Tried dating a single mom, it didn't work out

[curiouslysearching]

I started dating again at the new year, and for the first time ever, I've dated men with kids. I agree that it's hard for a non-parent to date a parent, because priorities are different. It didn't take me long to figure out that I strongly prefer to date men with no kids.

 

One guy cancelled on me early on for a kid issue. I didn't argue or raise any fuss whatsoever, but in any case, he gave me this angry lecture about how if I can't understand that his son always comes first, it will never work. I quietly backed away from the angry, defensive dad and never replied to him again.

 

Good Move......

[curiouslysearching]

I'm a single mom, my son is 9, and I do find it more difficult to date but if I really like the guy then I find time. I also can't stand when people say single moms are looking for a provider. Without being rude I want to address what another person said...I am the most drama free person you could meet, I am fully independent, have a steady job making good money, have my own vehicle, own my home, and get NO financial support. No child support, government assistance, family financial support, etc.

 

 

Back to the original post, yes it is harder to date a single mom. But if you really like her, it's worth it. She probably won't have as much free time as a woman without a kid. But if she really likes you too,it won't be a problem because she'll be making time for you.

 

 

I the above poster makes some great points. Where There's The Will you can most often find the WAY......don't look for reasons NOT TOO but rather focus on the positives (that is if you really like him or her) and MAKE IT HAPPEN.

[salparadise]

How do cats restrict dating schedules?

 

Cats rule the roost. The woman i was dating had every other weekend free when the father had the kids, but would still have to go home twice a day to look after the cats. I'm allergic to the little buggers, so we'd spend weekends at my place.

[BlkVelvet]

I don't like to date single mothers and unfortunately at my age (40s) it limits the pool significantly. As a result I've stopped.

 

My reasons are as follows:

 

1) Everything has to be scheduled. You can't just randomly get ice cream without having to make sure there is coverage.

 

2) A lot of the women I dated with kids were bitter against their ex husband. I have been on first and later dates where all they did was bash their ex. Really don't need that negativity in my life.

 

3) You seldom come first. I don't want to start out being second. The best parents I know put their relationship first and the kids second. People don't understand how important the stability of their marriage is to a kids development. I'm not saying let the kids starve but a healthy relationship between to people should always come first.

 

4) The ex is going to be part of the equation - forever. It's so awkward to interact with your SO's ex that I've seen (never experienced it myself).

 

5) I'm so sick of reading on OLD how they have the most AMAZING kid. They can't all be THE most amazing.

 

And I'm almost twice your age and I can't fathom dating a single mom when I was (though I did briefly). It's way more responsibility than you want or need.

 

In the long run, you'll be happy this didn't last.

 

I think it works well if the guy has kids too. I don't think you can truly understand what's involved unless you have kids of your own.

 

 

I agree with the above statement, but only in a marriage or a relationship that is firmly committed where the SO is fully integrated into the family and invested in the children. Putting your spouse/SO first in no way means ignoring or neglecting the children, it just means having balance and understanding that sometimes. . .the kids need to wait. Widowed mom talking here. Me showing my children that me and my SO were a unit and that we made decisions in the family together AND me allowing him to reprimand them and take the lead in our family and ALSO that they were to respect him, really did wonders for our relationship, made him feel like an integral part of the family unit, and made the children feel loved and safe by both of us.

 

I can't stand when women/men want to bring an SO into their family but then treat them like a stranger with no say-so when it comes to the kids. But you want him/her to love on those kids, huh? Just not discipline them (and Im not even talking about spanking). Some people don't want their SO to say ANYTHING to their kids. Well to those people I say, STAY SINGLE until your children are grown.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Cats rule the roost. The woman i was dating had every other weekend free when the father had the kids, but would still have to go home twice a day to look after the cats. I'm allergic to the little buggers, so we'd spend weekends at my place.

 

OMG.

 

Can't relate.

 

My Archie totally has my back. If at some point I and my husband have broken up and I desperately need to get laid, he knows where the filled food dish is. If he could I'm sure he would give me a gangsta sign and nod slowly in "go gurl" fashion as I exited out the door to jump in the car.

[Simple Logic]

I tried dating a few single moms, they were all weird.

[coolheadal]

I'm 26, a single guy (well, I am now anyway), and for the past two months I was seeing a girl who happens to be a single mom. From the get go I knew it would be difficult, but at the same time I felt a strong connection with her from our very first date and knew she was worth pursuing. Communication was great at the start, but it gradually broke down. Unfortunately, things didn't line up either and we mutually agreed to part ways the other night. We both liked each other, but it was just appearing to get more difficult. What it came down to really is scheduling and agreeing upon time to meet up and see each other. It's definitely hard when one side has kids and the other doesn't because the kids are and will always be the first priority, which I understand. I didn't get to meet the kids and wasn't expecting to so early on, but I felt it was good to ask her how they were at least doing on a regular basis, and I think she appreciated that.

 

Being a single guy, is it just too hard of a mountain to climb when it comes to dating a single mom, or is there a way you can make it work?

 

 

I've dated them also like you and ran into the same issues. Their kids will come first and you come third. So much drama also and the kids can turn against you also. You never met the kids, and maybe it's best you didn't. I've been introduce too their kids and it works out well. Younger kids are a hand full and the older ones just has bad too. Single mom are better in caring, loving and nurturing than those who are not moms yet. The other issue you ran into was scheduling time or getting away to spend with you. Teenage kids a lots of mommy issues so your going to be problem with the mom if you want to see her more than the kids want her around too. I had to wait and then she'll show-up and then can only spend hour or two then have too go pickup the kids from school etc. What makes it worst if there is the dad involved to pick-up kids at her house while your there. Can get very complicated at times. Your young you have learn how it's like already. Most men want women without kids. Some of these women don't want guys with kids either. This is another world with kids or without them. I am with woman with older adult kid so he's doesn't live with her he has his own pad (place/man cave). When they live with the mom it another issue. I had a one that had 4 kids all adults still living with the mom. The mom never had time as she was the taxi cab driver for the family.

[Popsicle]

I have a couple of childless friends who are staunchly against dating single dads. Nothing really can change their minds and it's mostly due to them not wanting to compete for attention/time with anyone else. I don't see anything wrong with this as everyone has their preferences.