smile95 Posted July 26, 2005 Posted July 26, 2005 Let's say that I do NC long enough to get myself together and over my ex.....is it a mistake to call him one day (in a few months) just to talk and maybe be friends or is that just setting myself up for disappointment? It seems like after the dust settles with break ups people are more willing to talk and work out a friendship. Has anyone done this? Or is it a bad idea?
butterfly29 Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Don't call him honey. The way you think is so familiar to me. Just imagine the situation, you call him and he tells you he met this wonderful girl and is getting married to her. This is an extreme case but you've gotta be prepared for the worst. And it's going to hurt you big time even after a long time not seeing him. Beware, sometimes your mind will play tricks on you, and it happens a lot. It will trick you to believe that you're over him and it's ok to call him while it's really not. But as a general rule, whoever's the one that initiated the break up should be the one to break the NC. Also, you know you're ready to call him when you no longer want to call him anymore.
Author smile95 Posted July 27, 2005 Author Posted July 27, 2005 well I was thinking down the road since today is day 1-lol I guess I still am holding onto hope. What Ineed to remember is that I was not happy before. Somehow the good thought seem to come back and the bad are lost somewhere. I am thinking of him as the great guy I knew 3 yrs ago and forgetting who he is now. I guess I just want to tell myself so that I can feel better that one day we will speak again...Maybe I will not want to over time?
ReluctantRomeo Posted July 27, 2005 Posted July 27, 2005 Originally posted by beth5201 Let's say that I do NC long enough to get myself together and over my ex.....is it a mistake to call him one day (in a few months) just to talk and maybe be friends or is that just setting myself up for disappointment? I think that's a great idea... once you're over him and are happy to be just friends. Thinking this way will make you feel better now, exes make great "occasional friends" and it's also IME a good way of finishing closure.
GOSSMAN Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 If you're over him then you won't call him, you really need to stop thinkign about this guy, there are millions of guys out there and ur hung up about one. Get some help!!
not_myself Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Beth - DO not think this way - If you truly want to move on - your thoughts of the future should not include him. You seem to be stuck, doing NC, breaking it, starting over....How much longer do you want to keep yourself in this limbo place? You will not start to heal and get over him if you continue to make EVERYTHING about him. Try to focus on the thousands of other things in your life - a job, family, friends, interests, goals, challenges, travel...anything. I understand the hope to one day have contact - but if you keep that in your head, you will not make any progress. If you are really going to embrace NC - you need to think of never speaking to him again. At some point you will not care - I promise. He is just one person in this huge world...
shamen Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Beth, Believe me, NC is the way to go for a long long period of time. Every time I see my ex, I'm a mess. It's totally not worth it. And we haven't been together for 7 months! Talking on the phone isn't so bad, but to me, it's just not worth it.
Author smile95 Posted July 28, 2005 Author Posted July 28, 2005 well I have a date tonight and I met a great guy online.......so my mind is shifting away from the ex. It is just happening. I still wonder if I will ever hear from him, but at least I am getting distracted. He really IS not the only one in this world. The guy I met online asked me more questions in 4 days than ex did in 3 yrs!
RoxStar Posted July 28, 2005 Posted July 28, 2005 Dont worry about the future. Worry about today. Get over him then think about this question.
miss-gonewest Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 If you want to call your ex, it means you're not over him. Hopefully things will work out with these new chaps and you can finally put your ex behind you. The day you realise that its been 3 months since you've spoken to your ex, and you DON'T CARE, is the day you will be over him. Good luck with the dating.
purple21 Posted July 31, 2005 Posted July 31, 2005 hmm - well u are probably thinking about the phone call to make the nc easier to do - since it is only day 1 - u have that hope that hmm well if i do nc for a little while and then call maybe things will be better - u can try this and hopefully the urge to call will lessen the whole getting over someone is extremely hard - nc is probably the best along with getting on with your life and dating like you are i'm actually friends with my ex now - actually went to see a movie with him tonight - he called me today crying and all depressed so i suggested a movie to get his mind off things - it's been a year since we broke up - at first we tried to be friends right away but we were hanging out too much so i just stop answering his calls for awhile - he was pissed but i had to do it for myself - in that time i met some other guys that ended up being jerks - lol (now i'm actually trying to get over them) - but now after a few other experiences i realized we were not good as a couple but were good as friends so that is what we are - we even talk about dating experiences - i guess it isn't the norm but it is possible to be friends with an ex - but the key is you have to NOT want anything more
Author smile95 Posted July 31, 2005 Author Posted July 31, 2005 so do you you think as long as I DO NOT CALL...I can still tell myself that one day I can if I still want to and then when that day comes, time will have helped me and I may NOT want to call? I am on day 6 now. It is hard, but I have not cried since MOnday. I am starting to find out why I say "we have such a connection". I say "I love him so much" WHy? For those of you who kow my story...this is about more than NC. It is about breaking a cycle. I have been here wasy too many times with him(NC). But this time feels diffrerent for me. He will call one day, but the thing I need tochange is how or if Irespond. Maybe by then, I will not even lknow why I want him in my life? This guy I met online is so sweet, but he is not my ex.
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