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Am I wrong for dating 2 girls at once?


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Posted

So I met this first girl online and we've been going out for about 2 months. I may have seen her 15 times or so. I can tell she really likes me a lot. And I like her. She is unlike most girls I've dated. She is nice, smart, attractive and will do anything for me. The only issue is, I might not feel a strong connection, even though she is the marrying "type" (maybe because it's only been 2 months). All of my friends like her and agree. We've slept with each other multiple times already.

 

Now a few weeks into dating the first girl, I met this other girl. She is also attractive and smart. I feel a stronger connection with her but we've only been on 3 dates. She went out of the country for 2 weeks after our third date. Now she's back and we are going out again. I think we will sleep together on this next date.

 

I know I haven't had the talk with the first girl on going exclusive yet. Her facebook says she's still single, even though she would jump at the chance to be my girlfriend. I do feel guilty dating the other girl but I haven't gone out with her enough to know if she's right for me. I think I deserve to be selfish in this situation to see if I can find the right long term match. Since I'm at the age where people start settling down. But I also feel guilty. I'm still pretty new into dating the first girl to gain a ton of feelings and I've only gone out with the second a handful of times.

Posted

YES, you're wrong not to tell the woman you're sleeping with that you're seeing other people. Two solid months plus sex with no "just FBs" agreement translates for many of us into, "we're exclusive unless otherwise notified." Really that only makes sense, since you're talking about not only physical intimacy but regularity and consistency and a length of time.

 

Seeing two women, even sleeping with two women, WITH their knowledge, is not wrong. Obviously, use protection, but you always should anyway.

  • Like 6
Posted

Unless you are a poly, I think you'll have to choose because you seem to like both girls and have a stronger connection with the second one.

 

If you want both and you tell both, highly unlikely this will work (on keeping both) because one of them if not both will be jealous and you might lose them.

 

Choose carefully and yes, use a rubber in any case.

  • Like 3
Posted

I think 2 months is a good time to get a feel for someone on a romantics serious level no ?

 

Why don't you have the talk ? I'm surprised she hasn't brought it up either

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  • Author
Posted

Thanks for the replies. I just feel like it's too soon to tell with both since these girls are essentially from blind dates. I didn't know them going into these dates and feel like I need more time. It wasn't my intention to take this long but the second girl left for 2 weeks. And yes, I always use a condom.

  • Like 1
Posted

If they don't ring it up I'd say just go with the flow

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  • Author
Posted

I really don't like bringing up the talk with any girl now. Every time I have, the girl said yes just to break up with me 3 months later saying "we rushed into things." I figured if she wants to date me, she will bring it up.

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Posted

Definitely you have to let the first girl know you are not exclusive. At this point what you are doing is cheating. Specially because you say she's really into you. Most probably she's assuming you are exclusive because you haven't said the opposite.

  • Like 1
Posted
So I met this first girl online and we've been going out for about 2 months. I may have seen her 15 times or so. I can tell she really likes me a lot. And I like her. She is unlike most girls I've dated. She is nice, smart, attractive and will do anything for me. The only issue is, I might not feel a strong connection, even though she is the marrying "type" (maybe because it's only been 2 months). All of my friends like her and agree. We've slept with each other multiple times already.

 

Now a few weeks into dating the first girl, I met this other girl. She is also attractive and smart. I feel a stronger connection with her but we've only been on 3 dates. She went out of the country for 2 weeks after our third date. Now she's back and we are going out again. I think we will sleep together on this next date.

 

I know I haven't had the talk with the first girl on going exclusive yet. Her facebook says she's still single, even though she would jump at the chance to be my girlfriend. I do feel guilty dating the other girl but I haven't gone out with her enough to know if she's right for me. I think I deserve to be selfish in this situation to see if I can find the right long term match. Since I'm at the age where people start settling down. But I also feel guilty. I'm still pretty new into dating the first girl to gain a ton of feelings and I've only gone out with the second a handful of times.

 

I really feel for you, as I have had this same dilemma a number of times. It's never easy. You like the first girl and want to see where things go, but you're more excited at the moment by the second girl.

 

Are you using protection with the first girl? If not, now is the time to start doing so if you're not monogamous. Does she know the two of you are free to date other people? Even if you haven't had the exclusive talk, do the dynamics of your relationship with her leave the impression that the two of you are monogamous but not 'official'? These are important things to think about, and answering these questions should guide you as to what the right way to proceed with both girls is.

 

I do believe casual sex is the norm these days and that unless you have given any reason for your partner to believe you're monogamous that you should be free to have sex with other people (using protection, of course). But like I said above, just because people don't have 'the talk' doesn't mean there's not an impression that you're exclusive.

 

Whatever you do, do it ethically, and as the old adage goes...always leave them better than you found them (i.e. do no harm).

  • Like 2
Posted
I think 2 months is a good time to get a feel for someone on a romantics serious level no ?

 

This is actually a really good point that I didn't think about. Two months is a good enough time to get a feel for someone.

 

Are you nervous that because you're not more involved with girl #2 yet that if you leave girl #1 for her that you risk winding up alone? You obviously don't have much traction with girl #2 yet.

  • Like 1
Posted
But I also feel guilty. I'm still pretty new into dating the first girl to gain a ton of feelings and I've only gone out with the second a handful of times.

 

You want a quick answer to your question? Tell both girls that you been dating another girl while you are dating them and see what their reaction is. If you don't have the courage to tell them then you already know your answer.

  • Like 1
Posted
So I met this first girl online and we've been going out for about 2 months. I may have seen her 15 times or so. I can tell she really likes me a lot. And I like her. She is unlike most girls I've dated. She is nice, smart, attractive and will do anything for me. The only issue is, I might not feel a strong connection, even though she is the marrying "type" (maybe because it's only been 2 months). All of my friends like her and agree. We've slept with each other multiple times already.

 

Now a few weeks into dating the first girl, I met this other girl. She is also attractive and smart. I feel a stronger connection with her but we've only been on 3 dates. She went out of the country for 2 weeks after our third date. Now she's back and we are going out again. I think we will sleep together on this next date.

 

I know I haven't had the talk with the first girl on going exclusive yet. Her facebook says she's still single, even though she would jump at the chance to be my girlfriend. I do feel guilty dating the other girl but I haven't gone out with her enough to know if she's right for me. I think I deserve to be selfish in this situation to see if I can find the right long term match. Since I'm at the age where people start settling down. But I also feel guilty. I'm still pretty new into dating the first girl to gain a ton of feelings and I've only gone out with the second a handful of times.

 

Ah a true player with more than one woman at his beck and call. If you want both then don't tell them about each other. Because if you do then you'll lose both. You have to pick who you like the best. That takes time to do. I have been there myself too. I hate to be alone without the female, and as many as it has to be. Today I have one and only one woman. Prior there was many to juggle around. It's fun at first but you'll soon realize you can;t keep it up because if the other one ever found out their goes what you have build-up. I read most of the replies here I see a lot don't like this but they don't know what we men have to go through out there. Not so easy as eating apple pie. In a sense you have a backup with the second girl. If you can get away with it then by all means continue on. No one can tell you really what to do though. If you love both you tell them you love them. But in the end only one will win your heart. Make sure you cover your tracks though. One mistake and it's all over. You can take 2 or more girls if you can pull it off. Your just dating if you doing more than that then not a good idea to trick these women though. I am only saying going out and being with them. You could live with them but then you have the other girl calling and texting you. Saying where are you at?

  • Like 1
Posted

OP,

To answer you question, no, it isn't wrong to date two girls at once.

 

But in my book there's a big difference between just dating and sleeping with someone.

 

I think you need to either tinkle, or get off the potty before one of them finds out about the other and gives you a slap in the chops.

 

Mind you this;

 

I think I deserve to be selfish in this situation to see if I can find the right long term match.

 

screams "entitlement issues" and a lack of empathy, so you probably won't listen to any advice anyway. :rolleyes:

  • Like 1
Posted

This is also known as "spinning plates" whereas, some think this okay...considering one shouldn't fixate on only one person. (one-itus). But when you start sleeping with someone, well...I'd think a person would be exclusive at this point without having "the talk."

 

I mean, it's pretty obvious.

  • Like 1
Posted

Might not be the most ethical answer, but continue dating both until girl #1 brings up the define the relationship conversation. People get into trouble all the time by assuming this or that. Don't assume. What's to say she even wants an exclusive relationship with you? Granted, it's usually men that are like that and not women.

Posted

Well if you feel this is what you should do then fine...as long as you don't mind any of them dating and sleeping with another guy at the same time they are seeing you.

 

Just letting you know that if any of these women end up with you, eventually they will discover you were with someone else during the early stages, and it may be the demise of something that would have been amazing.

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