Ashes_101 Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Hi, I am a 21 year old guy who has never kissed a girl. I have also been at University for the past four years. I understand that everyone develops differently and that I should focus on developing myself (which I do do) but this sometimes does get me in a state of depression and frustration especially when I see guys much younger than me ahead of me in this regard. I am definitely on the quiet side, very much so, however I am not the most socially awkward guy around and do definitely make efforts to connect with others. For instance if I am on a bus or in a public space and there is a girl I am standing or sitting next to, I will make an attempt to talk to her (unless I am in a bad mood or she gives negative vibes). The closest I have got was taking girls out for coffee. There was only one who was into me but she was too clingy (she told me she was in love after meeting once), so I decided not to take things further for my own well being as well as hers. I have set up Tinder and OKC profiles. Usually on OKC, the girls, either just look at my profile and not respond, not loo at all and sometimes text me but in a very non-engaging way eg only answering my questions and not asking about myself so I stop texting. On Tinder, I had to matches but I was not attracted to them (it was during the early days of using the app when I simply swiped right on everyone). Now its very rare, I get a match, I can go weeks on end with no results. Here is a link to my profile if you would like to see https://www.okcupid.com/profile/cultofpersonal 1
preraph Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 I think since you are somewhat social and able to talk to girls it is just a matter of finding the right group of friends to hang with that you have something in common with. The more group activities or sports or anything like that you do, the more people you will come into frequent contact with. You might also consider attending church if you are religious. Stay smiling and open. Honestly, 21 is not that old to be too worried about it. Try to be friendly to any girls who come up to you whether you are that attracted to them or not. Good luck.
smackie9 Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Go make some friends, and develop better social skills. When you have a solid social circle you spend time going out and having fun, explore new things, travel, or do things outside your comfort zone. This is how most meet someone of quality......in person, not over a computer screen. If you have trouble getting dates irl, OLD isn't going to be much different. So get out there and join a club or some kind of activity that is social. 1
normal person Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 On first inspection, the profile is really generic ("I like sports. I like music.") You aren't really doing much to highlight the unique, interesting, and good things about you, you're just making yourself seem sort of robotic. If I were you I'd try and figure out my defining characteristics and make them shine in the profile. Best of luck.
Author Ashes_101 Posted March 20, 2017 Author Posted March 20, 2017 I am certainly very quiet, however I am not the most extreme socially awkward guy you can get. I have been a part of various societies during my time at University and up until this year even occupied a number of leadership positions on commitees. 1
preraph Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 I'm sure there's nothing to prevent you from finding a girl. It's just that things in life don't tend to happen when we most want them to.
smackie9 Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 I am certainly very quiet, however I am not the most extreme socially awkward guy you can get. I have been a part of various societies during my time at University and up until this year even occupied a number of leadership positions on commitees. This doesn't give you any "game" with the ladies. Women like confidence...someone that can go and control a room, talk and move around with ease, be charming, flirty and bold. Women are even attracted to recklessness, no fear.....
palmsand Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 As far as your profiles go, the biggest thing you can do is change the main picture. Try to take the best picture you can, showing your face not too far away, with a dramatic or interesting background, and smiling of course. As shallow as it sounds, the vast majority of people won't give 1 second of thought in deciding to swipe left or right, they need to be instantly intrigued by your photo. Then in additional pictures show your activities, friends, travel, everything that represents you. Even at that, most conversations will be superficial on the girl's end. I always make an effort with every message to be engaging and let the conversation flow. If they don't make that same effort, I just stop responding, simple as that. In your profile you want to come across a little 'mysterious'. When the girl reads it, you want them to think and wonder about you. They will be more interested and enjoy 'discovering' who you are. Personally, I would recommend making a Coffee Meets Bagel account as well. By the design of that app it seems to give much higher rates of matches and conversations than the other apps, since the girl only sees/can like guys who have already liked her.
joseb Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Hi, I am a 21 year old guy who has never kissed a girl. I have also been at University for the past four years. I understand that everyone develops differently and that I should focus on developing myself (which I do do) but this sometimes does get me in a state of depression and frustration especially when I see guys much younger than me ahead of me in this regard. I am definitely on the quiet side, very much so, however I am not the most socially awkward guy around and do definitely make efforts to connect with others. For instance if I am on a bus or in a public space and there is a girl I am standing or sitting next to, I will make an attempt to talk to her (unless I am in a bad mood or she gives negative vibes). The closest I have got was taking girls out for coffee. There was only one who was into me but she was too clingy (she told me she was in love after meeting once), so I decided not to take things further for my own well being as well as hers. I have set up Tinder and OKC profiles. Usually on OKC, the girls, either just look at my profile and not respond, not loo at all and sometimes text me but in a very non-engaging way eg only answering my questions and not asking about myself so I stop texting. On Tinder, I had to matches but I was not attracted to them (it was during the early days of using the app when I simply swiped right on everyone). Now its very rare, I get a match, I can go weeks on end with no results. Here is a link to my profile if you would like to see https://www.okcupid.com/profile/cultofpersonal On OKC/Tinder/etc girls generally don't make much effort as they have so many matches. If they respond at all, that's a big plus. Then at that point it's up to you to get them interested by controlling the conversation. If you go in expecting them to immediately ask you great questions, you will be disappointed. Personally, if I was 21 again and in Uni, no way I would bother with online apps. There are more than enough girls to meet in real life.
palmsand Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Certainly the best opportunity is school, but since you're going, the dating apps actually give you an advantage there. I have matched with many women who also attend my university. It gives a great ice breaker and instantly something you two have in common. I would say stay on the apps, just on the side. There is no guarantee, but sooner or later, depending on a ton of factors, you will meet people and have experiences that you wouldn't otherwise. I can't emphasize enough how important the main picture is. I had one date my first year on OLD, then I changed my main picture in January and have been dating one person or another continuously since. It can work.
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