LotusAvx Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Every guy I meet acts like they want a relationship and tells me that they do. I date them and eventually sleep with them, and they disappear or communication starts to die off. I don't get it.. every guy I meet does this. Am I just meeting the wrong guys? And the guys that I am not attracted to are the ones who want a relationship?! I am starting to feel I should just go for the guys I am not overly attracted to. I met a guy this weekend while out at the bar and he's been texting me and calling me all weekend, we talked the whole night and exchanged numbers. After talking a lot about hobbies, work and stuff like that I told him that I am not willing to just hook up. He said he totally understands and wouldn't want to hurt me and wouldn't just disappear. I am seriously so jaded from past experiences of being very naive when it came to men that I cannot trust any guy at all, so how am I supposed to know when a guy has genuine intentions? How do I weed out players? 2
PrettyEmily77 Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Some guys are trustworthy, attractive and do want a relationship so this isn't a whole gender thing. But yeah, some guys have no scruples whatsoever lying to your face and saying whatever it takes to bed you asap, including wanting a relationship when they blatantly don't. Does it feel like they are reading off a script, like they are rehearsing lines from a PUA book? What is your comfort zone in terms of sleeping with a guy? Do you feel like you have to rush it a little in order to keep the guy's interest? If so, maybe slow it down next time and see how the guy reacts? If he genuinely cares about getting to know you, he won't mind waiting until you are totally comfortable. 1
BluEyeL Posted March 19, 2017 Posted March 19, 2017 Easy, don't sleep with them until you are exclusive and oficially together. That may take even 3 months. A guy who is a player will not wait. Players will leave either before or after sex but at least you don't feel fooled, lied to and take for a ride this way. 5
Dis Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Easy, don't sleep with them until you are exclusive and oficially together. That may take even 3 months. A guy who is a player will not wait. Players will leave either before or after sex but at least you don't feel fooled, lied to and take for a ride this way. I second this I know its tough girl, trust me..I know But I think it would be a good idea for you to start looking at your part in this Like, sleeping with guys without any type of commitment....IMO thats usually a recipe for disaster which is why I dont do it Change up your strategy. Get to know these guys first. If they're good guys they'll get to know you, put in the effort and time and wont push for sex Guy will saw ANYTHING to sleep with you. Like, they want a LTR, they wont hurt you, they like you, they want to get to know you...blah blah blah Let their actions speak for themselves and take it from there 3
BluEyeL Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Right. Also, stop telling them "I'm not the type to hook up" and other similar stuff. Tell them, when you discuss your goals that you are looking for something serious with the right person, but nothing about sex and how you don't sleep around and blah blah blah. Show, don't tell. If they ask for sex, gently decline with no big discussions. That's what I did and if the guy didn't stick around at least I didn't feel played as a damn fiddle. In the process, if you want to have casual sex and scratch an itch, do it when you want it, with whom you want it, knowing what it is, not because you've been lied to. Feels much better that way. 2
SevenCity Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Although a lot of guys will do this, even guys who are looking for an LTR likely will not wait 3 months (unless you are ok with them sleeping with other girls in the interim). If a guy has the option to get sex from another girl, and you are making him wait, he will likely develop feelings for the other girl if he sleeps with her. All guys are not monsters, but we have our limits too. Many girls will string you along to have someone pay for their entertainment. I don't know many guys who will wait 3 months before sex. The other thing is you have to see if there is something you are doing after having sex that has made them change their mind. I can't determine if I want a RL wih a girl unless we have sex as it is a huge part of compatibility. I've slept with women who were very selfish in bed - I didn't want to continue. It's true that I am looking for an LTR, but it doesn't mean with a particular girl. Not only must she be generous in general but also in bed. She doesn't have to be great, but has to want to please me as much as I want to please her. Many women aren't and therefore won't make a good LTR partner for me (ie: "I don't do that" or "that's gross"). One girl I dated recently said "I feel so bad, you make me feel amazing and I want to do the same for you". I say "Ok, do this". She says "No" If you're sleeping with guys on the first or second date that's on you. But you can also see when a guy likes you as more than sex. Does he care about what's going on in your life? Does he want to know everything about you? does he get upset if you aren't ready for sex? 3
BluEyeL Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Maybe 3 months is extreme, but anyway, no sex until exclusivity is a good rule. That's going to weed out the players. My soon to be husband did wait 3 months and my ex husband waited 1 year, true about 25 years ago. Just saying. 2
SevenCity Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Maybe 3 months is extreme, but anyway, no sex until exclusivity is a good rule. That's going to weed out the players. My soon to be husband did wait 3 months and my ex husband waited 1 year, true about 25 years ago. Just saying. A year! The good old days. I've never waited more than a month.
Miss Spider Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 How old are you? Over 27, I guess. Just curious, why do you ask/assume that?
Miss Spider Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 If they just want sex they can always get into a relationship with you then ghost/break it off too? Just assuming. There's no way too be 100% sure someone will stay with you after sex... 2
PrettyEmily77 Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Yeah, as a general rule, whatever the waiting time, you should agree to be intimate with a guy when you are ready and not a second sooner. If you feel pressured or unsure for whatever reason, don't do it, whatever line he feeds you. 3
emsx0x Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 And would you date a woman you weren't attracted to? Lmao at the double standards and generalizations 2
coolheadal Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Every guy I meet acts like they want a relationship and tells me that they do. I date them and eventually sleep with them, and they disappear or communication starts to die off. I don't get it.. every guy I meet does this. Am I just meeting the wrong guys? And the guys that I am not attracted to are the ones who want a relationship?! I am starting to feel I should just go for the guys I am not overly attracted to. I met a guy this weekend while out at the bar and he's been texting me and calling me all weekend, we talked the whole night and exchanged numbers. After talking a lot about hobbies, work and stuff like that I told him that I am not willing to just hook up. He said he totally understands and wouldn't want to hurt me and wouldn't just disappear. I am seriously so jaded from past experiences of being very naive when it came to men that I cannot trust any guy at all, so how am I supposed to know when a guy has genuine intentions? How do I weed out players? What are you looking for in a guy? What have you come across in these guys so far? Those that are not your type why are they like? You have to explain more just leaving out to many gaps. What you need to do is make a list of dos and don'ts. What you want and what have you seen. Whatever your doing now it's not working so you have to change you game. Break the cycle your doing then.
Author LotusAvx Posted March 20, 2017 Author Posted March 20, 2017 I'm 22, i don't know why the one assumed I was over 27 lol. And I don't skip over the average guys, I have been in relationships with average guys and even have tried dating someone solely for their personality and hoped that attraction would grow eventually but it never did - and you need to be somewhat attracted. 1
TheTraveler Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 (edited) Easy, don't sleep with them until you are exclusive and oficially together. That may take even 3 months. A guy who is a player will not wait. Players will leave either before or after sex but at least you don't feel fooled, lied to and take for a ride this way. If the right person entered my life I wouldn't have any problems playing the long game. It's what I am currently looking for and if sex was shelved for x amount of time I'm totally fine with it. I am able to discern along the way whether this is fake or real. Fortunately BluEye, I can switch to player mode if there's an end game I'm looking to seek instantly Edited March 20, 2017 by TheTraveler 1
GoldSparkz Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 I'm 22, i don't know why the one assumed I was over 27 lol. And I don't skip over the average guys, I have been in relationships with average guys and even have tried dating someone solely for their personality and hoped that attraction would grow eventually but it never did - and you need to be somewhat attracted. Maybe you need to change your approach to dating. Perhaps you could try delaying sex for as long as it takes until you are in a relationship with the guy and feel his is genuine. Cookiesanddough mentioned that there is no guarantees the guy will stick around after you both commit. However, you can reduce the risk of this happening by not having sex with the new guy for as long as it takes. If the guy is still chasing you after 6 months, then there's a good chance he's right for you. 2
Arieswoman Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Posts like yours OP, is why I keep saying "don't show the movie before the trailer". Waiting never hurt anyone. Apart from anything else, you don't want to put yourself at risk of an unwanted pregnancy or an STD. There isn't a magic formula to stop a guy running away after sex, but you can reduce the chances of it happening. My advice would be to keep dating guys but keep your eyes and ears open.. You need to be getting to know each other and you should be noting what he does not what he says. Is he kind? Caring? Thoughtful? Reliable? Responsible? Does he have a good relationship with his family? Has he a good work ethic? Do you actually like each other? Keep any discussion of sex off the table until you are ready to move to that stage in your relationship. Good luck 3
joseb Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Easy, don't sleep with them until you are exclusive and oficially together. That may take even 3 months. A guy who is a player will not wait. Players will leave either before or after sex but at least you don't feel fooled, lied to and take for a ride this way. Actually players sometimes wait just as much as "nice guys". They just sleep with other girls while waiting. I know a guy who waited for 9 months with one girl despite having no interest in anything long term. It almost became a challenge. 1
salparadise Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 I am seriously so jaded from past experiences of being very naive when it came to men that I cannot trust any guy at all, so how am I supposed to know when a guy has genuine intentions? How do I weed out players? Ya, I'm feeling kinda the same way toward women these days. Bottom line is you can't avoid accepting the risk without taking yourself out of the game.
PrettyEmily77 Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Actually players sometimes wait just as much as "nice guys". They just sleep with other girls while waiting. I know a guy who waited for 9 months with one girl despite having no interest in anything long term. It almost became a challenge. Yeah, I know a couple of men like that. One of them is now a lonely 52 yo fool still 'regaling' people with his 'epic stories' no one cares about. He doesn't even realise he is drawing pity looks rather than the envy he thinks he is due - so sad... Who wants a guy who respects sex more than he respects women? 1
Chilli Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 It's too bad you all find so few guys attractive. Ahh , don't listen to all the internet and date site bs with all these so called hot guy standards. Only the same percentage of women are hot chicks too, exactly the same percentage.
CptInsano Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 [...] I've never waited more than a month. I did, but by that time the pendulum swings in the other direction, it becomes more and more likely that I see her as a friend. Patterns establish themselves, and the longer you are platonic the more likely it will stay that way. 2
oldshirt Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 Every guy I meet acts like they want a relationship and tells me that they do. I date them and eventually sleep with them, and they disappear or communication starts to die off. Always go by people's actions and not what they say. Anyone can say anything. People are what they do. If some dude is picking up chicks in bars but telling you that he is looking for a LTR - trust that he picks up chicks in bars. 5
coolheadal Posted March 20, 2017 Posted March 20, 2017 I'm 22, i don't know why the one assumed I was over 27 lol. And I don't skip over the average guys, I have been in relationships with average guys and even have tried dating someone solely for their personality and hoped that attraction would grow eventually but it never did - and you need to be somewhat attracted. Your still a very young adult woman. You have many years to overcome what you want from a man. The way it works is this. 1. Attraction (yes) 2. Enjoyment (does he make you smile, laugh and be happy) 3. Feelings See your not ready for anything full-time yet. Your playing the field. Takes time to find someone that peeks your interest. Those you have dated just not the right guys you want to be with. Give it time as we have experienced what you are going through. I myself had waited. I wasn't in any rush yet. Got my career and life together and established in my community. Before I found someone. Sure there a many bumps along the path of love. Next time you found someone, make sure he's the right one first. Take your time there is not rush your very young adult. You have such a bright future again. Just don't settle for less, because when you do you get disappointed. Get to know these guys very well first, see where it goes. Anyone rushes you to have sex to early are not the right sort of guy for you. Love and being in love should matter the most, you'll know when it hits you. For now just keep looking, and be very careful who your choose to be with. Not every man is going to be right for you. The attraction has to be there the other factors too. If you don't feel it then don't be with the person. End it and move on. Don't lead on any guy some of these guys today have way to many ergo. Bad boys or Good boys whichever you like the brandy or the light weight. Remember with each guy you see there is always a secret they hide from you. Ask these guys are they taking out their girl friend this weekend always ask them that. Look into there eyes you should not see them look away from your eyes. You just need to make sure they are with you 100% not 50% or have a bunch of girls at their beck and call. These guys are players so you don't want those, you might have ran into a bunch of these guys already. Do not go out with a guy your not attracted too either. Just wasting your time and his. Good luck on your new adventure of love.. 1
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