Fridita Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 (edited) I will try to be short as much as possible. I met a man in September 2016, while I was in my study visit in his country. He was a tenant of a flat I lived at. From the begging we understood each other very well and we are very compatible in many things - I'm saying this without pink glasses! that's just a fact. There is also a big chemistry between us. After a week of friendship, he told me that he feels something to me and he likes me a lot. So we started to date (he asked me to be his girlfriend) and we were dating 1,5 months - the rest of my study visit. Then I went back to my home country for 3 months. Because I was so in love with him and a bit obsessed, I didn't care about the "rules" of dating and all these things - it was me who was always contacting him. I know it was hard for him that I was so far away (he cried two times before my departure) but it was me who was quite active in communication. I wasn't leaning back at all, I almost didn't let him to initiate contact. Now I feel like I have set the way of our relationship is. Nowadays I'm back in his country, he is attentive, he cares about me, he is more open than he was when I was here first time, but he is a bit lazy in initiating and planing things. He offered me to stay at his place (without paying), but after 2 moths of "together living experience" I rather stay at another place and I visit him only for a few days in a week to see him and also because his flat is in the center so I can do much more things I need for my work there. He is not a relationship type, he is rather loner and he has never been married or lived with a girlfriend (he is 42). Through it all, we are very compatible and we get along very well. We have a lot of fun, interesting discussion and we support each other. When I feel bad, he takes care about me. But I miss the romance. I feel like we skipped the romantic-dating phase, because we started to date when we lived together and it wasn't good. I also feel like I screw up many things by my active communication and expressing affection too soon. What do you guys think about this situation (especially men)? Do you think I'm already dumped as a possible long-term relationship partner for him? What should I do now? Edited March 20, 2017 by Fridita
TheBathWater Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Every relationship is unique. It sounds like circumstances made the dynamics of your partnership what they are. Just because you don't follow a 'normal' dating script doesn't mean the relationship can't work. Moreover, nothing is perfect, and there will always be some anxiety and uncertainty in a relationship. I don't really see any red flags in your situation. You're probably overthinking things. Having said that, it sounds like your real concern is the attraction piece and whether or not you two are on the same page. Again though, I suspect you may be overthinking things. My advice is to just go with the flow. If you want to give him or yourself a little more space, then that's fine. If he's a loner, that's fine too, but you will just have to be a little flexible and know he may not always respond to you exactly how you want him to be. Try to focus on what is good about the relationship and give it your best shot. 1
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