was drunk, spent a lot of time with her, etc and talked about us. February I call on valentines to make it official and she tells me she's going on a date with someone else. I was devastated, still kind of am. A few of my "friends" knew about, banished those fake backstabbers, told her I cared for her and don't know why she abandoned me when I asked for some space to deal with my problems. She said she was "sorry for hurting me" and "didn't know I felt that way about her". We fought, I lashed out, cried and have been trying to "move on" while telling myself "She'll be back". But I just find her to be stupid and untrustworthy. She jumps between relationships very fast, does lots of casual hookups and switches her likes an dislikes just to match up with someone. She's 23 and I've gone from anger and betrayal to just pity. >Girl B She's 19. She's very friendly, physically more attractive to me, doesn't smoke, drinks socially and never gets drunk. She's been really into me for about a year now and I admittedly was worried about her age(I'm 28) and the fact that she hasn't dated(Is very picky like I am) and wants a stable and clean partner. Which is what I want. We've talked a lot and I never pulled the trigger for those reasons, but also because I spent the last five months heavily invested in trying to help out the other girl. Today I tried sleeping(it's been hard) and dreamt of girl B. I want to make it happen. But I'm worried also that perhaps I'm just craving a relationship and not necessarily her. I try to be very careful in showing people if I have feelings for them or not, because I hate causing unnecessary damage to people. This girl is really nice and I'm considering it seriously. I've been working out, I'm in better shape, feel better and am working towards starting my own business. Part of me is still thinking that girl A's relationship will blow up and that she'll come running back to me. Her and her new guy are already committed to being bf and gf after two weeks and going on vacations, etc. Alternatively they could be together forever. But that makes me feel guilty for thinking ill of that and secondly, I just feel like if she came back; I'd probably just resent her, sleep with her, treat her poorly and it would end sooner or later in a bad way. I don't think I can ever trust her again or the things she says. We haven't talked in about a month and she knows why, but we see each other at work. I promised her to always be there for her when things got serious, and I take my promises seriously. But her selfish and unthinking behaviour is a huge turn off and I just want to insult her when I think of her. Do I go for girl B and see where it goes, or do I even consider girl A? The reason I ask is that I don't necessarily care to have a girlfriend, I'm a bit of a loner and consider girls additional happiness and not happiness itself. I know relationships are a lot of work and often you have to do things that you don't want too for your partners happiness. I don't treat them lightly because I know the damage bad ones can do to people. Girl B? Or keep working on myself and "wait" for Girl A? I really do miss that idiot. Edited March 21, 2017 by Olivesn
Scarlett.O'hara Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 Girl A should not even be an option. Unless you like constant drama and rejection, forget about it. It doesn't sound like you are 100% sure about Girl B either (which is fair enough, she is very young), so I would suggest staying single for a bit longer and keeping your options open until you know Girl B better. In the meantime you might meet someone else that ticks all the boxes.
Author Olivesn Posted March 21, 2017 Author Posted March 21, 2017 Girl A should not even be an option. Unless you like constant drama and rejection, forget about it. It doesn't sound like you are 100% sure about Girl B either (which is fair enough, she is very young), so I would suggest staying single for a bit longer and keeping your options open until you know Girl B better. In the meantime you might meet someone else that ticks all the boxes. Well I've scheduled a coffee date with girl B for later this week. She seems to be really looking forward to it and I'm a bit happy. But I'm seriously worried that I may be trying to fill the void of girl A with her. Why do I still want girl A? I'm so confused.
Tressugar Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 You shouldn't be dating until you've worked out your own issues.
Author Olivesn Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 You shouldn't be dating until you've worked out your own issues. Yes, I know that. I said pretty much the same thing in the above post. That's why I said it's just a coffee date, not anything serious or going in with the intentions of taking her out to dinner or something. I just want to see what kind of person she is and learn more about her. Having said that, clearly people like girl A go into relationships without working out their issues. She managed to find love, right?
xUnknown Posted March 22, 2017 Posted March 22, 2017 I'm worried also that perhaps I'm just craving a relationship and not necessarily her this tells me you aren't 100% sure about Girl B. Also, that you're not ready to date. You're trying to reason dating her as it just being a "coffee date", but it's still a date. Hang out with B and see where things go. Keep a level head and try not to let yourself get anxious and read into things. That happens (or can start to happen) a lot in this type of situation where you're not 100% ready to be dating. clearly people like girl A go into relationships without working out their issues. She managed to find love, right? Girl A shouldn't be an option. You know this. You're just looking for someone else to tell you that too. No way in hell did she manage to find love with this new bf. She's using him as a band-aid. The same thing she would have done with you. They're the type of women that get married, cheat on their husband, get divorced, married to second guy, but then get divorced again.
Author Olivesn Posted March 22, 2017 Author Posted March 22, 2017 this tells me you aren't 100% sure about Girl B. Also, that you're not ready to date. You're trying to reason dating her as it just being a "coffee date", but it's still a date. Hang out with B and see where things go. Keep a level head and try not to let yourself get anxious and read into things. That happens (or can start to happen) a lot in this type of situation where you're not 100% ready to be dating. Girl A shouldn't be an option. You know this. You're just looking for someone else to tell you that too. No way in hell did she manage to find love with this new bf. She's using him as a band-aid. The same thing she would have done with you. They're the type of women that get married, cheat on their husband, get divorced, married to second guy, but then get divorced again. God I feel like such a terrible person now that I've slept on this. I just don't understand why girl A did what she did. Would canceling on girl B not be very rude though? I'm 100% sure that it's more about me than her right now and that's not fair at all. Ugh, I guess I should go anyway and not waste her time and just talk to her like you're saying.
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