No longer desperate for him back but feel a mild hurt and disappointment, normal?

[AT15]

My ex broke up with me a year and a half ago. I kept in contact, got used, ghosted and disrespected by him. I've finally am

Not hoping for a return, BUT I feel disappointed in him. I can take responsibility for putting myself in the position to be exploited. I was weak and desperate for his attention and love like when we were dating. However, I still am a bit salty for the way he handled things after the break up. Can anyone relate?

 

I know it's a sign of not being totally healed. I have no desire to tell him how much he hurt me. So, i know I've come a long way from the imaginary conversations I've had with him in my head. I'm just disappointed.

Edited March 21, 2017 by AT15

[LilAddison]

A therapist friend of mine who deals in grief recovery explained it to me like this... A broken heart is a lot like being an ex smoker/alcoholic/gambler etc... You may be past it for the most part. You've thought about it, rationalized it, pondered the "what if's" and tucked it away neatly folded. But every now and then... The itch sneaks back in and irritates you. Sometimes it's triggered by an event... Sometimes it just seems to come out of nowhere. It may do this to you for the rest of your life. It may never sneak up on you again. Everyone is unique.

After a r'ship ends where you are emotionally invested, you each take a piece of each other with you. It makes it harder to heal, but it also teaches us lessons that teach us how to behave in all our future r'ships.

Be disappointed! It's ok to be. Your ex was supposed to have your back. If you had his back and he only had his own back, then who the hell had yours??? It's normal and ok to feel disappointed when the people you care about don't return the gesture.

Stay strong! Talking to him will only push you backwards.

[AT15]

A therapist friend of mine who deals in grief recovery explained it to me like this... A broken heart is a lot like being an ex smoker/alcoholic/gambler etc... You may be past it for the most part. You've thought about it, rationalized it, pondered the "what if's" and tucked it away neatly folded. But every now and then... The itch sneaks back in and irritates you. Sometimes it's triggered by an event... Sometimes it just seems to come out of nowhere. It may do this to you for the rest of your life. It may never sneak up on you again. Everyone is unique.

After a r'ship ends where you are emotionally invested, you each take a piece of each other with you. It makes it harder to heal, but it also teaches us lessons that teach us how to behave in all our future r'ships.

Be disappointed! It's ok to be. Your ex was supposed to have your back. If you had his back and he only had his own back, then who the hell had yours??? It's normal and ok to feel disappointed when the people you care about don't return the gesture.

Stay strong! Talking to him will only push you backwards.

 

Thanks A lot. This explanation reminded me to view things as a process.

[marky00]

2 years since my BU.

 

 

First year was total hell.

 

 

Been about 8 months NC and definitely feeling better. So much so, I have been ignoring breadcrumbs.

 

 

But I am "salty" like you regarding how all the crap went down. The BU was ruthless and although I need to take some of the responsibility, she never once spoke to me about her diminished feelings so I do kind of feel that was her responsibility to let me know that was the case.

 

 

It was and LDR so I had to trust her, otherwise you just go nuts.

 

 

I have never shut anybody out of my life for good but I have come to the conclusion that I will most likely ignore her for the rest of my life.

 

 

If there was consistent and respectful contact coming from her, I might re-assess but I am not counting on that.

[Altair0770]

You guys say you broke up after like 2 years but didn't start NC until much later. You really haven't begun healing until you start NC and stick to it until you're 100% over it and don't give a damn.

 

My story is long, so I'll cut it short. I don't get sad or depressed anymore that my ex left me. I get angry and scream out profanity. I was treated so horribly and used. I was ALWAYS there for her and she took advantage. I have nothing nice to say. Whenever I have a "bad day", it's generally a day I want to punch a wall. Luckily those days are becoming less and less.

 

However, I know for certain my life will be much better than hers. It's not a competition. I hope she's miserable for her decision. And yes, I'm disappointed in it. I highly doubt she considered the future and was more focused on her present feelings. She also doesn't understand decisions have consequences. I've completely cut her out of my life. I don't remember her phone number and I deleted it, and she's no where near me.

 

I think the disappointed phase is getting close to acceptance. You start realizing you are as good as you are and don't deserve that bull****.

[allybaba789]

Can anyone relate?

 

I am very disappointed that a man I would have considered marrying no longer even wanted a romantic relationship with me. I think disappointment is a huge part of break-ups. Disappointment for never experiencing what was ever again, disappointment that you will never experience what could have been, disappointment at losing a best friend etc.