Stood up - says she forgot

[Popsicle]

I vote for blocking too. In case she tries to come back. You cant change a tigers stripes. She is more then likely someone who is inconsiderate or at the very least not interested enough, so save yourself from wasting time with her and block her.

[SevenCity]

No, the advice here has been to confirm the day of the date.

 

Don't play stupid Sevencity.

 

No sympathy here

 

I'm not looking for your sympathy, nor do I require it. As it was a date earlier in the day I felt it appropriate to confirm a couple days in advance.

 

Had there been a change she had ample time to notify me. There was no need to confirm again the day of or wait until the day of.

[SevenCity]

Never drive an hour out on a date... meet half way.

 

It was actually a train commute.

 

That's the problem with my location - women in the city don't drive but they fit my type a lot more than the local girls.

 

However, few are willing to leave the city for a date. I agree that a girl who was very interested will meet half way but first meets from OLD rarely end up with soaring interest.

 

If I had more girls locally I would stay here, but there are few I want to date.

 

In principle I totally agree with your statement - just not realistic for me.

[Zahara]

I'm not looking for your sympathy, nor do I require it. As it was a date earlier in the day I felt it appropriate to confirm a couple days in advance.

 

Had there been a change she had ample time to notify me. There was no need to confirm again the day of or wait until the day of.

 

I'm on OLD as well and trust that when I find someone interesting enough to meet for a date, I don't forget. You confirmed a couple of days before and if she needed that final "day of" confirmation, she could have reached out. It works both ways.

 

If she reaches out again, then the onus is on her. Otherwise and personally, I wouldn't care much for that kind of flakiness.

[SevenCity]

If I may - and this does NOT a excuse someone standing a date up, that's awful - you never did confirm closer to date night. You are playing things too loose, casual and uncaring, thinking that's how to not seem needy and how to get a woman "interested." You'll pardon my saying so, but...you don't know women at all and all this Roosh style stuff you seem to be following isn't working for you. Surely you can we that. It is literally getting you ignored.

 

A woman wants to know you're interested. If you're meh and never confirm, no, that does not make her more interested. It makes her forget you exist! Stop the games, they are baloney, be real when you like a woman and see if that works better. What do you have to lose? Because this style of doing things just isn't working and your female psychology is just all wrong.

 

Not sure why you think I'm using PUA tactics but if you read I confirmed two days before. If she were interested she would have shown up (or at least remembered).

 

And I've been very successful with women as of late so whatever I'm doing is working well. My issue is finding one I want to keep.

 

My understanding of female psychology is just fine thanks.

[Curiousroxy86]

So I had an OLD date planned with a girl in the city (to which I have to travel an hour). We communicates online a month ago and exchanged numbers. She reached out to me out of the blue recently (fishy) so I setup a date. As per advice here I comfirmed earlier in the week saying looking forward to meeting you. She responded.

 

I show up at the place and text her to let her know I'm there. Waited about 20 min then left. Several hours later she responds apologizing saying I didn't confirm that day (now it's my fault?), she wasn't sure if we were still on due to weather, and she forgot to put the date in her calendar (not too excited if she can't remember). Asking me if we could speak on the phone.

 

Between these, I responded saying if she wasn't going to show up it would have been nice to let me know. I didn't react other than that.

 

So my gut is telling me to just block her number. Or tell her I can't imagine going into the city to meet her and run the risk of being stood up again so we'll likely never meet anyway.

 

I tend to be pretty black and white / harsh with stuff like this so looking for opinions.

 

What would you do?

 

I don't think you would be wrong to block her and focus on someone else to date. I also don't think you would be wrong if she asks for a makeup date you decide to give her one. If I a guy stood me up I would ignore any messages about excuses or explaining. If he sent a message wanting to make it up to me? I might give it a chance. I did it before and he ended up wooing the eff out of me better than my other suitors at the time. Now if he stands me up again he gets blocked. So it's up to you to decide what your deal breakers are. One and done? Second chances? I personally don't recommend giving more than two chances. Does standing someone up due to miscommunication or even flat out forgot mean the person will make a bad partner? Not sure if we can answer that.

[kendahke]

Does standing someone up due to miscommunication or even flat out forgot mean the person will make a bad partner?

 

It's a strong indicator of disinterest and I'd rather not deal with a disinterested party right out of the gate.

[SevenCity]

It's a strong indicator of disinterest and I'd rather not deal with a disinterested party right out of the gate.

 

Yea this is my feeling as well. If something came up and she couldn't make it I would feel differently. But the fact that she forgot about it says she's a huge flake or just not interested. By trying to pin it on me says a lot about her character.

 

The next girl I went out with was MUCH more interested. It showed in her initial communication as well as her behavior on the date.

[Curiousroxy86]

It's a strong indicator of disinterest and I'd rather not deal with a disinterested party right out of the gate.

 

I don't disagree on not wanting to deal with a disinterested partner. If somebody shows me they are not interested I am not interested lol. In dating I am of the believe of want those who want you. However I've recently wondered if certain deal breakers I had in the past incorrectly assumed sometimes because I use to be staunch on the stand up theory. But the guy who stood me up contacted me multiple times and left multiple voicemails (cause I wasn't picking up lol) about making it up to me. So he definitely was interested. And he turned out showing more and more effort after that first date to make me his girlfriend. I mean calling after the date, calling to talk everyday, setting up more dates, asking for exclusivity etc. so his problem definitely wasn't disinterest. Is he a poor planner you betcha lol. Inconsiderate? Had some selfish moments (but so did I) other moments completely selfless.....so for me just based off this experience I think it doesnt hurt to give a guy a second chance. But your not getting a third lol.

[PrettyEmily77]

I tend to be pretty black and white / harsh with stuff like this so looking for opinions.

 

Looks like you have to be fairly black and white in these circumstances - if you are genuine about looking for a LTR, it is your prerogative to define the parameters of whatever you find acceptable as you see fit, as long as you give some leeway for a genuine unintended mishap.

 

The clearer the parameters, the better.

[KBob]

It's not solely your responsibility to confirm. A date is a plan between BOTH parties. If she really wanted to know if the date was still on, she could have confirmed by asking you.

 

I always keep in touch the day before the date, but sometimes that's still not enough to keep people from pulling the "you didn't confirm move". Happened to me a few months ago; I texted her at 4pm to see if she was still good with the bar we had set to have drinks at 7. Didn't hear anything until 6:30, which was the "you didn't confirm" line, from which no attempt was made to remedy the situation. I followed up with a "yeah we don't need to see each other anymore".

 

Block this one, she's not worth your time.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Not sure why you think I'm using PUA tactics but if you read I confirmed two days before. If she were interested she would have shown up (or at least remembered).

 

And I've been very successful with women as of late so whatever I'm doing is working well. My issue is finding one I want to keep.

 

My understanding of female psychology is just fine thanks.

 

Well, given you have so many options that you can't decide which to choose, why are you even wondering about this one? Enough so that you need the input of a whole forum? Just choose one of your other may options. (shrug) It's really an easy answer and as for your original question - what would we (on the forum) do - again, not sure what you were expecting to hear...nobody with so many options that they don't know which to "keep" would give a stand-up two minutes of his/her time. Right?

[CaliforniaGirl]

Yea this is my feeling as well. If something came up and she couldn't make it I would feel differently. But the fact that she forgot about it says she's a huge flake or just not interested. By trying to pin it on me says a lot about her character.

 

The next girl I went out with was MUCH more interested. It showed in her initial communication as well as her behavior on the date.

 

^ Huh? I thought you hadn't even gone out with this girl (the one who stood you up) at all yet, but now there's a next girl? Am I misunderstanding that?

 

Okay, so then AFTER the girl in your OP stood you up on Saturday, between then and yesterday - Sunday - when you posted here, you had a "next girl"? Or did you already have both dates set up, ergo why would you be wondering at all what to do about Stand-Up Girl, rather than just forgetting that one?

 

I don't see how anybody can help you when your story is a bit mixed up/misleading from the beginning (for instance, first you said "earlier in the week," which would sound like, well...early in the week, then you said Thursday (end of the week)/only two days in advance of the date...then you said you called and confirmed the exact date and time, etc...now this confusing communication I underlined above. It's a bit mixed up and hard to follow, TBH.

 

If you would be a bit clearer and be able to explain it might be easier to give input. JMO. In the meantime, you'll need to be more patient when our answers don't seem to reflect what you're thinking, as your story either seems to keep changing or you're just not explaining it well. There's only so much total strangers can do with unclear snippets of a story. We're giving it our best shot here.

 

ETA, as for why PUA stands out: you use terms like "beta," tell people on the forum how women think and how they should act and seem very afraid of seeming "needy" or whatever...the way people have had to advise you not to ignore the women in between, that just seems so game-playing given you obviously ARE thinking/worrying about these women, and hard, I mean just being real here. You post on a forum to hundreds of people about these girls, all the while trying hard to ignore them/manipulate them into thinking you're in high demand...it just all comes together as, it seems like you're trying to play games you've heard "work" with women but you can see they don't work at all. Unless you really do have a stable of women and your one dilemma for the week is which to "keep." If so then I stand corrected and apologize for my assumption.

 

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to get you to see that this is not working for you. You may continue to say it is, that you have a stable just begging for your attention, but you're so anxious about each one that that kind of gives it away.

 

Maybe start with: the women in the city are "your type." What does that mean, exactly? If you're shooting too high that may be why they don't value you at all, and if you're shooting for basically the physical/hotness, they are probably as shallow as you are about it and that's why they drop you without even a cancellation when something better comes along. Not saying these ARE the things that are happening, just giving examples as to possibilities, in general. None of us really know your situation, but obviously *something* isn't working out so if you want help...be honest and we will try to help. I don't know what else to say, except good luck and I hope you find happiness.

Edited March 20, 2017 by CaliforniaGirl

[SevenCity]

Well, given you have so many options that you can't decide which to choose, why are you even wondering about this one? Enough so that you need the input of a whole forum? Just choose one of your other may options. (shrug) It's really an easy answer and as for your original question - what would we (on the forum) do - again, not sure what you were expecting to hear...nobody with so many options that they don't know which to "keep" would give a stand-up two minutes of his/her time. Right?

 

Im not saying I have so many options, though I do seem to have enough dates to keep my weekends busy. I didn't post this with help for how I date - I'm fine with that.

 

Why I posted is I tend to be very black / white with my decisions and often feel I can be too harsh so I wanted to see if I was overreacting. The general consensus is that I am not. Your consensus is I'm a jerk and it's all my fault. I'm ok with your opinion - you are entitled to it.

[SevenCity]

^ Huh? I thought you hadn't even gone out with this girl (the one who stood you up) at all yet, but now there's a next girl? Am I misunderstanding that?

 

Okay, so then AFTER the girl in your OP stood you up on Saturday, between then and yesterday - Sunday - when you posted here, you had a "next girl"? Or did you already have both dates set up, ergo why would you be wondering at all what to do about Stand-Up Girl, rather than just forgetting that one?

 

I don't see how anybody can help you when your story is a bit mixed up/misleading from the beginning (for instance, first you said "earlier in the week," which would sound like, well...early in the week, then you said Thursday (end of the week)/only two days in advance of the date...then you said you called and confirmed the exact date and time, etc...now this confusing communication I underlined above. It's a bit mixed up and hard to follow, TBH.

 

If you would be a bit clearer and be able to explain it might be easier to give input. JMO. In the meantime, you'll need to be more patient when our answers don't seem to reflect what you're thinking, as your story either seems to keep changing or you're just not explaining it well. There's only so much total strangers can do with unclear snippets of a story. We're giving it our best shot here.

 

ETA, as for why PUA stands out: you use terms like "beta," tell people on the forum how women think and how they should act and seem very afraid of seeming "needy" or whatever...the way people have had to advise you not to ignore the women in between, that just seems so game-playing given you obviously ARE thinking/worrying about these women, and hard, I mean just being real here. You post on a forum to hundreds of people about these girls, all the while trying hard to ignore them/manipulate them into thinking you're in high demand...it just all comes together as, it seems like you're trying to play games you've heard "work" with women but you can see they don't work at all. Unless you really do have a stable of women and your one dilemma for the week is which to "keep." If so then I stand corrected and apologize for my assumption.

 

I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to get you to see that this is not working for you. You may continue to say it is, that you have a stable just begging for your attention, but you're so anxious about each one that that kind of gives it away.

 

Maybe start with: the women in the city are "your type." What does that mean, exactly? If you're shooting too high that may be why they don't value you at all, and if you're shooting for basically the physical/hotness, they are probably as shallow as you are about it and that's why they drop you without even a cancellation when something better comes along. Not saying these ARE the things that are happening, just giving examples as to possibilities, in general. None of us really know your situation, but obviously *something* isn't working out so if you want help...be honest and we will try to help. I don't know what else to say, except good luck and I hope you find happiness.

 

I had another date setup this weekend as well (hence the other girl). Despite things going very well there is no guarantee it will stay that way. I'm not anxious over the first one, rather I hedge my bets so I didn't want to write off the first one hastily. After thinking about it I don't think my initial reaction was hasty. I'm a logical guy so don't like to base my decisions on emotion and I was understandably annoyed.

 

Earlier in the week was perhaps a bad term as I did confirm on thurs - 2 days before we were to meet. Got me there. I'll chose my words with more precision.

 

My terminology of "beta" and "needy" are through life experience. Though you may not agree with that philosophy it has proven true for me my entire life and now that I'm dating again.

 

I'm hardly ignoring women prior to a date but I'm not reaching out in an attempt to make them not forget about me. "hey remember me??? We've never met but I'm gonna text you like we're in a RL!" That's not my style. If they want to reach out I'll respond but I have little to say until we've actually met.

 

Also, I'm certainly not stating that I'm so in demand I have a stable of women. Have you read my thread on the amount of rejections / non responses I've gotten on OLD? As stated I have maybe a 3% success rate. You are trying to make me out to be something I am not trying to be. Like I'm some PUA - that's not the case.

 

The women in the city tend to not have kids and be attractive. The ones by me have kids mostly or are very unattractive. I can only gauge myself by the type of women I have dated and I'm capable of getting women I find attractive. It may be shallow, but I won't date women I don't find attractive (which tends to vary from most guys ideal blonde / big boob type).

 

What's not working out for me is finding a girl I want to keep long term. I'm not looking for help with that because it's nothing but numbers that will surface her.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Im not saying I have so many options, though I do seem to have enough dates to keep my weekends busy. I didn't post this with help for how I date - I'm fine with that.

 

Why I posted is I tend to be very black / white with my decisions and often feel I can be too harsh so I wanted to see if I was overreacting. The general consensus is that I am not. Your consensus is I'm a jerk and it's all my fault. I'm ok with your opinion - you are entitled to it.

 

No. I didn't say you're a jerk. I said...maybe be clearer, and maybe think a bit deeper into this.

 

And yeah. You DID say you have so many options. In fact, you said you are so successful with dating that your problem right now is wondering which (women) to "keep." If that doesn't mean a lot of options, then sorry...now I am TOTALLY lost as to what you're trying to communicate here.

 

Since you don't want to give a straight answer I'm afraid I'm through trying to clarify, but as I said before, I wish you all the success and that you find what you're looking for.

 

Now, as far as overreacting, I'd say no, not speaking to this girl anymore is not overreacting. I mean if that's all you wanted to know, I think most people have agreed that they wouldn't keep contacting the girl. As far as my answer: same. I wouldn't bother blocking, which seems really sour-grape-y to me, I just would go on with my life and if she texted I wouldn't respond. It's not like you're hurting her if you don't respond...she's not very interested in the first place. Meanwhile you have a busy schedule so it's not bothering you to not hear from her so...there you go.

Edited March 20, 2017 by CaliforniaGirl

[SevenCity]

No. I didn't say you're a jerk. I said...maybe be clearer, and maybe think a bit deeper into this.

 

And yeah. You DID say you have so many options. In fact, you said you are so successful with dating that your problem right now is wondering which (women) to "keep." If that doesn't mean a lot of options, then sorry...now I am TOTALLY lost as to what you're trying to communicate here.

 

Since you don't want to give a straight answer I'm afraid I'm through trying to clarify, but as I said before, I wish you all the success and that you find what you're looking for.

 

Now, as far as overreacting, I'd say no, not speaking to this girl anymore is not overreacting. I mean if that's all you wanted to know, I think most people have agreed that they wouldn't keep contacting the girl. As far as my answer: same. I wouldn't bother blocking, which seems really sour-grape-y to me, I just would go on with my life and if she texted I wouldn't respond. It's not like you're hurting her if you don't respond...she's not very interested in the first place. Meanwhile you have a busy schedule so it's not bothering you to not hear from her so...there you go.

 

Please tell me where I said that. I most certainly did not.

 

Are you sure you're not confusing my posts with someone else?

 

What I said was I can't find a girl I want to keep long term. Meaning I haven't found one I want to make my gf / get married one day.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Please tell me where I said that. I most certainly did not.

 

Are you sure you're not confusing my posts with someone else?

 

What I said was I can't find a girl I want to keep long term. Meaning I haven't found one I want to make my gf / get married one day.

 

I already bolded and underlined your exact quote. It is several posts up. I don't think I need a third time quoting this so I'll leave the re-reading to you. You may want to work on how you word things as anyone can see exactly what it appeared you were saying, v. what you are now saying it meant. HTH.

 

You haven't answered my other questions...? Just a lot of semantics? Is this arguing and rewording helping you and your situation? If so, I'll leave you alone with it.