BluEyeL Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 People tell you who they are. You don't have to sit there and not filter anything through your brain just watching the calendar to teach the x amount of time. The time is meant to be used A man who is serious about you takes you out once a week at first and on Saturday or Friday . No last minutes hang outs. He plans the dates. He increased the frequency of the dates. He introduces you to friends and family. He asks you to be exclusive and to be his girlfriend. That's how you know. If some player does these things along 9 months I'd say that exceptional and is give him a medal. Maybe I wouldn't mind being played at least he worked for it. But hat is unlikely. People tell you who they are if you pay attention. In my dating time I was played once. But that was on me. His relationship history or lack of ltr experience in his 40's, the way he was talking about his exes, the statements he was making and many other things gave it away. After that I learned to listen and let go of guys who had no chance of becoming a serious partner . The guy who was seeing me every other week, the guy who only saw me on his terms , the one who on second date asked me to come to his town with "no plans" just spontaneously, or even the guy who had a temper and told me he doesn't care about what I had to say ... all were let go once their issues became visible. These need a bit of time and patience to discover. But if you listen they are there relatively quickly . Ask about friends and family . Who are the friends ? Are they relationship oriented or sleeping around ? Relationship with he mother? But at 22 is still early. Perhaps look for guys a bit older and apply the same standards as above. 2
Shanex Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Although a lot of guys will do this, even guys who are looking for an LTR likely will not wait 3 months (unless you are ok with them sleeping with other girls in the interim). If a guy has the option to get sex from another girl, and you are making him wait, he will likely develop feelings for the other girl if he sleeps with her. All guys are not monsters, but we have our limits too. Many girls will string you along to have someone pay for their entertainment. I don't know many guys who will wait 3 months before sex. The other thing is you have to see if there is something you are doing after having sex that has made them change their mind. I can't determine if I want a RL wih a girl unless we have sex as it is a huge part of compatibility. I've slept with women who were very selfish in bed - I didn't want to continue. It's true that I am looking for an LTR, but it doesn't mean with a particular girl. Not only must she be generous in general but also in bed. She doesn't have to be great, but has to want to please me as much as I want to please her. Many women aren't and therefore won't make a good LTR partner for me (ie: "I don't do that" or "that's gross"). One girl I dated recently said "I feel so bad, you make me feel amazing and I want to do the same for you". I say "Ok, do this". She says "No" If you're sleeping with guys on the first or second date that's on you. But you can also see when a guy likes you as more than sex. Does he care about what's going on in your life? Does he want to know everything about you? does he get upset if you aren't ready for sex? Aye. Nailed it. Not sure why the age of the OP should matter. I won't toss around the fact that she's 'naive'. 22 is young and she wants a relationship. One could say she has time for that, some become parents at 19. I agree that sleeping too soon cannot always be a good thing, like on first or second dates, yet I was in LTR numerous times with women I slept with very early on. Because the sex and chemistry happened to be wonderful. Let's be serious, very few people in this day and age, even women are going to wait several weeks much less months to get naughty in the bedroom. The issue is the guy might think he's friend zoned and will move on, not because he's a damned player who wants to get laid, more like because he will possibly have other options, and as said in the quote above might develop feelings for another chick. It's a double edged sword. I'm not seeing anything wrong with you, Lotus, you're young and you want something long-term, it's all good. One has to kiss many frogs before meeting so-called Mr right i guess. 1
Weezy1974 Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Every guy I meet acts like they want a relationship and tells me that they do. I date them and eventually sleep with them, and they disappear or communication starts to die off. I don't get it.. every guy I meet does this. Question: How come every guy I date is a player? Answer: Because you're only attracted to players. Very straightforward. And you're not the first person to have this complaint...
Author LotusAvx Posted March 20, 2017 Author Posted March 20, 2017 The guy I am currently talking to and especially skeptical of is 30 years old and he ha never had a LTR... It's very unsettling that someone that age hasn't had a relationship over a few months. Everyone I know thinks that is a red flag.
Shanex Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 The guy I am currently talking to and especially skeptical of is 30 years old and he ha never had a LTR... It's very unsettling that someone that age hasn't had a relationship over a few months. Everyone I know thinks that is a red flag. This has been a topic of discussion numerous times here... I'm past 30, never married and childless, and my longest relationship was a bit over a year. Unsettling maybe, sadly it's a question I am also often asked when dating ''there must be something wrong with you'' the whole deal. Meh, I dunno. I'm hardly a serial dater these days, never really was. I suggest you can try date him, don't ask too much questions about his number (exes) and I'd rather not make him wait too long either if anything should happen. Trust your gut.
Miss Spider Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 (edited) It's an orange flag for sure, but you really have to look at it in context and who he is overall. I will say this, men late 20s/early 30s( vs early/mid 20s) are really only a litttttle less likely to still be playing the field these days.... A lot of them are in prime player mode. Most good guys in their early 20s to mid 20s get rship'd up and whats left of them in their 30s are hard to find. Many of them are just stepping into the dating scene or can't get off the carousel ...and have no idea how to LTR If you're lucky you find a good one that got out of a LTR if that's what you're looking for... Edited March 20, 2017 by Cookiesandough
oldshirt Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 The guy I am currently talking to and especially skeptical of is 30 years old and he ha never had a LTR... It's very unsettling that someone that age hasn't had a relationship over a few months. Everyone I know thinks that is a red flag. And you don't???????? Let's go back to that that actions vs words thing I mentioned earlier. His actions are he is 30 and never been in a LTR. What makes you think his actions will be different with you? Why will you be the exception for him?? 1
Shanex Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 And you don't???????? Let's go back to that that actions vs words thing I mentioned earlier. His actions are he is 30 and never been in a LTR. What makes you think his actions will be different with you? Why will you be the exception for him?? She's a bit younger (22) but even at that age one could have lived some sort of LTR too, true.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Ugh. The 20s and early 30s are not the most reliable times to date, unfortunately. Most guys, for certain are not looking for long term and still busy looking to play the field until it's time to settle. Some never grow out of it. :( I was not one of these guys and I think that has a lot to do with my up-bringing and having two great parents demonstrating what a positive, stable relationship looks like.
Chilli Posted March 21, 2017 Posted March 21, 2017 (edited) I always wondered about girls/women the same, if they hadn't had a LTR. When l was back out there after my D , met a few, 40's that had never really had anything long term . Sometimes l could see why but others l had my suspicions. l often wondered if they could actually be in one now and keep it going. l'd say it's unusual not to have had at least one of a few yrs at 30. But , maybe not , could just be a late bloomer. Like the women l'd met , you'll probably notice things before long if it is worry. Although one did really have me baffled. 46 and a very giving person , she seemed like such a little sweetheart. Damn waste bc l'm sure she'd make a beautiful partner, maybe just inlucky in love. Edited March 21, 2017 by Chilli
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