thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Here goes. My girlfriend and I of over three years broke up on Sunday. We had done everything together, always talked everyday. She and I became best friends. I actually wanted to marry her. I had thought about proposing to her in about a year. I could definately see myself growing old with her. Yeah we had our fights, but who doesn't? I did everything from this girl, from opening the car door, to canceling a trip to Europe next Spring so I could stay with her and be with her. I told her she was the PERFECT girl for me and that no one would ever be like her and take her place. I just want her back more than anything. I'll do anything to get her back. Before her, I was obsessed with sports, now i like sports, but found something better in life to love, HER. She told me she just wanted some space for a bit, but i'm figuring that some other guy will come along and there goes any hope i have. i just don't think you can get closer than i was too her. i don't think her parents liked some of the things i did, but honestly, i did just about everything i could for them too. any ideas on what to do? please. thanks.
Author thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by katty What caused the breakup on Sunday? well saturday i went with her and her church on a fishing trip. that went great. on to sunday. when i'm at her house, she always wants me to be the best i can so her parents will like me more. well sunday, i just wanted to talk to her and not watch TV. so her mom comes in and i just say that lets keep the TV off, well she turns it on and i just say sarcastically "well there goes our talking time". she thought i was talking about her mom coming in. her mom leaves the room. however, she later tells me today that her mom did not take what i said that way and was not mad at all at me. but anyways, back to sunday. so i got frustrated because of how tense i get because i can't just relax now at her house, so i just get up and say im going home. so outside we have a lil fight, and i just say, i can't take this anymore, im done. and then i leave, knowing what i did was stupid. so we didnt talk at all that night or monday. well today i called her and she was near my house and came over to talk to me. thats when she started talking about space. im just scared that by giving her space she will soon know that she can live without me. i know about that saying, let it go and if it comes back its real. i just want to be with her.
katty Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 and i just say, i can't take this anymore, im done. and then i leave OK right there maybe the reason she has ask for space, that was a serious statement to make to her. You told her you couldn't take it anymore and that you were done, How do you think that made her feel. She now feels freaked out and is asking for space. I think you can fix this with communication, however, you should take this as a lesson and from now on, don't say things you don't mean. Kat
JS17 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 did you tell her all of this? you have to give her space, there's no question about this. if you really want to be with her, tell her that you're sorry for your actions and that you'll give her whatever she wants, including space. tell her that you'll be waiting for her when she's ready and that you hope it will be soon.
Author thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by katty OK right there maybe the reason she has ask for space, that was a serious statement to make to her. You told her you couldn't take it anymore and that you were done, How do you think that made her feel. She now feels freaked out and is asking for space. I think you can fix this with communication, however, you should take this as a lesson and from now on, don't say things you don't mean. Kat i know, im upset at myself for that. when you say communication, how much is too much communication? i mean we talked daily for over 3 years so its hard not talking to her for just a day. and what should my next move be with her? we've been through a lot during our relationship, and i told her that relationships like ours only comes once a lifetime. thanks for your help.
katty Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Read JS17s post to you, I agree with her. Tell her how sorry you are for saying you were done, reassure her of your love, etc. and then give her the space she is asking for. If it is the real deal the two of you will be picking out china patterns before to long. Best of luck to you.
centered Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 How old are you, Sandman? I was also wondering why, if you had decided that you really did want to marry her, would you wait another year just to propose.
Author thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by centered How old are you, Sandman? I was also wondering why, if you had decided that you really did want to marry her, would you wait another year just to propose. hey, i am 20. and yeah, i wasn't going to marry her in the next year or two, but in the future i wanted too. that is mainly why she is taking a break right now, so she can tell if i am the guy she wants to spend the rest of her life with.
Author thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 it just sucks not being able to talk to her, after talking to her daily for over 3 years and all the memories we have had. i dont mean to get too personal, but we started where we could not even kiss each other, and then we both lost our virginity together. we have grown a ton. and now i am trying to give her space like she asked. its just hard because she is ALWAYS on my mind and i just want to be with her, to hold her again, to kiss her, to lay with her, anything.
Undertaker Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Sandman: Just tell her that you were upset and you said something that you didn't mean. Ask her is she still wants her "space" and then give it to her. You've been with her for 3 years so she already knows that you love her and miss her etc. So you don't have to convince her again. She knows. If she still wants some space, give it to her. And don't say "I'll always be here for you" or anything like that...even if you want to. If you apologize and give her the space, her last memory of you will be a more pleasant one. She'll begin to think about you and miss you again. Maybe not in a day or two, but give it a week or two. It's hard...but it's really the ONLY way you can play it right now. Remember, if her parents DON'T want her to be with you...that's actually working in your favor...believe me. If a couple of weeks go by and you haven't really heard from her...then you can panic a little and try to give her a call or stop over. But don't act like you can't go a couple of days without seeing her because that's just not an endearing quality.
clynn Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 I would say that when you marry someone, you marry their family. So if things aren't looking too good between her parents and you at the present, this is something that will have to be sorted out before you guys can go much further in your relationship. It may not be your fault, or even her parents fault, but many many times these interpersonal family in law relationships can be quite difficult.
Undertaker Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 I'm not buying that. Some parents have the "Nobody's good enough for my baby girl" attitude and that's just a fact. Other parents have the "My son/daughter is grown up and can make their own decisions on who they date/marry"...so they don't say a word when their kid brings home somebody that they take one look at and decide that they're never going to like. I'm guessing Sandman's dealing with the former not the latter.
Author thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Undertaker I'm not buying that. Some parents have the "Nobody's good enough for my baby girl" attitude and that's just a fact. Other parents have the "My son/daughter is grown up and can make their own decisions on who they date/marry"...so they don't say a word when their kid brings home somebody that they take one look at and decide that they're never going to like. I'm guessing Sandman's dealing with the former not the latter. yeah she even told me her parents are probably "nobody's good enough for my girl". they are old-fashion country folks. i mean i open her door and do everything for her. my freshman year in college i came home just about every weekend to see her cause her parents wouldn't let her drive to see me in college. its not like her parents hate me, well at least they don't seem like it, i just don't think they like change since they are country folks and old-fashioned. they are really tight with her, like her mom makes her call home every night when she's at school and crap like that. so i think it has to be with letting her grow up and they are just using me to keep her close to them so they don't lose their daughter. just a thought, i could be completely wrong. i mean i have been fishing with her dad and even went strawberry picking with her dad, sister, and uncle so i could become closer to them. i've tried. i'm just hoping it all works out.
clynn Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Sure. But the point is: He is still DEALING with it. And if he marries this girl, he is going to be DEALING with it for the REST of THEIR life. And if he loves her (obviously he does) then he will want to make the situation the best it possibly can be.
Author thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by Undertaker Sandman: Just tell her that you were upset and you said something that you didn't mean. Ask her is she still wants her "space" and then give it to her. You've been with her for 3 years so she already knows that you love her and miss her etc. So you don't have to convince her again. She knows. If she still wants some space, give it to her. And don't say "I'll always be here for you" or anything like that...even if you want to. If you apologize and give her the space, her last memory of you will be a more pleasant one. She'll begin to think about you and miss you again. Maybe not in a day or two, but give it a week or two. It's hard...but it's really the ONLY way you can play it right now. Remember, if her parents DON'T want her to be with you...that's actually working in your favor...believe me. If a couple of weeks go by and you haven't really heard from her...then you can panic a little and try to give her a call or stop over. But don't act like you can't go a couple of days without seeing her because that's just not an endearing quality. yeah i just got done talking to her, and she said we could talk Saturday. yeah thats going to be hard since i am used to talking to her every night, she even said its going to be hard for her but she wants to do it. i told her i'd give her space because i want to do anything to keep her, was that too desperate? im just scared that she will soon realize she can go on without me, and then just want me as a friend and not boyfriend anymore which would totally suck. should i just not call her this week and wait until saturday? or should i show her i still love her and miss her and call one day this week? maybe thursday?
Author thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by clynn Sure. But the point is: He is still DEALING with it. And if he marries this girl, he is going to be DEALING with it for the REST of THEIR life. And if he loves her (obviously he does) then he will want to make the situation the best it possibly can be. yeah trust me, i am trying everything i can. i think they look at me as lazy, so sometimes when she wants to go somewhere early in the morning i wake up and go over there early to get her. i try as hard as i possibly can, because i love this girl so much its crazy.
Undertaker Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Sandman: Don't call her!!! I repeat...Don't call her. She said you'll talk on Saturday...that's a good sign. She said it would be difficult to wait until then....also a good sign. She's not under some kind of love spell that's gonna wear off if she doesn't see/talk to you every so often. If she can wait, so can you. When you guys do talk on Saturday, just be cool. Don't act like you're desperate to get her back...don't act like this is a make or break conversation 'cause it's not. If she starts talking about her parents just keep your mouth shut and listen. If for some reason, she says she wants more space or something, just say "if that's what you really want". As far as her parents go in the long run...screw her parents. You treat her very well and you're going to college. She could be bringing home a dude in a Harley Davidson jacket who has more tatoos and piercings than money in his bank account. At some point you have to look at yourself and say that even though you may not be a super stud, she could do a hell of alot worse. Start sticking up for yourself.
clynn Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Cool Well, that's neat that you're proving yourself to her parents. That's the old fashioned thing to do! ha ha! Good on you! It'll probably work itself out in time. Yah, I'd say that you've talked enough with her for this week. Sit on your hands or do whatever you can. She said to give her space. Wait until Saturday. Wait until Saturday. Saturday. Saturday Saturday. Good luck!
Author thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 thanks everyone. i'm definately going to wait until Saturday now. should i call her Saturday or let her call me Saturday? we have been together for three years, so i know she still loves me. i just hope and pray this "space" thing doesn't last that long. i just keep thinking in the back of my head that she will soon find out she can live without me, which would suck. thanks again. all help is VERY welcome on this thread! i will be checking a lot.
centered Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by thesandman should i call her Saturday or let her call me Saturday? Wait for her to call. i just keep thinking in the back of my head that she will soon find out she can live without me, which would suck. It's MUCH better that she *can* live without you, but still *chooses* to be with you. Do you see what I mean?
Author thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 well it is now Wednesday around noon. i'm dieing. i just can't get her out of my mind, i want to talk to her so bad and just try and work it out together like we have always done. however, i am trying my best not to call her. i don't know if i will be able to make it until saturday. like i said, everything i do reminds me of her, nothing i can do will get her off my mind. i know she is the one for me and that is why it is killing me that i may lose her this reall sucks right now. i have never been this low in my life. im usually a happy guy too.
JS17 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 DON'T CALL HER!!!!! relax and try to do everything you can to distract yourself.
Author thesandman Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by JS17 DON'T CALL HER!!!!! relax and try to do everything you can to distract yourself. honestly, from what you have read that i have posted, do you think she will come back to me? If you need to know more just ask, i will tell you anything and everything you'd want to know.
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