JS17 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 only she can answer that question. i don't think it's hopeless but you're going to have to learn to live with the "questions" in a relationship. i know you feel really down and desperate now. everyone has been there at some point and it's perfectly normal. you need to find an outlet for all of this energy. maybe write all of your questions and feelings in a journal. maybe getting it all out will help you to concentrate on yourself. you need to do whatever you can to not think about this until it's time to think about it which is saturday.
Author thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 only she can answer that question. i don't think it's hopeless but you're going to have to learn to live with the "questions" in a relationship. i know you feel really down and desperate now. everyone has been there at some point and it's perfectly normal. you need to find an outlet for all of this energy. maybe write all of your questions and feelings in a journal. maybe getting it all out will help you to concentrate on yourself. you need to do whatever you can to not think about this until it's time to think about it which is saturday. what do you mean "you are going to have to learn to live with the questions in a relationship?" Funny you say that about a journal because i started one up.
Author thesandman Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 so she calls me tonight. last night she got online and we talked for about 10 minutes maybe. tonight she calls me and we talk for about 15 minutes just about stuff. then i ask her what she has been thinking about us. she says she didnt call to talk about that. but anyway, we get around to talking about that and she just says her mind is so messed up now. she tells me shes such a bitch for treating me this way. she says she doesn't know how long it will go on, and i tell her i just don't know if my body and heart will be able to take just waiting around for her. so i'm thinking about calling her tomorrow (friday), and just telling her i can't do this. as much as i want to wait for her, i just don't think it will be healthy because this could go on a month or longer, and i love her so much my body won't be able to take this worrying about what she is thinking. i just asked her tonight to tell me what she has been thinking and she won't say anything. i tell her i think her parents have a big influence and for some reason don't think i'm right for her. and she doesn't really say much to that. this is nuts. but i think i'm just going to call her friday when she gets off work and tell her how i feel and that i just don't think i'm going to be able to wait around for her as much as i'd like. it sucks because i know i could do it, but its just not good for me. i would do anything for this girl too, anything except murder some one. ugh. some more help is appreciated. thanks
upsetnhurt Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 sandman.......here is what is going to happen.....you call her and tell her you are moving on.........she cries and says if you must as she needs some space and understands your inability to respect that..........one day goes by and you are dying over her.......and you start texting her and emailing her and calling her like crazy...... what did you achieve other than pushing her farther away since that is the last thing you really want. Listen to everyone and take a chill pill and relax. Don't you have any hobbies other than her? If not, that is pretty sad!
Author thesandman Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by upsetnhurt sandman.......here is what is going to happen.....you call her and tell her you are moving on.........she cries and says if you must as she needs some space and understands your inability to respect that..........one day goes by and you are dying over her.......and you start texting her and emailing her and calling her like crazy...... what did you achieve other than pushing her farther away since that is the last thing you really want. Listen to everyone and take a chill pill and relax. Don't you have any hobbies other than her? If not, that is pretty sad! thanks. i was actually doing pretty well on Thursday until she called that night and threw my world into a spin. I mean this is what i think i need to do, i just can't continue to live like this and wait for her to figure out her life as much as i want too. i just need to start moving on with my life now and not continue this painful feeling. and i haven't called her since tuesday so i've been good with that. she said she needed space so i respected that and didn't call her or anything. and yes i have other hobbies, its just that when you date someone for over 3 years and feel the way i feel towards her, its HARD. We talked EVERYDAY for over 3 years, and now not being able to talk to her and just hear about her day is killing me. so i've got to call her this afternoon and let her know i cannot continue to be like this. and yeah, i'm sure she will say pretty much exactly what you typed. she'll say something like she just needs space and shes sorry. this really does suck losing the best thing ever to happen to you. when i was down she always knew how to make me smile and i was the same with her. ::sigh::
upsetnhurt Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 "so i've got to call her this afternoon and let her know i cannot continue to be like this" and what will happen after you tell her this and she says so be it....go on your own way as she still needs time and won't compromise on it......... You are back in the same spot with all the pain of missing her..............except now you have no right to call or text!
upsetnhurt Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 You have no choice but to accept what is happening and deal with it.....you survived before you met her and will again I assure you. I am in the same boat and am thinking of my ex gf constantly...yet regardless of the pain and agonizing thoughts i will respect her wishes and not initiate communication. Kinda sucks knowing that she can handle no communication....yet then again it is an eye opener to me and should be to you as well. Her feelings may not be the same as yours and you should sit back and reflect on that a bit.
Author thesandman Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Let me guess... is she 19? yup, how'd you know?
noname Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 what you and she needs right now is for you to be strong. you can't crap out on this or it is going to bring the house down. this is your time to just sit back and listen. it is impossible for you to not jump to conclusions because that is how the mind works. but you just need to shut the h*ll up and listen. she says she needs space. it is important for you to make her feel as if she is getting that in some shape or form, or when she does eventually come back to you she may not feel fulfilled. just listen, let her tell you at her own pace. i know how important it feels for you to keep pouring your heart out and tell her all the stuff you wrote, but i am sure she already knows. a simple "i love you" here and there should suffice. i also know the overwhelming urge to demand answers and to not be left hanging, but that's the breaks. suck it up. find something to occupy your time. take up a new hobby, buy a playstation or something. just do NOT pressure her into coming back. it may get you some temporary relief but you will be setting yourself up for a crash and burn. and just a little word of advice. to many people and sometimes moreso with women, family comes first. so if you are in a situation where things are not so kosher, people may pull out. it is important for you to put your best foot forward in trying to make it work. if they still don't like you, at lest your girl sees that you are trying. but when you say things like"...i can't do this anymore...", it is a huge red flag. espesially when the relationship between you and her 'rents doesn't seem to be all that bad. you admitted defeat and she may be thinking, "wow if he can't do it now, how will he be able to hold up when sh*t really hits the fan.?" relax, take your time. and stay away from bringing up her families influence on her. it can only make things worse. and oh yeah... good luck!!!
westernxer Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 Originally posted by thesandman yup, how'd you know? It's the same story, over and over again. 19-year-old girls never know what they want. It's best if you drop her and date other chicks. You can date her, too. Just don't commit to her. Let her fight to get you, because she's looking for a challenge. Or just drop her completely. You're only 20... go out and live a little, finish college, and think about a career. Don't put all your eggs into one basket, in this case a high school sweetheart looking to have experiences with other people. Can't blame her for being curious. It happens...
Author thesandman Posted July 29, 2005 Author Posted July 29, 2005 ahhh. so she calls me from her work today, did not expect that. so this break thing where she didn't want to talk till Saturday really failed. shes talked to me online on wednesday, called me last night, and now has called me today. so we're talking and i say i'm about at the gym, and she said shes going there after work. so i say well i'll wait up for you here so we can work out together. she says cool. then i ask her if she wants to do something tonight and she says sure. but then i ask her whats that mean now, are we back together? and she says no. so i just said i can't do that then, its just hurting too much. what in the crap am i suppose to do. i love the girl so much. and i really have no idea why she wants a break. i said, are you just breaking up with me because you think you are suppose to or something? she has no real answer to that except i don't know. ahhh, help please
JS17 Posted July 29, 2005 Posted July 29, 2005 you're pushing her when she's not sure. if you want to get back together with her take things slow and give her the space she needs. let her miss you. my suggestion would be to hang out with her casually for a little while, don't push her to answer if you're back together. tell her you'll hang out whether it means you're back together or not. spend a day/evening with her, let her start to get the feelings back.
Undertaker Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Don't talk to her until she knows what she wants. Don't let her have it both ways (space, but still gets to see you...meanwhile, isn't really committed). Let her be the one that's scared to live without you. Last but not least...stop asking for advice that you're not going to take. I was once in the same position. I gave my girl her space and she never came back. It happens.
westernxer Posted July 30, 2005 Posted July 30, 2005 Originally posted by Undertaker I gave my girl her space and she never came back. It happens. Happened to me, too. More than once. However, I think they realized I was onto them, and they didn't want to risk rejection by crawling back, so they sent their girlfriends over to feel me out. I should've felt them out in return. Know what I mean?
guest Posted August 1, 2005 Posted August 1, 2005 if i were you id just relax a little. If its meant to be, then she'l come back to you. Just play it cool, and dont pressurize her too much, otherwise she'l end up coming back to you for all the wrong reasons, and u'l end up being back on here saying the same thing a month later. I was in the same situation as you about a month ago... it didnt work out, and by then i realised it wasnt meant to be, and it didnt hurt as much. Just trust me...keep your mind off her, let her do some of the chasing...it'l feel a hell of a lot better having her crawl back to you, and she will if she wants to be with you...
Recommended Posts